‘How many drinks for you to sleep with her?’

[Kidsdontknowwhatswrongwithmum]

God, I feel shit.
Went to the supermarket with toddler dd yesterday afternoon. For context I live in another country, speak the language but not 100% fluently, but more than enough to get by.
The supermarket I went to was full of holiday makers, mainly British.
I went to the meat counter and the guy looked up and as I was going to order in the language of the country, he asked me what I’d like in English, sometimes I answer in the hone country’s language, this time I quickly replied in English.
I then heard him asking his colleague stood with him behind the counter, how many drinks it would take to sleep with me, he asked him ‘Lots?’ and he started laughing, his friend sort of shrugged it off. It was almost like a joke to the holiday makers I’m sure…see what you can say that they obviously won’t understand, but I understand. I just sort of stood there in shock.
I’m 2-3 stone overweight and hate the way I look currently, I was once a gym bunny size 10 and had men always checking me out. I’m older now, so I don’t expect that, but equally, what he said has made me feel so very low and disgusted with myself. I cried in the car on the way home.
I keep wondering if I had it wrong due to the language and he was talking about something else, but I really don’t think I did.

Gutted you didn’t respond with something witty in the same language. You should complain. No reflection on you at all, he’s just an immature arsehole.

Astonished that some posters are using their own insecurities to attack you on this thread because you dared to say you were upset and felt shit after being insulted

OP hugs to you. Some people (like the guy) are absolute worthless dickheads. The sting will fade

[quote Kidsdontknowwhatswrongwithmum]@Doomscrolling God, no, I didn’t mean that at all 😞[/quote]
Yes, I understood from your clarification. Hope the shop follows up your complaint.

Listen, you can be beautiful at a size 8, 18, 28 whatever....this guy was a total prick and that is nothing to do with you. Imigine taling about people like that, he's probably been doing it all day thinking he's the big man. Try not to dwell on the comment as I'm sure it wasn't personal. He said it to big himself up not to belittle you. Also complain to the manager, it's totally unprofessional and someone needs to tell him to stop making people feel like shit when they are just trying to do their bloody shopping! X

The manager/head office has emailed me back and I’ve just had to send details of which store it was (they have a chain) what time and description of him (I didn’t notice name on name badge) they were very professional and have said they take these matters very seriously.
I guess they’ll ask him his side of things, he’ll likely deny, but may ask his colleague? I mentioned him and that he didn’t answer really or laugh along with him.
The more I think about it, he just looked like a proper dick trying to impress his older work mate, who didn’t look impressed at all.

Well done @Kidsdontknowwhatswrongwithmum for raising a complaint. It sounds as if the store will take action.
I think you have had a really hard time on here, which wasn't what you needed after an already difficult day.

Good for you, op, for following it up. I think you’ve handled it well - at least this way means he may get sacked, here as if you’d confronted him at the time he may have apologised but nothing else would have happened.

@Anotherhill Is it crazy that I’m not sure if I actually want him sacked 🤷🏻‍♀️He’s been completely wrong and made me feel so shit, but these are v hard times where we are. I just really want him to know the impact his words/actions have on people

Not crazy at all, but if he is then that job will go to another local in need of a job, and this young man will have learnt a valuable lesson in how to behave when you have one.

Op it was hardly likely to be the first time. You won’t be alone. And he will do it to others, ask the same question. So yes he should be fired.

I’d love to be able to preempt these things; it would have been great to reply in on the home language some just as snarky back…

Or maybe just have said ‘thank you’ for with a smile in their language once you’d ordered. Their faces would have been a picture!

I’m sorry this happened to you OP. The only way I like to think of it is that nobody is everybody’s cup of tea.

They were rude, and cruel; even if they thought you didn’t understand (what we don’t know doesn’t hurt us right?) it’s pretty despicable.

@Bluntness100 - women can be misogynists too! It's called internalised misogyny. But whatever, sorry that dick made you feel like crap OP. It's definitely him, not you, and well done for reporting him

Hi OP. Not going to offer advice because you've already done the right thing by making a formal complaint.

However if it helps, I think certain men just get off on being nasty. I've had it in this country (UK) spoken in my language (English) when 2 guys cycled past me and one said to the other - quite loudly - "She has a cracking body, shame about the face. I'd give it a 6/10" like I'm a f*cking cow at a farm show. It really stung and - this is not me being up myself - but I am by most standards, a pretty girl. I do modelling so I know I'm attractive. The irony is I wouldn't have even looked at the two guys on a bike because they were nothing special AT ALL. So please don't be hard on yourself. I think some guys do this as an ego boost and it's disgusting and degrading.

Glad you emailed. Would the other worker have recognised you? You said you’d shopped there before and spoke the language. If so, he’s probably told the guy once you left that you could understand and I hope he’s shitting it about possible consequences, even if just for a few seconds 🤞

Glad you followed up. In a way it's a pity you were so shocked that you could not have replied in the local language that you speak as I think it would have had the salutary impact.

So sorry op, that’s just awful

[quote hesadevilishlyhandsomedog]@Bluntness100 - women can be misogynists too! It's called internalised misogyny. But whatever, sorry that dick made you feel like crap OP. It's definitely him, not you, and well done for reporting him [/quote]
Are you on the wrong thread? I’m fully aware women can be mysogynistic. I’d assume everyone posting is. What I said was nothing the op posted was mysogynistic. But thanks for the explanation

Not on the wrong thread, no, @Bluntness100.

I specifically refer to your much earlier post when you called out posters for attacking [OP], saying someone even called her misogynistic clearly not knowing the meaning of the word.

But OP's I cant believe I've now become a person with looks that men say that about IS internalised misogyny. What would you call it?

Its not an insult to call a woman a misogynist the way that it is a man. Calling it out challenges thinking around why women so often allow our self-worth and that of other women to be decided by men. It's the only way to protect women's self-esteem so it is less vulnerable to a man's negative comments about her.

Seriously can you and others please just stop with the victim-blaming of the OP, @hesadevilishlyhandsomedog ? And it IS victim-blaming. The OP is allowed to feel whatever she felt when she was abused, and she should be allowed to vent it here without people twisting and extrapolating what she said into some kind of 'internalised misogyny'. It is NOT! Just leave her alone and stop the victim-blaming.

I'm absolutely not victim blaming. I am not saying that OP is wrong for what she feels or that this incident is in ANY way her fault. I/we are saying the very opposite FFS !!!!!

You are allowed to express your opinion on this public forum but then so am I. And it is unnecessary for you to tell me to leave anyone alone. Particularly as you have totally misunderstood the concept of what I and others are ACTUALLY trying to say! If you were to do some reading about internalised misogyny you might get it. But I won't hold my breath...

@hesadevilishlyhandsomedog

I'm absolutely not victim blaming. I am not saying that OP is wrong for what she feels or that this incident is in ANY way her fault. I/we are saying the very opposite FFS !!!!!

You are allowed to express your opinion on this public forum but then so am I. And it is unnecessary for you to tell me to leave anyone alone. Particularly as you have totally misunderstood the concept of what I and others are ACTUALLY trying to say! If you were to do some reading about internalised misogyny you might get it. But I won't hold my breath...

@hesadevilishlyhandsomedog I haven't misunderstood anything, I know EXACTLY what you are saying, I spend a lot of time on Feminist boards and I know EXACTLY what internalised misogyny is. I spend a lifetime talking about it elsewhere. And the OP does not display it in the slightest. Notwithstanding that, the fact is that the OP is vulnerable and felt upset before earlier on in this thread about people twisting her words, misunderstanding her and extrapolating things she hasn't said and asked for it to stop. Now please, stop. Even if you (mistakenly) believe the OP is displaying internalised misogyny, now is really not the time to bring that up, and the OP was distressed earlier by people like yourself taking what she said out of context and asking she explain herself further. She is distressed and really can do without you and others posting about internalised misogyny. Please, just don't. Have some compassion.

Bluntness100 is absolutely right.

@hesadevilishlyhandsomedog Sorry, I didn't mean to tell you not to post or run you off but I really think the OP has had her posts taken out of context by a few people now and she's feeling quite vulnerable and down. Accusing her of internalised misogyny really isn't necessary, is what I was trying to say.

@Bluntness100

Op it was hardly likely to be the first time. You won’t be alone. And he will do it to others, ask the same question. So yes he should be fired.

I do agree with this. Glad you took action, OP, and reported the incident. 🌹

You are blaming yourself for his abhorrent comments.

It wouldn’t matter what you looked like, you as a human being, do not deserve to be spoken about like that.

You have internalized this disgust. But your disgust should be for him only. I’m really sorry you had this experience. 100 percent complain.