To be considering rehoming my dog..

[peptacqueen]

I made a huge mistake. Last year DH agreed to buy me a cockapoo puppy. I'd lost my sister suddenly and I think I just wasn't thinking straight.
A few months later I fell pregnant - and I suffered with hyperemesis. I didn't so much as feel queasy with my first pregnancy so it came as a shock. I've been hospitalised twice.
Dealing with hyperemesis, my 4 year old son and the puppy (he's a year now) has been horrendous.
We just haven't got the time and I don't have the energy to give the dog the stimulation and exercise he needs.
He chews everything. Poor DS's toys are all ruined, and my underwear drawer is more or less empty now as he's chewed it all to shreds.
He escapes at any opportunity. I opened the door to someone the other day and DS opened the middle door meaning the dog shot out and ran all the way onto the main road near us. Pouring rain, with a 4 year old in tow at 32 weeks pregnant I was running along a main road trying to catch a dog who was darting in front of traffic. That night my hyperemesis was awful and I'm sure it was from the stress.
I just worry that my already fragile mental health might be pushed over the edge if the dog gets hold of the babies things and ruins them.
DH won't speak to me when I mention rehoming, he sulks and won't speak. But he'll only take him on maybe 4 walks a week and I'm still picking up all the dog poo in the garden etc.
I've made the biggest mistake of my life and now I don't know what to do.

This was exactly the situation my friend found herself in. Her OH absolutely refused to rehome the dog. They therefore agreed that he would take the dog out every morning and evenings, whatever his work situation, without fail. He agreed. He had to change his working hours shortly, which wasn't easy and at first had to take the dog out at 5am but he then got a later start.

She agreed to dedicate 2x30mns of her time to really play with the dog during the day. Most of the time he slept until her OH got home, and he gave him much attention then. It got much easier as the dog got older and so did baby.

It was 10 years ago and she adores her dog, can't imagine not having him around. He is still very much a daddy's dog, waits for him from 3pm, but is also close to my friend. The kids adore him and he is just a big part of the family.

Regime the dog without discussing it with or telling your dh. His behaviour shows he has utter disregard for you and your needs, so why should you respect his wishes? He just wants the fun bits of having a dog and leaving you to clean poo while you have HG and have been hospitalised twice?? Fucksake, I wouldn't even do that to an enemy, let alone my spouse. What is wrong with him?? Does he even like you?

@BuffySummersReportingforSanity

Anyone like your DH who claims to love an animal while making such entirely desultory efforts to meet its needs (four twenty minute walks a week, and only if it's not raining!) can shut the fuck up, forever, and then shut up some more.

He doesn't love the dog. He's a lazy, selfish man and a bad husband as well as a bad DDogdad. What kind of man expects his heavily pregnant wife with hyperemesis to pick up the poo when he's WFH? A man worth half anything would be doing much, much more to help you generally when you're having such a hard time with your pregnancy.

Rehome the dog and don't get another. Tell your DH to get bent if he complains. And then think seriously about rehoming him too. I'm willing to bet he's lazy and selfish about quite a lot of things.

This. Exactly this. But do it now. Don’t procrastinate further. Your dog will not stop stealing things and chewing at 2. It’s going to be a lot longer than that. Age 4/5 if you’re lucky. And the dog will still have needed to have been walked and stimulated during all that time.

As your husband is wfh, he should be walking the dog twice a day for decent walks and taking breaks to play with it to stimulate it…. As well as having the dog with him while he works, not you! I mean wtf.

Your husband is a vile idiot, who has no respect for you, your child or your dog.

Yes, do rehome, a cockapoo puppy will be out of a good rescue (somewhere like dogs trust) in no time off to a forever home. A lot.of posters will be laying the guilt trip on thick, but we all make mistakes and sounds like you need to do this. Just don't be one of those people who gets another dog as soon as things have settled down a bit!

PLEASE rehome through a reputable rescue - pp have given you a couple of breed specific suggestions. I'm rather concerned that several people have emphasised the dangers of selling your dog on and you haven't acknowledged that at all...

Yes rehome I’m sure it won’t take long, they are a popular breed. The puppy sounds bored out of his brains.

I completely agree with @NoOtherShadeOfBlue.
I am so sorry for the loss of your sister. Coping with that alone would have been enough for you to bear without adding the hyperemesis, your son and a puppy to the mix.
I rehomed a dog from a family that couldn't manage when their baby came and it was the best decision for us and hopefully the dog.
She is absolutely spoiled rotten in our home and as we won't ever have children in no danger of circumstances changing for her.
Contact a charity today and start the ball rolling.
Quite frankly I'm amazed your still speaking to your DH!

Sending many virtual hugs.

We were in a similar situation last year. We bought a teenage dog online (I know now, a foolish idea). We struggled with many of the behaviours you describe and, even with me training him every opportunity my children would give me, he didn't improve and we ended up being threatened by other dog owners at the park and me having a mental breakdown over the situation in the house. We ended up giving him to a friend of a friend who has experience of rescue dogs and he is so happy now. They send me photo updates and he is so much happier in their home. Me and the kids miss him so, so much, but rehoming was the best thing for all of us, dog included. Don't beat yourself up.

We will consider a dog again in the future, so ignore those comments, sourced more responsibly, but when my children are at least teenagers because dogs need so much time.

I don't think you should feel guilty at all. If you take the time to find the dog a good home, there's no guilt to be had. You made a mistake. That's it. People should save their nastiness and blame for people who dump dogs outside vets or sanctuaries or tie them up by the side of the road etc. There's a lot to be angry at in the world (I run an animal rescue), but being cross with someone who's doing their best is disgusting. Don't feel guilty at all. Your family comes first. Looking after yourself also comes first. You can only do what you can do. Forget the awful comments on here. These people should be ashamed of themselves.

And yes, it's important not to make any money out of the dog. You should do it through a charity. :-)

You can rehome yourself DDog. Do it through a recognised service or breeder.

I admire you for running the gamut of AIBU as "dogs are family" is often a response

You have recognised you are the one caring for DDog, you can't get on top of it and a/he needs a family or owner that can manage DDog. Your DH doesn't get a say as he is out at work leaving you with bulk of Managing DDogs care and behaviour.

It isn't the right time for you to train a puppy and you realise that now. Someone will love DDog and have time and energy for him.

If you can rehome him to family or friends, DH can still see DDog, but if not, tough. It's affecting your mental health and you are pregnant and will also have baby to care for as well as 4 yo. It's ok to say you bitten off more than your puppy can chew

4 walks a week isn't sufficient care from DH- puppy needs multiple walks a day and training and someone around all the time. That's unfortunately been left to you. You can't do it. And that's ok for someone else will be able to.

You can get a dog in later years when your lifestyle is more conducive to the responsibilities of training and owning a puppy. Just wait quite a few years!

If your husband can’t be bothered to care for the dog to ease the burden on his sick and pregnant wife then he doesn’t live the dog and I’d be wondering how much he actually cares for you!
Rehome the dog telling your husband that it’s explicitly because he is not doing his share.

Your Can rehome your DDog not rehome yourself DDog!! Doh!

@haveibeencaughtout

I don't think you should feel guilty at all. If you take the time to find the dog a good home, there's no guilt to be had. You made a mistake. That's it. People should save their nastiness and blame for people who dump dogs outside vets or sanctuaries or tie them up by the side of the road etc. There's a lot to be angry at in the world (I run an animal rescue), but being cross with someone who's doing their best is disgusting. Don't feel guilty at all. Your family comes first. Looking after yourself also comes first. You can only do what you can do. Forget the awful comments on here. These people should be ashamed of themselves.

This ^

What a great response from someone that runs a rescue centre

Totally normal reaction. Definitely get rid of the dog.

I was vehemently against rehoming until I adopted my dog at 8 months old, from a friend who couldn't cope with him. It was 100% the right decision for the dog, and for the owner. I take him to see his previous owner occasionally, and she always comments on how much happier he seems now, and how much his behaviour has improved. She says it brings her a lot of comfort, because he was plain unhappy living with her.

At the end of the day, life happens. You weren't expecting such a terrible pregnancy, and the reality is that you can't manage. Something has to give.

You need to properly sit down and talk with your partner. You need to explain that if HE wants to keep the dog, then the dog will be HIS dog, and he needs to walk him twice daily, take care of his mealtimes, all training, and 100% of the poop. Because you literally cannot. BUT you also need to think of what you are capable of doing. Maybe 5 mins of play with the dog a few times a day. Taking care of brushing him. Just something, if you are going to keep him. Bonding with him will help you as much as your dog.

You guys also need to consider if you can find a way to afford doggy daycare (ideally), or otherwise a dog walker.

You need to explain to your partner that if he's not willing to do these things, the dog will need to go to a home where he can be taken care of properly. This isn't fair on the dog. He's a living, thinking, feeling creature, and he sounds like he's going out of his poor mind.

I also don't like the sound of your partner. The whole point of partnership is teamwork. You're supposed to work together.

@peptacqueen speaking to Spaniel Assist Rescue and rehoming.

It sounds like the dog was a bad idea and everyone knows it, but your dh doesn't want to accept it.

Tbh, your dh should be doing alot of the walking. However, spaniels and poodles don't actually 'need' that much walking. What they need is a lot if brain engagment which takes longer than an hour walk a day. Brain engagment is extremely important. More so than physical exercise, though that's up there as a close second.

You can walk cockers and poodles for hours. But if their brain isn't engaged, you have a fit dog that's still bored and naughty.

If you really can't (and I understand why you can't, there's no judgement) that you and your dh, can't do give the dog this, rehiming is best for everyone.

I love cockpoos. I have a poodle cross rescue myself. I have nothing against the breed, but too many people are breeding these dogs and not preparing new owners for exactly what they are signing up for. It's really frustrating.

Put this in the dog house aswell maybe someone with more experience could take the dog

Let's be honest, taking on a dog as a puppy, when the first few months are the most important to shape the dog's future life, not giving it the attention, and education in needs then, and making him adjust to a new environment and new people after a year, is far from ideal for the dog.

People SHOULD really be thinking it through when they get a dog. That's the whole 'dogs are for life, not just for Xmas campaign', and it is very correct and we should continue to raise awareness so that people like OP stops making this old mistake.

Saying that, no point of beating them up because there is no going back, so doing everything to ensure the dog does get to go to a family that can give it the time, love, and training that it has failed to receive as a puppy is what OP should be 100% focussed on.

Sorry, I haven’t rtft but can you give your ‘d’h an ultimatum: get up, get dressed, take the dog for a half hour run before breakfast and another later in the day AND pick up pop twice a day (tbh, won’t be much if dogs going out) or you arrange refining. He’s got one month to prove himself or dog’s gone before the baby comes.

I second @AwkwardPaws27 suggestion of Spaniel Aid if you are looking for a rescue. My dog came from spaniel aid and they really are wonderful people that will do the best for your dog, if that is what you decide.

Put this in the dog house aswell maybe someone with more experience could take the dog

Please do not rehome a dog through mumsnet. You have no idea who any of us really are.

Rehoming through social media is likely to end up with the dog being rehomed over and over again.

Dogs sometimes need rehoming, it doesn't mean you are automatically a bad person. But rehoming, without doing it properly, is an awful thing to do.

People get these cute curly doodle type dogs thinking they’re going to be like loving teddy bears. What they forget is they’re a mix of a very high energy breed and they need a lot of training and exercise or they can become incredibly naughty.

I would probably give your DH the option, if he wants to keep him you could try a good walk every morning, if day it needs to be at the very least 30 mins, though while you’re trying to sort his behaviour it should be more like 60 mins. This is non negotiable every single morning rain or shine and the same in the evening. If your DH is desperate to keep the dog he should agree. He also needs to do some proper training with him. I’ve never taken my dogs to puppy classes, never found it necessary, but I put a lot of effort into ensuring they were well trained, socialised and have good recall. It takes a bit of effort, more effort with some breeds than others, but it’s totally possible. Your DH can do it himself, there’s videos and things on you tube, or he can take him along to training classes if that suits him better, but he needs to be putting in the effort to improve his behaviour. You can’t been afraid of the dog running into traffic with no recall what so ever every time you open the front door!!!

If your DH is not willing to do this then I think you’d be right to rehome your dog. A high needs dog and very young a children is a stressful mix. You should have probably given more thought to the temperament of the breed before getting him. There are other curly cute breeds that are calmer mixes and would have suited your circumstances better.

I’d give your husband an ultimatum too. He has two weeks to prove he will take over all dog care if the dog is staying- this means he does ALL the poo picking and he tales the dog for two reasonable walks morning and night or pays for a dog Walker to come. If he can’t/won’t commit to that then he’s letting the dog down and rehoming is the only fair solution for the dog.

Regime for everyone's sake, not least the dogs.