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Original poster

To be considering rehoming my dog..

181 replies

peptacqueen · 12/08/2021 01:38

I made a huge mistake. Last year DH agreed to buy me a cockapoo puppy. I'd lost my sister suddenly and I think I just wasn't thinking straight.
A few months later I fell pregnant - and I suffered with hyperemesis. I didn't so much as feel queasy with my first pregnancy so it came as a shock. I've been hospitalised twice.
Dealing with hyperemesis, my 4 year old son and the puppy (he's a year now) has been horrendous.
We just haven't got the time and I don't have the energy to give the dog the stimulation and exercise he needs.
He chews everything. Poor DS's toys are all ruined, and my underwear drawer is more or less empty now as he's chewed it all to shreds.
He escapes at any opportunity. I opened the door to someone the other day and DS opened the middle door meaning the dog shot out and ran all the way onto the main road near us. Pouring rain, with a 4 year old in tow at 32 weeks pregnant I was running along a main road trying to catch a dog who was darting in front of traffic. That night my hyperemesis was awful and I'm sure it was from the stress.
I just worry that my already fragile mental health might be pushed over the edge if the dog gets hold of the babies things and ruins them.
DH won't speak to me when I mention rehoming, he sulks and won't speak. But he'll only take him on maybe 4 walks a week and I'm still picking up all the dog poo in the garden etc.
I've made the biggest mistake of my life and now I don't know what to do.

OP posts:
Furrydogmum · 12/08/2021 09:25

I'm sorry you're having such a hard time. Yes the dog needs re homing but please do it via a reputable rescue - they will match the dog with the right people for its energy needs etc.
Your husband is not being supportive of you or the dog! I would tell him he won't be far behind the dog - or they could go together (except he isn't really cut out to be a dog owner!) He may have bought the dog but if he loved any of you he'd be stepping up not burying his head.

Paint69 · 12/08/2021 09:26

Considering you've posted before about this, I'd rehome the dog quickly. The longer you drag it out, the worse for all involved emotionally - including the dog. Your DH needs to back off with the pressure and guilt tripping. He isn't meeting the dogs needs, so he has no say. As someone who suffered from hyperemesis in all my pregnancies, I know how debilitating it can be. I'm sorry for your loss.

rookiemere · 12/08/2021 09:27

No point in giving the DH an ultimatum when household workload due to double when new baby arrives.

Even if he steps up marvellously to the plate now is that going to last with new baby/nighttime wakings/4 year old adjusting to new sibling ?

No best thing is to contact doodle trust now before new baby arrives and can be done in a calm manner.

BeeDavis · 12/08/2021 09:29

@UpstreamSwimmer

A pet is not a child. You buy when it suits you, and pass on when you can't/won't take care of it anymore.

Animals don't have complex emotions like humans, and they don't feel abandonment or betrayal (in the human sense). Animals will bond just as well with new owners, so long as they get fed well etc.

There's really nothing to feel guilty about. Anyone who tells you otherwise is anthropomorphizing their pets.

Please do not pay any attention to this comment. They absolutely do feel abandonment and people underestimate the emotions that dogs and animals can feel. It was the wrong choice for you to get a dog without doing proper research and having no idea how to raise it. I don’t buy the ‘we don’t have time’ excuse that’s just a copout comment to make yourself feel better about getting rid. I feel so sorry for the poor thing, too many people jumping on lockdown bandwagons and wanting whatever the trend is!
WhatATimeToBeAlive · 12/08/2021 09:32

Let the poor dog go to a better home - one that will actually care for its needs.

SwanShaped · 12/08/2021 09:34

People are being a bit mean. Rehome the dog and your husband will just have to get over it. Your dog will make someone really happy. Sorry for the loss of your sister.

CasaBonita · 12/08/2021 09:34

Your husband is acting like a moron. You are thinking sensibly. You made a mistake and recognise that. The poor dog is bored out of its mind hence the destructive behaviour.

You have 3 options - re-home and don't involve your husband in the process. Persevere with the dog, hire a dog walker daily or try and get your husband to come to his senses and re-home with you both on the same page, although I feel that will be fruitless....

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 12/08/2021 09:34

Well technically the dog was a gift for you, so it's your dog and if you don't want it anymore then yes, rehome it.
Ignore all the posts shaming you. People can be right that's. Having been through hg with all my pregnancies,the last being the absolute worst, I completely sympathise.

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 12/08/2021 09:35

Twats, not that's

CheerfulYank · 12/08/2021 09:40

Your dog will make someone else really happy

Yes, this! In addition to rehoming our lab with my parents, as I mentioned before, the dog we have now was rehomed with us. We got her when she was a year and a half old from a mother whose daughter had bought a puppy without thinking and then couldn’t keep her when she moved.

She’s much happier with us than our lab was...she’s a different breed so her needs are different. Her previous owners were so sad to rehome her, but she is an absolute delight and we love her to bits.

You were grieving and pregnant as well. Don’t be too hard on yourself, and don’t take some of the meaner comments to heart.

Pancakeorcrepe · 12/08/2021 09:49

Rehome the dog for it’s own sake.
But it’s shit that you got a dog and didn’t bother to train it. You and your husband are to blame for a very stupid and selfish decision. I hope you are better parents than you are dog owners. Sick of people not having half a brain and treating animals like an object.

CheerfulYank · 12/08/2021 09:52

Pancake that seems unnecessarily harsh.

Hadenoughofbloodycovid · 12/08/2021 09:54

@UpstreamSwimmer

A pet is not a child. You buy when it suits you, and pass on when you can't/won't take care of it anymore.

Animals don't have complex emotions like humans, and they don't feel abandonment or betrayal (in the human sense). Animals will bond just as well with new owners, so long as they get fed well etc.

There's really nothing to feel guilty about. Anyone who tells you otherwise is anthropomorphizing their pets.

Really!!! I suggest you google `Greyfriars Bobby’
Handsoffstrikesagain · 12/08/2021 09:55

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

Jubilate · 12/08/2021 09:59

Puppies are relentless at the best of times. And these are very far from your best times. Trust your gut feeling about rehoming the dog, there will be a person out there who will be glad you did. And chalk it up to experience, no guilt.

LemonFantaGin · 12/08/2021 09:59

Sounds like a typical young male puppy, but if you don't have time to train that out of him, then rehoming is the right thing to do.

HarryHedgehog · 12/08/2021 10:01

We got a puppy a couple of months ago (similar breed) my husband isn’t a dog lover and made it clear that the responsibility of walking it, cleaning up after it, feeding it and all its care falls to me. I agreed and have done everything he asked and will continue to do so.

I would give your husband and ultimatum… he either steps up and takes responsibility for the dog or it’s getting rejoined and he has however long to prove himself.

I don’t think you’re wrong to rehome op, I think you’re getting a hard time on here but to be honest, I think rehoming to a more suitable home is the responsible thing to do.

I hope you’re ok xxx

pineapplecat21 · 12/08/2021 10:02

Yes rehome, the dog deserves a owner who can actually be arsed and makes good choices.

NoOtherShadeOfBlue · 12/08/2021 10:03

@Handsoffstrikesagain she didn’t know she would have hyperemesis when she got the dog - it’s a very severe condition that leaves the sufferer exhausted and very unwell. She had also just suffered the loss of her sister. I can’t imagine what kind of decisions I might make in the face of such a shock and so much grief. Why so much sympathy for a dog and so little for a grieving woman struggling without support?

CakeandGo · 12/08/2021 10:04

He won't take him early in a morning, he works from home and doesn't get dressed until gone 11 some days
You have a DH problem not a DDog problem.

Wexone · 12/08/2021 10:05

@UpstreamSwimmer your post is a stupid comment and shows your total lack of understanding of dogs. The shelters are full of dogs trying to deal with their abandonment issues. We have just rescued a 9 year old JR who owner died and he ran away from his home due to all the stress of it. We have spent the past two months working on rebuilding his trust and reducing his anxiety with many more months of hard work. Plus our other JR was thrown from a car once she was no good for breeding any more, now suffers from separation anxiety incase she is abandoned again, also have done a lot of work with her to improve this
Totally agree with what everyone else is saying here , either have the ultimation with your Husband or reach out to a good charity who will rehome him. I always tell people that getting a dog is like having a child, you have another live thing to look after. They need to be fed, watered, cleaned up after, trained and walked. I have two JR, yes they chew things but through training and having their own toys they only chew their teddies and they know where they are kept. They are walked two or three times a day even when its cold and raining, longer at the weekends. You have to clean up their poo. They require visits to the vets every month or so. They cause noise and bark at the birds or when the door bell rings. You need to research the breed - a cockapoo requires alot of work - two very energetic dogs breed together gives you double energy( don't know why they were even breed together or the serious demand for them). Having said that all the hard work is worth it and i love my dogs wouldn't be without them.

NoOtherShadeOfBlue · 12/08/2021 10:05

@pineapplecat21 do you make the best choices when grieving? I think a lot of people don’t. I can absolutely see why someone bereaved might think getting a dog is a good idea and not be able to see clearly wnd rationally. The OP isn’t a feckless lockdown puppy buyer who’s got bored. Her circumstances are incredibly demanding. Why would you have no empathy with that?

Wheretobuy · 12/08/2021 10:07

The poor poor dog.

badg3r · 12/08/2021 10:09

Of your DH loves the dog so much then he needs to pull his weight. Plenty of single people manage to look after a dog by themselves. I would give him a month of doing everything for the dog including more training and if he doesn't pull his weight then rehoming is the best option.

CheerfulYank · 12/08/2021 10:10

Blue I agree with you. I’ve been gone from Mumsnet for quite awhile, but some things apparently never change...there are always people willing to kick others when they’re down, as long as there’s a dog involved to feel indignant for.

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