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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think this wedding invitation is a bit rude?

421 replies

Createa1234 · 22/08/2021 17:25

One of my best friends is getting married to long term boyfriend next year in a rural location in the Highlands. Due to the location, those invited will have to stay for at least one night. I have been invited to stay in the wedding venue itself, which sleeps 20, for three nights, which was lovely of the bride and I’m looking forward to it.

Her only bridesmaid will be her little niece, which is lovely. No issues there, obviously. But another friend who also has a room in the venue and I were told yesterday night that we’re not invited to the ceremony. Bride wants us to help her get dressed on the morning, then amuse ourselves whilst the ceremony goes ahead with only her and DH to be’s parents, siblings and two witnesses, then join her again afterwards for the reception.

AIBU to think this is very odd and a bit rude?

OP posts:

Lockdownbear · 25/08/2021 15:31

I doubt many will stay the 3rd night, night before the wedding, night of the wedding maybe.

I can't imagine others will be happy to find out after they've forked out money that they aren't invited to the service.

She really isn't handling this well.

TatianaBis · 25/08/2021 17:41

@saraclara

she just doesn’t want us to be at the ceremony.

I suggest you reframe that:
She only wants immediate family at the ceremony.

You're taking offence because you're talking it personally. It's not about not wanting you, it's about only wanting them. There's a big difference.

Of course it's personal - she's asking OP to personally help her get ready and then she's not inviting her to the thing she wants help to get ready for.

If she only wants family - her family can help her.

whenwillthemadnessend · 25/08/2021 20:53

What Titania said.

whynotwhatknot · 25/08/2021 23:50

I just dont get what youre meant to do for the other two days has she organised anthing?

daisychain01 · 26/08/2021 07:21

As a guest I'd find it a pointless waste of 2-3 days, and wondering why they'd want to drag me all that way for what is essentially a party. Tedious.

grapewine · 26/08/2021 22:17

Absolutely. I maintain that I wouldn't go.

Dishwashersaurous · 26/08/2021 22:22

But she doesn't want any, other than the bare minimum seeing her get married.

That's what she wants. It's odd but it's her wedding. Although I would try and find out why they don't want anyone there, as all the other guests will also expect to be there for the ceremony

TractorAndHeadphones · 26/08/2021 22:25

@TatianaBis exactly!
Page after page after page of people justifying , anxiety blah2 how theyhad a sml wedding!
All well and good - but they didn’t ask anybody not invited to be involved did they?

Melski45 · 27/08/2021 07:26

Then why have people staying over? And for 3 nights? Daft as well as rude.

Lockdownbear · 27/08/2021 07:37

@Melski45

Then why have people staying over? And for 3 nights? Daft as well as rude.

My guess is her venue a country house, only does Mon-Fri or Fri-Mon bookings hence the 3rd night.

I suspect many people will head home and not stay the 3rd night because of work commitments.

TatianaBis · 27/08/2021 13:21

I suspect many people will head home and not stay the 3rd night because of work commitments.

And because they've run out of food...

catwhite1 · 28/08/2021 18:04

Amuse yourselves at the bar for a few hours xx

MimiDaisy11 · 28/08/2021 18:12

It's so odd. I can understand someone wanting a small intimate ceremony and then a bigger reception but usually with those set up you don't make people travel so far for just the reception nor have them attend to you in the morning.

MimiDaisy11 · 28/08/2021 18:13

Also, what are the three nights for?

pensterino · 28/08/2021 20:47

My late husband and I went to a wedding where we got a normal lunchtime-ish church ceremony, followed by a drinks reception (no food) - and then were told, with the rest of the guests, to make ourselves scarce for three hours until the evening meal. This in a small Hampshire village with no facilities, not even a pub.

We went home, and we weren't the only ones. It was bizarre.

VickyEadieofThigh · 29/08/2021 10:54

@JustLyra

I think it sounds like one of the Bride or Groom is really dreading the focus being on them for the wedding ceremony.

I have a friend who did similar. The idea of people all watching her making her vows really hammered her anxiety. They had parents and two siblings at the service only and then had a party.

I've been married twice (actually, the second was a civil partnership but same idea). The first time we had two mates with us as witnesses and then went for a curry; the second 3 mates with us and then went for a posh lunch in a country house hotel. This was because the thought of being the centre of attention at such an event made me feel quite ill. I couldn't even face the idea of a big party afterwards.

If this is the case here - and it does sound like it - I get it.

serialname · 29/08/2021 10:58

Is the service a blessing rather than a wedding? Are they already married?

VickyEadieofThigh · 29/08/2021 11:12

@serialname

Is the service a blessing rather than a wedding? Are they already married?

They'r making an awful lot of bridezilla-ish fuss if that's the case!

Confusedandshaken · 29/08/2021 14:58

I'm willing to bet she will change her mind in the day but if she doesn't I wouldn't mind. You and the other two can have a nice glass of fizz and a chat while they make their vows.

Anoisagusaris · 29/08/2021 15:07

Sounds like a great deal to me…..you get to spend time with her getting ready, can take your time getting ready, relax, and then you get to fully participate in the fun bit 😁

plantingandpotting · 29/08/2021 15:13

Little bit unusual, but definitely not something I'd be hurt by. You're missing a 30 minute ceremony that she wants to be as intimate as possible. Her choice.

Have to laugh at PPs disbelief that you've been asked to help her get ready, like it's is some awful chore
You'll be sat drinking bubbles, picking at breakfast and chatting. The horror!

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