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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this wedding invitation is a bit rude?

421 replies

Createa1234 · 22/08/2021 17:25

One of my best friends is getting married to long term boyfriend next year in a rural location in the Highlands. Due to the location, those invited will have to stay for at least one night. I have been invited to stay in the wedding venue itself, which sleeps 20, for three nights, which was lovely of the bride and I’m looking forward to it.

Her only bridesmaid will be her little niece, which is lovely. No issues there, obviously. But another friend who also has a room in the venue and I were told yesterday night that we’re not invited to the ceremony. Bride wants us to help her get dressed on the morning, then amuse ourselves whilst the ceremony goes ahead with only her and DH to be’s parents, siblings and two witnesses, then join her again afterwards for the reception.

AIBU to think this is very odd and a bit rude?

OP posts:
pilates · 22/08/2021 17:26

This has to be a joke 🤣

Northernparent68 · 22/08/2021 17:27

No, its not a bit rude very rude.

RandomCatGenerator · 22/08/2021 17:27

Presumably a very small venue? If so not rude at all. It’s only family attending.

Mountainpika · 22/08/2021 17:27

Get married with just those whom she chooses, then have a party later at a more convenient place. Hire a dresser for the occasion.

Hellocatshome · 22/08/2021 17:28

Is that all the room the ceremony is in will hold? Otherwise very weird, after all she's invited you to the bit that costs them money Hmm

Lollypop701 · 22/08/2021 17:28

Have you asked her why? I wouldn’t necessarily say rude, but certainly a little strange. The service will be over in half an hour so it’s not long to amuse yourselves

CharlotteCollinsneeLucas · 22/08/2021 17:29

Don't they have to be open to the public? So you can speak up at the "does anyone here present...?" bit?

OwlinaTree · 22/08/2021 17:29

That's very strange. I would be busy and unable to go I think.

Dixiechickonhols · 22/08/2021 17:29

Yes very odd. You are suddenly uninvited to wedding. Unless she has extreme anxiety or something it’s very odd. You need to speak to her. If she’s your best friend then you can ask what’s going on.

BIoodyStupidJohnson · 22/08/2021 17:29

It does seem a bit weird.

If she's only having parents and witnesses to the ceremony, itself perhaps it's just the legal bit stripped right back to the bare essentials and will only take 10 minutes?

LivingLaVidaBabyShower · 22/08/2021 17:29

It's a bit weird but it's not like its a 50 person ceremony and only you're excluded, so i couldn't get worked up about it.

I'd be more annoyed about having to travel to the arse end of Scotland tbh

🤷‍♀️

Sciurus83 · 22/08/2021 17:29

Bit weird but wouldn't particularly bother me as it's such a tiny ceremony. If other mates were invited but not me then yes that'd be way off, but as you describe I think I'd just go with it

VladmirsPoutine · 22/08/2021 17:29

Really?

LG93 · 22/08/2021 17:30

It's unusual, but that's a very small ceremony so you won't be the only ones I wouldn't have thought. I'd have been more put out if the ceremony had been 40/50 and you'd not been invited. It's up to you whether you accept or not, if it doesn't suit you then don't go but I don't think either of you ABU really

IveGotASongThatllGetOnYNerves · 22/08/2021 17:30

I'd be quite happy. I get the nice stay, the party and I get to miss the dull bit.

Floralnomad · 22/08/2021 17:30

It’s ridiculous , tell her that the main point of a wedding is that you see a wedding , not attend a 3 day party .

LadyFannyButton · 22/08/2021 17:30

What did you & friend say when you were told this?

Tinselandlights · 22/08/2021 17:32

I went to a wedding where the couple did this and it genuinely wasn't an issue - the ceremony room held 12, so they slipped off and did that with just their parents and siblings, then came back for the fun part! It worked absolutely fine.

ememem84 · 22/08/2021 17:32

When we got married we could only have 20 people in the room. We had people arrive while the ceremony was happening so they’d be there when we left the room. Maybe it’s something like this?

BaronessBomburst · 22/08/2021 17:32

So basically you're invited to a party a long way away, which you have to pay for.

doubleshotcappuccino · 22/08/2021 17:32

not odd that she wants a small wedding..but odd that she wants to come for the bit before and the bit after. It doesn't strike me as odd but just a bit odd and not very well thought through from your point of view. Awkward as my kids would say

Dixiechickonhols · 22/08/2021 17:33

Could there be 2 ceremonies?? I’m thinking like when people marry legally in registry office with just witnesses but then have a ceremony they treat as their actual wedding after. So she’s doing legal bit then will have a ceremony at reception after as her wedding. So you’ll see them say vows.

doubleshotcappuccino · 22/08/2021 17:33

Sorry I meant it doesn't strike me as rude just odd...

BabylonDreams · 22/08/2021 17:33

How many people are at the reception?

If it's a v v small wedding & just a handful of people are being excluded from the ceremony that is a bit rude.

If it's a big reception eg 50+ people after just a v small ceremony then frankly that sounds great!!! I know MN likes being able to witness the actual marriage but just rocking up to the party sounds brilliant to me!

BloodyMaryplease · 22/08/2021 17:34

It’s odd that she wants you to perform bridesmaid duties without conferring upon you the honour of actually being her bridesmaid. Maybe it’s an expense thing in that this way they don’t have to pay for several bridesmaid’s dresses etc. Not sure about the ceremony part…there might be a valid reason for that which you won’t know unless you ask her.