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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Sick of partner peeing everywhere and not wiping ot up. AIBU to shame him and tell his mum?

241 replies

Sophie1029734 · 17/08/2021 07:47

This sounds like a joke question and I wish it was 😑. He gets up for work and leaves. When I'm half asleep and sit on the toilet I sit and get sticky dried pee on my leg and ass. It drives me insane. I forget to check when I'm half asleep because Im a bit dazed. If he goes before bed and I wake to go the toilet, I get pee on me again. It's disgusting!!!!

I thought he was over it after I complained 100 times about it. I'm sick of it. I'm constantly cleaning the toilet after him, disinfecting, mopping the floor. Our little girl Is 18m, I dont want her sitting in his pee when she does potty training.

I'm so angry about it, I dont understand the logic in not wiping after yourself. Did his mum/dad not teach him to wipe after himself or is this an individual problem?

After so long of asking him to clean after himself and no results, I'm tempted message his mum and shame him about it. He said dont you dare message her theres no need, but I think there is considering hes still doing it? I feel like in treating him like a child but what real man does this.

I'm even tempted to start peeing a bit on the seat before he goes so he can experience the pure horror of realising theres pee on you. Just to get it in his brain how gross it is and maybe get him thinking about wiping.
Is this too far. Aibu

OP posts:
Fernando072020 · 17/08/2021 08:33

My ex did this. It was vile. I would get up to pee in the middle of the night and always stood in a puddle of piss. I used to feel absolute rage with it. It's so disgusting.
I'm now married to a European... Whose men are taught to sit on the toilet. It's heaven!! Never a seat up, no pee anywhere, and a clean toilet.

Yanbu to be pissed off but I'm not sure what telling his mum is going to do? I think the real issue is bigger if he's not willing to change a certain (disgusting) behaviour to make you feel more comfortable in your own home

Moonmelodies · 17/08/2021 08:33

Why his Mum, not his Dad?

billy1966 · 17/08/2021 08:35

He is just dirty, selfish and doesn't give a damn.

How have you had a child with such a dirty pig?

This is not normal.

Don't have anymore children with such a waster and perhaps reflect on the future you want for yourself and your child.

You deserve better.

His mother reared so she must know well what a poor job she has done.

No decent mother would not have stamped that out ruthlessly.

He's just filthy.

Flowers
Cryalot2 · 17/08/2021 08:35

It is a common one op
He needs a lesson, if you know he is going to the loo and no one else a smidge of glue or run a chilli on the seat. Something unpleasant that will make him take note.
Failing that a his and a hers toilet.

Mintjulia · 17/08/2021 08:35

Stop doing his washing and washing up. Serve his food on dirty plates. Leave his clothes dirty.
Make him understand this isn't acceptable. Refuse to sleep with someone 'dirty'.

If he thinks it's funny, two can play that game.

But eventually I think he needs to know it's a deal breaker.

magicstar1 · 17/08/2021 08:36

Never mind his mother, I’d be taking a pic and putting it on his FB telling him to clean it up. No way would I be wiping it up for him.

PomegranateQueen · 17/08/2021 08:37

This is a sign of a much bigger problem. He's been told over and over that he is leaving piss on the seat, any normal person would be mortified the first time and change. So why is he still doing it? He either enjoys your discomfort in some way or doesn't care enough about you or your daughter to change. Either way he thinks it's your responsibility to clean up after him.

Personally, I wouldn't dream of having sex with a man who did this.

BarbaraofSeville · 17/08/2021 08:37

Tell him you will throw him out or leave him the very next time he leaves the toilet like this and go through with it. That is beyond disgusting and disrespectful and inexcusable.

Forgothowmuchlhatehomeschoolin · 17/08/2021 08:38

Actually op l get the telling his mum thing - my ex was a proper mammy's boy and terrified of upsetting her so once when he threw up in bed after drinking too much, l said to him l was going to tell her which actually made him stop and think how awful it was for me.
Hit him where it hurts - he might learn a bit of respect for you.

Eviethyme · 17/08/2021 08:38

I just don't get how someone would not be embarrassed by this :S my husband sits down to pee most of the time but even if he doesn't he still never misses..

How can someone just so easily leave urine everywhere without feeling embarrassed

diddl · 17/08/2021 08:38

@TheLovelinessOfDemons

First of all, why doesn't he lift the seat up? Confused
I wondered that!

How is he getting pee on the seat?

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 17/08/2021 08:40

Dont tell his mum. She knows already from when he lived at home.

He does it because he thinks it's a womans job to clean up after him. Even if he would never say this out loud, sub consciously he thinks its beneath him to clean up his own piss, but not beneath you.

I'd do what pp suggest, tell him you'll be wiping it up with his favourite t shirt / jumper etc as it's not fair getting it on your clothes. Or if you have two loos then designate one for him and one for you. Though if he can't be arsed wiping up after himself then I doubt he will be arsed going to a different room.

Last two options are just accept it as part of living with him, or tell him you can't take the disrespect any more and that he should move out for a bit

Terhou · 17/08/2021 08:42

Might it help to put notices up? Including one on the front door that he'll see before he goes out, saying "Have you wiped up your pee?" It might just get the message through.

felinelucky · 17/08/2021 08:42

Interesting there's currently also an active thread on what to do about an incontinent cat and frankly I think some of the advice is interchangeable. Stick a nappy on him until his bladder control improves.

Hardbackwriter · 17/08/2021 08:43

Why do people always want to blame a woman or make her responsible when a man won't clean up after himself? It doesn't matter what he was or wasn't taught as a child, he isn't one now.

Terhou · 17/08/2021 08:43

Phone his work every time and leave embarrassing messages for him.

Aprilinspringtimeshower · 17/08/2021 08:44

I agree with using his clothes to wipe his pee off toilet and not doing his washing. That way he will become aware of just how nasty second hand wee is. It’s not nice but he is being especially horrid and selfish and entitled

Kiduknot · 17/08/2021 08:45

If he’s got no respect for you on this subject, I should imagine there is a lack of respect for you generally? What else does he over ride your opinions on, op?

I seriously couldn’t live with this. It would be a deal breaker. He won’t change until you make him.
I would also recommend saying that you won’t have sex with a man child. When he grows up enough to sort the toilet out, then you’ll see him in the image of a man again. And yes to the clothes, if you have to. But I think by that point I’d be gone anyway.

PrtScn · 17/08/2021 08:47

I have this with skid marks and my DH. He is a lot better now since I threatened to take photos, put it on Facebook and tag all his friends. He knew I’d do it as well and has improved his ability to clean his own shit off the toilet markedly. Still occasionally get the odd shit splatter but I just tell him to go clean the loo and he does.

HarryHedgehog · 17/08/2021 08:49

I would OP… you’ve got nothing to lose if you’ve tried everything else… I’d also tell him that everytime he does it, you’ll be telling someone new, a friend, a sibling, your family etc.
If that doesn’t work then I’d get rid, that’s grim x

Tallaszara · 17/08/2021 08:49

Agree it's too easy to blame his mother. Maybe she was passive about it, but what about his father? His father could have taught him just as well.

Even if you were brought up with bad habits, as adults we can change. His partner has told him it's upsetting her, she getting his urine on her feet and sitting in it, it creating work for her as she's being left to clean it up, she's told him this.

Anyone with half a brain cell knows this is wrong.

MrsSkylerWhite · 17/08/2021 08:50

What do you expect his mum to do?

LittleMissDIY · 17/08/2021 08:50

I don't understand this @Sophie1029734

In the UK it's normal for men to life the seat up before they pee (and put it back when they are done.)

Why doesn't he lift the seat?

He still ought to wipe wee off the loo but most women complain about men leaving the seat up!

Is he from the UK as mums/dads usually teach their little boys to lift the seat.

RuleWithAWoodenFoot · 17/08/2021 08:51

Any time there is piss on the seat or floor, or traces of shit in the toilet bowl in my house (me, male partner and one 6 year old), I shout and get them all in to sort it out.

When I say every time, I don't have to do it anymore. Life is far too short for dealing with other people's excretions.

godmum56 · 17/08/2021 08:51

floating cereal in the bowl and teach him to aim?