Aibu to count DDs savings in the emergency savings fund

[Gettingmoretoast]

We have an account for DD where money from her grandparents has gone into. As she is only 1, although it's in her name, we have full access to it. It's a separate account though with entirely her money and we don't touch it. I'm celebrating 'loosely' as after years of being in debt, we're not only debt free (apart from mortgage), but actually have some savings. I returned to work after mat leave 'full time' in February but used annual leave to complete a phased return until a few weeks ago and I was able to save on the nursery days we didn't need but obviously now we will be paying full time childcare and the bill will increase so I can still save, but a much lesser amount each month.
I'm very open with my sister and we've been supporting each other through our debt - savings journeys so I excitedly told her that after my pay day this month I will have officially reached my emergency savings goal so I can then focus what little savings I can now make for gradual upgrades to the house that I've been desperate to do but have ignored to focus on savings. I told her what the emergency savings was and she said she didn't think that was quite enough and I explained that if we had to, as a very last resort, we would have access to DDs savings too. She then told me that it was wrong to count her money towards my emergency savings goal because it was essentially stealing from her which I really don't agree with.
To be clear, we have sinking funds for birthdays, Christmas, annual expenses such as insurance, MOT, expected car repairs etc. So our savings are for genuine emergencies only and we would need to exhaust our own savings (which are literally 3 times larger than DDs) before we'd touch hers so we are talking some really significant emergency having happened here before we dip into them. Also, we're now paying nearly £900 a month in DDs childcare bill; we'll be able to save a lot more once we no longer have that to pay for and it is our intention to top both our emergency savings up as well as DDs savings up when we no longer have that to pay anyway so if we absolutely had to borrow the money from her, I'm certain we could repay it long before she turns 18 and will be getting it anyway. Is it really so wrong to say that in a genuine emergency I might borrow some of my daughter's money?

Your sister is right. It isn't your money. You can't touch it

I agree with your sister, it isn't your money and what if you can't repay it?

I think if this was money you had saved for your daughter then if desperate you could utilise it, but given it's from her grandparents, for me it would be out of bounds. Sorry.

Yes, it's not your money. Although if it's all money from grandparents and you were in really dire straits I guess you could approach them to see if it would be ok for you to "borrow" it.

Of course YANBU. Assuming you’d then replace it then whatever you needed it for for benefit her too and I’m sure she’d want you to borrow it

If you were the only one putting into it I’d say sure. But you’re not, it’s money for her from grandparents, so no.

We use DS savings sometimes (had to last year, unemployed for 3 months, it was that or starve) but we are the only ones that put money into it. It is still in our names and technically ours.

You really can’t count your DDs money, gifted to her by grandparents, as your own!

She then told me that it was wrong to count her money towards my emergency savings goal because it was essentially stealing from her
This is correct. Your sister is right. It’s not your money, you say yourself it’s money that’s been gifted to her.

It's not your money regardless of if you can access it or not.
My son has never forgiven his dad for stealing his money.

My biggest concern with borrowing from a child would be that they might need the money themselves as children and it wouldn't be available. It's unlikely but not unheard of for children to become ill and need expensive medical treatment that isn't readily available on the NHS (presuming you are UK) - it's a small risk but it's not one I think any parent should be willing to take

Really? So if the roof of your house caved in and you needed to use all of your savings to fix it but were a a bit shy, you'd rather take out a loan to cover that rather than borrow from your child's account with a view to repay plus interest somewhere in the next 16+ years before they are ever going to see that money anyway? Does that really not seem unnecessary to people?

We have two accounts for our daughter. One the family allowance goes in which, in an emergency I wouldn't hesitate to use. The other is money her great grandmother left her and birthday/Christmas money from her grandparents. No way would I touch that. It's not our money. It's hers.

I think it depends under what circumstances you would consider using it. DC have 5 figure sums in savings, which we don't consider in our savings pot, however they are both at private school and if I needed to use them to pay a final terms worth of fees, I probably would. We have sufficient in savings to cover them both through to Y12, but if it was a choice between moving them in Y13 and using their savings, I think I probably would. By Y12 though, they'd obviously be old enough for us to discuss it with them first though and I can't think of another situation in which I'd use them.

If borrowing money from your daughter was going to save you from homelessness, then use it. Otherwise, it shouldn't be counted as your savings, emergency or otherwise.

I never consider my son's money as ours.

We have the same sort of thing for our dc's, savings accounts with birthday and Christmas money in them. I wouldn't think of those accounts as part of our emergency savings so I do think ybu there. It's their money, not ours in any way. We have an emergency fund and then savings for other things like Christmas, holiday etc. But obviously if we were in a desperate situation such as having no food to eat and absolutely zero money then of course I would dip in to the dc's savings as I can't just let them starve.

@Gettingmoretoast

Really? So if the roof of your house caved in and you needed to use all of your savings to fix it but were a a bit shy, you'd rather take out a loan to cover that rather than borrow from your child's account with a view to repay plus interest somewhere in the next 16+ years before they are ever going to see that money anyway? Does that really not seem unnecessary to people?

I would claim in my insurance 🤷🏻‍♀️

You're children's money is not a spare pot for the parents' savings. If you've not hit your savings goal without counting your child's money then you've not hit your goal.

I'm struggling to think of a time when I'd say it was fine for a parent to use their children's money. Short of needing funds ASAP to leave an abusive relationship.I'm struggling to think of one.

Not your money.
I guess if the Alternative was living on the street I would then approach the GP and ask for permission to touch the money,
But honestly the fact that you are already counting them and considering them as your emergency saving is not a great start, you will be much more prone to use them....

I don’t think you should include it in your emergency provisions or touch it.

An emergency is an emergency; you wouldn't not use the fire extinguisher in your child's bedroom if the rest of the house was on fire - your sister is being pedantic.

Or other genuine emergencies as in homeless without family support, no means of feeding you and the children, so actually dire situations where the shit has hit the fan and you/the children are unsafe.

I would count it “ absolute, going to be put out on the street” emergency Money.
If you were about to be evicted, your DD having 2 grand in the bank won’t benefit anyone.
But, each to there own.

I think you've probably not been explicit enough OP and that's why you're getting the responses you are

If I understand it, you view DDs savings as off limits and have enough emergency funds for all the usual unexpected expenditure

You seem to imply that the only reason you'd touch her savings (and then would absolutely replace) is in real dire financial crisis. I guess such as your DH unable to work for a period due to sudden medical diagnosis, or half the house falling down that happened in a way insurance didn't cover

I don't read your OP that you consider DDs savings to be part of your emergency fund in general (although your title does suggest this), more if it came down to losing your home, putting a roof over her head or covering a life changing medical diagnosis then it would be used, and replaced?

I think you are saying that in a dire emergency - for example a medical emergency - you would dip into dd’s money and then that would be your priority in replenishing the savings account.

I don’t think you are planning to run off to Rio or have an “emergency” on a night out where someone will die without several bottles if champagne.

I think it’s the emergency-emergency savings to dip into if absolutely needed for the greater good of the family in the short term and, in preference to a pay-day loan or pawning something, I think it’s fine.

Well it's not your money, it is your daughters. You didn't save for it, her grandparents did. It depends on the circumstances, dipping into savings to upgrade the car, modify the house, then no. Facing eviction etc, then yes.