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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband spied on me through Blink camera

201 replies

itsgrogubitch · 12/08/2021 10:37

I'm not really sure what to do. I've name changed because I know some people on here. Husband is working from home and I'm a SAHM to our 5 and 2 year olds. Things have been a bit tense recently, maybe because it's summer holidays and we're all under the same roof a lot, I'm not sure.

Anyway, today I asked him to sit with the kids for 20 minutes while I grabbed a shower and got dressed. I suggested he maybe caught up with some work emails so he doesn't feel like he's wasting time, as he moans usually and then tacks the time onto the end of his work day. Off I go to shower, go upstairs to dry off etc and get dressed. We have a pet tortoise who lives in a tortoise table. I bought a Blink camera so I could see if she was ok while we were out (I'm a bit of a nervous first time pet owner). While I was moisturising, naked obvs (I wasn't taking ages over it, and I have really dry skin, I can't skip it!) I noticed the blue light on camera was which I know means the live view has been activated by the app because of when I set it up. I just froze for a moment and then took 2 massive steps out of shot. I'm absolutely mortified. I calmly got dressed and asked him to delete the Blink app. He acted all innocent and then when I asked why he spied on me, he said he was just checking what I was up to.

The camera used to just show the tortoise table and a tiny bit of the bed, I was getting ready on the other of the bed so it must have been adjusted to cover that area, it's a manual adjust one. I just don't know what to think. Who spies on their own wife? AIBU to be feeling really angry and violated?

OP posts:
Shoxfordian · 12/08/2021 11:45

He’s abusive and creepy
Get away from him as soon as you can

SusieBob · 12/08/2021 11:46

Usual MN conclusion jumping. Of course the only logical conclusion is that he has been recording everything and uploading it to the internet. Of course Hmm.

OP needs to sit down with DH and work out exactly what has been going on and take it from there, not jump to outlandish conclusions that in all likelyhood are entirely unfounded.

RedToothBrush · 12/08/2021 11:46

@BettyBakesBuns

It's voyeurism, a depressingly common male paraphilia. It's disgusting, dehumanising and completely disrespectful. It's also a crime.
I would tell him straight what he has done is a criminal act and abusive.
BrightYellowDaffodil · 12/08/2021 11:46

It's bad enough that he was spying on you - which is as creepy as fuck - but why did he need to see what you were 'up to'? Are you not allowed time away from him? Do you need to 'justify' what you're doing or why he has to take some responsibility for his children for a while?

This, along with his shitty behaviour (not accepting he'd done anything wrong, then hiding away) once he got caught, are big red flags, I'm afraid Flowers

TheVolturi · 12/08/2021 11:47

🙄

Lockheart · 12/08/2021 11:48

@ShitShop I completely agree.

Clymene · 12/08/2021 11:49

So while he was supposed to be looking after his children, he was getting cheap thrills from spying on his wife while she was naked?

Yuck. That would be it for me. I'd never be able to shake that ick

LolaButt · 12/08/2021 11:49

Blink cameras do record from live view. When you go into the recordings there is an icon of a little running man next to the video if it was motion activated, and an icon of a video camera next to the camera clip if it was recorded from live view.

The video clips can be saved easily by clicking the options on the video and also shared just as easily.

Once they’re deleted from the app they’re gone, unless you have a newer version which I believe gives you the option to save to the cloud. Do you pay a small monthly fee for the camera, as that will be cloud storage.

Sorry your husband is a pig.

SofiaMichelle · 12/08/2021 11:50

@SusieBob

Usual MN conclusion jumping. Of course the only logical conclusion is that he has been recording everything and uploading it to the internet. Of course Hmm.

OP needs to sit down with DH and work out exactly what has been going on and take it from there, not jump to outlandish conclusions that in all likelyhood are entirely unfounded.

Indeed.

If he's done something untoward OP would be right to be raging and confront him/LTB/whatever.

But some of the responses in this thread are incredible: no understanding whatsoever of how Blink cams works or what happens when they're activated and yet people are determined to paint this in the worst possible light without even half the facts in front of them.

MN is a crazy place at times.

Alonelonelyloner · 12/08/2021 11:51

He may not be a creepy pervert but that is not the point. It is an incredble breach of trust and even if it were just motion activated he could be recording their sex life nad posting it online or anything. remember the Poster whose DH was taking photos of her sleeping etc and posting them onlne --- 1000s of them?! It was outrgaeous and this is the same deal.
I couldn't stay with someone or at least look at them the same way once I knew this. It is awful OP.
You have my sympathy.

Fernando072020 · 12/08/2021 11:51

That sent a chill through me, op. I find that disturbing and creepy.
If I caught my husband doing this, it would change how I saw him😕

Notapheasantplucker · 12/08/2021 11:52

when I asked why he spied on me, he said he was just checking what I was up to.

He's admitted that he was spying on op.

I'd be fucking fuming and the trust would be gone from that point. Creepy and weird.

Downthewarren · 12/08/2021 11:53

This is so strange, I would be livid!

I'm not going to lie I would contact the police.

SofiaMichelle · 12/08/2021 11:53

@LolaButt you need XT2 cams to record Live View.

As standard you can't record from Live View, only motion-activations are recorded.

TillyTopper · 12/08/2021 11:53

That's horrible OP, it also shows a level of pre-planning to turn the camera away from the tortoise to the rest of the room. I suspect it's not the first time he's done it.

SusieBob · 12/08/2021 11:54

@Alonelonelyloner

He may not be a creepy pervert but that is not the point. It is an incredble breach of trust and even if it were just motion activated he could be recording their sex life nad posting it online or anything. remember the Poster whose DH was taking photos of her sleeping etc and posting them onlne --- 1000s of them?! It was outrgaeous and this is the same deal. I couldn't stay with someone or at least look at them the same way once I knew this. It is awful OP. You have my sympathy.
Well, no, potentially it's not the same deal at all.

If this man is doing all the things that people who have never met him and are basing it of zero evidence are claiming than yes, the OP needs to take action.

If he did just turn it on absentmindly it's still not great but it's not exactly in the same ballpark, is it?

Regularsizedrudy · 12/08/2021 11:55

So your husband won’t parent his own kids for 20 mins without moaning and secretly records you naked which by the way is illegal. I would not stay with this fucking creep.

username2020 · 12/08/2021 11:55

following as I suspect my husband is doing something similar. Haven't found a camera yet. Funnily enough, we also have a few tortoises!

JustLyra · 12/08/2021 11:56

He’s admitted he was spying on the OP why are people downplaying it talking about motion sensors?

Depending on what phone he has it’s also extremely easy to record from your screen, even if an app it’s self doesn’t allow recordings to be saved.

LolaButt · 12/08/2021 11:57

I wasn’t downplaying it FYI. I was trying to help the OP differentiate between a motion capture and a deliberate capture.

Regularsizedrudy · 12/08/2021 11:58

@SusieBob

Usual MN conclusion jumping. Of course the only logical conclusion is that he has been recording everything and uploading it to the internet. Of course Hmm.

OP needs to sit down with DH and work out exactly what has been going on and take it from there, not jump to outlandish conclusions that in all likelyhood are entirely unfounded.

We know he moved the camera and we know he activated it while she was naked in view of the camera. What innocent explanation could there possible be for this?
CarnationCat · 12/08/2021 11:59

God, that's awful. I imagine this isn't the first time that he's been watching you.

Watching your partner on a camera is something that I'm sure some couples do...but the difference is, they would be both consenting. You didn't consent to this. It is voyuerism and I could not look at my partner the same again if he did this.

Your DH knows how wrong it is which is why he tried to lie. I imagine every time he watches the kids while you go upstairs to get ready, he's straight on that camera.

CheekyChewinski · 12/08/2021 12:01

This thread is so dramatic.

SusieBob · 12/08/2021 12:02

We don't know the camera was moved on purpose.
We don't know he knew she was in the room and naked.
We certainly don't know that he is saving the videos and selling them online.

OP needs to ascertain the truth of the matter and go from there, not listen to a bunch of bored reactionaries with no basis to condemn this guy without a bunch of evidence.

Or yeah, just LTB, go to the police and destroy an entire family over something which might be innocent.

StrangeToSee · 12/08/2021 12:04

Was he checking to see how long you’d be? Or checking on the tortoise and you were in the shot? Presumably he knew you’d see the camera move and light up so maybe a passive aggressive attempt to hurry you up?

I can’t imagine why he’d spy on you naked if you live together, doesn’t he see you naked? If he’d walked into the room while you were naked or getting dressed would you have been annoyed?