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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Sick of partner peeing everywhere and not wiping ot up. AIBU to shame him and tell his mum?

241 replies

Sophie1029734 · 17/08/2021 07:47

This sounds like a joke question and I wish it was 😑. He gets up for work and leaves. When I'm half asleep and sit on the toilet I sit and get sticky dried pee on my leg and ass. It drives me insane. I forget to check when I'm half asleep because Im a bit dazed. If he goes before bed and I wake to go the toilet, I get pee on me again. It's disgusting!!!!

I thought he was over it after I complained 100 times about it. I'm sick of it. I'm constantly cleaning the toilet after him, disinfecting, mopping the floor. Our little girl Is 18m, I dont want her sitting in his pee when she does potty training.

I'm so angry about it, I dont understand the logic in not wiping after yourself. Did his mum/dad not teach him to wipe after himself or is this an individual problem?

After so long of asking him to clean after himself and no results, I'm tempted message his mum and shame him about it. He said dont you dare message her theres no need, but I think there is considering hes still doing it? I feel like in treating him like a child but what real man does this.

I'm even tempted to start peeing a bit on the seat before he goes so he can experience the pure horror of realising theres pee on you. Just to get it in his brain how gross it is and maybe get him thinking about wiping.
Is this too far. Aibu

OP posts:

ReallyNeedToPrioritiseMe · 17/08/2021 07:50

Why on earth are you thinking about telling his mum?

icelollycraving · 17/08/2021 07:50

Tell his mum? That is a really odd thing to do.
Yanbu to find this disgusting though.

UnGoogled · 17/08/2021 07:51

Dear lord. I couldn't live with such a subpar human being. That's revolting.

2andahalfpints · 17/08/2021 07:52

I grew up with two brothers - this was life with them 🤮 I have a sit down rule at mine, 1 son and dh - they manage and are used to it now. I can't understand why men have to stand and pee anyway

Original poster

Sophie1029734 · 17/08/2021 07:52

It's to shame him really, I feel like I dont know what else to do. If hes alright doing it and sees no issue, why does he care if I complain about it. I've told him how gross it is, to stop it etc I just want it to end and it's the last way to get him to think about how gross it really is

OP posts:

ScaredOfDinosaurs · 17/08/2021 07:53

Not unreasonable at all to be very annoyed. And if you have tried all reasonable ways to get him to stop then I don't think you will be unreasonable to escalate your response.

I wouldn't return fire by weeing on the seat yourself because that just gives him a way out to say you are just as bad.

I'd threaten to use his clothes to wipe it up. Then actually do it if he failed to heed the threat... "Oh are your clothes covered in piss? SO ARE MINE! Grim isn't it? "

grapewine · 17/08/2021 07:53

What's his mum got to do with it? It's disgusting, and I would be asking him why he has so little respect for you.

Sleepyquest · 17/08/2021 07:54

Do you have a second toilet OP? If so, I'd tell him he has his own now. I wouldn't tell his mum because it will make your relationship awkward.

BananaMilkshakeWithCream · 17/08/2021 07:56

That’s so gross 🤮 My DH is fine with wee but it’s the skiddies, now I just march him back in there every time I find one. I’m not cleaning up his poo! You need to do something similar, you’re not a maid.

NewlyGranny · 17/08/2021 07:58

If he can't aim accurately, he needs to sit down to wee, tucking his penis down. German men do this routinely, apparently. I'm not sure, but I think they sit astride the toilet bowl, facing the cistern.

Why is he not lifting the seat at least?! Men's wee smells rank from testosterone or something. He is an inconsiderate bust dart!

YouJustDoYou · 17/08/2021 07:59

My son used to do this all the time, it was disgusting so we now have a sit down to pee rule. Husband also used to get pee over the floor sometimes and would just LEAVE it 🤮 so I told him he needed to clean up his urine as I wasn't his maid nor was I his mother and how it made me feel like he was some toddler incapable of cleaning up his own mess. No wee gets anywhere now. I can understand why you'd want to tell his mum,but you yourself need to demand something changes or the grossness will just continue. Urgh, it's so deeply disgusting and unattractive, why on earth are boys taught to pee standing up?

spotcheck · 17/08/2021 08:00

So, he feels entitled to you cleaning up after him, with absolutely no shame?
And doesn't care that he leaves the toilet dirty, when you have a small child?

I think his parents raised him to have no manners/ no respect.

Have you sat down, looked him in the eye and asked him if he feels that you should clean his piss?

user1471457751 · 17/08/2021 08:01

It's got nothing to do with his mum. Why do some women, when pissed off with their male partner, think the appropriate response is to involve his mum? Men are responsible for their own bloody actions.

Seeleyboo · 17/08/2021 08:03

@2andahalfpints I'm with you on this one. Raised 2 sons to sit down. DH always sits. Why do they stand.

MrsBertBibby · 17/08/2021 08:04

All boys and OH pee sitting down in this house. It's normal at home, surely?

Iggly · 17/08/2021 08:06

Tell him you don’t find it attractive and you don’t want sex with him as he’s nasty.

PixiKitKat · 17/08/2021 08:06

I grew up with brothers who did this and also not flushing the toilet after a poo

So grateful my husband is able to manage the simple task of not pissing all over the toilet and flushing.
The odd time he leaves skiddys I shame him to try stop him doing it again. I don't know what else you could do, I love the suggestion of using his clothes to wipe it up though!

girlmom21 · 17/08/2021 08:06

It's disgusting and he needs to grow up but telling his mom is unnecessary...

Original poster

Sophie1029734 · 17/08/2021 08:07

I've told him so many times, told him how its unfair on me and soon to be on our little girl. That he isnt a child, I'm not his personal maid, I'm not a slave. Everything. He doesnt care and wont change. On rare occasions he will wipe the toilet down for a day or 2 after but go back to doing it. This is why Im tempted on makeing a bigger statement to get it through to him how gross it is. It's the one thing that's drives me insane, I just dont get it.

OP posts:

Ragwort · 17/08/2021 08:07

Has he always done this ....? And if so why did you put up with and presumably have sex with him and have a child together?

I have a DH & a 20 year old DS & have never experienced this.

I would seriously question whether I could stay with someone who has so little respect for you.

Original poster

Sophie1029734 · 17/08/2021 08:08

I wont tell tell his mum as itll probabaly be an awwaurd conversation, but what else can I do 😭

OP posts:

Hercisback · 17/08/2021 08:09

Is it part of a wide pattern of behaviour where he doesn't listen to you?

Hekatestorch · 17/08/2021 08:09

This sounds like there's very much a dynamic of adult/child between you.

'Tell your mum' is something a teacher would do.

If someone told me that about ds when he is an adult my response would be 'that's grim. He always was taught to ensure the toilet was clean at homre, dint know why he is being like that now. But why are you telling me?'

What exactly do you expect her to do?

Ragwort · 17/08/2021 08:09

He doesn't care and won't change - well make plans to leave him then, unless you want to be cleaning toilet seats for the rest of your life.

Original poster

Sophie1029734 · 17/08/2021 08:10

Lived at his mums for a while, 2 other brothers who do it. In the mornings there would be puddles worth of pee on the floor and the toilet seat would be soaked . I thought he was the one who didnt do it because he was apparently clean. Come to relise it was him and another the third didnt do that.

OP posts:

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