Does this happen to other people?

[Youn]

Name changed but long time poster.

I often get woken up DH, DC or occasionally DB screaming over me or crying because of their perceived emergency.

I have PTSD from my own medical emergency and severe anxiety as a result of the after effects but when my family wake me up like this, I genuinely have a panic attack and freak out. No one understands how fragile I feel and how utterly cruel it is to be woken up like this.

I’ve tried explaining to my DH and my DC (preteens) but it happened again today and I just feel like maybe I’m not for this world...

I feel like my family lack compassion and kindness and don’t realize what a big issue this has become for me.

Their perceived emergencies are small logistical misunderstandings quickly corrected like arriving early for something and thinking I have given them the wrong time. Husband venting about something happening at work. Or anything from weather change. Except when I wake up to someone screaming or crying over me I immediately think someone has died or been injured and my body experiences immediate trauma response and then once I realize it’s “nothing” I’m angry and exhausted.

I’ve never done this to them. But this is something that happened a lot to me when I was growing up. I hate it. I think it’s cruel.

Aibu? Is this “normal”?

Often it’s when I’m having my own health issue when this happens and I’m sleeping off a severe headache.

Sounds like a dh problem. This is not normal.
Only ever been awoken by my very young kids with night terrors like this and it was a short phase they themselves were unaware of.

Your teens seem to have learnt this behavior from your husband.

christ thats just weird. I dont have ptsd but i would have a heart attack if somebody woke me up suddenly like that. Its totally unacceptable

Why is everyone screaming and having emergencies in your house?

No it is not normal. I don't have ptsd but if someone woke me up by screaming over me I would panic and feel awful for the rest of the day. Discombobulated.

Your DH is being cruel if he knows you have PTSD and that treating you this way will trigger it.

I would stop trying to explain and say to him that when you are sleeping, DH is not to wake you unless the house is burning down and he is to prevent the children from doing so too. Tell the DC that if you are asleep then they are absolutely not to wake you up under any circumstances and DH will deal with any issues. If they can't stick to this, have you got a room you can sleep in where you can lock the door from the inside, or arrange for this to be the case. A simple latch on the inside would do. I would then tell them that because they couldn't stop this mad behaviour, you are now preventing them from waking you up.

sounds like a DH problem

^ This.
He's doing it, they've learnt it, he's undermining you when you try to assert yourself. And he knows you suffer PTSD? It gets better and better. You poor thing.

Are your DC and DH quite highly strung?

Sounds like DC are learning this behaviour from your DH.

What consequences are they facing for treating you like this?

Stop doing anything for them until they stop this.

This is awful OP.

I would hate this and I don't have PTSD! It's absolutely not normal. Your family should be making every effort not to wake you up suddenly given how it affects you.

I often get woken up DH, DC or occasionally DB screaming over me or crying because of their perceived emergency.

This isn’t normal.

Are you asleep a lot in the daytime? You need a hard and fast rule that EVERYONE respects that you are not to be disturbed at all. If you’re ill you need rest.

I suspect they (DH) resent you being in bed.

This is very strange behaviour. Not once have I been woken by screaming and crying nor woken someone by screaming and crying. I've had to break very tragic news in the middle of the night ( it couldn't wait ) and was extremely upset myself but still managed to wake the person gently and calmly.
Your kids are absolutely learning this over dramatic carry on from the other adults.

I’m recovering from multiple neurological infections which were life threatening and occasionally need to sleep during the day.

Emergencies include:

• time set for tournament 4pm, I ask DH to take DC for 4pm. DS while I’m sleeping tells DH they need to be there 3:45pm. They get there, no one is there. DC think they’ve missed it, so rush home to blame me for being the person who knows the details but doesn’t share the details. Thankfully it’s around the corner from us, so after the screaming and crying cos they were angry with me and disappointed for thinking they missed the tournament they leave as fast as they barged in and made the tournament start time on time.

Had DH just listened to me and not been rocked by DS correcting time- all would have been fine.

• I’ve traveled to another country, sick and sleeping while DH is home with DC. Son falls at home, DH calls me, (not on my phone because I’d put it in silent because I was sick), so he calls my DM and insist she wakes me up. He’s screaming at me on the phone that my son is hurt (he fell and grazed his knee) and he can’t find our medical insurance card. (Which is BUPA - so always able to print the members card) not a crisis.

• we are in the process of selling our home. Deal almost through but new buys are being opportunistic in making demands for repairs etc that are not in the contract or agreed. So DH get the call from our estate agent mainly to tell him about these CF. He barges into the room, again while I’m sleeping. Yelling you won’t believe this.... x3/4 times. I wake up terrified someone’s died. He then tells me the issue. I call the agent, tell her no way we even entertaining these CF’s and she agrees. Crisis averted 😔

I can go on.

YANBU, they are showing a complete lack of respect, love and care for you. Stop explaining anything to them and start drawing hard and fast boundaries.
If you nap in your room, put a sign on the door and enforce consequences.

Every time they trigger your PTSD like this, they extend the time it takes you to recover. You also risk developing complex PTSD.

My 3 year dc used to run into my room crying in the morning because he is a total drama llama. But every time I greeted him very grumpily and "stop that noise right now, I am asleep!". The dynamic in your household sounds very dysfunctional indeed.

Your DH sounds like something is very wrong with him. This is not normal behaviour. About as far from normal as you can get!

@Youn

I’m recovering from multiple neurological infections which were life threatening and occasionally need to sleep during the day.

Emergencies include:

• time set for tournament 4pm, I ask DH to take DC for 4pm. DS while I’m sleeping tells DH they need to be there 3:45pm. They get there, no one is there. DC think they’ve missed it, so rush home to blame me for being the person who knows the details but doesn’t share the details. Thankfully it’s around the corner from us, so after the screaming and crying cos they were angry with me and disappointed for thinking they missed the tournament they leave as fast as they barged in and made the tournament start time on time.

Had DH just listened to me and not been rocked by DS correcting time- all would have been fine.

• I’ve traveled to another country, sick and sleeping while DH is home with DC. Son falls at home, DH calls me, (not on my phone because I’d put it in silent because I was sick), so he calls my DM and insist she wakes me up. He’s screaming at me on the phone that my son is hurt (he fell and grazed his knee) and he can’t find our medical insurance card. (Which is BUPA - so always able to print the members card) not a crisis.

• we are in the process of selling our home. Deal almost through but new buys are being opportunistic in making demands for repairs etc that are not in the contract or agreed. So DH get the call from our estate agent mainly to tell him about these CF. He barges into the room, again while I’m sleeping. Yelling you won’t believe this.... x3/4 times. I wake up terrified someone’s died. He then tells me the issue. I call the agent, tell her no way we even entertaining these CF’s and she agrees. Crisis averted 😔

I can go on.

Oh bless you, you poor thing I'm not surprised you're struggling. DH sounds very thoughtless, and DS is learning the behaviour.

My DB responds to a call from my DH because I’m asleep in pain (which is why DH took the kids and left me home) and my phkk on e is on silent which DH knew.

DH asks DB to go to our apartment which was unlocked. So I wake up to DB screaming that I never answer my phone and shaking me awake. I wake up in a haze because I’m in so much pain and confused as to how DB is in my bedroom!

I start panicking- thinking my DH has been in an accident. DB phone rings and he hands me the phone. It’s DH screaming at me because yes this was “a legitimate emergency” but the manner they did it is so cruel and heartless.

That is so far from normal behaviour.

So husband & so get there 15 minutes early.

Why don't they just wait there FFS?

Your husband is an utter disgrace.

What a staggeringly selfish family you suffer from.

This all sounds really odd, completely confused by what on earth is happening in your family.

Stop sorting it out when they do so. It seems as if you are the go to person and they need to learn to be more self reliant. Or is your h not well either?

@greendiva

This all sounds really odd, completely confused by what on earth is happening in your family.

Yup!

I'm not quite getting the hsband & brother scenario, but they sound either deliberately nasty or in need of help.

Is your DH really screaming in all these incidents? Or talking loudly? You can’t talk if you’re screaming.

Do you realise how odd this is, OP? That it's not just about your PTSD, but that families don't generally go around screaming about total non-events?

When did this start? Have you ever addressed it as a family?

You honestly need to divorce your husband. He’s an abusive shit who doesn’t care about you even though you’ve explained multiple times how this behaviour makes you feel. He honestly sounds mentally unstable. And his insane mood swings are rubbing off on your kids as well.