Husband spied on me through Blink camera

[itsgrogubitch]

I'm not really sure what to do. I've name changed because I know some people on here. Husband is working from home and I'm a SAHM to our 5 and 2 year olds. Things have been a bit tense recently, maybe because it's summer holidays and we're all under the same roof a lot, I'm not sure.

Anyway, today I asked him to sit with the kids for 20 minutes while I grabbed a shower and got dressed. I suggested he maybe caught up with some work emails so he doesn't feel like he's wasting time, as he moans usually and then tacks the time onto the end of his work day. Off I go to shower, go upstairs to dry off etc and get dressed. We have a pet tortoise who lives in a tortoise table. I bought a Blink camera so I could see if she was ok while we were out (I'm a bit of a nervous first time pet owner). While I was moisturising, naked obvs (I wasn't taking ages over it, and I have really dry skin, I can't skip it!) I noticed the blue light on camera was which I know means the live view has been activated by the app because of when I set it up. I just froze for a moment and then took 2 massive steps out of shot. I'm absolutely mortified. I calmly got dressed and asked him to delete the Blink app. He acted all innocent and then when I asked why he spied on me, he said he was just checking what I was up to.

The camera used to just show the tortoise table and a tiny bit of the bed, I was getting ready on the other of the bed so it must have been adjusted to cover that area, it's a manual adjust one. I just don't know what to think. Who spies on their own wife? AIBU to be feeling really angry and violated?

[FictionalCharacter]

@BrightYellowDaffodil

It's bad enough that he was spying on you - which is as creepy as fuck - but why did he need to see what you were 'up to'? Are you not allowed time away from him? Do you need to 'justify' what you're doing or why he has to take some responsibility for his children for a while?

This, along with his shitty behaviour (not accepting he'd done anything wrong, then hiding away) once he got caught, are big red flags, I'm afraid

Yes, this. Why does he have to see what you were “up to” when you were going for a shower?!
This would give me the ick.

[MeridianB]

His reaction tells you a lot. Denial then minimising. Then running away!!

And the fact that he moans about looking after his own children speaks volumes.

Really sorry OP 💐

[diddl]

@Frazzle678

He might have just wanted to know if you were nearly done, because he was getting fed up of looking after the children or needed to answer a work email etc ?

Oh FFS.

So the only way to do that is watch Op through a camera without her knowledge??

[Topseyt]

That sounds like a big violation of trust to me. Not sure I could find a way back from that.

I know you were aware of the blink camera for keeping tabs on the tortoise, but is it worth checking that he hasn’t hidden any others around the place?

[FictionalCharacter]

@reesewithoutaspoon

you dont turn a Blink camera on to live feed by accident. you have to go into your system via the app. choose the camera and then click the live activation button.

He’s so busy working that he tacks a few minutes of work time lost to looking after his own kids onto the working day. Yet oddly enough, when OP is getting dressed after a shower he has time to fiddle with a non-work-related app!

[MintyGreenDream]

He's totally out of order.Also what's a tortoise table?

[FictionalCharacter]

@sadie9

It's very telling that you are going behind his back to discuss this with your mother, rather than asking him outright what he is doing exactly with the camera...is it a bit odd that you confide in her more than with your own husband.

She’d already asked him! He said he wanted to “see what she was doing”

[Oldraver]

@vivariumvivariumsvivaria

Also, we've got a horseman's and it is totally spoiled with a giant run and lights on all day inside and a gianter run outside.

I've been googling blink cameras, even though he's now 10 and doesn't turn himself upside down anymore. I "get" the worry.

We got a Tapo camera for our kitten it was £25 from Amazon and there are some cheaper but this was recommended to us

I'm amazed at what it does for the price. You can switch it on remotely, change the direction, it detects movement and sends a message and records the footage, all you need is an SD card

You can also 'talk' though it which you probably wouldn't need for a tortoise, but it freaked the cat nextdoors when he came in to pinch food

[NotTerfNorCis]

I haven't read the whole thread I'm afraid so this might have been said already.

The blue light will show if the camera has been put on live feed or if it's been activated by movement. So if it was switched on and it caught movement, it will trigger.

You can see which mode it was (live or triggered) by the icon next to the video. Live is a camera, triggered is a little running figure.

Is it possible that the camera got moved accidentally and was on by default?

[whynotwhatknot]

Doesnt matter if it was recording or not he admitted checking up on her4 to see what she was doing

being a geek doesnt make it any better

[peridito]

Hope things are ok @itsgrogubitch and that there was an innocent explanation.

[itsgrogubitch]

@peridito I looked on joint Blink account and no recorded footage. He claims it was a one off to see where I was up to because I was taking ages apparently and he wanted to get back to work. He said not to "flatter" myself that he was trying to get a look at me naked. He has these periods of bad moods and raginess. I thought he had changed after things came to a head at the start of the year but...

[peridito]

That sounds plausible to me OP ,though not a very gracious explanation .
I hope there is a chance of you all getting away for a change of scene ,might blow some cobwebs and frustrations away .I've not said "break" as I see you have a 2 and 5 year old .

. Maybe you could take it in turn to have 2 or 3 days without the children to stay with a relative or friend and both have time to yourself .Though I bet that's not likely !

[billy1966]

What a nasty thing to say.

You deserve better treatment than this.

[Lachimolala]

I’m sorry he said what?

So he was seeing what was taking so long (I have a whole different set of thoughts on that nonsense) and stayed for a perv yet you are not supposed to flatter yourself? That is honestly one of the nastiest and worrying things I’ve ever heard of a husband saying.

Completely cruel and out of order to speak to you like that after he invaded your privacy in such a sly way. I’m not sure I’d ever be able to trust him again.

[blueshoes]

He said not to "flatter" myself that he was trying to get a look at me naked. He has these periods of bad moods and raginess. I thought he had changed after things came to a head at the start of the year but...

Not to flatter yourself, I see. Is he always this mean? I presume he is an Adonis himself.

Remember the best defence is a good offence. He had time away to think this one up and his response is to make you feel bad about yourself.

What a prize dick.

[Falleybollolo]

Id be devastated if my partner said this to me op. I think that's abusive.

[timeisnotaline]

Didnt he have to go upstairs and turn it around first? Which he obviously didn’t do while you were changing. So it was at a minimum pre planned even if a one off and he’s being nasty about it. I think it’s time for things to come to another head.

[ClareBlue]

To tell you the truth, of all animals I would have under surveillance a totoise would be the last one I would think needed it. But after hearing about flipping over and dangerous heat lamps I am now educated, so thanks
As for the husband, I think you have to establish exactly what happened. If it was set up then that is a serious issue. If just activated and he flipped it on then maybe not as serious but Ned's to know that it is not acceptable.

[ohthatbloodycat]

This place is truly batshit at times. Call him out and tell him not to do it again. Job fucking done.

[QueenBee52]

How do you feel about all this OP

[FangsForTheMemory]

Can you be sure he hasn’t set up another account?

[Greygreenblue]

The explanation doesn’t sound plausible to me - he had to have adjusted the camera ahead of time?

As for “don’t flatter yourself” excuse me? WTF - that’s the sort of comment you get from dodgy men trying to pretend they weren’t hitting on someone when we all know they definitely were. Odd comment to make to your own wife and makes him sound even guiltier to me.

[MariposaLilly]

You were taking so long he wanted to see if you'd died up there.