To be considering rehoming my dog..

[peptacqueen]

I made a huge mistake. Last year DH agreed to buy me a cockapoo puppy. I'd lost my sister suddenly and I think I just wasn't thinking straight.
A few months later I fell pregnant - and I suffered with hyperemesis. I didn't so much as feel queasy with my first pregnancy so it came as a shock. I've been hospitalised twice.
Dealing with hyperemesis, my 4 year old son and the puppy (he's a year now) has been horrendous.
We just haven't got the time and I don't have the energy to give the dog the stimulation and exercise he needs.
He chews everything. Poor DS's toys are all ruined, and my underwear drawer is more or less empty now as he's chewed it all to shreds.
He escapes at any opportunity. I opened the door to someone the other day and DS opened the middle door meaning the dog shot out and ran all the way onto the main road near us. Pouring rain, with a 4 year old in tow at 32 weeks pregnant I was running along a main road trying to catch a dog who was darting in front of traffic. That night my hyperemesis was awful and I'm sure it was from the stress.
I just worry that my already fragile mental health might be pushed over the edge if the dog gets hold of the babies things and ruins them.
DH won't speak to me when I mention rehoming, he sulks and won't speak. But he'll only take him on maybe 4 walks a week and I'm still picking up all the dog poo in the garden etc.
I've made the biggest mistake of my life and now I don't know what to do.

I never advocate for rehome a dog - and have seen and dealt with the affect of abandonment in dogs - but

• you are sick and pregnant

-shortly you will have an newborn -you have a husband who has demonstrated he isn't going to put in the effort -you have a young active untrained dog.

From your OP you blame the dog for getting in the toys, getting out the dog, getting in drawers - when really all these things are your (plural) fault.
You have my complete sympathy for the loss of your sister, but I feel that you latched onto a puppy to fix that, and never considered the needs of the puppy.
You are not going to more time with a newborn to deal with the puppy's issues. The best thing you could do is contact a reputable organisation for help in rehoming.

Best of luck managing your HG and upcoming birth.

Your dh gets no say when he’s not involved, sorry. He sounds entirely unsympathetic to what you’re going through.

People who rehome their dogs always have excuses. Surely you did your research? Cockapoos are one of the most hyperactive dog breeds there are, they take A LOT of time, training, attention. But they're also super super smart and can be trained pretty quickly as they pick it up so well. So basically what you're saying is you just couldn't be bothered to put the effort into training the pup. You could have had a well behaved pup before you even fell pregnant if you'd bothered.

Why could your partner not train it if you were so unwell with hyperemisis. He's an adult too. If any work had gone into the dog he wouldn't be destroying your childs toys.

We have a cockapoo and a 6 month old, I was really unwell for a lot of my pregnancy but not once did we as a pair neglect our cockapoo in any way.

Yes, absolutely rehome him because he deserves a better family. One who will train and love him. Its so irresponsible to buy a puppy without doing a drop of research or bothering your arse to train him.

Don't listen to the negative comments and loaded phrases like 'give him to a family who loves him' etc. They help nobody and only serve to make you feel guilty. Certain people here love feeling superior.
I have a doberman, he's really hard work and has been since he was young. He didn't calm down til he was 2, he had all the training but he has a mind of his own and is large bouncy and will full. Some dogs just are.
OP rehome the dog. I'm a dog lover but in also a realist. You can cope with this dog your son and a baby, especially with unhelpful DH. It sucks and you're going to feel properly shit about it and some people will love making you feel even shitter but it's the right thing to do. I'd suggest you rehome through a nice organisation who can find him a suitable home so he can straight from yours to his new owner. I worked in rescue kennels and they are very stressful for dogs so avoid if possible. I think you know its the right thing to do.

Can you afford a dog walker in the short term?

Or theres an app I think called walk my dog

Also look at dog parks. They are enclosed areas that dogs can run about.

It’s utterly useless of your husband to only take the dog on 4 walks per week, spaniels need two walks per day. A one year old spaniel mix shouldn’t be running out your front door, they have excellent recall instincts so it’s clear that you haven’t trained the dog either. Much much better for the dog to be rehomed via spaniel aid, DO NOT SELL IT. If your husband is putting in such minimal effort into the dog then frankly he gets no say on keeping it!

Rehome the dog, and don't feel bad about it.

I am in the same situation with my beautiful 8 year old Alsation. With 3 children taunting her constantly, she deserves better. I have a lady who can rehome her. I'm heartbroken, but I know she deserves do much more than I can give her.

Don't underestimate how traumatic the rehoming process is for dogs though, he will absolutely know you've abandoned him.

I don't think finding him a home who can meet all his needs is quite 'abandonment' , the OP isn't suggesting tying him to some railings !

I'm normally the last person to defend people who get a puppy on a whim and boot it's arse out the door when a baby comes along, but ffs people give the poor woman a break!
How many people would think straight after a sudden, major bereavement? Poor OP sounds like she's trying her best despite being in an absolute state healthwise, with a husband who on this issue at least is entirely unsupportive, and honestly it's a really sought-after breed, it will find a new home no bother and I'm sure be much happier as will OP.

I'm still gobsmacked that the op's dh isn't taking her health more seriously, considering she's been hospitalised twice and her condition worsens with stress.

Lack of compassion in this thread, too, though.

Goodness, once again Mumsnet demonstrates that it’s full of spectacularly stupid people, devoid of the emotional intelligence to consider that life isn’t black and white.

No point with the shoulda, coulda, woulda - the OP is in a right now situation, suffering with a debilitating condition, an older child and no doubt spiraling mental health.

OPs well-being comes first and foremost, not the puppy’s who will probably not even know, nor remember when it’s rehomed with the right family to love and care for it.

OP, I can almost guarantee that the minute you rehome you will feel a weight lifted. I’m sorry you lost your sister, I lost my brother too and the gaping hole his loss left in our lives is still immense.

Take the one step you can to reduce the stress in your life before your new baby arrives. Good luck!

@Daisydolly1986

Rehome the dog, and don't feel bad about it.

I am in the same situation with my beautiful 8 year old Alsation. With 3 children taunting her constantly, she deserves better. I have a lady who can rehome her. I'm heartbroken, but I know she deserves do much more than I can give her.

I don't think you allowing your children to torment your dog is quite the same as OPs situation.

I'm sorry for the OPs loss but this is a real living thing with feelings being passed post to pillar.

Hardly passed from pillar to post. The dog has only had one home so far, and will likely oh have 2 in its life time.

Poor dog. Rehoming does sound like the best chance of a more suitable home.

Not sure what you best do with DH.

Yabvu to revoke your dog before trying to work with a behaviouralist and trying different options first. Poor dog.

@SarahTTCx you have a baby and a cockerpoo. Did you also have a sudden and shocking bereavement, a four year old child, unsupportive husband and illness severe enough to hospitalise you twice? How on earth can you read the OP and decide she just couldn’t be bothered with the dog? If you have had hyperemesis, you know it’s not a case of ‘not bothering your arse’. Add the death of a sibling and the needs of an older child along with zero help and anyone with the tiniest shred of intelligence and empathy can see this isn’t a case of laziness or apathy.

I mean, it does sound like laziness and apathy on the part of the husband but that isn’t the OP’s fault and she’s the one getting all the grief on here.

Those suggesting behaviourists or additional walking from paid walkers or volunteers are - I think- missing the point.

OP made a mistake getting the dog. Surely it's better at this point to do what she's doing and ensure the dog gets an opportunity to move to a home where the owner's circumstances mean they have the time and resources to look after it properly? Rather than struggle on because re hominid dogs is a BAD thing and the DH really lurves doggo ( just not enough to walk it enough or pick up it's poo.

Sorry for your loss OP.

Ignore all those posters who have clearly had a compassion bypass.

You've clearly been through a very hard time over the last several months.

Rehome the dog. Let your childish DH sulk. Unless he's prepared to step up and care for the dog he doesn't get a say about rehoming it.

It's very easy for him to want to keep the dog when he's not the one having to look after it whilst feeling so ill, being hospitalised, coping with a young child and soon a new born baby.

Rehome the dog with a responsible rehoming centre. The dog will be fine, and your DH is just going to have to suck it up. He's asking too much of you to cope with all you've got going on.

Your health, mental and physical, comes first.

I'm a dog owner and it really would take something huge to make me rehome my dog, I think you've got to that 'something huge' stage.

@Mummyford but even the most amazing family dog needs someone or a few people who are prepared to do the absolute basics- walk x twice per day and pick up poo.

OP can't do those things and her H can't or won't.

There's probably nothing wrong with the dog that decent walking wouldn't sort out by tiring him along with some very basic training.

@NoOtherShadeOfBlue yes to the sudden and shocking bereavement, and I was only hospitalised once due to illness during pregnancy (not hyperemesis), no to the 4 year old and absolutely HELL NO to the unsupportive partner because I wouldn't put up with it.

The partner chose to buy the dog after the OP begged for it. As sad as the bereavement is, its not an excuse to then selfishly think of yourself and not the poor puppy in the scenario. Its an immature way of thinking and acting.

The OP said she fell pregnant a "few months" later. Thats plenty time between getting the pup and falling pregnant to put effort into laying the foundations for training the dog and making a hell of a start, especially with a breed as obedient and smart as a cockapoo.

Posts like this anger me, people making rash decisions to suit them and not take into consideration the impact on the other beings involved (in this case the dog).

Also, my scenario doesn't need to be a carbon copy of OP's for me to understand whats going on. I'm not 5.

But bragging that you did better than the OP (in less trying circumstances) is just so unpleasant and devoid of human feeling. People make mistakes. Even sometimes when they have done research and thought themselves prepared. Things go wrong, people are fallible. I’d rather be someone who makes a mistake and seeks to make it better (which might involve rehoming a dog) than someone who posts something unfeeling and judgemental in response to an ill, pregnant woman simply to serve their own self-righteous sense of superiority.