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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Sick of partner peeing everywhere and not wiping ot up. AIBU to shame him and tell his mum?

241 replies

Sophie1029734 · 17/08/2021 07:47

This sounds like a joke question and I wish it was 😑. He gets up for work and leaves. When I'm half asleep and sit on the toilet I sit and get sticky dried pee on my leg and ass. It drives me insane. I forget to check when I'm half asleep because Im a bit dazed. If he goes before bed and I wake to go the toilet, I get pee on me again. It's disgusting!!!!

I thought he was over it after I complained 100 times about it. I'm sick of it. I'm constantly cleaning the toilet after him, disinfecting, mopping the floor. Our little girl Is 18m, I dont want her sitting in his pee when she does potty training.

I'm so angry about it, I dont understand the logic in not wiping after yourself. Did his mum/dad not teach him to wipe after himself or is this an individual problem?

After so long of asking him to clean after himself and no results, I'm tempted message his mum and shame him about it. He said dont you dare message her theres no need, but I think there is considering hes still doing it? I feel like in treating him like a child but what real man does this.

I'm even tempted to start peeing a bit on the seat before he goes so he can experience the pure horror of realising theres pee on you. Just to get it in his brain how gross it is and maybe get him thinking about wiping.
Is this too far. Aibu

OP posts:
Idontbelieveit14 · 17/08/2021 23:05

Get him to sit down, I have two sons who sit and never have this problem

sbhydrogen · 17/08/2021 23:20

This would drive me insane. I'm so glad my DH sits down to pee.

"I'd threaten to use his clothes to wipe it up. Then actually do it if he failed to heed the threat... "Oh are your clothes covered in piss? SO ARE MINE! Grim isn't it? "

An excellent suggestion 😊

Pastrydame · 17/08/2021 23:29

If this happens in our house all the penis-owners blame each other. Angry
I'd be mortified if I left some period blood on the seat. I don't think my dh "does" mortified.

violetbunny · 18/08/2021 01:33

I'd not only tell his mum, I'd post it on bloody Facebook.
Disgusting.

FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop · 18/08/2021 01:34

That's fucking disgusting.

I bet he doesn't do it at work

LoveFall · 18/08/2021 01:46

There was a sign in our office stalls that said, "If you sprinkle when you tinkle, please be neat and wipe the seat." Maybe you need one of those?

Seriously though, you really need to impress upon him how upsetting it is for you. It really is gross. And very poor manners. Having been the only woman in a household of 2 DS and DH, I know how grungy the floor around the toilet can get.

Magspy · 18/08/2021 01:57

Why do you blame his mum and not his dad? That'll be who taught him to pee, if anyone. Anyway, his mum can't do anything unless she lives with you and is capable of physically overpowering him.

You say he's told you NOT to tell his mum, so I assume he's well aware of the problem but will not do anything to fix it? He is the only one who can fix it, and very easily too.

Put a lock on the bathroom door and make him promise to clean up after himself before you let him. Inspect when he leaves. Tell him that after three months of consistent good behaviour you'll give him his own key or remove the lock.

Marshmallow91 · 18/08/2021 02:01

My partner did this at first. I used to just wipe the seat when I went but I got so irritated by it I developed a habit of shouting "UGH that's disgusting there's pee on the toilet seat AGAIN' and get him to go through and wipe it every single time, no matter how busy he was, nor matter if it would be make him late etc. Its been years now since I've done it because he now does it automatically.

Yes I shouldn't have had to do it, but he was a wonderful partner otherwise and now is also a wonderful father to our little girl.

Hawkaye · 18/08/2021 02:27

You have a daughter now. You are really really really the only person who could save her from sticky toilet seat. Time to stop faffing about and bring out the big guns.
There have been lots of ideas here. I personally prefer those of locking up the keys to the toilet and LT dirty B.

Also consider adding an additional toilet to your current dwelling which only he would use and clean. I guess after an attempt at number 2 on a few "tinkles" he'll quickly learn to clean up after himself.
🤢

junebirthdaygirl · 18/08/2021 05:14

Live with dh and 2 ds for years. Never had this even once. Even when they were much younger. Is he doing this deliberately? This may have been discussed already.

lifehappened · 18/08/2021 06:05

My 3 year old does this

Mybalconyiscracking · 18/08/2021 06:46

DH has always sat down, bless him! Never understood the macho, alpha male thing of peeing standing up.

Moonmelodies · 18/08/2021 06:49

@Mybalconyiscracking

DH has always sat down, bless him! Never understood the macho, alpha male thing of peeing standing up.
Some men can't sit down to pee because their parts hang in the water.
Shoxfordian · 18/08/2021 06:50

Is he disgusting like this in other ways as well? He has no respect for you

kaleidoscopeheartless · 18/08/2021 06:53

Is he not lifting the seat up to pee? lol

Bancha · 18/08/2021 07:00

I’m really surprised reading some of these comments, with different ideas about how you can make him stop. He doesn’t want to stop. He knows it upsets you. He knows it’s disgusting. He just doesn’t care. He doesn’t want to wipe it up himself, he thinks it’s your job to do it for him. It’s beneath him, but not beneath you. He doesn’t have any respect for you, or for his daughter, or for women in general. For me, this is a total non-starter. If it were me, he’d come home to find the locks changed. He’s absolutely vile.

newstart1337 · 18/08/2021 07:02

Why dont you leave the toilet seat up, solves the problem instantly?

That means no pee on the seat but also give him a larger area to hit the target. Its not rocket science.

Sadiecow · 18/08/2021 07:05

@newstart1337

Why dont you leave the toilet seat up, solves the problem instantly?

That means no pee on the seat but also give him a larger area to hit the target. Its not rocket science.

Or he could just lift it up himself?

Imagine that, him being all self sufficient like that!

Manzanilla55 · 18/08/2021 07:13

It is the mothers fault. We have to bring up boys to wipe the seat after and to never leave a mess.

That said he is a grown man and should know how to conduct himself by now.

MrsSkylerWhite · 18/08/2021 07:15

Manzanilla55

It is the mothers fault. We have to bring up boys to wipe the seat after and to never leave a mess.”

Mother’s, usually, don’t have a penis. Fathers, usually, do. Go figure.

HelenHywater · 18/08/2021 07:16

@Manzanilla55

It is the mothers fault. We have to bring up boys to wipe the seat after and to never leave a mess.

That said he is a grown man and should know how to conduct himself by now.

It's not the mother's fault ffs. He's a grown man who presumably holds down a job and has produced a child. He chooses not to wipe up after himself. It shows his level of respect for the OP.

My sons don't pee on the seat, they manage to pee in the loo.

sallievp · 18/08/2021 07:16

That's the biggest turn off ever!

Sadiecow · 18/08/2021 07:17

@Manzanilla55

It is the mothers fault. We have to bring up boys to wipe the seat after and to never leave a mess.

That said he is a grown man and should know how to conduct himself by now.

GrinGrinGrinGrin
NotMaryWhitehouse · 18/08/2021 07:18

@Bancha

I’m really surprised reading some of these comments, with different ideas about how you can make him stop. He doesn’t want to stop. He knows it upsets you. He knows it’s disgusting. He just doesn’t care. He doesn’t want to wipe it up himself, he thinks it’s your job to do it for him. It’s beneath him, but not beneath you. He doesn’t have any respect for you, or for his daughter, or for women in general. For me, this is a total non-starter. If it were me, he’d come home to find the locks changed. He’s absolutely vile.
I couldn't agree more. My husband has done this ONCE in 8 years when he was half asleep and I'm when I pointed it out to him he was absolutely mortified and immediately cleaned it up. It's so disrespectful to you OP.
billy1966 · 18/08/2021 08:18

@Bancha

I’m really surprised reading some of these comments, with different ideas about how you can make him stop. He doesn’t want to stop. He knows it upsets you. He knows it’s disgusting. He just doesn’t care. He doesn’t want to wipe it up himself, he thinks it’s your job to do it for him. It’s beneath him, but not beneath you. He doesn’t have any respect for you, or for his daughter, or for women in general. For me, this is a total non-starter. If it were me, he’d come home to find the locks changed. He’s absolutely vile.
Completely correct.

How someone wouldn't realise this was unbelievable the FIRST time it happened is beyond me.