To think life is not worth living

[Omgthatssointeresting]

I know that sounds dramatic and don't worry I am not suicidal but I just cannot understand how people enjoy life.

Life has some positives but so many more negatives. I'm either working or too tired from working to do anything most days. It's such a relentless slog and I don't see the point in living if 90% of my life is doing things I don't want to do. And the other 10% is just ok.

I have an objectively good life - lovely partner, a.job that is better than most jobs out there, a wonderful dd, etc. And I hate my life. It's not intolerably awful it's just so repetitive with no enjoyment. I've been keeping track of whether I was happy that I woke up and lived that day and 47 days in a row now the answer is no. I wish I never even woke up. Nothing bad happened it's.just what is the point? What is the point in dealing with all the irritation and difficulty of everyday life?

I work so hard. Everyone does. Lots work even harder than me in tougher jobs. But for.what? To go.shppping on Saturday and to the dump on Sunday then try and recover for more work on Monday. Why? Why keep going?

It's insanity. To spend your whole life doing things you don't enjoy. I feel so guilty for bringing my daughter into this world. That one day she's going to have to do this. That when she's 29.she might also be counting down the years until she is 70 and can finally.retire. That maybe she too secretly hopes to get a serious illness or die in a car accident so that she can stop living without feeling guilty for abandoning her loved ones. I have to resist the desire to apologise for creating her life almost daily.

So I think there are 3 possible answers to why people bother to live their lives despite it making no sense to me.

1. They actually enjoy everyday life. I find this unbelievable. What is enjoyable about emptying bins, commutes to work, washing dishes, dealing with people in HR, etc. Most people don't enjoy their job either so I find this option implausible.

2. The good of special days make up for all that work. It would have to be 50x better than everyday life so again not likely.

3. People just bury their head in the sand. They delude themselves that their life is good and that they enjoy it and lie to themselves to keep themselves same. I think this must be what most people are doing.

So sorry for the long winded question. Basically, aibu to have this attitude and if so why? My dp says he is option 3.

Thanks for your insight.

It’s 1 for me.
I absolutely love my job and I’m also the boss which helps.
That means I’m mostly happy for the majority of my time.
I also make a massive effort to do non work fun stuff.

I would say 1 for me. I do genuinely enjoy my job, it has its stressful days obviously, but I do enjoy it. I like my colleagues. Washing up etc. aren't exactly thrilling but I don't mind them. I enjoy spending time with DS/DH. I try to make sure I make time for me in the week.

If you don't ever feel happy or like you could be happy, can I gently suggest that you see your GP for some support?

What do you do for work and what is enjoyable about it? Do you do housework? Do you enjoy doing that too?

You know you could do more on the weekends?
Go to the cinema, go on a tour, go into the next town, play mini golf, do an escape room, afternoon tea, pottery class.

Life isn’t going to suddenly become great if all you are doing is working and shopping and expecting something great to happen.
You have to actually put effort in.

If your work is that tiring that you can’t do anything outside of it, then you need to reassess your work, because it shouldn’t be like that.

I work hard 9-5, then some evenings I do a fun (sport) activity which also gives me a chance to hang out with friends.
Saturday morning I too did the grocery shop and then randomly saw a local nature reserve was giving a guided tour of their water buffalo- I've never seen a buffalo before, decided to go. Was very enjoyable.
Could have gone home and done nothing instead.

I'm option 4 - which is where I think you are OP.

Exhausted by everything.
Guilty for bringing children into this world that is on its way out.
Depressed by the monotonous tone of everyday life.
No "get up and go" anymore.
I don't even have special days. Just special moments in the inevitable shitty days.

I’m option 1. My job is exhausting and frustrating and challenging and I also get an enormous amount of enjoyment and satisfaction out of it. I love spending time with my family even if we’re just watching House of Games together and seeing who gets the most right answers. Sometimes DS can make me laugh until I almost wet myself. I read books that I am completely absorbed in and can’t wait to find out what happens next. I go outside and the natural world is beautiful. I have coffee with friends and am completely content.

I like the small stuff.

Life isn't always great but it's better than the alternative. It is always possible to die. It's not like you'll get to enjoy the peace of non-existence.

Seems to be your main issue is work and chores. Do lots less of both, if you can afford to. You must enjoy something?

Well, I don't want to patronise you but look up symptoms of depression and there you are!

As for me...my life is so not how I imagined it would be when i was young. In fact 17 year old me would consider my life an utter failure 🙃

I am married. Happily. 2 great kids. I do voluntary work and care for my elderly mother.

I have several health issues that make life literally painful at times.

I enjoy reading, sitting in my garden watching the wildlife, helping others, spending time with my kids.

My eldest got 3 x As in his A levels last week. I'm very proud. My youngest is so kind and helpful. They are my pride and joy.

Life can be relentless at times. When my children we babies/young it was hard. Sadly, we've also had lots of bereavements in the past decade.

I guess that helps put things in perspective?

I'd urge you to contact your Dr and tell him what you've so eloquently said here.

1 for me. I enjoy my job, my children bring me great joy and I’m fortunate enough to have a very supportive husband and enough money to outsource the bits I really don’t want to do. The world is amazing, I don’t find it difficult to find moments of joy walking the dog in the beautiful woods for example.

Also housework and washing up shouldn’t be taking up enough of your time to be an issue.
Stick some music on.
Emptying the bins takes literally 2 minutes.
Washing up, maximum 6minutes unless it’s a 5 course meal for 20 guests.

I am a teacher. I love the variety, I am never bored and kids are endlessly entertaining! I teach secondary up to A-level and seeing Y7s grow and become young adults in Y11/13 who progress onto the next stage of life is an incredibly privileged position to be in. As I say, there are tough days but you get through them and the good outweighs the bad for me.

I do housework -little and often. Wouldn't say it's great but it doesn't take too long.

I see your point but what's the alternative? Death? We might as well make the most of our lot in life.

No-one is happy 24 hours a day, that's unrealistic. But you are unusually miserable and it will probably rub off on your child. Your GP would be a good start, explaining how you feel.

...and no one enjoys housework!

I have a robovac, dishwasher, time dryer...lots of time saving devices 👍

Also lowering ones standards helps ☺

Tumble dryer

I don't know what a time dryer is!

I own a film and TV production company. And I’m also a writer.
I do do some chores around the house. But not loads if I’m honest.

I've been feeling very similar.

40 years of being an upbeat, positive person and the last 18 months have ground me down.

I've found Bryony Gordon's books and Dr Chatterjee the stress solution very very helpful.

I'm lucky in that I enjoy the essence of my job (farmer) but recently feel attacked on all sides for being such a big part of the climate change problem.

Also reframe it. We're not supposed to be thrillingly happy all the time, we're supposed to experience life. Don't expect so much and the small pleasures may seem more substantial.

I am really interested in what people enjoy about their job? Most people dislike their job - this is a research based fact. And by enjoy I don't mean 'it makes me feel important' or 'im making a difference' but specific things.ypi do each day that you look forward to. Perhaps I should focus on these. Also if.yoi don't.mind mentioning your job title too. Thanks

I agree with you. I can’t think about it too much. It’s so depressing. We spend our youth getting and education so we can earn money to support ourselves and save for retirement. Retirement may bring some fun times, but we may just worry about making our pension last and have ill health.

Our lives are skewed too much to working, the balance is all wrong. I have a friend who is self employed that laughs at us grunts working 5 days a week with a month off a year. But not everyone can run their own business… I don’t know what the answer is, but I feel that overall society must change.

I like the 4 day week studies they’ve been doing around the place, this would perhaps redress some of the balance

Life can’t be 24/7 great times but we if washing up and hoovering is all you have to moan about then count yourself lucky. Many of us are so blessed to have been born into western democracies, fancy swapping with and Afghani?

Friends, family, holidays, days out, good food and good tv shows make life enjoyable.

Op, could you be depressed?

It’s option 1 for me. Yes, work is hard and housework is boring, but I genuinely enjoy walking through the park, nice food, reading or exercising in the evenings after work or at weekends, seeing friends. I don’t tend to dwell on having to do the laundry or go to the dump, I just do it and then do the fun stuff after.

Maybe I’m a bit simple!

I do have a job I enjoy though, which I think might be key. I’d still rather spend 45 hours a week doing hobbies or lazing around watching tv though - I enjoy it as a job, not in comparison to going on holiday or anything

I agree. So many people are on the hamster wheel & few are truly happy. I’m working towards early retirement so I can do as I please and travel more. Work just gets in the way of what I really want to do.

When I was working in projects and job sites (construction) I loved it. Especially when outside of my country. We had a lot of fun and it was enjoyable going to work. I’d you felt bored of being at your desk you could go for a site walk and check progress. It made it more interesting. I hated being in the home office, more politics and no escape.