Inheritance - AIBU to be upset about this?

[IveGotPieInMyEar]

I’ll preface this by saying I know I am being unreasonable to expect anything in the first place, and have no right to anything, but with that being said AIBU to feel upset?

My mother recently inherited from my grandmothers passing. My mother has discussed sharing out some of what she has received between me and my siblings, I have one sister and one brother.

Sister is a homeowner, and is looking to buy a bigger home, my mother has offered her £20,000 towards this.

Brother currently renting, mother has offered him £15,000 towards a deposit to get on the housing ladder.

I was offered £4000, which I think is the maximum yearly amount you can put in a help to buy ISA.

I have health problems which restrict my earning potential at the moment, I don’t own a home, currently in council housing with no real chance of moving on for now so I do understand her reasoning for the amounts given, that it would be a waste for me to have 1000s hanging around when I can’t do anything meaningful with it. I was really grateful to be offered the amount I was and was feeling hopeful about making a start to improve where I am in life. However, now this offer for me has been withdrawn and my mum has decided to give more to my sister who is looking at a house which costs more than she was originally prepared to pay.

I’m feeling quite upset about being left out, especially when I was offered less than the others in the first place. I know I had no right to any of this money in the first place and it doesn’t really change anything for me, im still in the same position as I am now. However, my sister is the only one of us who is married, she has had £5000, towards her wedding from my parents and around the same amount when she purchased her first home. I feel like the help already given has been unfair, and if my mum wanted to share, the amount she was prepared to give should have been split 3 equal ways or nothing given at all?

Really sad for you, it must be extremely hurtful however you try to look at it. I admit it would be hard to start a conversation about it.

OP she is wrong ,she should of given you all equal amounts regardless what you individually needed it for ....a gift is a gift.

YANBU I’m so sorry you’ve been treated this way can’t imagine how crappy it must be making you feel x

I'm so sorry for the way your mother has treated you,You deserve much better and a better mother too! My friend is regularly treated like this and I have had this treatment within my own family. No more! Please reduce contact with these horrid narcisstic people I fear that they are unlikely to change and will only continue to hurt you if you allow it. Good luck op.

Has your mum ever given you back the money she borrowed from you to give to your sister? If not I would be asking for this to be returned as soon as possible.
As many other PPs have said your mother's actions are very unfair. So what if your siblings are in a position to buy a house, why should funding that come from your share of an inheritance. What would they have done without the inheritance money? Your mother sounds awful.

It should be split equally regardless of anyone's situation. Situations can dramatically change over the years

@LemonSwan

Hmm sorry but I think I am going to go against the grain.

In my family we never just give money for the sake of it, its always for a need. Perhaps she shares this mentality.

An example - My parents gave us some extra cash for our first time buyer house c. 10k (5k to push us into a lower interest rate and another 5k to spend on renovating the bathroom). Thats what we needed - we didn't need more.

My sister is buying a flat in London. She needs tenfold what I do to make this work; and I don't begrudge that because she needs a home too.

Sure she could give up her career (London centric) and do something else but thats not really fair is it. I do what I love, why shouldn't she.

So I think you do have good reason to be annoyed that your mum borrowed money off you to give to your sister without asking. Thats not nice.

And you would have reason to be annoyed if she was giving them this money for any other reason bar housing. But as it stands if its for housing and you already have secure housing then I am not so sure sorry.

In OP's mother's case, it is no doubt based on favouritism (based on the OP's comments, the sister is clearly the golden child) since she's giving the most to the child who needs it the least because she can afford to buy a house without any additional help from her mother and has enough equity to get a good mortgage.

I wonder if your dear grandmother would have wanted her money to be used in such a divisive way. I am sorry about this OP xx