To think life is not worth living

[Omgthatssointeresting]

I know that sounds dramatic and don't worry I am not suicidal but I just cannot understand how people enjoy life.

Life has some positives but so many more negatives. I'm either working or too tired from working to do anything most days. It's such a relentless slog and I don't see the point in living if 90% of my life is doing things I don't want to do. And the other 10% is just ok.

I have an objectively good life - lovely partner, a.job that is better than most jobs out there, a wonderful dd, etc. And I hate my life. It's not intolerably awful it's just so repetitive with no enjoyment. I've been keeping track of whether I was happy that I woke up and lived that day and 47 days in a row now the answer is no. I wish I never even woke up. Nothing bad happened it's.just what is the point? What is the point in dealing with all the irritation and difficulty of everyday life?

I work so hard. Everyone does. Lots work even harder than me in tougher jobs. But for.what? To go.shppping on Saturday and to the dump on Sunday then try and recover for more work on Monday. Why? Why keep going?

It's insanity. To spend your whole life doing things you don't enjoy. I feel so guilty for bringing my daughter into this world. That one day she's going to have to do this. That when she's 29.she might also be counting down the years until she is 70 and can finally.retire. That maybe she too secretly hopes to get a serious illness or die in a car accident so that she can stop living without feeling guilty for abandoning her loved ones. I have to resist the desire to apologise for creating her life almost daily.

So I think there are 3 possible answers to why people bother to live their lives despite it making no sense to me.

1. They actually enjoy everyday life. I find this unbelievable. What is enjoyable about emptying bins, commutes to work, washing dishes, dealing with people in HR, etc. Most people don't enjoy their job either so I find this option implausible.

2. The good of special days make up for all that work. It would have to be 50x better than everyday life so again not likely.

3. People just bury their head in the sand. They delude themselves that their life is good and that they enjoy it and lie to themselves to keep themselves same. I think this must be what most people are doing.

So sorry for the long winded question. Basically, aibu to have this attitude and if so why? My dp says he is option 3.

Thanks for your insight.

I think you have unrealistic expectations. I actually have a lot of shit going on in my life including a very unwell child. I often feel very sad and depressed. But I have a job where I am useful and do a good job. I take some pride in that and it keeps me busy. My children need me and that is no small thing. Wallowing in misery and what is the point won't make their lives better. I also try and think about people facing other terrible problems and tell myself to get on with it. I have also started going to a yoga class and trying to meet up with friends and enjoy the moment a bit more. Life is pretty pointless so maybe just making the most of it and coping as much as possible is the way forward.

Honestly OP, it sounds like you could be depressed.

Look up anhedonia- it sounds like this is something you're experiencing.

I would recommend speaking with your GP about this. I hope you days start feeling easier and brighter

A friend of mine recently described life as "so precious and so hard". It really resonated with me.
I have been clinically depressed for much of my life, and am wondering if that is what you are experiencing.

I agree with everyone that you do sound quite down and overwhelmed by everything- I think there's been a lot of articles about burnout and how living with low level anxiety, restricted social lives and worrying about money/life in the pandemic has meant many people feel like this right now. It doesn't seem to be permanent though, some people are getting through it with anti-d's, some are just waiting it out til their minds and bodies recover a bit.

I am no 1 in your list, for some reason, even when life's completely shit, I kind of find stuff to enjoy. Now I've had days I'd have rather not lived, and lived for many years in intolerable stress and everyone said 'I don't know how you did it', but I did it and managed to find some moments even within that, as did the person I was caring for who is dead now and would love to have lived some more days.

I think it's worth you getting some help to shift this- by talking with your doctor, perhaps getting a therapist if you can afford it, or getting a dishwasher as a really practical easy thing that hugely changed my enjoyment of my evenings.

Yes, you might be right, many people might be stuck in 3, but it seems worth having a go at changing things up a bit to see if you can't get a bit more 1, no? If your answer is no, can't be bothered, too much work, too tiring to contemplate, that is definitely burnout/depressed thinking and can be treated.

I feel like you op. I'm not suicidal...I just feel like I can't be arsed really. I have kids, so obviously I do what I have to do. I'm very analytical...are you too? I'm genuinely perplexed by people who love life. I can only imagine they don't think much

Things I like about my job.
The initial creative aspect of it.
We’re putting an idea together from nothing. Or we’re taking some IP and working out where we can take it.
The push to get the broadcasters on board I don’t enjoy. But it’s a necessary evil.
Once we get a green light I love the furious challenge to making the damn thing. The endless problems that have to be solved. The endless chopping and changing. The laughter, the blood, sweat and tears.
And I love love love the finished product. The collective holding of breath when it goes on TV.

1. for me , but I work part time ( 30 hrs ish ) and can squish those hours into 3 days , so have more free time, will need to give up one of those days soon and work more but will still have 3 days off a week. So I might be unhappy then, who knows ?

I love my job because it involves people, lots of different people, no day is exactly the same, but there is enough of a routine for it not to feel chaotic, it can be quite challenging at times both physically and emotionally, but I still enjoy it. I didn't start training to do this job until I was 27, if you hate your job could you re-train and do something else ? I was fortunate in many ways because I was at rock bottom financially when I started my training so didn't feel like I was missing out by being poor for another 3 years.

I'm a bit 1 and a bit 2.

I do enjoy my job because I'm specialist and senior in a business where no one else understands much about my specialism but respects and needs it. So every day I give advice or commission actions and the people in the business are impressed and grateful. Also I like a lot of the people. So if I have to call HR I quite like having a little chat with them. But before this job I had a truly amazing job that I adored. But it was unsustainable in terms of hours and travel.

I like my house and I like it to be clean and tidy. So I don't mind cleaning up. And actually find cleaning quite meditative and calming.

There are special days like today when totally unexpectedly I had a wonderful day out with my DD.

But there are definitely times when I feel like you. And in those times I resort to
my go to thing when I'm unhappy which is researching some historical thing. And that gives me perspective. We are just grains of sand in the history of the universe OP.

@OneGlamMama

I'm option 4 - which is where I think you are OP.

Exhausted by everything.
Guilty for bringing children into this world that is on its way out.
Depressed by the monotonous tone of everyday life.
No "get up and go" anymore.
I don't even have special days. Just special moments in the inevitable shitty days.

This! But don’t have kids (ttc and failing).

Chronic fatigue, aching, brain fog etc doesn’t help either. DP is just someone to share life’s misery, no great love story there.

I’m not sure about life in general, but I love the feeling of my hands wrapped around a cup of tea, or when my cat wraps her tail around my ankle, or one of the dc comes into my bed for a morning cuddle, or the smell in the garden after it rains, or the feel of warm towels as I’m folding them out of the dryer. Little things.

I like to find the nice bit - like changing nappies is gross but it’s nice to be able to make a baby feel comfortable and clean again. Emptying bins isn’t pleasant but I’m glad I have a bin to empty.

I don’t really get much satisfaction out of bigger things like holidays, or parties or big purchases. I’m a bit wary of them actually because I’m often disappointed. I can’t get excited about it being 22 days to the holidays because I know it just means that it’s 36 days to the awful feeling at the end.

But I often have moments where I look at my dh and dc, and I can’t quite believe that this is my real life. I half expect to wake up from the dream and that makes me want to enjoy it while I can.

I’m not sure if that’s a 1 or a 3. I think I’m actively choosing to be deluded because I’ve been depressed and I’d rather not face that pit again.

I'm in teaching and love my job. I got bogged down by the domestic stuff so I got a cleaner, do my food shopping on line and do the washing during the week so my weekends are free and I always plan nice days out to look forward to. What makes you happy? Do you need to get some hobbies? Socialise with friends more? Give yourself as many things as possible to look forward to.

@ArcherDog

Also housework and washing up shouldn’t be taking up enough of your time to be an issue. Stick some music on. Emptying the bins takes literally 2 minutes. Washing up, maximum 6minutes unless it’s a 5 course meal for 20 guests.

Agree

OP I agree with many of the PPs, you sound depressed.

Regarding enjoying work, I too am in HR and I would suggest reframing your view of it. As a title and job description it's dull. But what do I enjoy about my job? I get to talk to people - ALL DAY LONG (my favourite thing) and I have to problem solve - so no two days are the same. The fact that some days are dull is unavoidable - I generally enjoy what I do.

It sounds like you need to find your purpose.

Thanks everyone for your replies. It seems most people are a bit of all 3. It is interesting to hear the everyday things you enjoy. It is really helpful to see things from another perspective. I like hearing about people's lives. It's reassuring that I'm not the only one that finds life absurd.

Omgthatssointeresting 😐🙁 I feel exactly the same as you. I’m on AD and have been for years and I feel particularly bleak at the moment. The ‘good’ thing about being on ADs (or being depressed and anxious) for years is that I know the relentless, lack of joy feeling will fade and I’ll be able to see the small joys in life again.

I'm a 1. I love my job. I work with Special Needs children in school. What do I enjoy about it? The kids. I get to spend my days with some amazing kids and they pay me to do it. I think for me I dont expect life to be "happy" all the time, but I am "content". Being content with life is wonderful. I'm 53 and I have been grateful for waking up every single day of my life (even the days that have been bad).

I work a job I love (I'm a dog walker and never dread going to work), but I also think self-care is so important. I know it's a bit of a social media cliché but it's true. Take time for yourself. For me, that involves:

• buying an iced-coffee from my favourite place every Friday after work.
• treating myself by buying lovely scented wax melts and burning them daily (DH thinks this is the most pointless thing ever but it brings me a lot of happiness, lol)
• getting the housework done so that I can get home from work, flop on the sofa and do absolutely fuck all.
• going to the beach with the dog and just walking with the wind in my hair.
• having a lie in followed by pain au chocolat and coffee in bed on the weekends.
• having a nice selection of fluffy blankets for the sofa to snuggle up under in the evening.

It's the little things.

I’m sorry you’re feeling like this OP.

I’m a 1.

I like my job very much: Everyday is different and it challenges me intellectually and emotionally. I’m constantly learning, both professional and personally. I like my colleagues they’re interesting, innovative and curious and by and large supportive. I make a difference to people both inside and outside of work and I have a fantastic team who I enjoy mentoring and supporting to be the best they can be. I also get paid well and have had the opportunity to travel widely and do some really cool things.

I found OP that I have periods like this— I have certainly found it harder since my son left home at 18 . I thought it would be great but it coincided with a shit time in my long marriage and finding my H wasn’t everything I thought he was— such is life I guess!! We have since moved abroad and I miss my friends (not that I have loads of close ones) — I am quite a cheery person though and I do get pleasure from WhatsApp chats with friends if I feel abit down, I like cooking nice meals and enjoy the lovely lively vibe here— but then I do live in Scandinavia and there’s a lot to like here , from the beautiful blue water to great pastries to a work balance that means Friday bar at 3pm. I would look op at small changes you can do— put music on whilst doing housework, always have a good book on the go, think of your job as a means to do stuff you do like, buy yourself some lovely flowers every couple of weeks, bang Rituals scented sticks in bathroom— sometimes really small things can work you up.

I'm option 1, but I don't particularly like my job. It's OK and I don't hate it but I know I need to find something I like more. It helps that I only work 26 hours a week and it allows me to do some of the things I enjoy.

I think for me it's little things in life I enjoy. Fresh flowers bring me joy, watching a film with dh, planning holidays even though they're just camping or little breaks. Buying beautiful things for my home brings me joy, eating good food, even just binge watching a series!

I obviously have moments were I feel down or blue but generally I really love life even though I don't have lots of money or a big house etc.

What little things make you happy and bring you joy?

One thing already mentioned on here which I also do is to switch on the music loudly and dance about when I'm doing housework. My house isn't even that clean, but the basics are done and I find I don't stew over how annoying it is- I used to huff and puff over washing up, hoovering, and I still don't like it, but it is a lot more fun if you are singing along. That's a tiny life change, hardly even worth mentioning but I honestly feel a lot better for it. The children find the house more upbeat as well if there's music on. I go for cheesy 80's or pop hits but you might have better taste.

Something I read once is that there's no point in dreading things. You have to do the commute, clean the bathroom, do the food shopping regardless of how much you dread it so it's just wasted energy.

I definately still dread things and put them off etc but it's much easier if I just try to make the most of it, why waste my time feeling shit when one way or the other I'm going to have to do it!

This won't solve everything but you might want to try enrolling on a Mindfulness course. One of the things I learnt in that was about appreciating the every day little joys in life and focussing on those, and letting the mundane wash over you.

I am an academic and absolutely love my job. It's fulfilling, I feel like my research makes a difference to people's lives, and it is rewarding to have my hard work recognised. I even enjoy the teaching sometimes! It's flexible and I can get my daughter from school and spend time with her.

The day to day stuff of life, yes i have to empty the bins, go to the shop, sort shit out etc. But that's just a very small part of life, like breathing or shitting. I use my evenings to do things like socialise with friends, go out for a drink, go swimming, do yoga. Weekends, do something fun with my family, or leave them to it and go for a coffee with a friend. Emptying the bins etc just fits in around all the good stuff.

Sometimes I feel like utter crap. On those days, I just let myself be. Watch a film, have a drink and some snacks, and give up for the day. Start afresh tomorrow.

Most people are not 100% happy all day every day, that's unrealistic. But the point of life is to enjoy it (I think). Think about the things that you love to do, the things that make you feel alive, and schedule those things in! Do more of them!

@OneGlamMama

I'm option 4 - which is where I think you are OP.

Exhausted by everything.
Guilty for bringing children into this world that is on its way out.
Depressed by the monotonous tone of everyday life.
No "get up and go" anymore.
I don't even have special days. Just special moments in the inevitable shitty days.

Yes, this is me too. Throw into the mix the fact that, if I die, my kids are set up for life with insurance/ pension payouts - I can’t stop thinking about it. But I think they still need me around.

You do sound depressed. But why didn't you study for a job that you would enjoy? I am a translater and it is not a laugh a minute, but I find the challenge of looking for the mot juste, together with everything I learn from the documents I translate make it very enjoyable.

I also enjoy the company of my daughter, granddaughter and friends