Husband spied on me through Blink camera

[itsgrogubitch]

I'm not really sure what to do. I've name changed because I know some people on here. Husband is working from home and I'm a SAHM to our 5 and 2 year olds. Things have been a bit tense recently, maybe because it's summer holidays and we're all under the same roof a lot, I'm not sure.

Anyway, today I asked him to sit with the kids for 20 minutes while I grabbed a shower and got dressed. I suggested he maybe caught up with some work emails so he doesn't feel like he's wasting time, as he moans usually and then tacks the time onto the end of his work day. Off I go to shower, go upstairs to dry off etc and get dressed. We have a pet tortoise who lives in a tortoise table. I bought a Blink camera so I could see if she was ok while we were out (I'm a bit of a nervous first time pet owner). While I was moisturising, naked obvs (I wasn't taking ages over it, and I have really dry skin, I can't skip it!) I noticed the blue light on camera was which I know means the live view has been activated by the app because of when I set it up. I just froze for a moment and then took 2 massive steps out of shot. I'm absolutely mortified. I calmly got dressed and asked him to delete the Blink app. He acted all innocent and then when I asked why he spied on me, he said he was just checking what I was up to.

The camera used to just show the tortoise table and a tiny bit of the bed, I was getting ready on the other of the bed so it must have been adjusted to cover that area, it's a manual adjust one. I just don't know what to think. Who spies on their own wife? AIBU to be feeling really angry and violated?

Did he move the camera so it was pointing at the whole bed? Very unsettling and I would not be happy!

At what point must he have changed the position of the camera?

I would be fucking livid. Your husband is a creep. I think that might be it for me, my trust in him would be shattered.

@HollowTalk I'm not sure, I've not been checking the camera regularly because we've had our tortoise a few months now and I'm gaining confidence enough to not need to

I would hit the fucking roof. That is really unacceptable and shows a creepy level of pre-planning. Can the footage be saved or is it live-feed only?

That's such a creepy breach of trust, I'm not even sure how I'd feel. Also if it's adjusted presumably he's done it before and so it's an ongoing thing. Does it record or just live stream?

This is a massive breach of trust and creepy to boot. I would have to seriously think about whether I could trust him fully again or would I always feel the need to check for cameras everywhere.

Don't get him to delete the app, get him to hand over the phone- maybe you can see if he's done this before?

I'd be furious. I'd also be inclined to think that this is not the first time he's viewed/recorded you, especially as it seems that he didn't know in advance they you'd ask him, so he must have moved the camera another day...

I was also going to ask if it records.

It's voyeurism, a depressingly common male paraphilia. It's disgusting, dehumanising and completely disrespectful. It's also a crime.

Yuck. What an absolute prick.

You have a pet tortoise in your bedroom?

So if he’s moved the position of the camera has it been on when you’ve been having sex? That would really freak me out x

No decent man spies on their wife. That's disgusting

Personally, I don't like it when my friends' partners can track their phones so they can see where they are, but if my friends don't mind and it's all out in the open, that's up to them. What you're describing is quite different. And I agree with a PP, this wont be the first time he's done it

Your tortoise is in your bedroom and you have a camera on it?!
Anyway I digress can it record? And has he been recording you for ages and you’ve only just realised?
Thirdly just tell him you’re going in the shower why does it have to be a big deal for him to watch the kids for ten mins?

Yikes. Yeah, that's that over with. Dude's a creep. What he did is illegal.

You need to also consider that he's been saving footage and uploading it to other creeps who get off on this sort of "ha look at my wife who doesn't know what I'm recording" stuff.

Honestly? I'd be considering the police. They can examine his computer for evidence he's been recording and uploading, and even if they don't find anything, they can still caution him for basically committing a sex crime against his own partner.

Given that you now know he's a perv, he can't be around the kids anymore either, so the police could also advise in that regard.

@Tlollj

Your tortoise is in your bedroom and you have a camera on it?! Anyway I digress can it record? And has he been recording you for ages and you’ve only just realised? Thirdly just tell him you’re going in the shower why does it have to be a big deal for him to watch the kids for ten mins?

Not uncommon for turtle owners. They like warm rooms and have an open-top table, they meander about. Cameras for keeping an eye on them.

Weird thing to focus on.

We have our tortoise in our room because it's the warmest room in the house and we had a really good space for her table, which is quite big. The camera was only for while she was a baby and she kept getting stuck on her back. Her table doesn't smell or anything, she's not right next to the bed and she doesn't make any noise. It's quite nice to have her in there.

As far as I'm aware, I think you can record footage. Ive never used the facility. He's gone hiding upstairs while I panic in front of Bing with the kids so I can't check his phone right now. I feel like a point of ridicule or a zoo animal or something.

Maybe he'll crack and confess all, hoping you'll forgive him for honesty.

If he's panicking, he's got something to hide. He'd have been smarter to boldly declare "yes, I turned it on, I am sorry. It was a dick move." Instead he's probably off erasing his history. Panicking is not a good sign.

@Tlollj I feel better when he watches them so they're not climbing up into the window or jumping off the sofas. I'm a bit of a worrier

Is he hiding upstairs and deleting videos from his phone?

I'd tell him straight out that his behaviour is creepy and wrong and you are having a long think about where your marriage goes from here. What does he have to say for himself? Then say nothing and wait for him to speak.

Honestly this is really concerning. A PP is right, he didn't know in advance you were going to ask him to watch the kids so when did he move it. You need to ask for his phone and computer and go through them with a fine tooth comb. His reaction to you asking that will be very telling.

GO UPSTAIRS AND TAKE HIS PHONE NOW.