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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Sick of partner peeing everywhere and not wiping ot up. AIBU to shame him and tell his mum?

241 replies

Sophie1029734 · 17/08/2021 07:47

This sounds like a joke question and I wish it was 😑. He gets up for work and leaves. When I'm half asleep and sit on the toilet I sit and get sticky dried pee on my leg and ass. It drives me insane. I forget to check when I'm half asleep because Im a bit dazed. If he goes before bed and I wake to go the toilet, I get pee on me again. It's disgusting!!!!

I thought he was over it after I complained 100 times about it. I'm sick of it. I'm constantly cleaning the toilet after him, disinfecting, mopping the floor. Our little girl Is 18m, I dont want her sitting in his pee when she does potty training.

I'm so angry about it, I dont understand the logic in not wiping after yourself. Did his mum/dad not teach him to wipe after himself or is this an individual problem?

After so long of asking him to clean after himself and no results, I'm tempted message his mum and shame him about it. He said dont you dare message her theres no need, but I think there is considering hes still doing it? I feel like in treating him like a child but what real man does this.

I'm even tempted to start peeing a bit on the seat before he goes so he can experience the pure horror of realising theres pee on you. Just to get it in his brain how gross it is and maybe get him thinking about wiping.
Is this too far. Aibu

OP posts:
Feedingthebirds1 · 17/08/2021 11:52

Make him read this She divorced me because I left dishes by the sink and substitute the dishes for leaving pee everywhere. This is about respect for other people and he's not showing any.

Marmelace · 17/08/2021 12:00

Nevermind the weirdness about telling his mum, how can you stomach being with such a gross man, ew ew ew

PurpleVerbena · 17/08/2021 12:07

This is quite disgusting, OP. I hardly ever venture into my DH's bathroom, but on the odd occasion I do, I am horrified to see the loo when he has left the lid up. Seat covered in urine, loo very murky, and just not very pleasant at all. Why oh why do they do it and not clean it up? I do point out to him how dirty it is and where the cleaning materials are, but to no avail. It's infuriating.

PercyPiginaWig · 17/08/2021 12:12

@Sophie1029734

Do you think it's a lack of being taught it's wrong as a child, or is it laziness or a habit hes developed?
Unless he has developed the habit very recently then I can't understand why you have stayed with him and had a child with him.

I mean if I stayed over at a guy's house and there was pee on the loo seat as a one off I might have shrugged it off but if it were regular I wouldn't have been able to find him sexually attractive. So it wouldn't have gone this far.

As for what you do now then yes you could use his clothes to wipe it but presumably then the clothes would need to go somewhere that you couldn't smell them stinking of pee all day.
His parents may have failed him by not teaching basic hygiene but he's an adult now, it's really disgusting.

catfunk · 17/08/2021 12:24

Why are you cleaning up after him? March him back in there with a cloth, every. Single, time.

If he refuses say 'ok so you are actually expecting me to mop up your piss'?

If he days 'yes I am' then leave.

Alonelonelyloner · 17/08/2021 13:02

urgh, this is disgusting. My three sons managed to stop doing this by the time they were 5 or so. It is unnecessary and as above, just a sign of both disrespect and laziness.
My DP sits down to pee and my youngest does. But even if they didn't they'd at least be able to aim. What a rude dumbass your man is.

Applecrumbles · 17/08/2021 13:54

I have the very same disgusting issue. I am at my wits end. I have been complaining about this for years. it must be because he was not taught.

But complaining to his mother suggests that you are criticising her parenting (even though justified) and could potemtially cause issues in your relationships with him and her and between them.

I clearly have no solutions unless i would not ne in the same boat. Just wishing you luck. please do let us know if any of the suggestions work.

diddl · 17/08/2021 14:10

"I have been complaining about this for years. it must be because he was not taught."

It's unlikely that he hasn't been taught!

Even if he hasn't surely as an adult he can work out that whatever he doesn't get in the toilet he then cleans up?

Well, you've told him-he doesn't even need to work it out!

He doesn't care.

ReallyNeedToPrioritiseMe · 17/08/2021 14:16

You can’t seriously blame his mum.
She’ll have toilet trained him as a toddler - only when he’s growing up is he going to be standing up to pee.

Maybe she had to clean up after him. Maybe she lost it with him too.

They stop listening when they’re teenagers and they definitely don’t listen to their mum.

It’s him that’s choosing to do this, behaving like a slob.

Seriously why do mums get blamed for everything?

Applecrumbles · 17/08/2021 14:29

Nah sorry I may not be able to speak for everyone, but I can certainly speak for his parents!!!!!!

There are a few things that he was definitely taught others I am certain were not on the curriculum!!! This is one of them.

OhCobblers · 17/08/2021 14:33

I marched my teenager back into the bathroom the other day when he had done this (happens rarely).
Reminded him where the clean materials are and that I would be back in 5 to inspect.
I don't expect to do this on a regular basis with my teenager- I definitely don't and wouldn't with my husband.

I would leave - it really is that simple. He has zero respect for you.

StrictlyAFemaleFemale · 17/08/2021 17:53

Im having a flashback to one of the first threads I ever read on mn. A woman so frustrated with her dp peeed in a jug and poured it over him while he was asleep in bed. Does anyone else remember it? She'd done a really big wee.

Returnoftheowl · 17/08/2021 18:00

@user1471457751

It's got nothing to do with his mum. Why do some women, when pissed off with their male partner, think the appropriate response is to involve his mum? Men are responsible for their own bloody actions.
Absolutely this! He is a grown man. His mum isn't responsible for him.

Why does he get to be absolved of responsibility for his own actions, while the responsibility gets passed onto another women.

Ragwort · 17/08/2021 18:01

Apple seriously, why do you put up with it if it's being going on 'for years'? Do you honestly want to share a bed/ have sex with a man who pees all over the toilet seat? It must surely be a huge turn off.

MrsSkylerWhite · 17/08/2021 20:04

Outbutnotoutout

My partner sits to pee

I don't understand why all men don't to be honest.

I would use his clothes to clean up!!!

It's a statement, you don't respect me, I will use your clothes.“

Not really. The statement ought to be, here are your clothes, clean up your own pee.

Sn0tnose · 17/08/2021 20:30

I also wouldn’t involve his mum, simply because it’s not her fault. I very much doubt he’s not capable of using a toilet properly. If he went to his bosses house for dinner, do you think he’d expect them to clean up his piss? Of course not. He’s doing it because he doesn’t have enough respect for you not to do it. And, so far, the only consequences have been that you yell at him, and then go back to cleaning it up for him after a couple of days.

In your position I’d sit him down and ask him if it was a medical problem, in which case he needs to book a doctor’s appointment as it’s affecting your relationship, or is it simply that he never learned how to use a toilet properly, in which case he needs to learn because you don’t find untoilet trained adults sexually attractive. In fact, an adult who can’t use the toilet properly makes your vagina want to clamp shut. And no sane adult wants to be with someone who isn’t toilet trained. And if he can’t be bothered to change his ways, then you need to consider whether you want to stay in a relationship with someone who thinks so little of you.

rothbury · 17/08/2021 20:54

Its because he doesnt respect you. Thats it. Thats the whole reason.

Seriously OP where is your self esteem? You either wipe this blokes piss off your body for the rest of your life or you dump him. If you choose option 1 you probably need some kind of counselling.

gigi556 · 17/08/2021 21:01

Can you put loads of post it note reminders all over the bathroom?

StoneofDestiny · 17/08/2021 21:44

LTB

IsThePopeCatholic · 17/08/2021 21:49

Does he disrespect you in other ways? He sounds gross. I couldn’t bear to live with someone who cares so little about how I feel.

IsThePopeCatholic · 17/08/2021 21:53

@Applecrumbles

I have the very same disgusting issue. I am at my wits end. I have been complaining about this for years. it must be because he was not taught.

But complaining to his mother suggests that you are criticising her parenting (even though justified) and could potemtially cause issues in your relationships with him and her and between them.

I clearly have no solutions unless i would not ne in the same boat. Just wishing you luck. please do let us know if any of the suggestions work.

Are you kidding? Why are so many women putting up with this kind of shit? It shows a complete lack of respect from their partners. challenge, complain, get angry, and don’t accept this appalling behaviour.
Plumtree391 · 17/08/2021 22:06

I wouldn't tell his mum but I would make a song and dance about him lifting the seat when he pees and making sure his aim is accurate. It's not rocket science and I agree it's horrible not to do that.

Sadiecow · 17/08/2021 22:51

I am disgusted at the amount of women on here blaming their revolting partners pissing on the floor or toiletries seat, on the fact that the "mums" didn't teach them properly!

Not the dads, the mums! Yes both parents can direct, but it's not an excuse to piss on the floor etc had you not been "taught", it's not ingrained behaviour and is easily remedied in o e accident. Oh you pissed on the floor etc, wipe it up!

Why is OH telling his mum and not his dad?

If this was a female and she didn't dispose of sanitary items hygienically, would a DH be approaching her father about the issue?

Also the ones saying "I've insisted they sit down", I've been married for 34 years and have two adult DS, who apart from early years, all manage to stand up and pee directly into that massive target and not on the floor or seat or anywhere else.

I would not been interested in a man that missed the target, then expected me to clear up his piss! He would not have been a husband candidate.

And also my parents didn't teach me a lot of things, but I have the intelligence, respect and understanding to know right from wrong anyway.

Every "wife" or "partner" who is excusing their OH, is letting themselves down.

dunkaccino · 17/08/2021 22:57

Use his pillow to mop it up and make him sleep in the spare room.

Or threaten to photograph and put it on facebook (works a treat with the kids)

bigbaggyeyes · 17/08/2021 23:01

Do you have a second toilet? I'd tell him he's only to use this one. If not, I'd buy him a porta potty and put it in the shed or Garage and tell him to use that if he's incapable of peeing like an adult