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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Sick of partner peeing everywhere and not wiping ot up. AIBU to shame him and tell his mum?

241 replies

Sophie1029734 · 17/08/2021 07:47

This sounds like a joke question and I wish it was 😑. He gets up for work and leaves. When I'm half asleep and sit on the toilet I sit and get sticky dried pee on my leg and ass. It drives me insane. I forget to check when I'm half asleep because Im a bit dazed. If he goes before bed and I wake to go the toilet, I get pee on me again. It's disgusting!!!!

I thought he was over it after I complained 100 times about it. I'm sick of it. I'm constantly cleaning the toilet after him, disinfecting, mopping the floor. Our little girl Is 18m, I dont want her sitting in his pee when she does potty training.

I'm so angry about it, I dont understand the logic in not wiping after yourself. Did his mum/dad not teach him to wipe after himself or is this an individual problem?

After so long of asking him to clean after himself and no results, I'm tempted message his mum and shame him about it. He said dont you dare message her theres no need, but I think there is considering hes still doing it? I feel like in treating him like a child but what real man does this.

I'm even tempted to start peeing a bit on the seat before he goes so he can experience the pure horror of realising theres pee on you. Just to get it in his brain how gross it is and maybe get him thinking about wiping.
Is this too far. Aibu

OP posts:
godmum56 · 17/08/2021 08:52

that was a joke^ except of course if he behaves like a toddler why not treat him like one?

LittleMissDIY · 17/08/2021 08:53

JUST TELL HIM TO LIFE THE BLOODY SEAT LIKE ALL MEN DO IF THEY HAVE BEEN NROUGHT UP PROPERLY!

EmbarrassingAdmissions · 17/08/2021 08:55

Another one supporting every PP who's mentioned sit to pee - it's the only way.

lifeinlimbo2020 · 17/08/2021 08:56

@LittleMissDIY

JUST TELL HIM TO LIFE THE BLOODY SEAT LIKE ALL MEN DO IF THEY HAVE BEEN NROUGHT UP PROPERLY!
It will still be all over the actual toilet, down the sides and on the floor by the sounds of it - and just left. Filthy bastard.
Outbutnotoutout · 17/08/2021 08:56

My partner sits to pee

I don't understand why all men don't to be honest.

I would use his clothes to clean up!!!

It's a statement, you don't respect me, I will use your clothes.

FlowerArranger · 17/08/2021 08:57

@Ragwort

Has he always done this ....? And if so why did you put up with and presumably have sex with him and have a child together?

I have a DH & a 20 year old DS & have never experienced this.

I would seriously question whether I could stay with someone who has so little respect for you.

THIS ^

As you say, He doesnt care and wont change.

Walk.

FlowerArranger · 17/08/2021 08:59

@Sophie1029734

Do you think it's a lack of being taught it's wrong as a child, or is it laziness or a habit hes developed?
It's a lack of respect for you.

There is no cure.

Walkaround · 17/08/2021 09:05

Put a ping pong ball in the toilet with a smiley face on and tell him to aim for the ping pong ball, to improve his aim. If he behaves like a child, treat him like a child. If he keeps missing, suggest he visit the GP, as he has something physically wrong with him if he cannot direct his urine stream neatly. Also, remind him that a toilet seat is for sitting on, not pissing on, so he should not leave the seat down if pissing standing up. That way, you can succeed in your aim of shaming and embarrassing him without having to talk to his mother!

Moonmelodies · 17/08/2021 09:09

Don't forget some men cannot sit down to wee because their parts would hang in the water.

Cuddlyrottweiler · 17/08/2021 09:11

In the night, turn the light on and tell him to go clean his piss up.
I'd also tell every guest who asks to go to the loo "just be careful before you sit down DH always pisses everywhere and doesn't clean it up."

Sssloou · 17/08/2021 09:14

The OP has old him and told him until she is blue in the face.

He ignores her because he doesn’t respect her.

This is v v degrading behaviour.

It’s not forgetting to put lid back on toothpaste etc.

He knows it causes he physical and emotional distress.

He enjoys seeing her in distress.

She knows this.

Words are pointless.

She needs to take some actions.

Fiddliestofsticks · 17/08/2021 09:15

Why doesn't he lift the seat? Why aren't you answering that.

That's standard. I've never met a man who does not lift the seat.

Honestly, I think he is doing it on purpose. He's marking his territory every day as well as reminding you where you are in the hirearchy; at the bottom. It is your job to clean up his piss.

Fiddliestofsticks · 17/08/2021 09:16

(Just to he clear, I dont think that. It's what he thinks).

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 17/08/2021 09:17

Tell him to clean it up. Every time he does it.

Beyond gross.

TheFrogsAreDying · 17/08/2021 09:19

That’s pretty gross but not much point picking on his mum. Maybe suggest to him instead that you want to do a survey of all your friends on Facebook to see if their partners piss everywhere like yours does?

It’s gross and disgusting and shows what he thinks of you, completely disrespectful and enough to LTB. Of course he knows it too, he just doesn’t care since you’re on the same level as his piss, nothing more just someone to clean it up.

TheTallOakTrees · 17/08/2021 09:21

YANBU I have a 10 year old that does this and it's awful.

What a disgusting man, can't he sit down if his aim is so bad?

Hobbesmanc · 17/08/2021 09:22

Has he got a health issue? Like diabetes, balinitis or other foreskin issues? Has he got a prince Albert as those can make you squirt in all directions? Not that these would excuse weeing on the seat or not wiping. If you sprinkle when you tinkle, please be neat and wipe the seat!

ShinyGreenElephant · 17/08/2021 09:23

Wipe it up using his clothes only. Always his favourite stuff. Tell him that's what you're doing but don't tell him which shirts you used. I also wouldn't do anything at all for him, not one single thing. I would cook meals for everyone else in the house, pick his washing out and leave it in a heap when I did everyone else's and so on. Disgusting disrespect.

peridito · 17/08/2021 09:25

Why are so many people blaming his mother for not bringing him up correctly?

Ok I get it that a primary school age child might need reminding but really ,boys can't work it out themselves that leaving pee all over the seat isn't civilised behaviour?

averythinline · 17/08/2021 09:27

Its because he doesn't care about you and your child enough to do the most basic hygiene...

Its only to do with his mum because she raised him....it's nothing to do with her now . He won't be shamed by telling his mum as he doesn't really care about her either...

Look at what people do ...not what they say....

I wouldn't live with someone that thinks I'm worth less than their piss..

I wouldn't raise a child to think they are worth less than their dads piss..

If you think shame will change his behaviour maybe photo and post on Facebook/tiktok.. wherever the most amount of people will see it....but shame rarely changes behaviour...just makes people angry and defensive...

Either call him back to clean it everytime and train him (urgh how sexy)
Or just tell him your worth more than his piss and he can fuck off

peridito · 17/08/2021 09:27

And on the subject of why doesn't he raise the seat - the seat on our toilet won't stay up and comes crashing down .

I shall say no more about why this has not been remedied for fear of hijacking the thread but it does involve selfishness and oblivion .

georgarina · 17/08/2021 09:28

Why doesn't he care? That's what I don't understand

peridito · 17/08/2021 09:30

Nail on the head georgarina .Anyone know ?

BertramLacey · 17/08/2021 09:30

Do you think it's a lack of being taught it's wrong as a child, or is it laziness or a habit hes developed?

It's lazy and inconsiderate. Even if you weren't taught as a child, you'd work it out as an adult. You've told him repeatedly and he can't be bothered. What's he like otherwise? It seems difficult to believe that he is in all other ways loving, caring and respectful, but just has this one blind spot where he thinks you should mop up his piss.

If you didn't have a child together I'd say just leave, not because he pees on the toilet seat but because he doesn't respect you. With a child I'd say you seriously need to evaluate this relationship and see if it's falling down elsewhere, and keep all options on the table, including leaving him.

Ourlady · 17/08/2021 09:32

I would take photos if it's that bad you can actually see it (ughhh)
Get a few days worth, send them to him and say if he doesn't stop being such a dirty get you are go to send the photos to everyone who knows him!