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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Do you drink when you have a child?

203 replies

Newbabynewhouse · 22/08/2021 21:53

Currently sat drinking a bottle of red wine as its yummy..feeling guilty as I'm looking after my baby (6 months old) who's asleep in cot.. partner is also asleep but she's my responsibility tonight as he's in work early in the morn.... for added context, I'm a large lady so a bottle won't get me 'drunk' is this bad.. am i the only one who does this
...?

OP posts:
QueenHofScotland · 23/08/2021 10:17

If I knew I had to get up with the baby I wouldn’t drink that much, no. I also BF so if I was having as much as that to drink it would probably have been a night out and I would have expressed some milk before hand.

DH and I always had a rule that if one of us was drinking the other wouldn’t really. So if we had a night out, for example, or people round for a meal, Xmas etc.

Now that the DC are a bit older we are a little more relaxed about it but still wouldn’t both get properly drunk.

DH isn’t much of a drinker. He will maybe have one cider on a summers day. But he can go months without an alcoholic drink. Which is handy for me as he is often happy to drive if we are out (pre Covid)

We were glamping recently and had lovely cold cocktails in the fridge - weather was scorching and he was enjoying the cocktails (they taste like juice) so I held off. I had a couple across the evening but not enough alcohol for me to be properly under the influence. t’s just what we have always done

Ponoka7 · 23/08/2021 10:21

Re driving. I didn't drive, neither did many of the parents I knew in the 80's, so it was never an option. I've done two hospital runs with my babies and a few with my GC. They were never well enough to be put in a car seat and their mother calm enough to drive safely. If there's only you then you'd have to find a parking place etc. Surely most people's midnight hospital runs involve other people driving?

3ormorecharactersss · 23/08/2021 10:56

I don’t drink anyway, but I was shocked when you said a bottle. A glass or two - fair enough, but a whole bottle alone at night would really concern me…I know you say it gets you ‘tipsy’ (are you comfortable being tipsy in charge of a baby?) but that’s a lot of alcohol for your body. Sorry to sound judgemental, I don’t drink any more so it’s hard for me to say really, just sounds like a lot for one person!

3ormorecharactersss · 23/08/2021 11:04

Also it’s about 12 hours after a bottle of wine before you can drink again - so don’t get behind the wheel until 12 hours after your finished your last glass! A lot of people Underestimate this the next day and get into trouble

Auntienumber8 · 23/08/2021 11:07

Britain has a very strange relationship with alcohol. I’m not massively keen and culturally many of my relatives either don’t drink or only drink a little. I was born in England so get what’s it like. Social stuff at work was difficult sometimes. I’m not teetotal but the amount some of my colleagues would put away was an eye opener.

I suppose people need to drink to relax or get away from what’s in their head. Plus it’s hard to say no when alcohol features so heavily in so many UK social events.

A whole bottle when drinking alone just paints a bit of a miserable picture to me if that’s what’s needed to feel good.

DH is English but doesn’t drink much at all, It’s quite hard living in a culture where alcohol is so dominant. DH and I have been called lightweights many times in a joking manner at social get togethers. It’s weird people can get as drunk as they like, it’s up to them but it was almost as if us not getting drunk was somehow unacceptable.

mistermagpie · 23/08/2021 11:16

@MattyGroves

Mumsnet is so driving/car obsessed at times. We don't own a car so does that make us bad parents as we can never drive our children to the hospital in an emergency?

Also - the amount of alcohol that gets into breast milk is negligible.. even after binge drinking, your milk is max as alcoholic as orange juice. I know the OP isn't breastfeeding but it's been mentioned a few times.

Having said all that, that's a bit more than I would be comfortable with. We do drink when the kids are in bed but, while I'm not bothered about being under the driving limit as we don't have a car anyway, I keep it to a level where I could deal with any issues with the kids. For me that's around 4-6 units. But the OP has a higher tolerance so maybe it's fine

I always think this too, I didn't drive until after I'd had my second child and neither do lots of other people. So no matter if I was drunk or sober we would have had to get a taxi to the hospital if such a situation arose. Didn't make me a bad parent.

Saying that, I wouldn't have drunk a bottle of wine by myself because that just seems like quite a lot to me and I don't think it matters what your dress size is when it comes to watching how many units you drink.

youvegottenminuteslynn · 23/08/2021 12:17

I didn't mean that I WOULD drive my point was that I was sober and could walk/talk/and knew everything that was going on so technically COULD physically drive a car fine but WOULDN'T being the key word....

You think you were sober. You weren't. Factually you weren't.

You think you could 'technically' have driven a car 'fine'. You could not have driven a car safely.

Nobody said they thought you would, they said it was fucking idiotic you thought you 'could'.

No amount of haha and lol and flippancy makes that any less idiotic and it's even worse that the next day when you're presumably actually sober you think you could safely drive a car after drinking a bottle of wine.

Someone like you who was overconfident in their abilities when drunk pretty much ruined my life for a few years by driving after drinking and nearly killing me. I'm sure they thought they could drive 'fine' too. And at least one time that 'could' became a 'would'.

If you genuinely believe you could drive 'fine' after a bottle of wine you're either stupid or selfish. Or both.

youvegottenminuteslynn · 23/08/2021 12:20

And ironically I now can't drive thanks to the injuries a drunk driver inflicted on me.

So when people are flippant about drinking and driving or even over estimating their abilities but not following through, it understandably pisses me off.

Again, it's both selfish and stupid to claim you can safely drive after a bottle of wine.

Throwntothewolves · 23/08/2021 12:30

I don't like to drink more than one drink when I'm in sole charge of my child. You never know what might happen requiring an emergency trip to the hospital, for which getting a taxi is fine, but turning up in A&E slightly merry after a bottle of wine with an injured or sick child probably doesn't look great.

For me though there is some context as a relationship with an alcoholic has led me to be far more cautious about my approach to alcohol when children are around. Someone needs to stay sober, or at least have no more than a couple of drinks, in order to actually be the 'responsible adult', in my case that someone was always me.

EarringsandLipstick · 23/08/2021 12:33

technically COULD physically drive a car fine

The exact opposite of this is true.

Technically, you could not drive a car 'fine' after drinking a bottle of wine.

You'd be over the limit & impaired in terms of judgment or decision making.

That's the reality. Up to you to decide if you're comfortable drinking that much with a baby, which apparently you are. That's absolutely your choice.

RubyFowler · 23/08/2021 12:35

my point was that I was sober and could walk/talk/and knew everything that was going on so technically COULD physically drive a car fine

No you weren't sober, and no you COULDN'T drive a car fine.
Whether you felt it or not, your reaction time was shot amongst other things.
Do you really think you were sober?? If so, maybe there is a problem as sober after a bottle of wine is a concern. Why drink it then?

ChameleonKola · 23/08/2021 12:35

I always think this too, I didn't drive until after I'd had my second child and neither do lots of other people. So no matter if I was drunk or sober we would have had to get a taxi to the hospital if such a situation arose. Didn't make me a bad parent.

It’s not really about getting to the hospital though. Would you want to be stood in a hospital in the middle of the night, smelling of alcohol or clearly under the influence, trying to take in info about your suck child and possibly make medical decisions?

I’m the least likely person in the world to catastrophise and spend my time worrying about what ifs, but even I can see that when you’re the person in charge of a child’s care, even if that child is currently sleeping, you should be in a fit state to care for them. Kids can and do become ill quite quickly, even if it turns out not to be anything serious. In the past couple of months since restrictions eased, at least half of the eight families in my mum group have been in hospital with their toddlers for one thing or another.

I’m not saying it makes you a bad parent if you have one, two max drinks, but drinking a bottle of wine, alone, late at night while knowing if your six month old wakes up then you’re the one looking after them, knowing you need to get up with them the next day, does paint someone in a certain light that is very worrying.

Then you add in the drunken ‘I could drive if I wanted to!’ protests and... yeah. Not a great look. Poor baby.

EarringsandLipstick · 23/08/2021 12:35

people saying I've built up an intolerance

People were saying you had built up a tolerance not intolerance!

You agreed, albeit backwards, in one of your first posts:
well yes I probably have an unhealthy intolerance to be fair

(If you had an intolerance it would mean you couldn't drink, even a small amount, without it affecting you).

ajja2021 · 23/08/2021 12:37

I have done with DS1, but always when DH was home to help out. I've just had DS2 and won't be doing it now, but that's because I don't fancy a drink anytime soon (let's see if that lasts in 6 months haha)

LittleGwyneth · 23/08/2021 12:46

A bottle is totally fine if you're having a big fun night with friends, or lingering over a long dinner with your partner, but it does sound like quite a lot to drink solo, especially while looking after a child. I would imagine that a glass or two is totally fine, but a whole bottle feels a bit hefty.

Iusedtobecarmen · 23/08/2021 13:17

OP bad mistake posting on here as most posters, will IME ,say they last had a drink a couple of christmases ago.

What I really, really do not get on mumsnet though, is this all one parent needs to be drink free at all times in case of emergency.
What are these emergencies? I know it's possible that a child could suddenly need the hospital overnight, but most people would have someone to call on. And it f it were a true emergency then that's why we have ambulances. Hmm
This logic means no couple could ever have a drink together !! Or just 'one mumsnet appropriate glass'.
And what about non drivers or no car owners.
All this being on red alert is ridiculous, unless you have an already sick child.
If I'd followed this logic I'd have never had a drink with my DH in 20 yrs as we have had no family or friends to babysit

Waxonwaxoff0 · 23/08/2021 13:23

Yeah I don't get the whole driving thing either. I can't drive so having a drink would make no difference!

CornishGem1975 · 23/08/2021 13:54

@Buttons294749 If you going with large glasses, a bottle is 3 glasses, not 4. So sticking to your two still means you're nailing 2/3rds of a bottle.

thecognoscenti · 23/08/2021 14:00

@SnackSizeRaisin

Drinking a bottle of wine alone isn't normal. Different if you were with friends. But then being 18 stone suggests a lack of self control. The issue is not an occasional bottle of wine. Sounds like your whole way of life needs an overhaul.
What a revolting thing to say.
thecognoscenti · 23/08/2021 14:01

@OnlyFoolsnMothers

How Uber cool you are OP downing a bottle of wine and laughing how you could drive it needed and won’t cuddle your newborn Hmm. Switch the word wine for for 10 units of vodka or a spliff and see the MN who ok’d this behaviour be up in arms- but wine always gets a pass #middleclasstonic
Where's the newborn? Her kid is six months old. Don't be melodramatic.
Holly60 · 23/08/2021 14:06

I was coming on to say it’s fine, but if you are in sole charge a bottle is probably too much.

Hemingwaycat · 23/08/2021 14:08

I don’t get drunk, no. My DC have never seen me drunk and I’d like to keep it that way really. I grew up with a Mum who got drunk most weekends and the older I got, the more embarrassing I found her.

I have the odd G&T from time to time but I’m never even remotely tipsy.

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 23/08/2021 14:14

@Waxonwaxoff0

Yeah I don't get the whole driving thing either. I can't drive so having a drink would make no difference!
I don’t equate it with the actual driving as many can’t drive. I think if the legal limit means you can’t drive a car after exceeding it then I’d apply the same logic to looking after children personally.

We rarely have alcohol in the house though as I didn’t want my children growing up seeing it as part of the norm.

icedcoffees · 23/08/2021 16:03

@Waxonwaxoff0

Yeah I don't get the whole driving thing either. I can't drive so having a drink would make no difference!
For me, it's nothing to do with driving, more that if you're over the legal limit to drive, your reaction time to other things may be impaired too.
OnlyFoolsnMothers · 23/08/2021 16:39

thecognoscenti oh wow 6 months, oh I’m sure they won’t wake or need anything then, or worst case can get it themselves