150k in undisclosed savings

[NCsecret]

First off, I know IABU but not sure how to tel my DP this.

We’ve been together for 3 years and are now engaged (living together in my house). I’ve always been a saver and I have a well paid job. Now things are getting serious, as we’re just engaged and I’m wondering about how to disclose this topic.

DP knows I’m comfortable as obviously I have a good job and a house which I own 50% of. I’ve always been transparent on that.

However, I haven’t mentioned previously that I have also a good amount of cash savings (Excl shares and pensions)

How do I start this convo?

And by own 50% of house, I own 50% equity and the rest is mortgaged.

What does DP bring to the table?

Honey.....I’m rich.

That should do it 😂

Do you know what savings he has?

Why do you have to tell him

I don’t have to tell her i suppose but I think I should given we are planning for marriage and kids!

I wouldn't tell him.

@tootingbeclido

Why do you have to tell him

Can you imagine the uproar on a thread if someone said five years or whatever into their marriage they’d found out their husband had £150k in savings they’d kept secret for their entire marriage?

My DH and I both knew that the other had savings, but not the amount. Spoke to a financial advisor for advice about pensions etc, and he asked about our financial positions. So it all came out quite naturally

Honestly. Don't get married. Or find a way to protect your savings.

Yes, why do you have to tell him?

On a peripheral note, unless you are mega rich with variable cash needs £150,000 in cash is far too much. You should look at global equity funds to get some real growth. That is the real issue to me.

@skippy67

I wouldn't tell him.

Out of interest, would you expect your partner to keep hidden savings?

I am confused why you think you need to tell him?

Dp has no clue about my pension or my savings.

I own shares in the company I work for and we just sold part of the company. I got a big chunk. Dp knows I got some, but not how big it was.

We aren't married, we don't have joint finances. We live in my house. So I don't think he needs specifics and its not any of his business.

Honestly? I wouldn't get married. It makes you financially vulnerable.
Unless you are having kids and plan for him to be a SAHD.

"now we are engaged, I want to discuss finances and our future plans."

Topics for discussion

1. current debts and savings
2. future life plans eg having kids/caring for parents/travelling the world/studying for another qualification/moving house. How would you pay for these?
3. retirement planning - what are both of you doing currently for pensions? When do you expect to retire? How will you fund retirment? How much will you need to have saved to fund it realistically?
4. life insurance/critical illness coverage - how would you manage if one of you died or was very ill? Do you have any coverage?
5. making wills - have you done it? What would you want to be in them - leaving everything to each other or would you want something to go to siblings/parents/friends etc

I'd say savings were one element of a much bigger conversation or series of conversations that you need to have before you get married. Don't make a massive deal of that part.

You could start with a general discussion about how you want to manage your finances after you're married, your financial goals, then move into a kind of audit of where you both are and how to achieve those goals? Do you have a feel of whether he has a similar attitude to money to you, ie is he also a saver not a spender?

Thanks @Audit these are in fixed rate savings. I do have ETFs but I wouldn’t class these as cash as obvs invested for the long run (10+ years) and not liquid. I appreciate it’s a lot in fixed savings but I wasn’t sure what I wanted to do with them and my risk appetite was fairly low (was thinking of saving for house/kids etc)

Do you know what she has? Does she know how much of the house you own - could you increase it and reduce cash? Why do you have that cash - I mean is there a specific reason- lack of pension, saving for something particular?

Maybe the conversation needs to go along the lines of sharing wider financial info and future plans?

This happened with my DH, I was a student and he was saving to buy - randomly he dropped into conversation one dayhe had a cup of tea in Halifax in town which I was confused by, turns out he had so much savings that when he goes into a bank he gets invited to the second floor with a complimentary beverage. At that time as a student I had to go the teller to get £6 out of my bank!

He protected himself when we bought together until the point we got married but we’d been together for 6 years and had a child.....I’d protect. Your money op until your a few more years into a partnership

I'd also suggest sitting down together with a financial advisor to work out how best to achieve your goals.

And a solicitor for the will

Don't tell him and don't get married would be my advice. If you do get married then at the very least take legal advice to protect your pre-marital assets. Pre-nups don't officially exist in UK of course so nothing is guaranteed but there are other steps you can take

Are you both female? Or are you a man?

I’d tell her personally but then in our marriage we have joint finances so that means complete transparency. No hiding money.

OP referred to partner as her, not him.

Not they it matters before I get jumped on but I get confused in some threads