To be considering rehoming my dog..

[peptacqueen]

I made a huge mistake. Last year DH agreed to buy me a cockapoo puppy. I'd lost my sister suddenly and I think I just wasn't thinking straight.
A few months later I fell pregnant - and I suffered with hyperemesis. I didn't so much as feel queasy with my first pregnancy so it came as a shock. I've been hospitalised twice.
Dealing with hyperemesis, my 4 year old son and the puppy (he's a year now) has been horrendous.
We just haven't got the time and I don't have the energy to give the dog the stimulation and exercise he needs.
He chews everything. Poor DS's toys are all ruined, and my underwear drawer is more or less empty now as he's chewed it all to shreds.
He escapes at any opportunity. I opened the door to someone the other day and DS opened the middle door meaning the dog shot out and ran all the way onto the main road near us. Pouring rain, with a 4 year old in tow at 32 weeks pregnant I was running along a main road trying to catch a dog who was darting in front of traffic. That night my hyperemesis was awful and I'm sure it was from the stress.
I just worry that my already fragile mental health might be pushed over the edge if the dog gets hold of the babies things and ruins them.
DH won't speak to me when I mention rehoming, he sulks and won't speak. But he'll only take him on maybe 4 walks a week and I'm still picking up all the dog poo in the garden etc.
I've made the biggest mistake of my life and now I don't know what to do.

It’s so nasty, Yank. I can’t fathom it. Why anyone’s comment to this OP would just be sympathy for the dog and judgement of her. Some people just have something missing. Empathy for other humans, I guess, and a vindictive desire to feel superior at someone else’s expense.

Sorry for the arseholes OP some people just like to stick the boot in.

You made a bad decision in the middle of grief you’re now looking to rectify it in the best interests of the dog.

You’re doing brilliantly to juggle all you have but it stops now. If your husband wants to keep it he needs to step up and know that means 2 daily walks, up first thing, scooping etc. He doesn’t get to have all the fun of a dog while leaving all the work to you anymore.

I think you have 3 options:

1. send it to a trainer for residential training, and stick to strict discipline at home. You cannot have an untrained dog that runs into traffic like that.

2. Get DH to step up and train the dog and take over it’s care while you’re pregnant and while you’ve got a newborn.

3. Rehome dog.

I know, Blue. It’s so mean.

We had a rehomed dog once briefly, after my dog I had from a pup to 9 years (before he got cancer and had to PTS) passed away.

The rehomed doggie was a sweet beagle, but I was told he could handle children and he couldn’t. He bit my 2 year old in the face when she took a stuffed animal from him. My husband was RIGHT there too, and couldn’t stop it.

I posted about it and was vilified. People swore I was lying and I’d left the dog alone with a toddler (I hadn’t), that I’d ignored signs (there were none), that I’d let DD pinch or scare or hurt the dog (she didn’t) and several accusations that the dog would be put down because of my “stupidity” (he wasn’t; he was rehomed with an elderly couple who had no children or grandchildren, and thrived in the quieter atmosphere)

Accidents happen. Mistakes happen. Of course people shouldn’t just thoughtlessly get dogs, but for heavens sake. Where’s the empathy for a grieving, ill pregnant woman who’s getting no help?!

So many people on hear love to judge. Absolutely no need for the passive aggressive comments. OP explained what she has been going through. Life happens. Things change. She is doing the responsible thing. You all should be ashamed of yourselves up there on your high horses.

I know someone whose child developed several life threatening allergies including to the family cat which they had to rehome (and it broke their hearts to lose their loved pet but let’s face it, the child’s life comes first). I bet some absolute sympathy-vacuums on here would have laid into them about it - or maybe the cat lovers aren’t as fanatical and judgemental as the dog crowd?

Also very sorry to hear what happened to your toddler, Yank, that must have been so upsetting.

Sorry for the nasty comments OP, clearly their lives are mapped out in black and white and their circumstances never change. It's the same on so many threads on MN these days, judgemental arseholes putting the boot in like life doesn't challenge people, like things don't change and difficult choices have to be made. Nice that their lives are so plain sailing eh.

Christ, some people give kids up for adoption and get applauded for 'doing the right thing for the child, out of love'. Some consider terminating a pregnancy and get shouts of 'your body your choice' even if its clear someone is using termination as a form of contraception. And yet say you're considering rehoming a dog and you get hung draw and quartered!

Rehome the dog while it’s still young. It’s the kindest thing all around for the dog and the family.

Your DH is a selfish man. If he wants the dog he needs to step up and look after the bloody thing, play with it, train it and take it out. If he is so insistent on keeping it you need to be setting some expectations for him and if he doesnt do them then the outcome is rehome. Ensure he is held responsible for the decision due to his lack of input on the dog

The cat crowd doesn’t seem quite as vicious Blue, but things may have changed!

And thank you. Luckily she had no lasting damage, physically or otherwise. She still adores animals and is our current dog’s favorite person besides me

This sounds like just the reasons i keep telling my son not to get a dog he has a 2 and a 4 year old and didn't live at home when we got our very well behaved Labrador. My husband was retired and we had teenagers at home to help as well. So I just keep telling him he doesn't realise the time that goes into the puppy stage is just so much hard work, especially when you've got young children and jobs . I keep telling them to get a cat so the kids can have a pet . So I do sympathise completely and I'm sure someone will be keen to have your dog xx

"He won't take him early in a morning, he works from home and doesn't get dressed until gone 11 some days"
Reply: You have a DH problem not a DDog problem.

No!! She has a DDog problem !! Her DH can't give up his job. Lordy Lordy, some PPs are so obtuse!!

She can't manage DDog, she may also have a DH problem but the primary issue she has is a lovely DPuppy that she cannot manage and give training to because she is heavily pregnant has another young DC and is too unwell to do so. She's been in hospital twice already. She is right to consider pupper may fare better in another home and being sensible to consider how to do this

Sorry OP, what a tough time.

I would strongly consider letting the puppy live with someone who has the time and health to look after them, it's a kindness. xx

If your DH wants to keep the dog he’s going to have to step up and take care of it.
I’d give him an ultimatum - 2 weeks if there’s no improvement then you’ll be rehoming it. End of.

He needs to get up earlier and take it for a long walk so it’s tired during the day. Then he needs to take it for another walk after work. It sounds like it could do with some extra training classes too so he’ll have to take it to these once or twice a week. He’ll also have to clean up its poo in the garden.

If he doesn’t bother then your only option would be to rehome.

I’ve just seen that your DH works from home - there is absolutely no reason he can’t take the dog out for long walks. During his lunch break he could take it out for another shorter walk or playing with it in the garden.

This is actually really disrespectful of him and I agree with a PP that actually you have a DH problem.

@Tiana4

"He won't take him early in a morning, he works from home and doesn't get dressed until gone 11 some days" Reply: You have a DH problem not a DDog problem.

No!! She has a DDog problem !! Her DH can't give up his job. Lordy Lordy, some PPs are so obtuse!!

She can't manage DDog, she may also have a DH problem but the primary issue she has is a lovely DPuppy that she cannot manage and give training to because she is heavily pregnant has another young DC and is too unwell to do so. She's been in hospital twice already. She is right to consider pupper may fare better in another home and being sensible to consider how to do this

I disagree. The DH wants to keep the dog. The dog was the dhs idea.

The dh refuses to walk the dog on a morning, just because.

The dh knows the dog is a problem and need exercise and training. The dh knows his wife has HG and is heavily pregnant.

If the DH wants to keep the dog he needs to do something about the situation. Not insist on keeping the dog, but not being a decent owner.

That's the dh problem.

Rehire the dog and then consider rehoming your husband

Agree with @Tiana4 .

The problem to focus on right now is ddog. If the DH genuinely wanted to keep ddog he'd be doing all those things listed - proper walking, picking up poo already.

It sounds from the OP that it was her that originally wanted the dog, so the DH possibly didn't anticipate being the sole carer for it as circumstances has dictated.

A new baby is coming I'd prefer the DH to get out of bed to look after his DCs. The dog is not working out so time to work out the best solution for doggo and for family.

I have a cockapoo. He's now 7. We waited until our youngest was 8 to get him. He was hard work as a puppy and my dh was off work for a year and did all that. He still goes to dog training once a week and gets walked 3 times a day. That's what they need.
I think unless your dh can do more then you do need to rehome. If you talk to your local dog trainer they can often help with rehoming.

@NoOtherShadeOfBlue I have no sympathy because grieving or not it was a stupid decision and nobody seems to care about the poor dogs feelings in this. I've grieved the death of my children and I didn't go out buying random animals I never had the intention of bothering to look after. It should never of happened. I'm sorry for the OPs loss but this is a real living thing with feelings being passed post to pillar.

Responsibly rehoming would be best for the dog and I would do it ASAP to give it the earliest opportunity for its forever loving household which is not yours. Sometimes things don’t work out and it’s okay to admit that and try and rectify it.

@pineapplecat21 how terrible to feel no sympathy and to not be able to feel for both dog and human in this situation. The dog won’t necessarily be passed from pillar to post, it can be rehomed in a more suitable situation.

To say she had ‘no intention of bothering to look after the dog’ is wilful misunderstanding. She got hyperemesis which she had no reason to expect, having not had it in her previous pregnancy. She was hospitalised twice. She’s been too ill to train a puppy, not too lazy.

I’m so very sorry for your losses. Grief and trauma do affect people’s judgement and in the OP’s case, it’s quite easy to see that it did make her less able to see clearly in this case and I don’t think that’s unusual.

It’s a shame but you know you’ve made a mistake and the right thing to do is rehome.

I'm sorry for the OPs loss but this is a real living thing with feelings being passed post to pillar.

Yes, but the dog would prefer that compared to being in an unsuitable situation which it is now.

I once had a dog that I loved, he loved me, I invested time and effort into caring for him and it would have been classed as a good home but I was also extremely busy with work. I did live with someone who, although it was ‘my dog’ was dedicated to caring for him when I was busy. Then a family friends spouse of 30 years died and a week later their elderly, much loved dog died. They used to run as standard but even more so as a coping mechanism and while I knew my dog had a good home I knew with this person I knew and trusted he would have an incredibly amazing home. So I proposed they take him and they agreed. They were inseparable and a perfect match which I knew would be the case. My young energetic dog didn’t just get walks but also had two long runs each day until naturally it decreased due to both dog and owner being able to do less. The new owner owned their own business and was suitable to them having the dog with them all day in their workplace where they were a staff favourite. They gave each other much comfort and was a small biotic relationship until he died of old age (dog not owner). I’ve never regretted doing that and if having time over would be the same thing again in a heartbeat, simply because I loved him and saw he had the potential for an amazing home with someone else rather than a good one with me.