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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Sick of partner peeing everywhere and not wiping ot up. AIBU to shame him and tell his mum?

241 replies

Sophie1029734 · 17/08/2021 07:47

This sounds like a joke question and I wish it was 😑. He gets up for work and leaves. When I'm half asleep and sit on the toilet I sit and get sticky dried pee on my leg and ass. It drives me insane. I forget to check when I'm half asleep because Im a bit dazed. If he goes before bed and I wake to go the toilet, I get pee on me again. It's disgusting!!!!

I thought he was over it after I complained 100 times about it. I'm sick of it. I'm constantly cleaning the toilet after him, disinfecting, mopping the floor. Our little girl Is 18m, I dont want her sitting in his pee when she does potty training.

I'm so angry about it, I dont understand the logic in not wiping after yourself. Did his mum/dad not teach him to wipe after himself or is this an individual problem?

After so long of asking him to clean after himself and no results, I'm tempted message his mum and shame him about it. He said dont you dare message her theres no need, but I think there is considering hes still doing it? I feel like in treating him like a child but what real man does this.

I'm even tempted to start peeing a bit on the seat before he goes so he can experience the pure horror of realising theres pee on you. Just to get it in his brain how gross it is and maybe get him thinking about wiping.
Is this too far. Aibu

OP posts:
girlmom21 · 17/08/2021 08:10

@Sophie1029734

I wont tell tell his mum as itll probabaly be an awwaurd conversation, but what else can I do 😭
Tell him you refuse to be treated with no little respect - because that's exactly what it is when he's expecting you to clean up his piss! - and that he can start to clean up after himself or can leave.
CaptainMyCaptain · 17/08/2021 08:10

Presumably his Mum brought him up to believe that this was not his problem. She'd probably just shrug it off and it wouldn't shame him at all. I think you will have to deal with it yourself, can he, at least, lift the seat?

DismantledKing · 17/08/2021 08:10

I wouldn’t want to be in relationship with a dirty bastard like that. He obviously has no respect for you.

Indecisivelurcher · 17/08/2021 08:13

Show him this thread!
And send it to the daily fail!

Londonnight · 17/08/2021 08:15

I have 4 adult sons and have never experienced this with any of them.
He is disgusting!

ginghamstarfish · 17/08/2021 08:16

That would be a deal-breaker long before the stage of having a child together, sorry OP but that's vile, and he seems to have little respect for you. Decent men don't need to be told about stuff like this.

EnterFunnyNameHere · 17/08/2021 08:17

Well, I would absolutely not be having sex with him whilst it continued, and i'd be very clear on why not!

fhammock · 17/08/2021 08:17

My DS does this, he's 12 and has additional needs. Doesn't matter how many times we tell him to sit down, he never does. Every single time he does it I make him come back and clean it up. He hates it and kicks off about it- but he is capable of wiping it off, and that should not be something I have to do for him until he leaves home.

Original poster
Sophie1029734 · 17/08/2021 08:17

Do you think it's a lack of being taught it's wrong as a child, or is it laziness or a habit hes developed?

OP posts:
girlmom21 · 17/08/2021 08:20

@Sophie1029734

Do you think it's a lack of being taught it's wrong as a child, or is it laziness or a habit hes developed?
He's a grown man. He knows not to leave urine on the toilet seat or floor.

He wouldn't be happy if you did it or he came across it in a public toilet, because it's gross.

Sarahlou63 · 17/08/2021 08:20

Tell him you are going to use his work clothes to clean the loo. Or his toothbrush.

Or fit a lock on the bathroom door and make him piss outside.

GuyFawkesDay · 17/08/2021 08:22

I'd just tell him you will use his toothbrush to clean it up with. And if that disappears, his clothes.

No excuses. I have 2 chaps in the house and they both lift the seat and wipe up splashes!

DingDongDenny · 17/08/2021 08:22

I agree with the posters that say use his clothes to mop it up and also that I wouldn't have sex with a man child who can't mop up his own pee, so that would be off the cards until he grew up

urbanbuddha · 17/08/2021 08:23

I'd threaten to use his clothes to wipe it up. Then actually do it if he failed to heed the threat... "Oh are your clothes covered in piss? SO ARE MINE! Grim isn't it? "

Way to go.

Unanananana · 17/08/2021 08:24

@Sophie1029734

Do you think it's a lack of being taught it's wrong as a child, or is it laziness or a habit hes developed?
Its purely because he thinks YOU should be clearing it up. That is how much respect he has for you. How does that make you feel? Is that what you want your daughter to learn?

My 10 year old son clears up after himself. Your DP is rank.

How you can bear to have sex with someone who pees everywhere and has so little respect for you, I don't understand.

Tallaszara · 17/08/2021 08:25

It's absolutely disgusting op.

I grew up in a house with a dad and a brother and they never did this, even my brother who can be pretty gross never did this.

Dh and 2 sons now and no one does this either.

I have heard about other men doing it, it's not normal and it's not acceptable.

I can understand why you're on about telling his mum to shame him, but what is she going to do? Does he do this when he visits other people?

I'd be tempted to do as other people have said and start using his clothes to wipe it up.

Sadiecow · 17/08/2021 08:25

Don't tell his mum Until you've tried stopping his pocket money, screen time and putting him back in pull ups!

NoNotYou · 17/08/2021 08:26

Can you afford to have a separate toilet built?

2Rebecca · 17/08/2021 08:27

This is an easy thing to change which is antisocial and nasty. He chooses not to change it and expects you to be his unpaid cleaner. I'd be out of that relationship

Dragon50 · 17/08/2021 08:28

@Sophie1029734

Do you think it's a lack of being taught it's wrong as a child, or is it laziness or a habit hes developed?
Even if he hadn’t been taught as a child, adults can learn new things right?

You are making excuses for him and trying to blame another female.

More than anything else it’s a lack of respect for you and your child. He doesn’t give a shit if either of you sit in piss.

TheLovelinessOfDemons · 17/08/2021 08:29

First of all, why doesn't he lift the seat up? Confused

Tallaszara · 17/08/2021 08:29

If you say he did it living at his mums I can only assume she's either sick of telling him herself, or she just accepts cleaning up after him.

Ledkr · 17/08/2021 08:32

Why is he not at least lifting the seat to pee? Isn't that standard behaviour?
My 3 boys and my dh all lift the seat and put it down afterwards.

Whatafustercluck · 17/08/2021 08:32

I'm constantly cleaning the toilet after him, disinfecting, mopping the floor

Well, maybe get him to disinfect and mop the floor every time you notice it rather than clean up after him. If you treat him like a child he'll continue to act like one - and telling his mum definitely suggests he's already quite infantalised. Ds is 10. Every time he leaves rubbish lying around the house he's told to clear it up, same with plates, cups etc. When he's had to do it repeatedly, he gets the idea.

DismantledKing · 17/08/2021 08:32

@NoNotYou

Can you afford to have a separate toilet built?
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