To be considering rehoming my dog..

[peptacqueen]

I made a huge mistake. Last year DH agreed to buy me a cockapoo puppy. I'd lost my sister suddenly and I think I just wasn't thinking straight.
A few months later I fell pregnant - and I suffered with hyperemesis. I didn't so much as feel queasy with my first pregnancy so it came as a shock. I've been hospitalised twice.
Dealing with hyperemesis, my 4 year old son and the puppy (he's a year now) has been horrendous.
We just haven't got the time and I don't have the energy to give the dog the stimulation and exercise he needs.
He chews everything. Poor DS's toys are all ruined, and my underwear drawer is more or less empty now as he's chewed it all to shreds.
He escapes at any opportunity. I opened the door to someone the other day and DS opened the middle door meaning the dog shot out and ran all the way onto the main road near us. Pouring rain, with a 4 year old in tow at 32 weeks pregnant I was running along a main road trying to catch a dog who was darting in front of traffic. That night my hyperemesis was awful and I'm sure it was from the stress.
I just worry that my already fragile mental health might be pushed over the edge if the dog gets hold of the babies things and ruins them.
DH won't speak to me when I mention rehoming, he sulks and won't speak. But he'll only take him on maybe 4 walks a week and I'm still picking up all the dog poo in the garden etc.
I've made the biggest mistake of my life and now I don't know what to do.

@CheerfulYank

Aww, I feel for you. It’s very very difficult.

You’re not mistreating the dog and it’s not as though you’ve had it a decade and are chucking it out because it’s getting on and you want a shiny new puppy. Some people need to calm down a bit with the hysterics, methinks 😂

I once got a Labrador puppy when I had an 8 year old, a 2 year old, and a newborn. Was I out of my mind? Absolutely I was. (It was supposed to be for the 8 year old, which was of course another lesson)

I did try, but he shot up to 115 lbs and didn’t listen, nipped at people, chewed everything etc. The only time he seemed truly happy was when we would visit my parents and he had 20 acres of forest to romp in and wear himself out.

In the end, after 2 years of trying, I let my parents keep him. It broke my heart at the time but 4 years on it was the best decision I could have made for all of us, including Zeke. He’s so much happier and healthier and I still get to see him.

And yes, we did eventually get another dog.

@CheerfulYank People said we were crazy when our baby was born and we had a 6 month old lab. Many times, I had to agree! but this past week or so, he's really calmed down and absolutely adores his baby sister now shes weaning. 🤣

If your DH loves the dog then he needs to look After him. 2 walks per day EVERY day of at least 40 mins each. Training to sit, drop, come, etc.. every single day. Then you need to practice discipline in putting toys and other high value (for your dog) items out of reach.

I have a dog, he’s 3 now but we still don’t allow him in my daughters room, only play on the floor when he is calm, never ever leave soft toys within reach, keep shoes in a cupboard. Etc…. As a teenage dog he was a total and utter arsehole despite regular long walks, training and us doing our utmost to minimise damage. He’s a small and fluffy thing who you’d expect not to hurt a fly but he was hazard hard work. He’s easy now but I still wouldn’t trust him with my daughters soft toys if he was having a funny 5 minutes.

Tell your husband that if he wants the dog then he needs to meet its minimum care standards and currently he is not. But bear in mind that even if he does it’ll be another 9 months or so before your dog stops being a dickhead!

I don't think badly of you OP, it sounds awful and like rehoming is probably best. I think it's easy to underestimate how much work dogs can be (and I say that as a seasoned dog owner who's had all sorts, rescues, puppies, old dogs etc...).

If you can't re-home straight away though (please do look into the best place to re-home thoroughly before you do), can you get a dog walker for the meantime? I did this when I had a newborn and it helped massively.

Dogs are animals. They should only be in houses with people who have enough time, energy, training and space to ensure their needs are met. The environmental impact of all these dogs is huge. Is stressful enough having young kids without a dog in a small environment. Rehome the dog.

What’s your husband’s objection to rehoming when he can’t even be arsed meeting the dog’s basic needs? The dog will never improve his behaviour on his own/without input. Your choices can only be your husband steps up or you give the dog to people who’ll invest time in him.

It sounds like your have a husband problem not a puppy problem. Well done for managing 32 weeks! I have a 13 week old cockerpoo and no kids and it's been exhausting so I have no idea how you have managed whilst being unwell!

It is awful but you have to do what is best for you, if your husband wants him he needs to step up, so ultimately you should drive the decision here.

Best of luck!

I have just pm you.

Absolutely rehome, with no guilt at all.

Your dog will be extremely popular and get rehomed incredibly quickly!

Things like this break my heart. People don't realise dogs aren't just cute fluffy things that sit in the corner... I have two and they are both like children. I will also never understand why a cocker spaniel and poodle mix is one of the most sought after breeds! They're crazy! 🤯

Animals don't have complex emotions like humans, and they don't feel abandonment or betrayal (in the human sense). Animals will bond just as well with new owners, so long as they get fed well etc

Hachiko is literally famous for waiting at a train station and awaiting his dead owners return for the rest of his life despite the best efforts of relatives and townsfolk to adopt him.

There are numerous publicised stories of dogs sleeping on their owners graves or travelling thousands of miles after being rehomed to get back to their family.

Dogs have emotion. They may not be as complex as ours but they bond with their family and feel something which could be described as love.

Trust me, I've worked in a rescue. I've seen how badly some dogs suffer when they're relinquished. They suffer. Some badly, some not so, some apparently not at all. Almost all have some kind of training or rehab need after being given up.

My own dog was found straying in December. He's been with us 12 years and he still gets visibly stressed when the Christmas decorations come out.

Anyone like your DH who claims to love an animal while making such entirely desultory efforts to meet its needs (four twenty minute walks a week, and only if it's not raining!) can shut the fuck up, forever, and then shut up some more.

He doesn't love the dog. He's a lazy, selfish man and a bad husband as well as a bad DDogdad. What kind of man expects his heavily pregnant wife with hyperemesis to pick up the poo when he's WFH? A man worth half anything would be doing much, much more to help you generally when you're having such a hard time with your pregnancy.

Rehome the dog and don't get another. Tell your DH to get bent if he complains. And then think seriously about rehoming him too. I'm willing to bet he's lazy and selfish about quite a lot of things.

@NoOtherShadeOfBlue

I am horrified by the sanctimony of the posters berating you, who don’t care that you suffered a shocking bereavement (people make bad decisions in times like this, it’s understandable), who don’t care that you have hyperemesis so severe you’ve been hospitalised (it’s absolutely debilitating and destroyed my mental health when I suffered it), that your husband is contemptibly unsupportive with the dog but apparently gets no condemnation from people tripping over themselves to cast cruel aspersions on you and that you’re the one cleaning up its shit which I was always told was a risk in pregnancy, not to mention incredibly unpleasant with hyperemesis.

I really think the shameful behaviour is with those posters and your husband. People just read the word ‘rehoming’ in the title of a thread and can’t stop themselves from making sneering proclamations expressing sympathy for a dog and none for a grieving, pregnant, unsupported woman.

You are dealing with so much stress and sadness. Rehome the dog and let the husband sulk as much as he likes.

Everything NoOtherShade said.

I’m so sorry for the loss of your sister .

Please get the dog rehomed - just do it (responsibly!) and give yourself some time to simply cope with everything else that’s going on.

I hope your DH steps up and helps more too. Do not allow his sulking to derail the best decision for you and the dog.

I don’t think you have any choice really. It’s the right thing to do fron the digs POV.

Your DH doesn’t love the dog. If he did, he’d be training him a lot more and walking him. 20 minutes isn’t nearly enough. I’d tell my husband he needs to step up or the dog needs to go to a proper home where it’ll be looked after.

I think rehoming the dog would be the kindest thing for the dog as it has one owner basically incapacitated and one owner utterly indifferent except for the idea of the dog.

You're doing your best, but you know it's not enough. Your husband isn't even trying, you are honestly the only person in your marriage thinking about what's right and fair for the dog so I think trying to rehome would be for the best.

My friend bought a cockapoo, it doesn't stop...even with the mammoth walks she takes it on! A few months after they took on the dog the breeder got in touch to ask if they'd be interested in one of the other dogs from the litter because the owner realised they weren't the right fit so she took it on. She now has two bonkers cockapoos that walk her legs off...the short version though is speak to the breeder you bought the dog from, or your vet to see if they know anyone who'd be interested and suitable in taking on your dog. If that doesn't bear fruit then I'd speak to a dogs charity.

The dog is still young enough to be trained and to adapt well to a new home.

As for your husband's attitude, I'd be crystal clear that the dog is being rehomed because he doesn't pull his weight. If he can't help when you're in hyperemesis hell he's never going to help. I hope he's more help as a father than he's been with the dog.

Ignore all the nasty comments. People are dog mad here. I rehomed one of ours last year because I was having a baby, dh wasn't looking after it ( he got it) and it was barking all night amongst other nuisance behaviour. Never felt a moment of guilt.

You posted about this a couple of months ago and were advised to re-home your dog.

You're problem is that your husband isn't a nice person and clearly wants to make you feel like shit over your mistake.

We have dogs and I don't work. DH does all the walks. Your dh purports to love this dog yet can't seem to find the energy to look after him.

Stop beating yourself up about this and allowing your dh to control you. I would think about re-homing him too, if he continues behaving like this.

@MrsBobDylan

You posted about this a couple of months ago and were advised to re-home your dog.

You're problem is that your husband isn't a nice person and clearly wants to make you feel like shit over your mistake.

We have dogs and I don't work. DH does all the walks. Your dh purports to love this dog yet can't seem to find the energy to look after him.

Stop beating yourself up about this and allowing your dh to control you. I would think about re-homing him too, if he continues behaving like this.

I second this.

You’ve posted this before haven’t you and I think got the same replies. Your DH needs to step up.

I remember your situation from a previous thread.

If your DH loves your dog he needs to get his arse up in the mornings before work and walk the dog. And after work, needs to do the same thing again (or do the tea/bath/bed routine with DS so you can have some time out of the house with the dog - whichever you would prefer.

He also needs to fund a dog walker at lunchtime so the dog gets taken out for a good run/walk for an hour or two - most only charge £10 a day. It doesn't need to be daily but even once or twice a week would give you a break!

@Mummyford

I'm sorry, that sounds really difficult. I had hyperemesis two out of three pregnancies and I think if you haven't been through it, it's almost impossible to understand how awful it is. There were times when I couldn't even bear the smell of washing up liquid (seriously) or turn my head quickly without vomiting, so I can totally understand you feeling overwhelmed and not bonded with the dog. It's one of those situations where it seems inevitable that you're going to feel you're neglecting someone's needs.

I think if you feel that's what you need to do, you'd ultimately be doing the dog a favour. If you have any doubts or think you might have regrets, could you afford to send the pup for some residential training? You would still have an energetic pup on your hands, but a good couple of weeks at (a gentle) doggie boot camp would make a huge difference. And if that's not a possibility, could you hire someone to do some training and take the dog on walks, possibly with a small pack? A few hours of exercise and the stimulation of being with other dogs can make a world of difference.

Oh, and your DH needs to step the hell up. He can damn well take up jogging and bring the pup. Starting every day with a good 90 minute run will leave you with a much more manageable dog for the rest of the day.

Omg the smell of washing up liquid was one of my triggers as well. Absolutely revolting. Made me sick several times so badly. We had to find other non fragranced options. Just had my baby a few days and I'm glad it's all over now.

OP I feel your pain. Hyperemesis is a nightmare especially when you have a toddler to look after as well. Don't feel bad about rehoming. All the best 😀

I remember you posting before, at least once but I think twice. I work in animal welfare. I would not judge you for rehoming the dog but please do it through a charity and don't try and get money for the dog on FB/selling sites. If you rehome through a charity you know they will be taken care of, and even have help with behavioural issues. Dogs Trust/Battersea have had so many cockerpoo 'teens' come in for the same reasons, thankfully they are adopted quick.

Rehome the dog with someone who can be bothered to train it. Avoid another dog in the future.

Rehome, it's making your life a misery.

Oh god yes, please don't sell the dog to make your money back. Do the responsible thing. At least at this stage.