Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Sick of partner peeing everywhere and not wiping ot up. AIBU to shame him and tell his mum?

241 replies

Sophie1029734 · 17/08/2021 07:47

This sounds like a joke question and I wish it was 😑. He gets up for work and leaves. When I'm half asleep and sit on the toilet I sit and get sticky dried pee on my leg and ass. It drives me insane. I forget to check when I'm half asleep because Im a bit dazed. If he goes before bed and I wake to go the toilet, I get pee on me again. It's disgusting!!!!

I thought he was over it after I complained 100 times about it. I'm sick of it. I'm constantly cleaning the toilet after him, disinfecting, mopping the floor. Our little girl Is 18m, I dont want her sitting in his pee when she does potty training.

I'm so angry about it, I dont understand the logic in not wiping after yourself. Did his mum/dad not teach him to wipe after himself or is this an individual problem?

After so long of asking him to clean after himself and no results, I'm tempted message his mum and shame him about it. He said dont you dare message her theres no need, but I think there is considering hes still doing it? I feel like in treating him like a child but what real man does this.

I'm even tempted to start peeing a bit on the seat before he goes so he can experience the pure horror of realising theres pee on you. Just to get it in his brain how gross it is and maybe get him thinking about wiping.
Is this too far. Aibu

OP posts:
LoislovesStewie · 18/08/2021 08:50

Moonmelodies they must have ginormous tackle then if the penis hangs in the water! I've just inspected our loos and don't think that would happen here!

Moonmelodies · 18/08/2021 09:19

@LoislovesStewie

Moonmelodies they must have ginormous tackle then if the penis hangs in the water! I've just inspected our loos and don't think that would happen here!
If you look down it would only need to be 12-15cms or so. Don't forget some older men have really long sacs as well.
Penistoe · 18/08/2021 09:29

I would tell him it makes him less attractive and is becoming a deal breaker.

LoislovesStewie · 18/08/2021 09:30

Nope; have just measured(yes, really) and it's 25 cm from loo seat to water.

Pinkbonbon · 18/08/2021 09:38

@Ragwort

He doesn't care and won't change - well make plans to leave him then, unless you want to be cleaning toilet seats for the rest of your life.
This.

Stop fighting for respect from a man who thinks so little of you. People respect you or they don't. You cant educate it into them. He knows it upsets you, he just doesn't care. Willing to bet he is passive aggressive in many other ways too if you sat back and looked.

Phone his mum. Tell her he is moving home.

Moonmelodies · 18/08/2021 10:36

@LoislovesStewie

Nope; have just measured(yes, really) and it's 25 cm from loo seat to water.
Some have higher water than others. And longer penises!
LoislovesStewie · 18/08/2021 11:16

Well, if they get wet willies, they will learn quicker!

Worldgonecrazy · 18/08/2021 15:11

He truly believes it is your job to clean up his piss.

He has no respect for you at all.

Do yourself a favour and get rid of him now rather than hanging on, hoping he will change, and making that decision in 15 years time.

Cut your losses and run, and find a man who thinks of you as a human being.

This is not just about pee on a seat, it’s about the foundation your relationship is built upon.

MightyFishwife · 18/08/2021 15:24

OP, my dad used to do this. He never changed - my mum spent decades cleaning up piss off the floor and seat, and brushing away huge clogs of shit from the bowl.

We'd get piss on our socks, clothes, legs, feet, hands (from putting the seat up and down) and sometimes even shit. The room stank.

And then, when I moved out and he came to visit, he did the same to me. He was asked thousands of times over the years, and I ended up banning him from using the toilet at mine - I made him go to the communal ones in our building.

We're no contact now, and he and Mum are divorced. I couldn't bear the lack of respect. It's a power play, and a disgusting one, and you and your baby deserve so much more than this health hazard-creating fucking man-baby.

Lose the bastard, and find someone who respects you - or just live peacefully with your child. Anything is better than this.

Scoobydoobywho · 18/08/2021 15:32

I wouldn't accept this from my d.s 5, let alone a supposedly grown ass adult.

Tealwarrior · 18/08/2021 15:33

Some have higher water than others. And longer penises!

I think your confusing a WC with a bidet and blokes who are a bit more endowed than the average bloke with King Kong.

Tealwarrior · 18/08/2021 15:35

OP, my dad used to do this. He never changed - my mum spent decades cleaning up piss off the floor and seat, and brushing away huge clogs of shit from the bowl

Your poor mum. She should have taken the loo brush, rammed it up his backside and made toffee apple out of him.

billy1966 · 18/08/2021 15:39

@MightyFishwife

OP, my dad used to do this. He never changed - my mum spent decades cleaning up piss off the floor and seat, and brushing away huge clogs of shit from the bowl.

We'd get piss on our socks, clothes, legs, feet, hands (from putting the seat up and down) and sometimes even shit. The room stank.

And then, when I moved out and he came to visit, he did the same to me. He was asked thousands of times over the years, and I ended up banning him from using the toilet at mine - I made him go to the communal ones in our building.

We're no contact now, and he and Mum are divorced. I couldn't bear the lack of respect. It's a power play, and a disgusting one, and you and your baby deserve so much more than this health hazard-creating fucking man-baby.

Lose the bastard, and find someone who respects you - or just live peacefully with your child. Anything is better than this.

Absolutely a power play.

My 3 year olds, when they were trained, never, ever did this.

If it had happened, it would have been explained to them, not to do it.

If it continued, they would have had me calling them and standing over them as they cleaned it up.

It's basic hygiene.

Only abusive men would pursue such disrespectful, controlling, deliberate behaviour.

MightyFishwife · 18/08/2021 15:46

@Tealwarrior

OP, my dad used to do this. He never changed - my mum spent decades cleaning up piss off the floor and seat, and brushing away huge clogs of shit from the bowl

Your poor mum. She should have taken the loo brush, rammed it up his backside and made toffee apple out of him.

It wore her down. She spent years not wanting to believe what was there in front of her: that he didn't respect her, and that having her clean up his bodily fluids was how he wanted them to live.

It's grotesque, and she's so much happier without him. We both are.

LagunaBubbles · 18/08/2021 15:47

Do you think it's a lack of being taught it's wrong as a child, or is it laziness or a habit hes developed?

It doesn't matter, he's not listening to you and that's more of a problem.

DysmalRadius · 18/08/2021 15:55

Don't forget some men cannot sit down to wee because their parts would hang in the water.

Better to get your own bits in clean water than make someone else sit in your wee though!

CharityDingle · 18/08/2021 23:41

@Worldgonecrazy

He truly believes it is your job to clean up his piss.

He has no respect for you at all.

Do yourself a favour and get rid of him now rather than hanging on, hoping he will change, and making that decision in 15 years time.

Cut your losses and run, and find a man who thinks of you as a human being.

This is not just about pee on a seat, it’s about the foundation your relationship is built upon.

Exactly.

Get rid.

FavouriteMug · 18/08/2021 23:46

Take a photo of the piss then upload to Facebook tagging him in.

Every Single Time

miltonj · 18/08/2021 23:58

It's gross and disrespectful.

Don't involve his mum though. He's not another woman's responsibility either. Also he's not ten (though he may be acting like it). So involving his mum in your marriage is not a good idea, and potentially damaging to your relationship going forward.

A he usually a reasonable man? Will he listen if he knows you're serious? If all else fails, maybe you should wee all over the floor and seat every night, that might drive it home GrinGrin

miltonj · 19/08/2021 00:03

After reading a few updates.... I'd just think about breaking up. That may seem extreme but it implies his attitude towards you. You want to be with a man, not a child in the middle of potty training. A man who puts his wife and kids first snd cates about being the best person he can be for them. Not someone who consistently wees on the floor despite being begged not to.

Newestname001 · 19/08/2021 04:00

@NoNotYou

Can you afford to have a separate toilet built?
Easier to stop living with the dirty sod! 🤢

He really doesn't care about you or, by extension, your daughter OP. He obviously had no respect for his mother either if he regularly did this when living with her.

I wonder if she had the same problem with his father? 🌹

clarkkentsglasses · 19/08/2021 04:05

God this always hammers it home how I need to raise my son. I PROMISE I will teach my son this is NOT ok.

Tealwarrior · 19/08/2021 11:45

It's grotesque, and she's so much happier without him. We both are

I understand that feeling well as do my children.

Life is way too short to wait for someone to see sense or change in order to get your happy ending. It’s far better to do what you and your mum did, as did we, and make your own happy ending.

A big hug and all the very best to you and your mum.

ThePluckOfTheCoward · 20/08/2021 09:00

Do you think it's a lack of being taught it's wrong as a child, or is it laziness or a habit he's developed?

Who knows, who cares. It could be for those reasons or it could be that he is just crap at aiming or that he is some sort of pee fetishist that gets his kicks from knowing others will sit in his piss, or maybe he thick.

The point is you have pointed it out to him and asked him to stop and explained why it's so disgusting and disrespectful leaving his piss all over a toilet that others use, but he doesn't care. He is revolting and behaves like a dog pissing everywhere. Why, oh why, would you want to live with a filthy piss ridden dog?

Newestname001 · 20/08/2021 10:39

He is revolting and behaves like a dog pissing everywhere. Why, oh why, would you want to live with a filthy piss ridden dog?

Or worse, a human being who's supposed to have cognitive function who has not a single scrap of respect for his partner? 🌹