Aibu to count DDs savings in the emergency savings fund

[Gettingmoretoast]

We have an account for DD where money from her grandparents has gone into. As she is only 1, although it's in her name, we have full access to it. It's a separate account though with entirely her money and we don't touch it. I'm celebrating 'loosely' as after years of being in debt, we're not only debt free (apart from mortgage), but actually have some savings. I returned to work after mat leave 'full time' in February but used annual leave to complete a phased return until a few weeks ago and I was able to save on the nursery days we didn't need but obviously now we will be paying full time childcare and the bill will increase so I can still save, but a much lesser amount each month.
I'm very open with my sister and we've been supporting each other through our debt - savings journeys so I excitedly told her that after my pay day this month I will have officially reached my emergency savings goal so I can then focus what little savings I can now make for gradual upgrades to the house that I've been desperate to do but have ignored to focus on savings. I told her what the emergency savings was and she said she didn't think that was quite enough and I explained that if we had to, as a very last resort, we would have access to DDs savings too. She then told me that it was wrong to count her money towards my emergency savings goal because it was essentially stealing from her which I really don't agree with.
To be clear, we have sinking funds for birthdays, Christmas, annual expenses such as insurance, MOT, expected car repairs etc. So our savings are for genuine emergencies only and we would need to exhaust our own savings (which are literally 3 times larger than DDs) before we'd touch hers so we are talking some really significant emergency having happened here before we dip into them. Also, we're now paying nearly £900 a month in DDs childcare bill; we'll be able to save a lot more once we no longer have that to pay for and it is our intention to top both our emergency savings up as well as DDs savings up when we no longer have that to pay anyway so if we absolutely had to borrow the money from her, I'm certain we could repay it long before she turns 18 and will be getting it anyway. Is it really so wrong to say that in a genuine emergency I might borrow some of my daughter's money?

I would not hesitate to use the money in an emergency for the family benefit and knowing I would replace it. I think you need to keep a bit of distance financially from sister.

It's quite distasteful, if you were the ones solely paying into the account then fine but it's money from their grandparents intended for them when they become of age.

Well when we n we bought our house we used every penny in every account and that included wiping out the savings accounts of both DC. They were 2 and 4 at the time and had no need of the money sitting there. We put most of the money into the accounts in the first place but we did also nab the money my parents had put away for them.

I have no feelings of guilt about it at all. Those kids are quids in from us and we’ve put the money back. Needs must.

I have no feelings of guilt about it at all. Those kids are quids in from us and we’ve put the money back. Needs must

Exactly.I quite agree. When they were little we were very hard up for cash and I had to raid their savings for a washing machine. Now they are adults and dad has retired with a lump sum, they've been
given substantial amounts for house deposits.

More than they could ever have saved on their own incomes.

Cash flow is quite tight when you have babies and toddlers.
Especially when you have a baby with profound disabilities and have to completely give up work unexpectedly. Finances get tightened up.

To have a domestic disaster, like the washer packing up, is not a small thing. So we borrowed from the kids. Looks like the vast majority of voters a=have never been in that position.

Not read all comments so not sure if this has been mentioned yet.
I'm claiming job seekers but not universal credit due to having more than £16,000 in savings, although only just.
In the eyes of the government, if my daughter has more then £3000 in savings, then that counts towards my own savings. I'm assuming they believe you should go into those savings to pay your bills instead of getting help from the government.

So I think to some of extent, if it was an emergency and your child isn't close to receiving them funds then yeah, I'd use them.. However I would just mention it to the grandparents. I'm sure they wouldn't be mad if you were at risk of dying or losing your house.

Open an ISA for her and only put money into it that you are willing to leave untouched.

I'd also check on her GP expectations were of how the money would be used. Presuming they are still around, would they be happy for you to access those savings? Would they rather loan you some if they have the money? If they gave you money in a 'here's a few bob to buy ice creams with' that's different to 'here's a chunk of my life savings I definitely want dgd to have for college'.