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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Do you drink when you have a child?

203 replies

Newbabynewhouse · 22/08/2021 21:53

Currently sat drinking a bottle of red wine as its yummy..feeling guilty as I'm looking after my baby (6 months old) who's asleep in cot.. partner is also asleep but she's my responsibility tonight as he's in work early in the morn.... for added context, I'm a large lady so a bottle won't get me 'drunk' is this bad.. am i the only one who does this
...?

OP posts:
TheKeatingFive · 23/08/2021 09:14

OP this place is notoriously hard core on drinking. You won’t get a balanced response on here.

Your husband is at home, I really fail to see a problem. Drinking a whole bottle of wine occasionally doesn’t make you an alcoholic. People do have radically different tolerances to alcohol and there are many parents who don’t even have cars, so all the ‘nighttime emergency’ scaremongering is just silly.

lyntheyresexpeople · 23/08/2021 09:14

No I wouldn't drink a whole bottle of wine when looking after a 6 month old child.

You insisting you could drive over and over again was really awful behaviour, and you absolutely sounded drunk. Stick to a couple glasses, and don't be so flippant about something as awful as drunk driving.

Buttons294749 · 23/08/2021 09:21

A bottle is 4 glasses which to me constitutes "the lash" so I normally have 2 large ones but I'm a light weight.

DS once had to go to hospital (unexpected) after I had drank 1 glass. Husband drove but they did say they would send an ambulance if parents are unable to drive (I was panicking as I normally have 0 alcohol if I want to drive, I was still legal I think)

Rosebel · 23/08/2021 09:21

I do drink on weekends even if I'm looking after our baby, I wouldn't drink a whole bottle as I'd probably pass out.
If you're okay with it though then don't worry (but you should know on here anyone who drinks more than 3 mouthfuls of alcohol every 6 months has a drink problem).

SageRosemary · 23/08/2021 09:27

@Strokethefurrywall Did you miss the part in her first post where her partner is already asleep as he has work early in the morning? Perhaps his shift starts at 2am or 4am or 7am and he'll have left the house maybe an hour or so before then. She'll likely be out cold then and may not hear the baby or still be drunk when she does wake up. My own babies were very needy at night. Okay, so I'm catastrophising so I'm still hoping this is one big goady wind-up. Point is, she could have chosen a night where partner is available throughout the night and the next day and sober himself to get sloshed.

TowelStripes · 23/08/2021 09:29

A bottle is three large glasses, not four. Two large glasses is two thirds of the bottle.

aalidfeie · 23/08/2021 09:31

I would say anything over the safe amount to drive would be too much. No judgement as I know many people drink way more but I would be terrified that I couldnt get in the car to drive and a bottle of wine is a lot. You may not think your judgement is impaired but after a bottle it will be even if you are "larger lady".

I think, well if you can't drive after a bottle of wine, why is it okay to look after a little human?
I guess you have your partner there but still, its a no from me.

aalidfeie · 23/08/2021 09:37

@ChameleonKola

God no. If I were in sole charge of my 6m old I wouldn’t have more than a glass max, and tbh I just wouldn’t have that. My kid is a toddler now and if I’m the one ‘on duty’ if he were to need me I wouldn’t drink at all. Never drank while in charge solo of a child.

Is it really cos it’s ‘yummy’? I mean, hot chocolate, a milkshake, are yummier... you’ve specifically chosen to imbibe something with psychoactive qualities so at least maybe be honest with yourself about the reason why? When there is alcohol free wine you can’t really say you’ve chosen to drink because of the taste.

I honestly can’t think why someone would need or want to drink an entire bottle while in charge of a child. I find it really concerning. No doubt I’ll get flamed but this isn’t normal to me or anyone I know with kids.

I agree with this. It also pains me to see that women normalise drinking like this. "oh a bottle is fine" - is it? Booze is so heavily marketed to women now it is pretty insidious so don't blame some people for thinking this is fine and normal. If you are drinking a bottle of wine on your own I would say you have to really think about why you are doing that.
WTF475878237NC · 23/08/2021 09:38

Possibly not legally? Surely you realise you couldn't legally drive after a bottle of wine?!

For someone with a new baby and new house sat drinking alone asking the internet to tell you you're not a bad mum, I'd suggest maybe you are quite unhappy deep down. Are you lonely? Do you have any friends? Hobbies?

TheKeatingFive · 23/08/2021 09:41

Point is, she could have chosen a night where partner is available throughout the night

He is available through the night. What an odd thing to say. And yes there’s a problem if she were out cold at 7am, but there’s really not the slightest indication she would be.

Original poster
Newbabynewhouse · 23/08/2021 09:43

Morning all! Here I am.. I'm fine and were all fine! Husband left for work at 5.30, I even managed to wake up from my out cold state to say bye! Hmm I'm not wmbartses about what I said last night as I wasn't drunk and I didn't mean that I WOULD drive my point was that I was sober and could walk/talk/and knew everything that was going on so technically COULD physically drive a car fine but WOULDN'T being the key word.... I'm not an alcoholic Grin like other posters have said, having an odd drink every now and then and the occasional bottle doesn't make you an alcoholic and people saying I've built up an intolerance.... have i? From what exactly? Haha.. Anyway thanks all xx

OP posts:
Original poster
Newbabynewhouse · 23/08/2021 09:43

Embarrassed * ooh looks like I'm still drunkWink

OP posts:
MiddleParking · 23/08/2021 09:47

No, you couldn’t physically have driven a car fine. I’m no mumsnet teetotaller, I’m all for enjoying a drink, but if you don’t understand that you couldn’t ‘physically drive a car fine’ after a bottle of wine then you personally shouldn’t drink at all.

blueberrywaffle · 23/08/2021 09:48

@Livpool

DS is the cause of some of my alcohol intake 😂
🤣 this goes for a majority of alcohol consumption I think
cookiecreampie · 23/08/2021 09:52

@HollaHolla

A bottle is a lot. Maybe a glass or two, but not as much as a bottle; larger lady or no.
A bottle is only 3 glasses.
FoxesAtDawn · 23/08/2021 09:54

I didn’t at 6 months as I was EBF and co-sleeping. I only had the one glass of wine with Sunday lunch from around 10 months but when DS was properly in his own bed I would on occasions drink.

DS is 4 now. We all went to a friends BBQ on Fri but I agreed to be the driver so didn’t drink and left DP there to taxi back later. Got home, put DS to bed and did drink a bottle of Gavi over the course of 5-6 hours. Felt fine and would do it again if the mood struck me. As it should happen I’ve not been in the mood to drink since (or about two weeks before).

icedcoffees · 23/08/2021 09:55

people saying I've built up an intolerance.... have i? From what exactly?

Yes, of course you have.

But you'll "haha" and "lol" and carry on drinking anyway, so I don't understand the point of the thread.

Many people have said they think you drink too much and that a bottle in a night isn't healthy - but you don't agree and you're not going to change, so that's that.

You do you, as they say.

Cheeseplantboots · 23/08/2021 09:58

You have a 6 month old you are in charge of and have downed a bottle of wine! Of course that’s not ok and I’m absolutely gobsmacked anyone thinks it is. No I would never have done this. Your judgement is impaired even if you don’t feel drunk. Is it a regular thing?

Cheeseplantboots · 23/08/2021 10:00

@Hankunamatata

Your partners home. Couple glasses is fine.
She’s already said it’s a bottle, not a couple of glasses.
EmeraldShamrock · 23/08/2021 10:02

You can build up an intolerance. I drank a lot pre DC now 2 glasses of wine would make me feel drunk.
How is the head today OP?

EmeraldShamrock · 23/08/2021 10:02

*tolerance

ChameleonKola · 23/08/2021 10:06

@Newbabynewhouse

Embarrassed * ooh looks like I'm still drunkWink
Many posters highlighted that for all your protestations, you seemed pretty drunk on here last night. It was embarrassing to see you insist repeatedly that you could drive. It raised concerns on multiple levels.

But you’re still obviously in a place of denial, that faux jokey ‘haha it’s not a big deal’ place, I guess because it would be quite upsetting to realise that last night wasn’t okay and you made a bit of a tit of yourself.

I do hope in time you’re able to reflect on this. Nobody made you come here and ask for reassurance. You could have sat and drank alone and people would have been none the wiser. But something in you felt bad, as you admitted, and you’ve got your responses. I’m cringing for you and hope that in time you’ll be able to look back at this thread with your head in your hands, at least it’s evidence so you can’t tell yourself you were absolutely fine because you’re fat.

Cam2020 · 23/08/2021 10:07

Depends on your tolerance levels and lots of other variables that affect whether you're able to look after your child safely both that evening and, the next day. That varies from person to person.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 23/08/2021 10:07

Absolutely foolish OP- no you couldn’t have driven a car- fucking hell how many drink drivers do you think feel fine. Regardless of whether you’re the size of a tanker OP your reaction times would be slower after a bottle of wine- smh! Disgraceful post quite frankly!

SilverTimpani · 23/08/2021 10:08

I probably wouldn’t drink a whole bottle, but I’ll have a glass or two now and then when I’m in charge. If you can tolerate a bottle without being drunk then I guess it’s fine?

As long as you’re not bed sharing and wouldn’t need to drive her anywhere in an emergency, it’s probably ok.