Husband spied on me through Blink camera

[itsgrogubitch]

I'm not really sure what to do. I've name changed because I know some people on here. Husband is working from home and I'm a SAHM to our 5 and 2 year olds. Things have been a bit tense recently, maybe because it's summer holidays and we're all under the same roof a lot, I'm not sure.

Anyway, today I asked him to sit with the kids for 20 minutes while I grabbed a shower and got dressed. I suggested he maybe caught up with some work emails so he doesn't feel like he's wasting time, as he moans usually and then tacks the time onto the end of his work day. Off I go to shower, go upstairs to dry off etc and get dressed. We have a pet tortoise who lives in a tortoise table. I bought a Blink camera so I could see if she was ok while we were out (I'm a bit of a nervous first time pet owner). While I was moisturising, naked obvs (I wasn't taking ages over it, and I have really dry skin, I can't skip it!) I noticed the blue light on camera was which I know means the live view has been activated by the app because of when I set it up. I just froze for a moment and then took 2 massive steps out of shot. I'm absolutely mortified. I calmly got dressed and asked him to delete the Blink app. He acted all innocent and then when I asked why he spied on me, he said he was just checking what I was up to.

The camera used to just show the tortoise table and a tiny bit of the bed, I was getting ready on the other of the bed so it must have been adjusted to cover that area, it's a manual adjust one. I just don't know what to think. Who spies on their own wife? AIBU to be feeling really angry and violated?

This thread is bonkers! simmer down! but before you even got to the camera i thought it was all weird enough that you have to ask him to 'sit with' the kids so you could shower? And that he had to be allowed to email so he didnt feel it was a waste of time? Is he really that rubbish parent? does he do nothing with them? i think you need to think about that even before you get to the camera?

@Clymene

'Turned it on absent-minded'

Fuck me, that's a whole new level of minimising

As opposed to jumping on the OMG he's a pervert lock him up and throw away the key bandwagon?

Sure. Sure.

Well he spied on her @SusieBob. He's admitted it. I'm not sure why you're trying to pretend that's a perfectly normal thing to do. It's not.

No he said he was checking what she’s up to - as in was she finished in the shower and potentially having a sneaky lie down while he’s trying to get on with some work but been left looking after the DCs (not saying he shouldn’t have to look after them. But him admitting to checking what she was up to is not the same as him wanking over images of her putting moisturiser on!)

It doesn’t matter why he was looking at the camera - he was spying on his wife secretly. Regardless of his intention or the result. He was using the camera to see her when she didn’t know.

@SofiaMichelle

We know he moved the camera and we know he activated it while she was naked in view of the camera.

No we don't know he deliberately activated it.

OP has made an assumption regarding the blue light, which some of us have pointed out isn't necessarily the case.

If she was in view of the camera it would have activated automatically, unless specifically switched off, and the light would come on.

That would ping up an alert straight to all phones/iPads/smart watches, etc, registered to the system. Touching the notification instantly plays back the last 15/30/whatever seconds.

Yes we do! He told her he turned it on to see what she was “up to”.

Sorry if the question has already been asked. I’ve only skimmed through the thread. Do you have equal access to the app where the recordings are stored? Have you checked to see if it has actually recorded you? I know he has said he was just checking what you were doing (which is bizarre, you’d already told him what you were doing). Has he admitted to moving the camera from the tortoise to view the rest of the room without your agreement?. If so what was his explanation? If he has deliberately moved the camera then surely there can only be one reason. Your bedroom should be a place of safety, privacy and sanctuary. It is not being dramatic to think he could be gratifying himself by watching the video’s back or worse uploading them somewhere. It happens to people all the time. There have been similar threads here before!. I would unplug the camera immediately OP. Just keep popping upstairs to check on the tortoise physically. What he’s done is a gross violation. You need to have a serious conversation with him and ask if he’s saved those images or uploaded them anywhere. I’d be panicked by this.

We have two blink cameras , one at the front of the house to see who is coming to the door, and one at the side focusing on our car. They do record video clips which you can save, I wouldn't be surprised if he has done that! Sorry op

Regardless of whether the Blink App records or not it's rather easy to screen record on most mobile phones. All it takes it a couple of clicks before you open the app.

@Clymene

Well he spied on her *@SusieBob*. He's admitted it. I'm not sure why you're trying to pretend that's a perfectly normal thing to do. It's not.

Have I said it was?

No, I haven't.

What I have said is perhaps it's not massively constructive for a bunch of randomers to encourage the OP to jump to hugely wild conclusions without, y'know, actually finding out the truth of the matter.

Grim on every level. YANBU @itsgrogubitch This would be a dealbreaker for me. Your DH is a creepy pervert, and not a particularly good husband - OR father by the sound of it. (Moaning about looking after his kids!) Why the F are you even with him?

Does he have any redeeming qualities>

@SusieBob WTF are you going on about?

The 'truth' of the matter is that the OP's husband has been filming her naked without her consent. Like fuck has he moved the camera towards her 'accidently' !! Are you THAT naïve and obtuse?

I would be very freaked out. Its an invasion of privacy but would so make me wonder what else he had done in the past

@aseai

Every single day I find more and more justifications as to why I will never share a house with a man.

Or a bedroom with a tortoise

Oh my word !poor you. What an awful shock .
To check on you is incomprehensible and criminal. Sounds as though it is not the first time either given he had to move things.
This is disturbing and no doubt you are shocked.
You need to find out if he recorded and decide if you want to go to the police as his actions are criminal.
They will get him to answer how long he has been doing it, was it just random checks, or also recording, and more to the point why.
Please go to the police my thoughts are with you . Is there anyone you can call for support?

Take care and stay strong

I'm reading all the replies and my head is absolutely spinning. I feel very confused and hurt.

We have it so that it's "disarmed", if it was motion activated, it would never stop recording because our tort is quite active. You just watch it in live mode and then choose to save the clip. I suppose he could have been arming it though so it recorded? Also, I doubt he'd just check the camera to see if she's ok because hes not all that bothered. I only bought it as a peace of mind thing/ bit of a novelty for the kids to have a look at her because they can't really handle her.

My mum is of the opinion that he was having a perv (I've lost some weight and am looking minutely less vomit inducing recently) or he was being a geek about checking up on where I was up to. Not that it matters because it's my fucking business how long it takes to get ready. I wasn't deliberately taking ages to be a dick. I think I might take the camera down. He's being a bit simpering around me

There is no way I would ever trust my partner again if he admitted to that.

[quote AngryWhompingWillow]@SusieBob WTF are you going on about?

The 'truth' of the matter is that the OP's husband has been filming her naked without her consent. Like fuck has he moved the camera towards her 'accidently' !! Are you THAT naïve and obtuse?[/quote]
Ok then, just you continue to jump to wild conclusions without any evidence whatsoever.

The point is if he has been acting potentially illegally then yes, of course the OP needs to take action, but consulting a bunch of strangers online getting their kicks out of being armchair detectives is of no use whatsoever.

@godmum56
Heat lamps and uv aren't on when we're out. She has a few hours outside in her outdoor enclosure when the weather is fit. The worry about her getting stuck on her back is why I got the camera originally.

She's actually a bit nervy about being outside and seems to be happier indoors. There are a few cats that hang around and even though they can't get to her, she can probably still see them. Maybe when she's bigger/older she'll enjoy outside more? That's another thread, anyway....

If he has no problem with it and feel it's fine.

Tell him you have told your mother and will be checking with your friends are their husbands creeps too.

Such a huge violation of your privacy.

I would be apoplectic with rage.

You protect yourself.

Not the actions of a good man.

Its not minimising to point out that the OP did not consent to being filmed.

This makes it a criminal act. It is a criminal act because the people who do it are perverts who don't respect the sexual boundaries and privacy of others. Thats the point. Not respecting the sexual boundaries and privacy of others in the pursuit of your own sexual gratification (be it mental or physical) is by its very definition perverted.

Its not ok in any shape or form.

It should not be minimised.

Thats before considering whether he has recorded it or shared it. Which adds another criminal level to the act if its happened.

Just because the OP is his wife or own house it does not give him rights to film her naked without consent.

There is potential for emotional blackmail and coercion that stems from this too, by threatening to release the footage if the OP does not do as she is told. How is the OP supposed to know she wont be subjected to that. This is a man she trusted. So how can she trust he wont share / hasn't shared images?

There are far too many people on this thread playing down an abusive criminal act as merely trival.

This is within the realms of a very fair and reasonable reason to end a marriage. Its sexual abuse. Voyeurism is classed as a sex crime.

@AdobeWanKenobi

Regardless of whether the Blink App records or not it's rather easy to screen record on most mobile phones. All it takes it a couple of clicks before you open the app.

Yep, I have a very cheap camera, it records when triggered, sends you a notification and it's just one click to download it to your phone. It can also be moved remotely via the app, I assume Blink is the same

@itsgrogubitch

We have our tortoise in our room because it's the warmest room in the house and we had a really good space for her table, which is quite big. The camera was only for while she was a baby and she kept getting stuck on her back. Her table doesn't smell or anything, she's not right next to the bed and she doesn't make any noise. It's quite nice to have her in there.

As far as I'm aware, I think you can record footage. Ive never used the facility. He's gone hiding upstairs while I panic in front of Bing with the kids so I can't check his phone right now. I feel like a point of ridicule or a zoo animal or something.

Even if it can't record, assuming apps on a mobile, then he may have been able to use screen record mode on the phone.

[quote itsgrogubitch]@godmum56
Heat lamps and uv aren't on when we're out. She has a few hours outside in her outdoor enclosure when the weather is fit. The worry about her getting stuck on her back is why I got the camera originally.

She's actually a bit nervy about being outside and seems to be happier indoors. There are a few cats that hang around and even though they can't get to her, she can probably still see them. Maybe when she's bigger/older she'll enjoy outside more? That's another thread, anyway....[/quote]
yes and sorry for going off topic...the thing is I see so many posts online where the tort care is awful that i can't help myself :(

@billy1966

If he has no problem with it and feel it's fine.

Tell him you have told your mother and will be checking with your friends are their husbands creeps too.

Such a huge violation of your privacy.

I would be apoplectic with rage.

You protect yourself.

Not the actions of a good man.

100% this. ^

I'd be packing his bags. Not mine - HIS, and kicking the fucker out!. As far as I'm concerned he could fuck right off. There would be no coming back from this.

@itsgrogubitch Ignore the small amount of apologists on this thread. They're clearly men. And the fact they are excusing your DH's behaviour is absolutely disgusting.