‘How many drinks for you to sleep with her?’

[Kidsdontknowwhatswrongwithmum]

God, I feel shit.
Went to the supermarket with toddler dd yesterday afternoon. For context I live in another country, speak the language but not 100% fluently, but more than enough to get by.
The supermarket I went to was full of holiday makers, mainly British.
I went to the meat counter and the guy looked up and as I was going to order in the language of the country, he asked me what I’d like in English, sometimes I answer in the hone country’s language, this time I quickly replied in English.
I then heard him asking his colleague stood with him behind the counter, how many drinks it would take to sleep with me, he asked him ‘Lots?’ and he started laughing, his friend sort of shrugged it off. It was almost like a joke to the holiday makers I’m sure…see what you can say that they obviously won’t understand, but I understand. I just sort of stood there in shock.
I’m 2-3 stone overweight and hate the way I look currently, I was once a gym bunny size 10 and had men always checking me out. I’m older now, so I don’t expect that, but equally, what he said has made me feel so very low and disgusted with myself. I cried in the car on the way home.
I keep wondering if I had it wrong due to the language and he was talking about something else, but I really don’t think I did.

I’d have replied in their language To go f**k themselves 😡

Some people are just to self absorbed and think they are gods gift.
Chin up 💐

@Carboncheque

Why are you ashamed that they are cocks?

This ^^

Formal complaint. It's unacceptable.

And, I mean this in the nicest way – perhaps you can work on not thinking of your worth
in terms of how men see you (or women for that matter).

@Kidsdontknowwhatswrongwithmum

I feel like complaining about him I put on weight after years of fertility treatments and then pregnancy. Admittedly I should be working out but have Dd full time and it’s hard to even have 5 minutes alone and I get so tired He didn’t even say it quietly, just brazenly. They’re usually so professional there

They're disgusting. You're attaching worth and looks to your weight. Dicks are dicks, they may have said that about you regardless. It stings but honestly you're worth so much more.

Stop going on about how it's your fault, you let yourself go yadda yadda...
Seriously, stop.
Be angry that this jumped up prick was so openly misogynistic and fire off an email.

I know it's horrible but I would just shrug it off. I've had shit like that too. I think you'll only make it worse if you pursue it. I got called a milk bottle on a beach in Spain.

@Cocopogo

OP you had my full sympathy until this point

I can’t believe I’ve now become a person with looks that men say that about

So you think women out there deserve to be treated like this if they aren’t good looking?
I think you are viewing this all wrong, talking about gym bunny and size 10 etc. Those men are vile and need calling out of their behaviour and you didn’t do that, you went home and thought about your weight as though any woman overweight deserved to be treated so shit. I’m appalled at those men but I’m also disappointed that women shoot each other down over their weight and do nothing to make a stand and call out this horrid misogynist behaviour.

💯 this.

@Amdone123

Yes, do what pp said ( after complaining of course. Why should he get away with it?) I've had similar on 2 occasions. The 1st. My dh and I on holiday in Spain and went into a restaurant where I heard the waitress say, ' These are British. We'll get a tip.' My dh ordered the meal and I paid the bill ( no tip) but told a gobsmacked waitress ( in my best spanish), how beautiful the meal was etc. Was fun. The 2nd was when we went away with another family. The 17year old - an absolute beauty - a bit wild, wanted to go to a nightclub. I didn't want her going on her own ( her ma couldn't be bothered !), so I went with her just to keep an eye on her. A bloke ( English) said something similar to me. I shrugged it off but it has stayed with me. He was a prick, as was this man. Report him definitely.

Honestly don't see anything wrong with your first example about getting a tip, what was wrong with what she said? Most British people do tip

Please do complain.
The shame is on them, not on you, and you don't even have to justify why the fabulous body that has given you your beautiful child looks the way it does.

Honestly don't see anything wrong with your first example about getting a tip, what was wrong with what she said? Most British people do tip

Probably something to do with the assumption that British people are ignorant and none speak a foreign language.

That's so horrible.

I was once in a taxi and spoke the language of that country well. The driver asked my husband, who was a native, which bar he found me in and insinuated I was a prostitute. I felt so angry and humiliated all at once and gave him hell. Still cried in the bathroom later though.

OP you could look like the fittest, most beautiful celebrity in the world and I can guarantee that if you'd let this wankstain know that what he said was unacceptable and unwanted, within seconds he'd be calling you a "fat ugly dyke" instead (because misogynist men can't imagine a worse insult than being a lesbian and rejecting The Mighty Penis ). It honestly is not about you, it's about him and his appalling, shallow attitudes to women. Please don't give him any more headspace, and definitely don't let him make you feel bad about yourself either. You have far more value than the assessment some complete stranger makes about your looks, be that positive or negative.

Just make the complaint op.

Then you will have actually done something about it other than sit around feeling crap about yourself.

It means he's succeeded in making people feel like shit.

Don't be a part of that yourself and keep mentioning how you look. He was a scummy arsehole.

Make the complaint and hopefully he will be dealt with.

Please don't value yourself on whether or not two random blokes want to shag you. So what?!
They were rude but who cares what they think, you are more than just your looks.

Next time swear at them in a language they would understand.
Honestly, don't let two dicks make you feel low about yourself! You are giving them your power - take it back.
You should have replied in their language I wouldn't sleep with either of you if you paid me.
Think of a come back incase there is a next time.

Regarding the tip thing, it was the assumption I didn't like. Assuming one, because we were British, we would tip regardless ( we always tip you're right. But don't expect it, please ! We haven't even eaten). Two, that we didn't speak her language so she was effectively speaking about us. Great customer service. And thirdly, I didn't like her attitude. You can get a vibe from some people, whatever their nationality.

Make sure you speak in the local language next time you see him. Maybe make a comment that will make him know you heard what he said.

And complain.

It's understandable that you feel bad about this but you have nothing to be embarrassed about.

It does not matter what you look like or what your weight is, he was rude, sexist and belittling.

Your worth as a person is NEVER attached to one person's opinion of your looks.

Men who make comments like this would do it to anyone, as it's not about attraction but about power and misogyny.

As PP said, don't fall for it and certainly don't perpetuate it by suggesting they are in any way justified to judge someone because of their weight or looks. They're not.

He was being a dick and deserved to be called out but realise in the moment it can be difficult

But you need to take a long hard look at yourself and your attitude around this. It's almost as bad as the counter twat....

OP yours have to believe in yourself. Would you dare to go back and order them add - no amount of drink would make me want to be with you , in his language? It’s petty and would take guts but may humiliate him the way he did you

Yes exactly that too @spiderseatpants!

I then heard him asking his colleague stood with him behind the counter, how many drinks it would take to sleep with me, he asked him ‘Lots?’ and he started laughing, his friend sort of shrugged it off.

An unpleasant young man. You could have replied in your own language that you'd never be drunk enough to sleep with him.

Unfortunately goes on all the time. When i was younger the girls in the office used to talk about the boys/men in the same sort of way.

Stop talking about your looks, your weight. He's a misogynist tosser and would be a tosser to any woman however she looked. Nobody should have to be tooled up ready with snappy comebacks in a shop for crying out loud. Stop shopping there and tell the owner why. You'll never change him but you don't have to put up with it thank goodness.

What is it about butchers?! I was in a foreign butcher queuing to be served, another Brit was being served while the butcher was commenting to the rest of the queue about how we (the Brits) don't know anything about meat/food etc. The assumption was that only local people could understand him (this while being all pleasant to the customer to his face). I left and haven't been back and now use a different butcher when I'm in town. He is more than pleasant and helpful. Take your business elsewhere and/or complain.