To think this wedding invitation is a bit rude?

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One of my best friends is getting married to long term boyfriend next year in a rural location in the Highlands. Due to the location, those invited will have to stay for at least one night. I have been invited to stay in the wedding venue itself, which sleeps 20, for three nights, which was lovely of the bride and I’m looking forward to it.

Her only bridesmaid will be her little niece, which is lovely. No issues there, obviously. But another friend who also has a room in the venue and I were told yesterday night that we’re not invited to the ceremony. Bride wants us to help her get dressed on the morning, then amuse ourselves whilst the ceremony goes ahead with only her and DH to be’s parents, siblings and two witnesses, then join her again afterwards for the reception.

AIBU to think this is very odd and a bit rude?

Also OP as your ‘best friend’ surely you know her character? Is she always this odd

I have some friends whom I can see definitely doing this 😂

It’s strange but if it’s what your best friend wants and it’s her wedding day, I’d just smile and go along with it. Youre not entitled to dictate anything just being a wedding guest.

I assume Scotland is the same as England, and a marriage ceremony is a public event. I have heard of people turning up at weddings of couples they don't even know.
I would be a bit miffed to be told that I could help the bride get ready for her wedding then not be allowed to attend.

Is she very self conscious or something? A friend of mine said her wedding day was the worst day ever as she hated so many people looking at her!

From your last update it sounds as if she just really doesn't want to be the centre of attention and have all eyes on her. If she was to invite you, her best friend, she would have to invite her partners best friends, other friends, cousins, the list goes on.

If you were paying for the room (and in extension toward the package wedding which sometimes happens) then I would understand you being aggrieved but honestly, although it's a bit bizarre i don't think it's rude and I wouldn't take offence.

This is the day she wants, an intimate ceremony and then a nice party for everyone where people will be too busy to keep their focus on her completely.

If I were you I would hitch up at the bar (if there is one) or toast to the happy couple in your room/on the grounds with your other friend while the ceremony goes on. They don't tend to be long anyway !

Sounds a perfect 'wedding' to go to. All the fun bits!

If your friend is paying, I think that is perhaps different. She wants an intimate ceremony and maybe she or her fiancée are shy or nervous. You’ll have a lot of fun. She wants support. I’d do it for a good friend.

I would go. She's not doing it to save money - you're invited all weekend at no cost I assume - and it sounds like she wants your moral support.

Maybe have a conversation with her and say that you will totally respect her decision but you're disappointed not to see her getting married and wondered why she was doing things that way.

The bride has obviously thought about this and is designing her wedding according to what she wants to happen. If the other hotel guests are all comfortably ensconced in another room with nibbles and drinks I think it could be quite fun to say goodbye to your single friend and then hello to your married friend twenty minutes later.

I’d guess she has anxiety issues - wanting support night before? And not wanting people there. She’s your best friend. Talk to her. Are you ok? Is she happy about wedding? Tell her It’s odd to invite people to party but not ceremony, why don’t you want people watching.

Also don’t understand. So is there a reception afterwards that you get to go to? If so and it’s just the actual ‘I do’ part then it wouldn’t bother me.
If it’s to go there, help her get ready and then essentially head home, then it’s a no from me.

How many people are invited to the reception?

70 guests invited.

I don't think it's rude at all. Would be rude if you were excluded from 20+ guests, but given the amount of people attending the actual ceremony is so small, I really would not find this rude at all.

So free accommodation and meal. Enjoy 😂

Bit weird but I suspect they are driving over to the registry office and it only holds 10 or whatever

I get that it may seem a bit odd but to be honest I think it's nice to be asked for the getting ready and enjoying the excitement but still gives you time to get ready and be fresh for the party. I know it's not conventional but I think I'd be ok to go along with her plan.

I think it sounds like one of the Bride or Groom is really dreading the focus being on them for the wedding ceremony.

I have a friend who did similar. The idea of people all watching her making her vows really hammered her anxiety. They had parents and two siblings at the service only and then had a party.

DH and I went to a wedding where we were told, 'anyone not in the wedding party, make your way to the hotel and wait for the reception.' The reception that started in 2.5 hrs. We had to wait while the wedding party had private photos. I happily watched the ones outside the church until we were moved along by an usher.
Could you also try peeping in at the windows?
It sounds strange she wants no one watching, but I guess it is their day.

PISS and OFF

make a complete sentence 🌸🎉

I'd be quite happy. I get the nice stay, the party and I get to miss the dull bit.

Yes, that would be my take on it too. Sounds blissful.

Strange but not exactly rude.
Though like you I wouldn't know how to feel about it.

She wants you to assist her getting ready, doing the fun 'girlie' but but doesn't actually want you there fully? How odd.

I'd still go, for the reception etc but it is an odd invitation especially considering it's a long distance away. At least she is paying for your stay.

Blimey. That is strange.

Do either of them have social problems, OP?

I quite like this idea, wish I’d done it myself as I absolutely hated everyone watching me walk down the aisle.

I get the request for you to do bridesmaid type duties but not be a bridesmaid, I’m doing similar for a friend next month, although I am going to the ceremony. But as it’s only family at the ceremony and you’re not losing out financially I think it’s fine. If she’d asked you to come up the night before at your own expense I’d be a bit miffed but as this isn’t the case I don’t see the problem.

I went to a wedding like this. No one actually told anyone that was the plan until about 5 minutes before the ceremony. There was bigger all for us to do but sit in the bar like idiots. Utterly bizarre.

You’re right it’s weird and rude.

If you don’t want anyone to watch you getting married, you have a small wedding ceremony . And then a separate party / reception with your 70 guests.