To be considering rehoming my dog..

[peptacqueen]

I made a huge mistake. Last year DH agreed to buy me a cockapoo puppy. I'd lost my sister suddenly and I think I just wasn't thinking straight.
A few months later I fell pregnant - and I suffered with hyperemesis. I didn't so much as feel queasy with my first pregnancy so it came as a shock. I've been hospitalised twice.
Dealing with hyperemesis, my 4 year old son and the puppy (he's a year now) has been horrendous.
We just haven't got the time and I don't have the energy to give the dog the stimulation and exercise he needs.
He chews everything. Poor DS's toys are all ruined, and my underwear drawer is more or less empty now as he's chewed it all to shreds.
He escapes at any opportunity. I opened the door to someone the other day and DS opened the middle door meaning the dog shot out and ran all the way onto the main road near us. Pouring rain, with a 4 year old in tow at 32 weeks pregnant I was running along a main road trying to catch a dog who was darting in front of traffic. That night my hyperemesis was awful and I'm sure it was from the stress.
I just worry that my already fragile mental health might be pushed over the edge if the dog gets hold of the babies things and ruins them.
DH won't speak to me when I mention rehoming, he sulks and won't speak. But he'll only take him on maybe 4 walks a week and I'm still picking up all the dog poo in the garden etc.
I've made the biggest mistake of my life and now I don't know what to do.

Rehome the dog with someone who can give it the attention it deserves.

If you decide to rehome, try Spaniel Aid (they help with spaniel mixes too).
If you want to persevere, could you find funds for a dog walker / dog daycare for the remainder of your pregnancy and early newborn weeks, just to give you some space and meet some of your dogs needs? An under-walked, understimulated teenage dog is not going to be on his best behaviour.
You could try baby gates to control access to doors, and a playpen or room divider to keep kids toys and dogs toys apart. Make sure he has plenty of "legal" chews.
Is he opening the drawers? Or taking underwear from airers, laundry baskets etc?
Try and stop access to do the "naughty" behaviour - the more he repeats the behaviour, the more likely he is to keep repeating it.

I'm sorry you're having such a tough time, puppies are hard work at the best of times and it seems you have enough going on. Contact your local rescue and rehome the dog, you can keep hold of it until they find a home, they usually have a waiting list that's what we did and our dog was rehomed in two days and is very happy.

Sorry for your loss and congratulations on the new baby.

It is better for everyone involved to rehome the dog, if it got out in future you can't exactly chase it down with a new born baby.

Sounds like it would be better to rehome the dog (through a charity/rescue not sold online). It's shit though that you got a dog but haven't been arsed to train it. It sounds like you wanted a dog but without the commitment

@AwkwardPaws27

If you decide to rehome, try Spaniel Aid (they help with spaniel mixes too). If you want to persevere, could you find funds for a dog walker / dog daycare for the remainder of your pregnancy and early newborn weeks, just to give you some space and meet some of your dogs needs? An under-walked, understimulated teenage dog is not going to be on his best behaviour. You could try baby gates to control access to doors, and a playpen or room divider to keep kids toys and dogs toys apart. Make sure he has plenty of "legal" chews. Is he opening the drawers? Or taking underwear from airers, laundry baskets etc? Try and stop access to do the "naughty" behaviour - the more he repeats the behaviour, the more likely he is to keep repeating it.

Our house is quite small and there is just no room for a playpen. I've put a baby gate between the kitchen and living room but DS just opens it and then the dog runs through. DS keeps most of his toys in the conservatory but somehow the dog always seems to get hold of them no matter how hard we try. I think the dog must go through my washing basket. I try so hard to keep things out of his way but every wash I do I go to hang the clothes up to realise they've been destroyed. I think a combination of having such a small house and a 4 year old who likes to have his toys all out because well he's only 4, means he somehow still manages to get hold of things he shouldn't

@user1471457751

Sounds like it would be better to rehome the dog (through a charity/rescue not sold online). It's shit though that you got a dog but haven't been arsed to train it. It sounds like you wanted a dog but without the commitment

This ^^

Rehome it for it's own sake

And don't even think about selling it to make your money back

Yes rehome. Lots of experienced people out there desperate for a dog.

Your mental health comes first and none of you are going to benefit by keeping the dog in this situation.

Just please don't sell him, you don't know who you're selling to.

I say this as nicely as possible, but yes, you've made a huge mistake in getting a dog without having any clue how to properly raise it, and your husband is entirely useless. You need to responsibly rehome this dog to a family who can give it the attention it needs. Please don't get another dog.

@Mummyford

I'm sorry, that sounds really difficult. I had hyperemesis two out of three pregnancies and I think if you haven't been through it, it's almost impossible to understand how awful it is. There were times when I couldn't even bear the smell of washing up liquid (seriously) or turn my head quickly without vomiting, so I can totally understand you feeling overwhelmed and not bonded with the dog. It's one of those situations where it seems inevitable that you're going to feel you're neglecting someone's needs.

I think if you feel that's what you need to do, you'd ultimately be doing the dog a favour. If you have any doubts or think you might have regrets, could you afford to send the pup for some residential training? You would still have an energetic pup on your hands, but a good couple of weeks at (a gentle) doggie boot camp would make a huge difference. And if that's not a possibility, could you hire someone to do some training and take the dog on walks, possibly with a small pack? A few hours of exercise and the stimulation of being with other dogs can make a world of difference.

Oh, and your DH needs to step the hell up. He can damn well take up jogging and bring the pup. Starting every day with a good 90 minute run will leave you with a much more manageable dog for the rest of the day.

I completely understand and sympathise with you having had hyperemesis. I can't stand the smell of so many things even now at 33 weeks. Perfume, washing powder.. I dread having new bedding on as I know the smell will make me feel sick! Even passing people in the supermarket (with a mask on) can make me feel sick as I can smell their perfume or clothes even if they aren't that close to me. It's been horrific, and the toll it's taken on my mental health is something I don't think anyone understands. There were days on end I could barely manage to shower and dress, never mind look after myself, a dog and a 4 year old. I was hospitalised for a week both times and on a drip for 5 days straight at one point as I was severely dehydrated- I was hallucinating the first time I went to hospital because of it. I think that's why DH is more bonded with the dog - he's spent more time with it while I've been in hospital/in bed/at my mums trying to get some rest. He won't take him early in a morning, he works from home and doesn't get dressed until gone 11 some days! All he does is takes him on a 20ish minute walk as long (as it's not raining) a few times a week. If I felt he wanted to keep him So much he was putting in everything he could I would be less towards rehoming but he isn't. If I leave it the amount of dog poo in the garden is disgusting as he just doesn't pick it up. Bending over to do it with a 33 week bump (and a heightened sense of smell) isn't ideal. He doesn't seem to go for him underwear like he does mine - he's got one pair of his trainers so far other than that it's been mine and DS's stuff that's been ruined.

poor dog 😩

@Aquamarine1029

I say this as nicely as possible, but yes, you've made a huge mistake in getting a dog without having any clue how to properly raise it, and your husband is entirely useless. You need to responsibly rehome this dog to a family who can give it the attention it needs. Please don't get another dog.

I certainly won't, I have learnt my lesson very much the hard way. I just don't know what to do about DH as I think he's going to hold it against me forever. He says he doesn't want him to go as he loves him, but it's me who's going to be left with him and newborn while he's at work. It's not fair on anyone as the dog is bored and needs stimulation and I'm stressed. I don't enjoy a single moment of owning him

Forget what your DH wants he’s bloody useless so his opinion on it doesn’t matter because he’s not willing to help with the dog. Your heavily pregnant have a child and have hyperemesis rehome the dog before the new baby arrives so that you have a chance to try and relax and look after yourself before you have someone else to look after because you can’t be chasing after a dog with a newborn in your arms.

Yanbu. Rehoming sounds like the right decision for the dog and for your family. It doesn't sound like your DH will step up and take on all the responsibility for it.

I have a standard poodle, a poodle x whippet, and a lurcher. They need a lot of mental stimulation, not just physical. I think cockapoos need even more than my lot! It's often hard work at the best of times, couldn't imagine dealing with a puppy while pregnant.

Rehoming is the best thing for the poor dog you should never have got a dog just to cheer you up then to dispose of once you got pregnant

Yes,I think it would be fairer on your puppy, to try and rehome him. Pups need a lot of time and patience from their owners, to get into some kind of training, and good behaviour habits, and become a nice family member so to speak. The very same thing is happening to several people in my village, who bought a so called lock down puppy, those who had never had a dog before, and are now wishing they had never gone ahead with this, as their home and work situations have changed. now.

Your Husband might feel differently about your puppy, when a new baby arrives..

I would say rehome if you feel the need as it is best for everyone involved however there's no mention of training attempts if your partner so desperately wants to keep the puppy can he not pay for dog sitting and training? Also, when I was younger we had to rehome our springer spaniel whilst my mum was pregnant, the dog was around 3, we had brought her to every training session which she got banned from , we took her for multiple walks daily etc but she began biting my younger siblings and causing us to bleed, we feared for the baby so rehomed, learnt a few years later she had sadly been rehomed multiple times due to biting and bad behaviour and this was after sending her to a family of which the mum was a dog trainer!

@Buzzydent

Rehoming is the best thing for the poor dog you should never have got a dog just to cheer you up then to dispose of once you got pregnant

Exactly this. The dog will be better off with another family who has thought about how to meet its basic needs, and how a breed will fit in with their family. Don't underestimate how traumatic the rehoming process is for dogs though, he will absolutely know you've abandoned him.

I think you're amazing to have been doing all that you have with hyperemesis. It is nothing short of torture and like a PP said if you haven't had it there is no way anyone can understand. So prepare yourself for that.
I can see and understand it is impossible for you to care for the dog under these circumstances. And it being such a crucial time in the puppy's life he needs that time and input. So approach a rescue, they will find a living home and be kind to yourself. You have been through a lot.

Gosh, I really feel for you. You husband has really let you and the puppy down here.

A cockapoo will be very rehomable. Please don’t feel bad - sometimes partnerships with pets don’t work out, and it’s better for all involved for the pup to go to a more suitable home.

Rehome the dog and don’t ever get another. Poor dog

A pet is not a child. You buy when it suits you, and pass on when you can't/won't take care of it anymore.

Animals don't have complex emotions like humans, and they don't feel abandonment or betrayal (in the human sense). Animals will bond just as well with new owners, so long as they get fed well etc.

There's really nothing to feel guilty about. Anyone who tells you otherwise is anthropomorphizing their pets.

Can those posters laying on the blame and guilt remember that the OP had just lost her sister suddenly when her DH suggested a puppy? This by itself means that OP was not perhaps capable of making rational decisions. Her DH is doing very little to look after the dog that was his idea in the first place.

All in all OP I would rehome the puppy with no guilt.

I'm sorry for your loss.

You aren't coming off badly to me in this scenario op. Hope your pregnancy becomes more uneventful.

As your 'D'H is completely useless, I think you have no choice. From the information you've given - I'd think about rehoming your OH too. He sounds incredibly lazy and selfish. Very unattractive qualities.

@ChinesedragonTeapot except that's not what the OP says though is it? She says her DP agreed to get her a puppy. That suggests the OP was the driving force behind getting the dog and was asking for a dog, not that her DP was suggesting a dog.

Cockapoo won't stop chewing.. www.mumsnet.com/Talk/the_doghouse/4319647-cockapoo-won-t-stop-chewing

Very similar problem on this thread that may help?

If you want to rehome, do it quickly so that the dog gets the chance to go somewhere better suited, more quickly. Holding onto it while things get worse as you take time to decide is not fair - on any of you.

Your DH sounds like a selfish lazy arse. How people treat those weaker then them - inc animals - is telling. He does not come out looking good at all.