To think life is not worth living

[Omgthatssointeresting]

I know that sounds dramatic and don't worry I am not suicidal but I just cannot understand how people enjoy life.

Life has some positives but so many more negatives. I'm either working or too tired from working to do anything most days. It's such a relentless slog and I don't see the point in living if 90% of my life is doing things I don't want to do. And the other 10% is just ok.

I have an objectively good life - lovely partner, a.job that is better than most jobs out there, a wonderful dd, etc. And I hate my life. It's not intolerably awful it's just so repetitive with no enjoyment. I've been keeping track of whether I was happy that I woke up and lived that day and 47 days in a row now the answer is no. I wish I never even woke up. Nothing bad happened it's.just what is the point? What is the point in dealing with all the irritation and difficulty of everyday life?

I work so hard. Everyone does. Lots work even harder than me in tougher jobs. But for.what? To go.shppping on Saturday and to the dump on Sunday then try and recover for more work on Monday. Why? Why keep going?

It's insanity. To spend your whole life doing things you don't enjoy. I feel so guilty for bringing my daughter into this world. That one day she's going to have to do this. That when she's 29.she might also be counting down the years until she is 70 and can finally.retire. That maybe she too secretly hopes to get a serious illness or die in a car accident so that she can stop living without feeling guilty for abandoning her loved ones. I have to resist the desire to apologise for creating her life almost daily.

So I think there are 3 possible answers to why people bother to live their lives despite it making no sense to me.

1. They actually enjoy everyday life. I find this unbelievable. What is enjoyable about emptying bins, commutes to work, washing dishes, dealing with people in HR, etc. Most people don't enjoy their job either so I find this option implausible.

2. The good of special days make up for all that work. It would have to be 50x better than everyday life so again not likely.

3. People just bury their head in the sand. They delude themselves that their life is good and that they enjoy it and lie to themselves to keep themselves same. I think this must be what most people are doing.

So sorry for the long winded question. Basically, aibu to have this attitude and if so why? My dp says he is option 3.

Thanks for your insight.

I've name-changed for this, and what I'm going to post is "outing" in the extreme...but seeing as it's been published in a newspaper anyway, plus it's not my usual MN name, I guess it doesn't matter!! I just feel so sad for you and I'm wondering if this helps, so here goes: I tried to kill myself just over 10 years ago. My mum had killed herself a year prior, and my grief sent me completely off the rails. The method I chose was so extreme that the chances of survival were minuscule: I jumped out of a 60-foot window onto concrete. What saved me was the fact that I went feet-first rather than head first, but it absolutely wasn't my intention to survive.

However when I came out of the coma....and I can't really explain why...I felt such unbelievable gratitude about being alive. Even though I was physically in a lot of pain, and that pain lasted for weeks (I was in hospital for months) something inside me shifted and I think the reason for that was the thought of how close I came to succeeding which made me so grateful that I hadn't.

What helped me to consolidate my recovery was rock climbing, and that ultimately led me to change careers to do a job that I really love: I run a Climbing social enterprise. I often think of my mum, and how she may have experienced the same thing as me....i.e. if she hadn't succeeded in her attempt but had survived instead, she may have felt the same gratitude I now feel?

I'm not 100% sure if I'm doing the right thing telling you this, and I know you said you aren't suicidal. But you do sound very, very low and that worries me. Obviously, I do NOT recommend trying and failing at suicide as a way to make you look at your life with new eyes. But I think it's really important for you to get some things in place in your life that will help stop you from feeling this way. It's not acceptable to just put up with this feeling and think you don't deserve any better. You do deserve better, and I think you should prioritize doing whatever it takes to lift yourself out of this.

The first thing I would really recommend is that you try and take some time out every week for a new hobby. Where I live, a website called "Meet Up" is really popular, and they have some great hobby groups that you could join if it's in your location. For me that was rock climbing, and it was such a huge part of my physical and emotional recovery. Secondly I do think if you really hate your job, you should take steps towards a career change. I know it's difficult because you depend on your wage so maybe don't want to rock the boast financially. You mentioned a lovely partner...hopefully he/she would be sympathetic if you considered a career change and needed their support?

I really wish you all the best and I hope that you can find some joy in your life in the future.

Here is the article about my story:

www.glasgowtimes.co.uk/news/18678128.died-lost-happiness---glasgow-woman-launches-treeclimbing-social-enterprise-10-years-attempt-end-life/

An interesting and inspiring post@SecondChanceAtLife.
Personally if I feel low ' joining things' can make it worse.
I have volunteered for many years and joined things...yet to make a friend or even an acquaintance.

@SecondChanceAtLife

what a journey, so much pain and so much courage x

I'm so glad you're still here, SecondChance.

It's not acceptable to just put up with this feeling and think you don't deserve any better. You do deserve better, and I think you should prioritize doing whatever it takes to lift yourself out of this

Yes, this.

Look up nihilism. You are a nihilist, but you can find happiness in the pointlessness of life.

On top of that you do sound depressed, properly depressed which is a physical problem just like a broken leg.

Go to your GP and also try some talking therapy. There are Nihilst therapists.

OP 6 years ago I had a lovely job in our family firm, 4 horses, good decent friends, happy kids. Fast forward to today. I'm am in constant pain from arthritis and fibromyalgia. I spend most of my day existing from one nap to the next. My middle daughter became a teenage mum and we had and awful few years after my dgs abused him. They are now living with us as the tenancy to her house has ended and she needed a place for a few months. My youngest dd is a teen and suffered with extreme anxiety so she has to be homeschooled and that's a battle. I have my days when I feel what is the point, I'm just existing for the sake of it. But then I'll have a lovely day out or spend some time in my garden, I have always been arty so when I feel well enough I do something creative. My life is totally different to what it was. I was always being told to slow down as I was always in the thick of it wanting to grasp every aspect of life. Now I've learned to accept and live for the simple pleasures of life. I totally see where you are coming from but also assure you that between all the drudgery of life there are sparks of wonderful moments that can leave you fullfied and satisfied. Having a young child is also draining but believe me there will be many times when you will be bowled over by the wonderful innocence and enjoyment of life your little one has. Try not to look around and think you should be doing zxy and start thinking of the things you do enjoy and make time for those in your life. Try to see the simple things in life as good and not mundane. I would say to see a doctor about how you feel too just to make sure you don't have any underlying depression or anxiety xxx

@sadperson16 @50ShadesOfCatholic @ArabellaScott ❤❤❤

Thank you for your kind words 🥰

Perhaps it might be interesting to hear other tales of people who have joined things and it's worked for them.

The weird thing about feeling happy and fulfilled is that it can often seem unrelated to what's actually going on around us. When you feel OK in yourself it's easy to take delight in simple pleasures, but when you feel rubbish, even wonderful things can leave you utterly cold.

What sometimes poisons my own happiness is a strong inner self-critic that tells me I always fuck things up. (Not helped by the fact that I often do!) I seem to do better when I consciously make an effort at more positive self-talk.

Not that I have ever properly contemplated suicide, but one thing that puts me off is that I don't think consciousness is that simple. Everyone worries that there might be no life after death, but I tend to think that consciousness is eternal and just changes form, which is potentially much more terrifying because you can't just switch it off and enjoy the silence.

Somehow we have to find a way to make the most of being alive, and the difficulties of doing so seem to be stitched deeply into what it means to be human. Zen Buddhism seems to have all the answers, but it seems cruelly paradoxical to me that on the one hand there is something so precious about being human, and on the other hand the only way we can fully cope with it is to transcend our own humanity.

I don't relate to any of those 3 options, I feel exactly as you do OP. Lots of people jump to 'you're depressed' as if it's your mindset that's the problem to be fixed. But why? It's all true isn't it. The world is a dark place and life is generally a hard slog just to be followed by death. Along the way characterised by made up money and made up rules and procreating so that the human race can continue to populate the planet. Doing a bit of Zumba on a Tuesday or going on the odd spa day isn't going to change any of that.

I was a bit like you OP. Until I had my first cancer scare. All of a sudden, all those things that seemed so boring and not worth doing didn't seem such chores compared to the prospect of never having the opportunity to do them again. I had another few such scares and each time it's made me enjoyed life a bit more.

I've learned that being bored is a privilege. When you are bored, you are usually not overly worried, scared, in pain. Every bit of boring in life can be turned into something to be grateful for. Life can't be an endless accumulation of joys and excitements. It's up to us to make each part of it as contentment as we can. I used to rush doing chores, with the ultimate mission to get over them. Recently, I've started taking my time doing them and discover how much more tolerable they are when you don't just rush through them. I've started to take more time doing things and it's taken a massive load of frustration and discontentment out of my life.

It's not being in denial, it's opening up the mind to see and experience the same things in a different way.

OP are you me? I feel exactly the same.

I genuinely believe that this isn't an issue of being depressed (complicated by the fact that I agree with you, OP, and I am depressed). It's that the way we've designed society is absolutely crap. I'm single so I have to work long hours to keep a roof over my head. I'm constantly knackered and spend a lot of my weekend just trying to recover from the week, and on it goes. Like an endless cycle of chores. Part of me is glad I couldn't have kids, as imagining them living like this too is just dire to me.

(Also had a cancer scare at 32 and this did absolutely nothing to change me of my viewpoint. Which is a bit sad - could've probably done with an existential kick up the backside.)

you sound like you're sick of capitalism

The world is a dark place and life is generally a hard slog just to be followed by death

This is totally subjective.

The world is a place with dark and light and inbetween. Life can be a hard slog, and also many other things. The only thing I agree that is correct there is that we will all die. That's for sure!

Depressive thoughts or nihilistic thoughts aren't wrong, per se, they're just a completely one sided view.

• we are telling ourselves stories all the time. If we constantly tell ourselves life is terrible and everything is bleak, then that is how our life will be.

Most of the time, we're hardly even aware of the stories we tell ourselves. Actually, I really recommend this book:

www.amazon.co.uk/Feeling-Good-New-Mood-Therapy/dp/0380810336?tag=mumsnetforu03-21

It helps to identify thought habits that are very often underlying depressive thinking.

These include things like - magical thinking; personalising everything; catastrophising.

It's a bit of a plod, this book, but it does a good job of revealing how skewed one's thinking is when stuck in a depressive rut. It certainly helped me, amongst various other things including lifestyle changes, meditation, therapy, etc.

Mindfulness/CBT can also be helpful for identifying thought habits.

@Omgthatssointeresting

I know that sounds dramatic and don't worry I am not suicidal but I just cannot understand how people enjoy life.

Life has some positives but so many more negatives. I'm either working or too tired from working to do anything most days. It's such a relentless slog and I don't see the point in living if 90% of my life is doing things I don't want to do. And the other 10% is just ok.

I have an objectively good life - lovely partner, a.job that is better than most jobs out there, a wonderful dd, etc. And I hate my life. It's not intolerably awful it's just so repetitive with no enjoyment. I've been keeping track of whether I was happy that I woke up and lived that day and 47 days in a row now the answer is no. I wish I never even woke up. Nothing bad happened it's.just what is the point? What is the point in dealing with all the irritation and difficulty of everyday life?

I work so hard. Everyone does. Lots work even harder than me in tougher jobs. But for.what? To go.shppping on Saturday and to the dump on Sunday then try and recover for more work on Monday. Why? Why keep going?

It's insanity. To spend your whole life doing things you don't enjoy. I feel so guilty for bringing my daughter into this world. That one day she's going to have to do this. That when she's 29.she might also be counting down the years until she is 70 and can finally.retire. That maybe she too secretly hopes to get a serious illness or die in a car accident so that she can stop living without feeling guilty for abandoning her loved ones. I have to resist the desire to apologise for creating her life almost daily.

So I think there are 3 possible answers to why people bother to live their lives despite it making no sense to me.

1. They actually enjoy everyday life. I find this unbelievable. What is enjoyable about emptying bins, commutes to work, washing dishes, dealing with people in HR, etc. Most people don't enjoy their job either so I find this option implausible.

2. The good of special days make up for all that work. It would have to be 50x better than everyday life so again not likely.

3. People just bury their head in the sand. They delude themselves that their life is good and that they enjoy it and lie to themselves to keep themselves same. I think this must be what most people are doing.

So sorry for the long winded question. Basically, aibu to have this attitude and if so why? My dp says he is option 3.

Thanks for your insight.

My opinion is that it's your own responsibility to add value to your life. That usually happens by having a purpose, being proactive in terms of moulding your own life and happiness, and by experiencing and achieving things.

You have very nice hair, @SecondChanceAtLife. good that you’re still walking the Earth.

I’m getting slightly impatient with some of the doomier posters who appear to feel that those who aren’t actively aghast at the pointlessness of life are ‘burying their heads in the sand’ or somehow in denial. It is possible to be dealing with an objectively similar set of life conditions and actively try to meet them with interest and commitment. Living ‘well’ isn’t a passive condition of enjoyment or necessarily easier circumstances.

I think that’s a good point, @DelphineMarineaux.

I feel really happy most days.

My health is in a pretty crap state which has had some knock on effects that I struggle with at times, but I also have a job that I really love and I have two great children.

Some days are still really tedious though and I do have periods of feeling fed-up, but generally those days are few and far between.

I feel the same way.
I'm only existing because I have to for my children.
I have pretending down to a fine art.
Nobody knows that all I think about is dying. In multiple awful ways.

It is completely possible to change your life, or to change your viewpoints, your thinking styles, your habitual self-narratives.

I'm living proof of this. I have ups and downs like most people; I've not been depressed or suicidal in about thirteen years. But it doesn't just happen to you - you have to work at it, try different things until something works, then maybe add other approaches, too, keep going, keep trying, keep getting back up and getting back on, be kind to yourself while also gee-ing yourself along a bit.

Sometimes that means asking for help, sometimes it means just getting up and going and starting a gardening course or something. Just do something, anything, different! Sit in a different seat at dinner time. Walk a different route home. Buy a different newspaper. Chuck your job. Go hungry for a day or two. Speak to someone you've never met before. Pick one thing that you do the same everyday and do something different tomorrow. Think of three things you're grateful for.

I wish I could make a cup of tea and offer a bunch of flowers for anyone on this thread feeling low and despondent.

Op - what do you want to do? If you had the time and the free will on your hands what would you do with your day?

@Themadcatparade

Op - what do you want to do? If you had the time and the free will on your hands what would you do with your day?

I'm listening to "I'm a badass" at the moment in an attempt at creating a more positive life for myself and the author asks this exact question. That was about 12 hours ago I heard that and all that tome I've been trying really hard to picture what id do... all I can come up with is - nothing, what's the point.

It's a horrible mindset to be in and I can hugely relate to the OP.