To think life is not worth living

[Omgthatssointeresting]

I know that sounds dramatic and don't worry I am not suicidal but I just cannot understand how people enjoy life.

Life has some positives but so many more negatives. I'm either working or too tired from working to do anything most days. It's such a relentless slog and I don't see the point in living if 90% of my life is doing things I don't want to do. And the other 10% is just ok.

I have an objectively good life - lovely partner, a.job that is better than most jobs out there, a wonderful dd, etc. And I hate my life. It's not intolerably awful it's just so repetitive with no enjoyment. I've been keeping track of whether I was happy that I woke up and lived that day and 47 days in a row now the answer is no. I wish I never even woke up. Nothing bad happened it's.just what is the point? What is the point in dealing with all the irritation and difficulty of everyday life?

I work so hard. Everyone does. Lots work even harder than me in tougher jobs. But for.what? To go.shppping on Saturday and to the dump on Sunday then try and recover for more work on Monday. Why? Why keep going?

It's insanity. To spend your whole life doing things you don't enjoy. I feel so guilty for bringing my daughter into this world. That one day she's going to have to do this. That when she's 29.she might also be counting down the years until she is 70 and can finally.retire. That maybe she too secretly hopes to get a serious illness or die in a car accident so that she can stop living without feeling guilty for abandoning her loved ones. I have to resist the desire to apologise for creating her life almost daily.

So I think there are 3 possible answers to why people bother to live their lives despite it making no sense to me.

1. They actually enjoy everyday life. I find this unbelievable. What is enjoyable about emptying bins, commutes to work, washing dishes, dealing with people in HR, etc. Most people don't enjoy their job either so I find this option implausible.

2. The good of special days make up for all that work. It would have to be 50x better than everyday life so again not likely.

3. People just bury their head in the sand. They delude themselves that their life is good and that they enjoy it and lie to themselves to keep themselves same. I think this must be what most people are doing.

So sorry for the long winded question. Basically, aibu to have this attitude and if so why? My dp says he is option 3.

Thanks for your insight.

I don't know OP. You sound so flat and unhappy. I'm sorry for it.

For me, in my life, it was often so hard I could not speak or breathe for the weight of it. Sometimes I wanted to die. But not often. Life is so sweet. Once or twice I was close to death, hours from it, and I knew then I wanted to live. Even in the worst moments, there is always the wind in your face, the sun through the trees, a bit of sugar, a cup of tea -- there are always sweetnesses and times of joy, if you look for them. You do have to look for them.

But the other thing to know, which I didn't know for a long time, so busy was I in finding the brief moments of peace in the struggle, was that if you don't like your life, you can change it. It's not easy, but it is possible.

You only get one.

You are burnt out @Omgthatssointeresting.
I’ve been there too. When you are so exhausted, thee is no way you can’t enjoy anything at all.

First step is to look after yourself.

Have you missed out the mass of people living lives of quiet desperation?

I love, love, love my job. I’m an orchestral musician and when I chose it as a career everyone told me I’d have no money. Well, I don’t work for money - I want to be able to pay my bills and enjoy what I do in the process. Life is to be enjoyed, money comes second.

Every day I wake up so excited about going into work, or getting started on whatever tasks I have to do at home first. I don’t love the admin side of the jobs - the emails can be annoying, but the other 95% is bloody amazing. I’m mostly freelance so every week I meet so many new and varied people. I’m travelling the world with my work. I just really, really love it.

Housework - hit and miss. I hate cooking and anything to do with the kitchen, so that’s something I just do because it needs to be done. But I weirdly enjoy doing laundry and ironing, so I try and do those on days I feel a little low. It gives me a bit of satisfaction.

My advice for you and especially your daughter who I suppose is still young - find out what you LOVE doing, and if possible turn it into your job. Encourage your child to partake in many different activities and perhaps one of them will inspire her to go into a specific career, or it will develop into a lifelong hobby. Life is too short to not enjoy what one does for the majority of it.

They actually enjoy everyday life. I find this unbelievable. What is enjoyable about emptying bins, commutes to work, washing dishes, dealing with people in HR, etc. Most people don't enjoy their job either so I find this option implausible

Emptying bins and washing dishes-the place looks nice afterwards, I love starting with a mess and cleaning it up, restoring order so it all looks and smells gorgeous. Cant imagine why anyone wouldn’t.

Commute to work, are you actually kidding me? best part of the day. Windows open in summer, or heating on full blast in winter, music on, flying(or even inching, both are fine) down the motorway singing at the top of my voice, love it.

Dealing with people in HR, not sure what you mean by this, but can’t see why it would be a problem, they’re just people doing a job like everyone else.

I think you are not very well op and you deserve to feel better.

I say this as I used to feel this way. Very low. Not after having dcs but when they were 3 and 4 and dh worked long hours away so only saw him once a week when we would visit his in laws etc.

I made changes. I went part time at work. Started saying no a lot. I fell out with people but I no longer feel Iive my life for everyone else.

I don't mind making the house look nice. I do housework but light candles after and enjoy it with a glass of wine. I don't much like some of my work colleagues who bitch and moan so I take breaks alone. I treat myself more.

I don't know what changes you need to make to be happy but there has to be some. Go part time? Take up a hobby?
I know it's more serious than that but I just want to kindly say to you to be the boss of your own life. Don't let commutes etc get the better of you.

I think life has worn a lot of people down right now OP. The fact that holidays have been curtailed doesn't help.
I like my job, I work in an out patient clinic, I enjoy meeting new patients, deciding a treatment plan with them and seeing things improve. Every day is different and I feel useful, I genuinely like that I am helping.
I find joy in little things like walking in the countryside, baking a cake, art, gardening, trying to spot a certain star or the space station.
I hate shopping, it's utterly meaningless for me, why would I wander around shops accumulating clutter when I could be up a mountain at the weekend?
Bugger the housework! Get a cleaner or just do the bare minimum.

I have a cleaner, 2 horses as a hobby and a job I love as a lecturer.

We live in a small house (easy to clean!) with old cars in a cheap area meaning that our salaries are not eaten up by mortgage. Leaves the money for travel and expensive hobbies.

The aim is not to live an extraordinary life, but to find joy in the ordinary. It’s a quote from something like Greys Anatomy, but it resonated with me.

I genuinely love my job. I work in the education sector, have fantastic colleagues, get to use my brain, feel appreciated and every day is different. I have a dog who makes me laugh every day and I love walking him in beautiful places. I love running, getting away from everything, tuning out or sometimes chatting with friends. I love reading - you get to discover new worlds, learn about people, things, that you never would otherwise. I believe strongly in pushing yourself out of your comfort zone - that’s where you really learn who you are.

Don’t get me wrong, life is hard and frequently shit. I’m a single parent and money is tight. There’s a lot of stress and anxiety. But I’m mostly content with the life I lead.

Doesn’t mean I haven’t felt flat over the last year - no travel, no competitions. I am supremely lucky and my life couldn’t be easier and I still felt down. I can only imagine how it is for people in more complicated and/or less privileged positions

1 for me, but I also have hobbies I enjoy. I don't go "shopping" except a quick nip into the supermarket etc on the way back from doing something I enjoy. If I just work, shop, clean and watch Netflix I get very down because it is extremely boring doing the same thing day in, day out. For me life's about enjoying the world we live in, creating and learning. If I'm doing those things it all feels worth the patches of drudgery!

Op - I hear you. I felt like I lived like that for a few years.
It was low level depression in a way.
When my first DD died two days before she was due and I almost died too I experienced utter despair.
I then realised that for the most part I’m actually a happy person.
I’ve been a carer for my only living DD since she was born 4 years ago. I adore her but it’s fucking hard with a non verbal, physically and mentally disabled child.
But, I’m still mostly “happy “. I adore her and she brings me joy.
But the biggest change for me was leaving work that (while I was very good at it) brought me into a repetitive cycle.
I’m looking at getting back into work - and I’ve discovered painting (which is helping immensely with PTSD I have to deal with after an assault by a doctor) and it’s made me realise I’ve probably never worked in an area that would actually suit me. It’s a slow work in progress but I’m not going back to where I was before.
I wish you luck

I've felt like that before but there was a reason - permanent life changing injuries within immediate family - and the slog of full-time work and being a carer meant no time to self. I spoke to GP and got prescribed antidepressants, and they've made a positive difference to me.

As someone else said, I've found getting out in nature beneficial. I like going for a walk first thing or last thing. Rarely see any other people at those times, and I enjoy the peace even if it's just for a short time.

I don't really like my job, but I like my colleagues a lot. I also put regular things in my diary to give myself something to look forward to - lunch with a friend etc.

I’m really sorry you feel so shit. I don’t think you can necessarily fix the things in life that you’re finding so hard, but I do think you should try and get some help so that you’re able to get a bit more joy out of each day. I’m not saying that it will make all of the shit go away, but it IS possible to achieve a better sense of balance.

There are things I would like to be different, but these I am trying to work towards every day.

I'm in my fifties, and over various lockdowns I did a lot of soul searching and often felt quite depressed.

I often find having a teenager hard. Not so much since we're out of home schooling and results are in and I can see all that hard work (and taking the bins out, and the constant food stuff, and the cleaning) was worth it.

I don't have a relationship. I'm very cynical about it right now in my life and I would rather use the time and energy that might potentially take up for me.

With the easing of lockdowns I'm starting to feel better though.

I feel the key is small changes. And all the changes add up.

Try to identify what it is that you might like to change.

We found out last year that DH has terminal cancer. It has opened my eyes to how lucky we are to have been able to enjoy the mundane, wading-through-treacle life we had been living. Today we went to a Fostering Family Day (we are foster parents) and just enjoyed the sunshine and sitting and chatting absolute crap with people we are on nodding terms with day-to-day. A couple of weeks ago he bought new shoes for work, something we thought he would never need again, and we celebrated a pair of shoes.

Do you think you might have a low level of depression?

It depends on your expectations? What did you expect, do be able to do want you wanted all the time and not have to earn money? To get up and have fun everyday and the house would magically clean itself? I am going be harsh here... grow up! This is life, sometimes it’s great and sometimes it’s shit and a lot of the time it’s mundane. Grab the magical parts and get on with it and for those wishing their life away until they can retire... have a word with yourselves. Never heard anything to sad in all my life..

I'm with you OP. I can relate, nothing makes sometimes but I keep going for my daughter. My daughter is my everything and also my dog!

But I got you...and particularly after the forties is like life is determined to reminder us how tough can it be.
Visit
Call yourGP and reach out for help even if you think you don't need it. I did it and I received help and support due to severe depression. A big hug x

This is why we went part time. Life feels too short for full time work!

*Nothing makes sense

@Omgthatssointeresting

I am really interested in what people enjoy about their job? Most people dislike their job - this is a research based fact. And by enjoy I don't mean 'it makes me feel important' or 'im making a difference' but specific things.ypi do each day that you look forward to. Perhaps I should focus on these. Also if.yoi don't.mind mentioning your job title too. Thanks

I enjoy my job very much. I'm a marketing director at an environmental firm.

The services we sell contribute to resource conservation and management, and the reduction of both waste and carbon production of companies. This is a brand purpose it's easy to align with, so that's a small bit of happiness right there.

My commute is short and I use it to listen to podcasts. There is rarely any traffic, so I enjoy it. If it were longer I probably wouldn't!

I genuinely enjoy my colleagues' company and we often socialise in off hours. They make work pleasant, and are for the most part pleasant to work with. I take pride in doing work that advances the company, and am recognised & rewarded for that work.

Specifically, I like creating the strategy that runs the department, I find seeing it implemented as satisfying, and the success or failure as either rewarding or challenging. I do also like the storytelling aspect of my job, but I don't often have a chance to get as hands on with that as I like. I look forward to the acts of researching, planning, and then executing our next moves as a team.

Outside of work, I participate in a sport and look forward to making progress in it. I love to cook, so meal planning and cooking for the family is something I genuinely enjoy. I look forward to my quiet hour on the sofa with DH after the DC are asleep, when we catch up with our day. I love my Saturday nights when DH is out with his friends and I order the best takeaway I can find, put the DC to bed early, and watch my fill of the TV DH doesn't feel like watching in the week. These are all little pleasures.

Are there health issues, times when the DC fight too often, or times when I'm tired? Sure, but they don't outweigh the enjoyment in my day to day life.

I'm sorry OP, you sound quite desperate. If you think it will help in the short term, then maybe talk to your GP about anti depressants.
However, longer term you may need to rethink your whole approach. If your life isn't working for you, then make some changes. It might be scary but has to be better than drowning in sorrow and staying stuck. Your job sounds like it is draining the life out of you, so look into retraining. Even if it means taking a pay cut, find a way to live with less stuff.

I used to work in jobs I hated, office work mostly - and felt a bit like you did. The years stretching in front of me felt so claustrophobic. I felt like a robot, getting up, commuting to work, doing the same boring but stressful job and going home again. Then I would spend my money on crap to make myself feel better, and didn't even have much savings to show for it. Living for the weekend didn't work because come Sunday I would start to get stressed again.

There's a saying 'work is the rent you pay for life'. Most of us will have to work at something, so try and find something you can enjoy, or at least pleasantly tolerate. Only a very lucky few get to do their dream job, and even then I'm sure there are moments that are boring/ frustrating.

I'm retraining to work in a lower paid and longer hours job, but hopefully one that is more practical, hands on and rewarding (working with animals), which I am looking forward to. I don't think it's going to make my life somehow magical with no other worries or stresses, but it sure beats staying in a job that makes me miserable for the next 30 years.

Take a chance and do something else. You have so much time ahead of you to figure out what you really enjoy.

Spend time with people that make you feel good. I have a few wonderful friends who I catch up with every week or so, and we just do normal stuff like go for coffee, walk along the pier and chat etc. but it always makes me feel better.

You sound burnt out OP.

I’m option 1, most of the time. Things I enjoy about life?

• feeling good in y body after exercise
• enjoying nice food
• feeling happy around the people I love
• feeling exhilarated at a new challenge
• feeling satisfaction that I did something well
• feeling grateful for all that I have.

But But But I have felt like you in the past. When I was utterly burned out and had been totally neglecting myself for a long time. I didn’t matter to me, my job didn’t matter to me, nothing mattered to me. I just wanted it to stop.

I went travelling, I did some voluntary work in a 3rd word country and travelled onward after that. I saw real poverty. I saw beauty. I saw inequality. I felt angry, dismayed, frustrated, compassionate, determined to change things. I did manual work I’d never done before. I learned things. I met new friends and inspiring people. I felt uplifted, energised, excited by my own versatility and agency. I experienced danger. I got lost. I was sick. I was helped by kind strangers. I went looking for Adventure. When I returned after 6 months, I saw the beauty of the world and value in life again.

I don’t know if you can do that with a DD, but if you can, I heartily recommend it.

Sometimes I still get fed up and jaded, but I can close my eyes and remember what I did on my travel, what I saw, who I met, what moved me, and I know I will never sink into that burnout again.

I’m a 3 or more likely @OneGlamMama’s number 4. I could have written your post myself and I’ve read at least 2 others the same recently and nearly wrote one myself. I think the pandemic has really ground people down. I used to be one of those annoying people who genuinely loves my job but I’ve been doing it ‘virtually’ for 18 months and it’s not a job that can be down virtually! Not one manager has asked me if I’m OK (I’m not) or how I’m managing to do the job (I’m not!).

For me it not so much he amount of time the housework and chores take, it’s the relentless treadmill of them. The minute you’ve done the dishwasher, another plate appears. The minute you get to the bottom of the washing mountain, you take your clothes off to go to bed. You clean the kitchen, you cook tea oh and then you do the dishwasher again. You Hoover, someone comes in with muddy feet or the dog chews up a stick. Round and round and round you go, doing the same shit jobs over and over again until you die.

I work term time only and I’ve found it really hard to get into the swing of thinking of places to go every day, especially when DS went away with my parents but now he’s back and we’re getting back into it and I do feel a lot better for it. But then we come home and those jobs are right there waiting for me…

DH is a high earner and I’m an average earner but we have a huge amount of debt from when times we’re harder that we can never get anywhere with so we’re constantly struggling for money despite DH working so damn hard for us and we have to watch SIL who’s not worked in 13 years somehow have a better standard of living than us on benefits.

DS is getting older and doesn’t need me as much, I’ll never have another child and all I have to look forward to is retirement in (at least) 32 years time. Actually, I’m not sure I’m looking forward to that as the housework will still be there.

I’m not actively suicidal but if I could not wake up tomorrow and it wouldn’t destroy DS, I’d happily not.

@Omgthatssointeresting

I am really interested in what people enjoy about their job? Most people dislike their job - this is a research based fact. And by enjoy I don't mean 'it makes me feel important' or 'im making a difference' but specific things.ypi do each day that you look forward to. Perhaps I should focus on these. Also if.yoi don't.mind mentioning your job title too. Thanks

I’m a teacher. I like my colleagues and I like the kids. I’m looking forward to seeing them after the break. I teach English and I love my sixth form classes - discussing texts that I find interesting with the kids and seeing what they think about them. Teenagers can be really excellent company - they are funny, irreverent, interesting.