To think life is not worth living

[Omgthatssointeresting]

I know that sounds dramatic and don't worry I am not suicidal but I just cannot understand how people enjoy life.

Life has some positives but so many more negatives. I'm either working or too tired from working to do anything most days. It's such a relentless slog and I don't see the point in living if 90% of my life is doing things I don't want to do. And the other 10% is just ok.

I have an objectively good life - lovely partner, a.job that is better than most jobs out there, a wonderful dd, etc. And I hate my life. It's not intolerably awful it's just so repetitive with no enjoyment. I've been keeping track of whether I was happy that I woke up and lived that day and 47 days in a row now the answer is no. I wish I never even woke up. Nothing bad happened it's.just what is the point? What is the point in dealing with all the irritation and difficulty of everyday life?

I work so hard. Everyone does. Lots work even harder than me in tougher jobs. But for.what? To go.shppping on Saturday and to the dump on Sunday then try and recover for more work on Monday. Why? Why keep going?

It's insanity. To spend your whole life doing things you don't enjoy. I feel so guilty for bringing my daughter into this world. That one day she's going to have to do this. That when she's 29.she might also be counting down the years until she is 70 and can finally.retire. That maybe she too secretly hopes to get a serious illness or die in a car accident so that she can stop living without feeling guilty for abandoning her loved ones. I have to resist the desire to apologise for creating her life almost daily.

So I think there are 3 possible answers to why people bother to live their lives despite it making no sense to me.

1. They actually enjoy everyday life. I find this unbelievable. What is enjoyable about emptying bins, commutes to work, washing dishes, dealing with people in HR, etc. Most people don't enjoy their job either so I find this option implausible.

2. The good of special days make up for all that work. It would have to be 50x better than everyday life so again not likely.

3. People just bury their head in the sand. They delude themselves that their life is good and that they enjoy it and lie to themselves to keep themselves same. I think this must be what most people are doing.

So sorry for the long winded question. Basically, aibu to have this attitude and if so why? My dp says he is option 3.

Thanks for your insight.

You could be depressed? That's definitely a possibility.

I can get like this if I start thinking too deeply, what's really the point of anything.

But like pp have said, no one says we have to be completely happy all the time.

I try to look at it that everyone has a role to play to keep things ticking over, however boring it is, then we have to keep ourselves and our living space reasonably clean, we can then do as we please with our leisure time.

Years ago people would have had to do very labour intensive work and there wouldn't have been much in the way of entertainment, now we have easier lives in many ways and have lots of luxuries.

Try to be grateful for small pleasures, don't spend hours on pointless household tasks, just put on some music and do the necessaries then do things you enjoy.

OP maybe try to imagine your ideal self. What does that look like? What do you do for a job? What are your relationships like? What hobbies would you enjoy? What is your appearance like? What interests you? What would you do in your spare time, how often? Compare the list to how you currently are/what your life is like now. If there's gaps between the two you could focus on those and maybe you would feel more content

pottery class

FOR THE LOVE OF GOD , NO

I think I’m a 1. Grew up in chaotic family then care, the sheltered housing, so to me cleaning my own house that I share with my lovely family is actually a pleasure not a chore. Work is boring and hard sometimes but I only work part time so always got a day off to look forward to coming up, and I enjoy studying which I’ve recently started. I always try and enjoy as much of life as I can, and if I don’t enjoy something I look at how I can cut it out of my life somehow - so if cleaning was too much for me I’d look at where I could cut back to hire a cleaner etc.

I’m not happy every day but every day I can find something to be happy about.

I also think you sound depressed or chronically exhausted.

I find life very hard at times. I've experienced a lot of traumatic things. On balance, I still love life most of the time though and very genuinely so. I have seen a couple of people die far too young and it's been a very sobering reminder that no one is guaranteed a future. If you end up being one of the unlucky people to go early, it's important that you've made the best of your time, is all I can think.

The things that make me incredibly happy are -
Connecting with nice people
Dance classes (pre-pandemic) - try and come out of a Lindy hop class feeling like life isn't worth living, I dare you. They are brilliant
Getting outside in nature daily. That's an essential one for me and there are lots of studies that show it is a reliable way to boost your mood
Swimming in cold water (also brilliant for depression, life changingly so for some)
Challenging myself - recently that's been physical goals but there are so many ways of doing this. It's lovely to achieve something hard and to feel proud

When I was in a rut I used Marie Kondo's techniques to declutter my house. I would recommend it OP. She makes you look at what possessions bring you joy and it's really hard to go through that process and not start applying it to other areas of your life. I've come away from it and made so many silly little changes like playing really happy music on my commute and it has enriched my life no end.

There is so much that is in your control to make things better, you just might need a bit of support to put those into place. I hope things get better for you.

I am number 1. I do genuinely enjoy day to day life.

My mum died 4 weeks ago. I’m very very sad. Absolutely devastated. But still very glad to be alive.

I enjoy spending time with family and friends. Very much.

I love reading. Playing the piano. Listening to music, walking in the country, swimming, cooking. Even having a warm bath at the end of the day is lovely. I’m not one for big events or landmark holidays. It’s the daily stuff I love.

My work is intellectually stimulating, brings me into contact with interesting people, quite “social” and requires me to be quick thinking. It can be quite intense; a bit like taking an exam each day and I like a degree of tension; it keeps me on my toes. I hate being bored and rarely am.

Even in my darkest days, when really sad I have not felt like you do. Please don’t feel patronised; but I do think you are likely depressed. I really hope you have better times ahead.

It does sound like you’re experiencing some sort of depression.

Just for comparison:

Work wise, I enjoy my job most of the time. I have a great bunch of colleagues, my bosses are decent sorts, there’s the odd task I don’t enjoy. But the terms and conditions are good. And I’m near retirement.

I have a cleaner to do the big tasks like hoovering. I really don’t mind emptying bins, cooking, clearing, walking digs, even lifting their poo. That goes with dog owning.

I get me time-I parkrun or volunteer every Saturday morning, which is always a smile-inducing experience. My running club ( 2 hours a week) is also great therapy. I’m on good terms with my wider family and look forward to weekly Skypes.

I try to find some time to do other things like read, knit, jigsaw. Even if it’s only 30 mins in a week, that variety helps.

Exercise helps-a HIIT session of even 7-10 minutes makes a difference.

Good-ish diet and plenty of water. These all contribute to your mental state.

I have to teach biology to low level students and every year the difference between life and non alive gives me goose bumps.
It’s bloody amazing. How did we get from a universe of not alive to one with a planet of living things.

Honestly alive is a bloody miracle. You exist in an infinite universe in which everything else is not alive. You are a little piece of fantastic!

@LadyMacbethWasMisunderstood I'm so sorry about your mum. I felt the same as you after I lost someone, intensely sad but still able to find something in each day that made life worth living. I call it the ability to be happy/sad, I find I can be both in the same day. Unmumsnetty hugs.

I love my job but am in severe pain daily. Dealing with chronic pain, at some point I learned how to be in pain and enjoy things at the same time.

Lack of any enjoyment is a symptom of depression. Please OP, consider seeing your GP.

1) They actually enjoy everyday life. I find this unbelievable. What is enjoyable about emptying bins, commutes to work, washing dishes, dealing with people in HR, etc. Most people don't enjoy their job either so I find this option implausible.

• Emptying bins takes less than five minutes a week. No, it's not what I'd describe as enjoyable but it makes up such a tiny portion of the week.
• I don't work a job that like that. I'm self-employed - pick my own clients, set my own hours and deal with my own taxes, accounts etc.
• Washing dishes - again, it takes up such a tiny percentage of my day that I don't really think about it.

I think its 1 but am open to the idea it may be 3. I think it depends on your bar for happiness though and I'm lucky mine is fairly low. I get pleasure from fairly simple things, the sun on my face, a laugh with a colleague, bar of chocolate, writing a report I think i good: and most days contain enough of these things to feel sufficiently pleasurable. Sometimes I think is this it, but then I tend to push that down as per your number 3.

For me what helped is reducing my hours to 3 days per week. Otherwise I'd be bored stiff

I do find life can be a bit like when you look at a word for too long and it starts to look strange. Really it is odd that we spend so many hours working and then repeat for many, many years. It does seem to be a bit deeper than just pondering for you though, I would be tempted to speak to a GP and see if something will help- medication changed my life personally.

I do shift work now as I also found the Monday to Friday grind hard going, I love having days off during the week and not having that Sunday night feeling as default, there are of course downsides but works well for me. Also took up a hobby I haven't done in years, me and my friends meet monthly even if just to sit and chat in person- all little things that add up.

I do find it depressing thinking about when I am retired and (hopefully) have enough money to sit back and enjoy life, I will be old! Would much rather do it the other way round and spend my 30s on cruises with my kids. But there you are. (Realise that is not how everyone spends retirement btw)

As a PP said, I enjoy the small things. I love food and eating a yummy dinner followed by ice cream on the sofa probably. I enjoy getting drunk with my husband and friends. I love a good book and a long bath. I don't mind work - I work in retail head office getting the products online. It's not particularly stressful (or that well paid) but I am good at it, I use just the right amount of brain power and my colleagues (mostly) nice. There's also plenty of things I dislike about my life, sometimes it can be consuming. But I feel that that's totally normal so I don't dwell on the fact I feel that way, I just accept it.

I'm 2. I know life is a relentless grind of shite most of the time but I have a child which means I have to stay alive (and believe me, I will be glad for myself when it's over, but I will be devastated for them) so I have trained myself to find the joy in small things - mostly natural things like a flock of geese flying over, or the smell of cut grass. But occasionally I understand why someone might just quickly and irrevocably put an end to themselves and their thoughts. A PP is right - this world is on its way out. The best has been and gone.

I'm similar to @CMeredithC. I'm a researcher and professional writer and I absolutely love it. Its my vocation and I absolutely worked my arse off to get it, in the full knowledge I would never be rich. I figure we spend the majority of our adult lives working so I was damned if I wasn't going to give it a real shot to get paid for reading and writing, which is what I love.

I'm sorry you're finding life such a drag @Omgthatssointeresting, I thought your OP sounded really sad.

I'm registered disabled due to a serious health condition, so had to stop working nearly 2 years ago. In spite of my poor physical health, I'm happier now than I have been since childhood. I think the fact that I no longer have to spend most of my days working in a job I don't enjoy, with people I don't particularly like, basically trying to make money for rich people is the main reason why.

From what you've said, it sounds as if your job isn't one you enjoy and your resentment over how much of your life you have to devote to it is bleeding into your evenings and weekends. If you can fix this issue (new job/retrain/go part time/take a sabbatical?) then hopefully the knock on effects will improve other areas of your life and your overall happiness and sense of satisfaction will increase.

Thank you Onwards. The love my mum showed me is still with me really. She would want me to continue to find pleasure in things.

I wondered about depression when I read your post. You are right, of course, about the difficulties of life, but the non-depressed human brain is excellent in feeling positive despite all evidence to the contrary.

I genuinely like my job. I am a nurse therapist working with young offenders and I like it on many levels. I like the "puzzle" element, working out the right thing to say to make a difference to that person. I like the way I feel about myself when I have made a positive difference in someone's life. I like my colleagues and our chats, they are interesting people and I like that they are interested in me too, I like how that makes me feel.

I definitely think it's a case of trying to shift your thinking towards the positive and practising gratitude which sounds trie but its really worked for me, a glass is half empty cynical personality type.
I also think you sound depressed, you don't have to feel sad or blue to be depressed, apathy and a loss of enjoyment are also symptoms. Either way I would not be accepting this as my life and would be seeing my GP as a first step.

1, but I am self employed and work very few hours. I also home educate 5 of my 8 children ( one is a baby one in high school and one an adult)
I love the company of my dh and dc and genuinely enjoy every day things like teaching dc new things things taking them out to the woods, watching Netflix with my dh.
I enjoy going for coffee with friends, holidays ,( theatre cinema concerts) in normal times.
I would and did hate working a regular job.

You asked specifically about jobs people love. I'm a scientist in biomedical research. Some parts of the job are a bit shit, and I always have a to-do list a mile long, but I love it. The work I do is meaningful - both to me and society - it will improve people's lives, eventually. I learn new things all the time, without being thrown in at the deep end.

More importantly, I work the equivalent of 4 days a week and I control my own time and (mostly) priorities. My immediate team is 100% good people who pull their weight, and we put time and effort into good communication.

So that ticks a lot of the boxes for a positive work environment: meaningful work, active learning, good communication, reliable co-workers, flexibility, and autonomy.

I'm definitely a mixture of all options. I've never been able to work full time and barely part time as I have a severe disability but as I've gotten older I've stopped feeling like I'm missing out for the reasons you list, the monotony of it etc. I do feel bad that my DP has to pay for almost everything but he earns well and doesn't mind at all. Life hasn't turned out like I hoped but I find pleasure in the small things. Treating myself to a fancy tea, doing skincare, researching something of interest, reading a book in the sunshine, that sort of thing. Also life itself is absolutely bonkers and I get a kick out of the absurdity of it all. I have a dark sense of humour and laugh a lot which is a huge help. I don't have children and have never wanted them so i don't have the challenges that go along with that.

However I do think there's quite a difference between feeling stuck in a rut and not wanting to wake up most days or wishing you might die of an illness. Sorry that you are feeling that way, I've definitely been there myself. It sounds like at a minimum you need to make some changes to see if it helps to shake things up a bit. What are the things you want to change? Are there any changes that feel attainable to you right now that might help?

I'm 1

I thrive on the little things. The kids smiling happily at me every morning, my daughter chuckling at something silly in a book,a funny message from a friend, a delicious meal. My job can be stressful but also throws lots of interesting problems my way and I work with some great people who are clever, entertaining and fun.