Does this happen to other people?

[Youn]

Name changed but long time poster.

I often get woken up DH, DC or occasionally DB screaming over me or crying because of their perceived emergency.

I have PTSD from my own medical emergency and severe anxiety as a result of the after effects but when my family wake me up like this, I genuinely have a panic attack and freak out. No one understands how fragile I feel and how utterly cruel it is to be woken up like this.

I’ve tried explaining to my DH and my DC (preteens) but it happened again today and I just feel like maybe I’m not for this world...

I feel like my family lack compassion and kindness and don’t realize what a big issue this has become for me.

Their perceived emergencies are small logistical misunderstandings quickly corrected like arriving early for something and thinking I have given them the wrong time. Husband venting about something happening at work. Or anything from weather change. Except when I wake up to someone screaming or crying over me I immediately think someone has died or been injured and my body experiences immediate trauma response and then once I realize it’s “nothing” I’m angry and exhausted.

I’ve never done this to them. But this is something that happened a lot to me when I was growing up. I hate it. I think it’s cruel.

Aibu? Is this “normal”?

Often it’s when I’m having my own health issue when this happens and I’m sleeping off a severe headache.

Sorry I dont understand, why do they scream and cry at you?

Don't be ridiculous. You're gaslighting OP now. Of course people can scream words. That's not "talking loudly".

What even the fuck? This has never happened to me, even my toddlers don’t do this. I think if anyone did scream over me I’d probably lash out in panic. I think that’s soo strange for adults to think this is acceptable like wtf!!

This is incredibly dysfunctional and unhealthy.

@Creamsoda77

Sorry I dont understand, why do they scream and cry at you?

Because they lose self control and want me to wake up immediately and calm their crisis instead of regulating themselves... they expect me to be available at anytime to calm the situation for them.

Wake you up in the middle of the night? I don't understand , surely there cant be that many crisis situations !

@Sacredspace

This is incredibly dysfunctional and unhealthy.

Yeah I’ve never done this to anyone.... I know how awful it is to have this done to me.

@Creamsoda77

Wake you up in the middle of the night? I don't understand , surely there cant be that many crisis situations !

I sleep occasionally during the day and is during these times.... things get out of control.

Honestly, you need to go away for a few days , leave a note saying you need some space, check into a hotel

My god if people regularly woke me up like that I'd have kicked them through an oscillating desk fan a long time ago. The very thought of it is making me furious.

Put a lock on your bedroom door.

Just know this op, you’re not the problem here. None of what you’ve described is normal, it’s giving me the anxieties just thinking about it. I have auto immune disease and two young children, I also work in a stressful environment. I often creep back from work exhausted and aching all over, my dp lets me have a nap after I’ve spent some time with our kids and “protects” me from any dramas or being disturbed because he is a grown up and can manage. I really feel for you, it’s your DH that’s the problem here. It’s almost like you need a hotel stay somewhere with instructions to reception that you’re unavailable. I really hope you can get some peace.

I never fail to be stunned by the dysfunctional and insane behaviours some people on here have to tolerate.

Your husband, brother and son sound like useless, thoughtless, entitled pieces of shit. I’m sorry, OP.

Serious talk time with your family. Tell them you are not well and this needs to stop. Say unless the house is on fire or someone is in immediate danger of death, they do not scream and wake you under any other circumstances.
Threaten that you will leave if this continues then they really will have something to scream about if they all have to fend for themselves.

Good Luck

What’s voice note?

@Youn

I’m recovering from multiple neurological infections which were life threatening and occasionally need to sleep during the day.

Emergencies include:

• time set for tournament 4pm, I ask DH to take DC for 4pm. DS while I’m sleeping tells DH they need to be there 3:45pm. They get there, no one is there. DC think they’ve missed it, so rush home to blame me for being the person who knows the details but doesn’t share the details. Thankfully it’s around the corner from us, so after the screaming and crying cos they were angry with me and disappointed for thinking they missed the tournament they leave as fast as they barged in and made the tournament start time on time.

Had DH just listened to me and not been rocked by DS correcting time- all would have been fine.

• I’ve traveled to another country, sick and sleeping while DH is home with DC. Son falls at home, DH calls me, (not on my phone because I’d put it in silent because I was sick), so he calls my DM and insist she wakes me up. He’s screaming at me on the phone that my son is hurt (he fell and grazed his knee) and he can’t find our medical insurance card. (Which is BUPA - so always able to print the members card) not a crisis.

• we are in the process of selling our home. Deal almost through but new buys are being opportunistic in making demands for repairs etc that are not in the contract or agreed. So DH get the call from our estate agent mainly to tell him about these CF. He barges into the room, again while I’m sleeping. Yelling you won’t believe this.... x3/4 times. I wake up terrified someone’s died. He then tells me the issue. I call the agent, tell her no way we even entertaining these CF’s and she agrees. Crisis averted 😔

I can go on.

Either get a lock on your door or tell him to fuck off. Something is clearly wrong with him

My dc are now adults, I am pushing 60, and I can honestly say that I have never in my entire life been woken by anyone in my family screaming at me because of some spurious emergency.

This is absolutely not normal, and I would suggest that since they know you have been ill and have PTSD then what they are doing is deliberately cruel and abusive.

@Creamsoda77

Honestly, you need to go away for a few days , leave a note saying you need some space, check into a hotel

And leave your phone at home. Leave a note saying 'I have gone to a hotel, I am not contactable but will be home on x date'

@skodadoda

What’s voice note?

A voice note on WhatsApp. Details were shared via WhatsApp with times and details. DS was present. But relayed incorrect I go. I had given DH correct info as per Voicenote. But they rushed home anyway to wake me up screaming crying. When they arrived home after the tournament I needed to address what had happened. But even my DS listening to a voice note saying 4pm and a reply voicenote confirming 4pm he still insisted he heard 3:45pm. Frankly I don’t care about a 15 min delay or misunderstanding but it’s the screaming and crying that makes me feel utterly hopeless and alone.

@Youn

I told my DH tonight that if there was a psychiatric in-house facility that I could go to where we live, I would go. I feel fragile.

But there are no psychiatric in-house facilities in the country I am in. I ultimately need somewhere peaceful, healthy to get my body and mind back on track and counseling. Without the demands of DH and DC.

Book a health farm for a few days or a spa break

OP your family sound bonkers.
I agree with pp's, go away non contactable for a while.

I'd take your DC & leave the fuckers to their drama. Your DS is learning such hideous behaviour from his dad & uncle but if you got away from them hopefully he could change.

Why is everyone screaming and having emergencies in your house? confused

This^^

You all sound like a bunch of massive drama queens.

Thanks for all the responses. I thought maybe I’m just being too sensitive but I’m so acutely aware now how this is impacting me emotionally. No one around me understands.

So reading these messages makes me feel heard and validated in actually drawing a hard line with this behavior.

It is cruel. It is incredibly traumatic for me.

I’m not sure I understand all the screaming and crying. From grown men? My kids stopped that around the age of 5. And I haven’t been woken by screaming or crying since the youngest was 2 (except for maybe when they were sick once or twice). Sounds like a selfish bunch of people that can’t seem to sort their own shit out. You need to take control here and make sure they understand the situation - under no circumstances (unless someone is dying or dead) should they wake you from sleep.

Booking a spa or retreat “should” be amazing but it will be triggering too.