To think life is not worth living

[Omgthatssointeresting]

I know that sounds dramatic and don't worry I am not suicidal but I just cannot understand how people enjoy life.

Life has some positives but so many more negatives. I'm either working or too tired from working to do anything most days. It's such a relentless slog and I don't see the point in living if 90% of my life is doing things I don't want to do. And the other 10% is just ok.

I have an objectively good life - lovely partner, a.job that is better than most jobs out there, a wonderful dd, etc. And I hate my life. It's not intolerably awful it's just so repetitive with no enjoyment. I've been keeping track of whether I was happy that I woke up and lived that day and 47 days in a row now the answer is no. I wish I never even woke up. Nothing bad happened it's.just what is the point? What is the point in dealing with all the irritation and difficulty of everyday life?

I work so hard. Everyone does. Lots work even harder than me in tougher jobs. But for.what? To go.shppping on Saturday and to the dump on Sunday then try and recover for more work on Monday. Why? Why keep going?

It's insanity. To spend your whole life doing things you don't enjoy. I feel so guilty for bringing my daughter into this world. That one day she's going to have to do this. That when she's 29.she might also be counting down the years until she is 70 and can finally.retire. That maybe she too secretly hopes to get a serious illness or die in a car accident so that she can stop living without feeling guilty for abandoning her loved ones. I have to resist the desire to apologise for creating her life almost daily.

So I think there are 3 possible answers to why people bother to live their lives despite it making no sense to me.

1. They actually enjoy everyday life. I find this unbelievable. What is enjoyable about emptying bins, commutes to work, washing dishes, dealing with people in HR, etc. Most people don't enjoy their job either so I find this option implausible.

2. The good of special days make up for all that work. It would have to be 50x better than everyday life so again not likely.

3. People just bury their head in the sand. They delude themselves that their life is good and that they enjoy it and lie to themselves to keep themselves same. I think this must be what most people are doing.

So sorry for the long winded question. Basically, aibu to have this attitude and if so why? My dp says he is option 3.

Thanks for your insight.

I’ve just been reading a book that I think you will find great value from @Omgthatssointeresting, it’s called stuffocation by James wallman. It talks about a lot of people who felt exactly what you feel and what they did about it.
I personally enjoy life but I’ve got a job a get great value from. This is the reflected in the dismal pay but you cut your cloth accordingly. It’s not perfect, and not forever as I’d like to go travelling once the dc are adults, but it’s good for the moment

I am a hospital doctor. I enjoy my day to day job, and I work compressed hours so I have one day a week off.

I don’t do much housework - we don’t have a cleaner, we just don’t do much. DH does 50% which helps. I definitely don’t spend all weekend doing it. We don’t have a garden, which eliminates the need to go anywhere near the dump.

I do stuff that interests me at the weekend. DS does swimming and rugby, but I ice skate, we go to a country park and run/ride our bikes, or visit a museum or gallery. Pre-kids I spent a lot of time learning languages, and I downloaded Duolingo recently so I could do something on my train commute that I enjoyed. Will be picking up dance classes/cinema etc once things are open again.

nothing, what's the point.

I would say this is a side effect of depressive thinking. It isn't going deep enough. Keep asking questions.

What is a 'point'?
Why does it matter if life has one?

These are just linguistic traps we can fall into. Words are powerful, they can make us feel really shitty. They are maps, not the territory, though.

Life is enjoyable for me when I'm with the people I love most in the world. Small moments like cuddling my husband to sleep or having my cat choose to snuggle in my lap make everything better. But I agree it is very hard.

I loathe my job I find it utterly dull. But I’m a teacher and that means I get all the school holidays with my DCs. Even in term time I find enjoyable things to do. I also have brilliant colleagues who make work bearable. There are little glimpses of joy in every day, and the rest I just get on with.

I disagree with others that you're depressed. You're just aware of the monotony and daily grind, and the whole futility of it for so many people who aren't in careers they love, that it's an endless routing of work, bills, clean, sleep, repeat, with occasional good bits of we can afford them and aren't too knackered. What's infuriating to me is that it doesn't need to be like this, and that governments deliberately keep us nose to the grindstone. Read The Ragged-Trousered Philanthropists for an idea of what I'm talking about, and what's been stolen from us.

Sorry. I hear you. I think many of us feel the same. Time for a revolution.

Good point, Itz. Start here.

I think we all have to find a job we find tolerable look for positives in everything, 0avk your life out as much as you can. Keep things to look forward to, and spend time with people who you love.

Life can be fabulous, but you have to make it that way.

I hear you! I feel the very same. Literally just going through the motions. No enjoyment whatsoever in anything anymore. Like you i have a nice job and I adore my kids but I'm sick of life as it is. Think it might be a midlife crisis for me 😅

Life is pretty pointless & good for you for realising that. Many people never actually engage their brain and wonder why they live as they do-Go to work, do chores, watch TV, sleep & repeat.

So many people work full time for 40+ years to pay a mortgage on an overpriced house, buy a car they can show off etc. It’s tragic really.

@OneGlamMama

I'm option 4 - which is where I think you are OP.

Exhausted by everything.
Guilty for bringing children into this world that is on its way out.
Depressed by the monotonous tone of everyday life.
No "get up and go" anymore.
I don't even have special days. Just special moments in the inevitable shitty days.

This is exactly how I feel. There is too much to think about, work FT and have young kids, no hope of getting on property ladder despite a higher than average household income, relationship suffering because it is all work.

OH has literally ordered me to join a gym to get out of the house more and lift my mood (I WFH in a job which I am bored of, but feel too tired to take on a new role and need hours that suit). We don't have many friends anymore, as most of them are from Europe and have gone home as it's far easier to raise a family in their home countries than the UK. I think that is what is missing - friends to help you through the monotony of it all.

The worst thing is the confusion about how to make your life better. Everything is so polarised and I have no idea where the world is headed, so can't make positive changes. Maybe it's just age and a realisation that this is life and it isn't that great. It's weird though that our lives were meant to improve so much in the last 50 years or so, but most of us are just exhausted and miserable still.

I have to say though, we can't be happy 100% of the time and I tend to see a good life as an absence of shitness, so it isn't all that bad really.

@ItzANoFromMe

I disagree with others that you're depressed. You're just aware of the monotony and daily grind, and the whole futility of it for so many people who aren't in careers they love, that it's an endless routing of work, bills, clean, sleep, repeat, with occasional good bits of we can afford them and aren't too knackered. What's infuriating to me is that it doesn't need to be like this, and that governments deliberately keep us nose to the grindstone. Read The Ragged-Trousered Philanthropists for an idea of what I'm talking about, and what's been stolen from us.

Sorry. I hear you. I think many of us feel the same. Time for a revolution.

Yes I'm starting to feel the need for one and you are right, it doesn't have to be this way.

My OH has been looking at how the economy really works and it is such an eye-opener. It really could be so much better for everyone and there is no excuse for people to suffer through poverty when it is completely avoidable. There are many people leading a very good and free life out there while doing literally nothing for it.

For anyone who feels a bit depressed or would like some inspiration, I listened to a programme today on the radio. It was on at 4.00pm and is called 'Sketches: Stories of Art and People'.

I listened to it and found it really encoryaging.

This episode is called 'Be here now'.

It is three stories of people who have found meaning in making or doing things.

The first is Maria Adriana Contreras, who lost her dad in Chile and fled her country at age 6. As an adult she felt depressed, even though she was successful. Her friend suggested Crafternoons and they fist made a rabbit, then dolls.

The second person is a bedbund artist called Corinne, who reflects on Mexican painter, Frida Kahlo. Both Corinne's story and Frida Kahlo's story are inspiring.

The third story is Brook Tate, who discovered joy through a giraffe puppet called Martha.

It is all lovely stuff that connects art to well being.

It is well worth a listen.

www.bbc.co.uk/sounds/play/m000ymxn

@Italiangreyhound that's just what I do to cope with life. Crafts are really important and very mindful. Even doing a jigsaw puzzle can help to calm down your brain and thinking. Thanks for the link to that. I know it was for the OP but I'm greatful too. Xxx

@WingingItSince1973 thank you so much. It was not just for the OP but for anyone.

It's very humbling to listen to those stories, to hear how making things gave meaning to their lives.

For others it may be something different. I am not sure it is just a case of needing more free time but of what we do with it.

I think it's about balance. So many people spend a disproportionate amount of time working/doing chores and unless you love your work this is unhealthy.

Stability of well-being requires the three magic ingredients of good nutrition, restorative sleep and exercise to the point of breathlessness at least 3x a week.

This is a really good basis improved by time spent using senses ie by using touch (gardening or craft or baking, for example), sight (making time to watch a sunrise or see an exhibition), sound (listen to your favourite music or to sing/play) and so on.

We also need a sense of connection with people we genuinely care about. Easier said than done I know but getting involved in activities that you enjoy can be a pathway to this.

I've been trying really hard to picture what id do... all I can come up with is - nothing, what's the point.
@putthebinsout - I felt like this a few years ago. I just had zero enjoyment in anything. My only purpose in life was to be around for my kids and I genuinely got scared that I might stop caring much abotu that too.

I decided to have a massive 'Act As If' intervention. Just act as if life mattered to me. I started by volunteering at a Food Bank a coupke of miles away. I walked there or back when I could, and made myself enjoy the seasons whatever they were - the heavy frost, the first signs of spring etc. I also did something - anything - that I'd never done before eveyr single day for a year and recorded my observations on it every day in a private blog. It really did help. It just switched on my inquisitiveness and appreciation for life again and it;s never really switched off since. Worth a try.

The only things that make me happy are bad for me-

• food
• alcohol
• sex
• shopping
• doing nothing

I think meaning in life cones from having people to share it with. If you have no one who loves you I don't think you can be happy in life.

@Italiangreyhound it's such a lovely positive comment. Xxx

@robotcollision

I've been trying really hard to picture what id do... all I can come up with is - nothing, what's the point. *@putthebinsout* - I felt like this a few years ago. I just had zero enjoyment in anything. My only purpose in life was to be around for my kids and I genuinely got scared that I might stop caring much abotu that too.

I decided to have a massive 'Act As If' intervention. Just act as if life mattered to me. I started by volunteering at a Food Bank a coupke of miles away. I walked there or back when I could, and made myself enjoy the seasons whatever they were - the heavy frost, the first signs of spring etc. I also did something - anything - that I'd never done before eveyr single day for a year and recorded my observations on it every day in a private blog. It really did help. It just switched on my inquisitiveness and appreciation for life again and it;s never really switched off since. Worth a try.

Thanks @robotcollision I'm trying to change the way I think so I'll give your approach some thought. Thank you

@ghostmouse

I don't enjoy life at the moment because i recently lost my husband to cancer. Now that's shit.

I'd love to have a normal life at the moment, enjoying the small mundane things that kept our lives going. I did genuinely enjoy my life when he was alive, my job meh just a cleaner.

When you lose a life partner it really makes you evaluate life.

Life IS worth living. He never got that chance

So very sorry for your loss

I can relate to what you've written op. Different circumstances but I totally understand what you mean.

I agree with your post Felulageller

I am addicted to food and buying stuff in particular because I lack quality relationships in my life. And quality relationships is something money just can't buy. Hoping to change it around a bit but in the meantime I look for stuff to fill the emptiness. I look to other things too, such as enjoyable interests etc. which I'm yet to develop but fundamentally, I would be a lot happier if my relationships were better (and I'm working on the poor relationship I seem to have with myself, which is gradually improving).

Hey thanks for the reply.

I'm sure there are plenty others like us.