Does this happen to other people?

[Youn]

Name changed but long time poster.

I often get woken up DH, DC or occasionally DB screaming over me or crying because of their perceived emergency.

I have PTSD from my own medical emergency and severe anxiety as a result of the after effects but when my family wake me up like this, I genuinely have a panic attack and freak out. No one understands how fragile I feel and how utterly cruel it is to be woken up like this.

I’ve tried explaining to my DH and my DC (preteens) but it happened again today and I just feel like maybe I’m not for this world...

I feel like my family lack compassion and kindness and don’t realize what a big issue this has become for me.

Their perceived emergencies are small logistical misunderstandings quickly corrected like arriving early for something and thinking I have given them the wrong time. Husband venting about something happening at work. Or anything from weather change. Except when I wake up to someone screaming or crying over me I immediately think someone has died or been injured and my body experiences immediate trauma response and then once I realize it’s “nothing” I’m angry and exhausted.

I’ve never done this to them. But this is something that happened a lot to me when I was growing up. I hate it. I think it’s cruel.

Aibu? Is this “normal”?

Often it’s when I’m having my own health issue when this happens and I’m sleeping off a severe headache.

That is awful. What do they say when you tell them how it makes you feel? It's pretty shitty of your teens, but it's unforgivable from your husband. I cannot fathom why they would do this!!

No it's not normal. It's really really weird and odd behaviour. Especially from the adults involved like your DH and your DB. Your teenage children have obviously learnt from the example being set them.

On the very rare occasion I've had to wake my DP because of an actual emergency I've done it as gently as possible whilst being persistent and recognised that he would initially be sleepy and confused.

What would the reaction be if you told them all to absolutely not be so bloody selfish and to wake you up respectfully and only if it's actually necessary!

My god OP, you poor thing that is spectacularly inconsiderate of them.

Enforce a rule that absolutely no one is to wake you up, and when you do wake sit ups in bed for 10 minutes or so to acclimatise to the day. If they can't stick to this rule, would you get a lock on your door?

Are you getting help for your PTSD?

What are they screaming and crying about ?!

Your husband often wakes you up screaming because of things that happened at work? And is DB your brother? That’s incredibly odd OP and no it has never happened to me - my husband has only woken me up for an emergency once in a long marriage, he was worried about our child and even then he didn’t scream but just shook me awake and told me what was worrying him.

Children may be a bit harder to manage, especially if they have learned the behaviour from older relatives but your husband just needs to stop doing it right away. Even without your medical history it’s unfair. With it, it’s worse.

Confused as to why your husband or brother has to wake you up screaming or crying. DC it's part of having kids.

I cant imagine pre teens and grown men screaming and crying about something they are early for.. ?

Or perhaps I've missed the point.

Are you asleep during the day? These situations don't sound like early morning minor emergencies.

That’s absolutely bonkers. Why on earth are they doing this?

What on earth are your husband and brother screaming about? Is this during the day or at night/ morning? It does not sound normal at all.

One of mine woke me like that, aged about ten, when he woke with a sore throat and chesty cough. He panicked, probably only half awake himself, but I remember him diving on top of me. But in 30 years of children and 2 marriages, that's the one and only time.

No, it's absolutely not normal. Short of blood, bullets or fire, nobody should be standing over you screaming or crying anyway and even less so, given your very specific mental health challenges.

Honestly, NOBODY does this in real life and if your family are doing it to you, you need to take a very hard line, explain to them exactly why it is not acceptable and stop tolerating it.

I repeat: it is NOT NORMAL for anybody to wake you up by screaming or crying at you (very small children obviously removed from this).

To be blunt - this is really fucked up behaviour by your family, there is something seriously wrong with them if this is a regular occurrence and they all need some urgent psychological help.

I’ve managed to get to age 43 without ever once in my life being woken up by someone screaming or crying over me.

@Notimeforaname

Or perhaps I've missed the point.

When you suffer from horrendous PTSD, other people's words and actions can seem exaggerated, louder etc in the midst of a panic attack. So they probably don't scream, but it's probably a very real and fair perception from the OP

I don't understand why they would do this?

No. Nobody screams at me while I’m sleeping.

Why are people screaming at you? That isn’t a normal thing to do.

Surely they aren't screaming and crying. If they are I'd turn over and refuse to engage until they'd sorted themselves out.

Literally no one has ever done this to me, so I have no idea how I would react. It’s not normal to wake someone up by screaming and crying unless you are under 3 maximum.

@FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop

My god OP, you poor thing that is spectacularly inconsiderate of them.

Enforce a rule that absolutely no one is to wake you up, and when you do wake sit ups in bed for 10 minutes or so to acclimatise to the day. If they can't stick to this rule, would you get a lock on your door?

Are you getting help for your PTSD?

I agree with getting a lock for your door and I’d go absolutely ballistics at your husband. He’s so selfish behaving like this, it’s awful behaviour.

@DysmalRadius

That is awful. What do they say when you tell them how it makes you feel? It's pretty shitty of your teens, but it's unforgivable from your husband. I cannot fathom why they would do this!!

They apologize. But they continue to do it.

I can’t take it anymore.

It happened today and I tried to stay calm but as soon as they rushed out my room I lay in my bed just trying to catch my breath. A few hours later they got home and my 12 year old son completely gaslit me about arrangements, so I had to play the voice note we both heard and the voice note I replied back with correcting what he’d told DH. But instead of apologizing for “misunderstanding” he kept saying he heard what he heard and defended screaming at me and crying over me when he was waking me up.

Dh then defends son and asks why I’ve chosen to put them on a downer when they’ve just returned home.

😭

Since the tantrum that ensued from my DS, he’s since apologized.

How are all these emergencies happening while you are asleep? It’s totally unreasonable to for anyone to be screaming at someone or waking someone by screaming and crying, but I’m confused about the logistics.

Your family are total drama llamas

Your husband is a nob for undermining you.

What RL support do you have OP? PLEASE get help before you have a nervous breakdown

What are their "emergencies"? Can you give an example of what you mean? Have the teens learned this behaviour from your h or are they deliberately upsetting you?

I can honestly say that no one has ever screamed or cried over me when I'm asleep. Why are the rest of your family up and about screaming when you're asleep? Do they not sleep?