‘How many drinks for you to sleep with her?’

[Kidsdontknowwhatswrongwithmum]

God, I feel shit.
Went to the supermarket with toddler dd yesterday afternoon. For context I live in another country, speak the language but not 100% fluently, but more than enough to get by.
The supermarket I went to was full of holiday makers, mainly British.
I went to the meat counter and the guy looked up and as I was going to order in the language of the country, he asked me what I’d like in English, sometimes I answer in the hone country’s language, this time I quickly replied in English.
I then heard him asking his colleague stood with him behind the counter, how many drinks it would take to sleep with me, he asked him ‘Lots?’ and he started laughing, his friend sort of shrugged it off. It was almost like a joke to the holiday makers I’m sure…see what you can say that they obviously won’t understand, but I understand. I just sort of stood there in shock.
I’m 2-3 stone overweight and hate the way I look currently, I was once a gym bunny size 10 and had men always checking me out. I’m older now, so I don’t expect that, but equally, what he said has made me feel so very low and disgusted with myself. I cried in the car on the way home.
I keep wondering if I had it wrong due to the language and he was talking about something else, but I really don’t think I did.

@Carboncheque

Why are you ashamed that they are cocks?

This!!! You have nothing to feel ashamed about but that wanker really should.

Admittedly I should be working out

Why are you making excuses for him?

I was once a gym bunny size 10 and had men always checking me out. I’m older now, so I don’t expect that

Seriously? You expect slim women to be leered at by men and you seem upset that you're too overweight to be 'checked out'?

That was probably the fifteenth time he'd said that that day. People like that are all the same. He's an idiot looking for attention from his colleagues.

Try to ignore it, he’s talking out of his arse to show off to the other guy.

I’m sorry that happened to you op. It would ruin my morning too.

OP, stop making excuses about the way you look- it's irrelevant. They clearly thought you couldn't understand them and they were being vile. Be grateful he didn't want to sleep with you- he's the kind of man all women should be avoiding. Report him to the manager- if he's new they might sack him which he deserves.

Do you know what, I would complain too. I hate people like this and it’s about time the joke backfires on them,
How hurtful and embarrassed you must have felt. I agree it’s likely nothing to do with your appearance though and more them putting on a show. Not acceptable at all and their manager wouldn’t be happy knowing they are paying them to insult customers. What assholes.

Is it possible that the lack of reaction by the other guy is because he recognised you as a regular customer who speaks the language. Hopefully he pulled him up on his behaviour afterwards and told him you would have understood him!!

He's an absolute twat and I'd complain to his manager. And just because you've had a baby and are a bit overweight doesn't mean you are unattractive or worth any less!

Why are you focussing on what is wrong with the way you look rather than their disgusting behaviour?

Would you have felt better if they'd decided you were appealing enough to treat as a piece of meat to stick their dicks into?

You do not need to justify your appearance to anyone. The least physically attractive woman world would not deserve to be spoken about in such a dehumanising way.

I think I'd get right back in there and ask him if he remembers you from earlier, you are the one he asked his mate how many drinks it would take to sleep with you? All in his own language. Then ask to see his manager.

You're viewing this all wrong OP.
Please complain.
I've had people say I was fat when I weighed 8 stone! Some people are just mean.

Please do complain, this sort of thing can make you feel quite powerless especially when you are in so much shock you miss the opportunity to pull someone up on it (as always happens to me too). I guess the ideal thing would have been to ask him right then in the local language to speak to his manager - but I'd have just felt humiliated and want the ground to swallow me up. Making a complaint gives you back that power and makes you feel like you are doing something positive, even if it doesn't go very far hopefully he'll be made aware and think twice before he insults the next person.

I wouldn't bother going back and trying to humiliate him though, why sink to his level? Besides he'd probably just think it was funny or say he didn't know what you were talking about and look at you like you were strange to try to humiliate you further. He's not worth your time.

I understand people are calling you out on judging yourself on your appearance - but when that message is given to you every day on tv, social media, the people around you I think it can be very difficult not to buy into the belief that younger/prettier/thinner is better.

@closeyoureyesandsee I am focused on that too, but it hit me badly in a personal way and just made me feel so low about myself. I already had issues with my weight and this confirmed it

@ChainJane, thank you. Thought I was going mad then 🤣

100% complain. Completely unacceptable.

Ffs @Cocopogo I wasn’t doing that! Felt really low and still do

@Carboncheque

Why are you ashamed that they are cocks?

This.

@ChainJane

Honestly don't see anything wrong with your first example about getting a tip, what was wrong with what she said? Most British people do tip

Probably something to do with the assumption that British people are ignorant and none speak a foreign language.

It’s actually a fairly safe assumption that holidaying Brits in Spain are statistically unlikely to speak fluent enough Spanish to understand a quick remark passed between two Spaniards. I don’t understand why that poster then seems to have gone to some trouble to conceal that she spoke good Spanish by getting her husband to order their meal, in order to set up the ‘gotcha’ moment where she waxes eloquent in fluent Spanish about how good the meal was, while not tipping. If the meal was that good, why not tip? If it wasn’t, why not say so? Seems unnecessarily petty.

Amdone123

My dh and I on holiday in Spain and went into a restaurant where I heard the waitress say, ' These are British. We'll get a tip.' My dh ordered the meal and I paid the bill ( no tip) but told a gobsmacked waitress ( in my best spanish), how beautiful the meal was etc. Was fun.

Waiting staff in holiday destinations rely on tourist tips to bring their wages up to a half decent standard. She was likely just happy that she might get a tip, nothing nasty there. But you had your fun denying her a tip - well done you.

OP that must have been an awful experience. I've absolutely no doubt that men like this guy make nasty comments about women all the time, no matter what size, shape or how they look. Some men are just creepy misogynists and can't help themselves. And I bet his colleague wasn't impressed with him. Please don't take it to heart, you were just in the unfortunate position of overhearing.

@Cocopogo

OP you had my full sympathy until this point

I can’t believe I’ve now become a person with looks that men say that about

So you think women out there deserve to be treated like this if they aren’t good looking?
I think you are viewing this all wrong, talking about gym bunny and size 10 etc. Those men are vile and need calling out of their behaviour and you didn’t do that, you went home and thought about your weight as though any woman overweight deserved to be treated so shit. I’m appalled at those men but I’m also disappointed that women shoot each other down over their weight and do nothing to make a stand and call out this horrid misogynist behaviour.

Yeah, same.

If it were me I don't think I'd bother with a complaint, but I'd definitely order from him next time in his language and watch him squirm.

Also agree you're looking at this in an unhelpful way.

You're a woman. He thought you were a holidaymaker. He's an arsehole. Those are the three things that led him to make a comment about you. Nothing else.

Are you going to complain to the manager?

OP please, please report it. If you are a regular there, then they should care. I would tell them what was said, that you had your little girl with you when they said it, and it made you cry. They need to know. The manager of the supermarket deserves to know that an employee is treating customers this way. This behaviour can't be stomped out if people don't make a stand and call it out.

Would it have been acceptable if they’d spoken about how hot and fuckable you were, right in front of you with the brazen assumption that you couldn’t understand them?? The issue is that he felt comfortable talking about your body in an objectifying, degrading way because he thought he’d get away with it, NOT that his comment was negative. I get that you were too shocked to respond, but a curt “I can understand you, you know” in their language would have been perfect. You should definitely complain to the supermarket.

I already had issues with my weight and this confirmed it

No. All it confirmed is that these two men are unpleasant misogynists. That's all. Do you think that overweight women aren't attractive? That they never get into relationships?

Being unhappy with weight gain is one thing, but it shouldn't destroy your entire self confidence in this way.