To be considering rehoming my dog..

[peptacqueen]

I made a huge mistake. Last year DH agreed to buy me a cockapoo puppy. I'd lost my sister suddenly and I think I just wasn't thinking straight.
A few months later I fell pregnant - and I suffered with hyperemesis. I didn't so much as feel queasy with my first pregnancy so it came as a shock. I've been hospitalised twice.
Dealing with hyperemesis, my 4 year old son and the puppy (he's a year now) has been horrendous.
We just haven't got the time and I don't have the energy to give the dog the stimulation and exercise he needs.
He chews everything. Poor DS's toys are all ruined, and my underwear drawer is more or less empty now as he's chewed it all to shreds.
He escapes at any opportunity. I opened the door to someone the other day and DS opened the middle door meaning the dog shot out and ran all the way onto the main road near us. Pouring rain, with a 4 year old in tow at 32 weeks pregnant I was running along a main road trying to catch a dog who was darting in front of traffic. That night my hyperemesis was awful and I'm sure it was from the stress.
I just worry that my already fragile mental health might be pushed over the edge if the dog gets hold of the babies things and ruins them.
DH won't speak to me when I mention rehoming, he sulks and won't speak. But he'll only take him on maybe 4 walks a week and I'm still picking up all the dog poo in the garden etc.
I've made the biggest mistake of my life and now I don't know what to do.

Agree with all PP who say to rehome. It sounds like your puppy will have a happier and more fulfilling life with another person.

Even a fairly straightforward pregnancy with a young dog can be really tough. For the first 16 weeks I could only take our 10month old pup on bathroom breaks - luckily my husband did everything else. I cannot imagine how upsetting it must be to be dealing with HG, a young child and a teenage dog!

Unless your husband is able to step up or pay for training and walking he really doesn’t have a leg to stand on honestly.

I really feel for you but at the moment the only person who can make this work is your husband. That dog should have had a really good run out first thing so he is relaxed and tired not looking to run off at any chance.
Do you have any friends with dogs looking for another? You would know he was in good hands and when you feel better you and children can do lots of dog walking and outdoor adventures without being tied down.

This would make me despise my husband. I hope he's better at dealing with your children than he is with your dog. You say you are worried he'll hold it against you forever- but you'll hold it against at him forever for being such a feckless lazy dick and meanwhile it's the dog that suffers.

Please rehome responsibly.

DH won't speak to me when I mention rehoming, he sulks and won't speak. But he'll only take him on maybe 4 walks a week

If you want to give it a chance, tell you husband that he needs to step up with the dog (and possibly the child) but you have come up with a solution that is not the best thing in the world, but probably best for the dog, for you and your child. Just not for him.

Well he needs to prove why its a bad decision and how he can make it work.

I did the toddler years with a new puppy and it was the worst fucking mistake in the world, I can't imagine trying to do that with a 4 year old, new born and a very young dog, with no support, especially if your newborn doesn't sleep, you need to get it sorted fairly soon as well, so if he wants to sulk, tell him he steps up or you make the decision.

Does your dh often sulk and not speak to you? Sounds like you have two 4 year olds

If your husband wants to keep him then he needs to prove it by taking on all the dogs training and care needs. If he does this before baby arrives tell him you might reconsider otherwise you’ll need to rehome before the baby is born. Give him the choice.

Puppies are hard work but they do calm down a lot once they hit about 2-3yo. In your situation I think I would be rehoming though. I rehomed our first dog while I was pregnant for many of the same reasons. I was sick, tired and had a 3yo. The puppy started showing food aggression and snapped at my 3yo and I didn’t have the time or ability to train or supervise closely enough on the situation I had at the time. The dog found a lovely home through a friend.

Years later - bump is now 12yo! - I got myself a puppy who I adore and have plenty of time for and it’s been a completely different situation. The time does need to be right for raising a good dog.

Your DH is a twat.
Either he takes more responsibility for the dog or the dog has to go. It's obvious. You can't do this with a new baby as well.

Have you posted about this before? I feel like I've read something similar.

Our neighbours have just rehomed a 1 year old lockdown puppy. It is sadly a common thing.

Speak to your DP about not coping and it not being best for the dog, then look for new home for it. Its ok to admit you made a mistake, now you have to try to fix it.

Contact a reputable rehoming centre now before you have your DC.

Both you and your DH were negligent in getting a puppy without a clear understanding of who was doing what and how you would look after it and train it.

But you have an opportunity to do the right thing now and allow the puppy to go to a home that can provide what it needs. Do not try to resell through gumtree or whatever you have no idea what situation the puppy will end up in.

@QueenBee52

poor dog 😩

Incredibly helpful. I'm guessing you've never ever made a mistake in your life ... ever?

Please don’t sell it as there is a chance it’ll end up being used in a puppy farm or dog baiting . Use a dig charity , there are many around who will make sure it goes to a loving home with people who can train / care for it .

I am horrified by the sanctimony of the posters berating you, who don’t care that you suffered a shocking bereavement (people make bad decisions in times like this, it’s understandable), who don’t care that you have hyperemesis so severe you’ve been hospitalised (it’s absolutely debilitating and destroyed my mental health when I suffered it), that your husband is contemptibly unsupportive with the dog but apparently gets no condemnation from people tripping over themselves to cast cruel aspersions on you and that you’re the one cleaning up its shit which I was always told was a risk in pregnancy, not to mention incredibly unpleasant with hyperemesis.

I really think the shameful behaviour is with those posters and your husband. People just read the word ‘rehoming’ in the title of a thread and can’t stop themselves from making sneering proclamations expressing sympathy for a dog and none for a grieving, pregnant, unsupported woman.

You are dealing with so much stress and sadness. Rehome the dog and let the husband sulk as much as he likes.

Aww, I feel for you. It’s very very difficult.

You’re not mistreating the dog and it’s not as though you’ve had it a decade and are chucking it out because it’s getting on and you want a shiny new puppy. Some people need to calm down a bit with the hysterics, methinks 😂

I once got a Labrador puppy when I had an 8 year old, a 2 year old, and a newborn. Was I out of my mind? Absolutely I was. (It was supposed to be for the 8 year old, which was of course another lesson)

I did try, but he shot up to 115 lbs and didn’t listen, nipped at people, chewed everything etc. The only time he seemed truly happy was when we would visit my parents and he had 20 acres of forest to romp in and wear himself out.

In the end, after 2 years of trying, I let my parents keep him. It broke my heart at the time but 4 years on it was the best decision I could have made for all of us, including Zeke. He’s so much happier and healthier and I still get to see him.

And yes, we did eventually get another dog.

We adopted our dog through our vet

Might be worth a chat with the vet to see if s/he knows anyone who is able and willing to adopt

Your husband doesn't "love" the dog. If he did he would care for it properly including training and exercising. Tell him it's not a fucking toy. This is down to him.

Could you pay for a dog Walker if you don’t want to rehome and haven’t got time to walk them? Or at least as a stopgap until you rehome them?

Rehome the husband!!

I really feel for you OP, sounds like you have been through a lot . It doesn’t sound that you have had much support with the dog care from your DH. I think you would be doing the best thing by re homing the dog, best for you & the dog too. Best advice is to rehome by a charity, who are breed/cross specific. Good luck OP.

I do feel for you OP, and I feel your husband needs to do more. If he will not you need to do what is best for you and your dog and taking DH out of the equation, rehoming sounds the best thing at this stage. I'm shocked he's letting you pick up poo while he lies in til 11! But not surprised, as that what my H often does too.

Unfortunately my 'D'H has also proven to be entirely useless with the puppy he got us last year, however as lazy as he is he did step up and pays for some days at daycare and training. Even with long walks, regular training, daycare, mental games etc our Lab girl would still be out of the door and chewing everything at any opportunity. Sometimes it's also their personality and not that their needs aren't being met! I can't imagine dealing with her, plus constant sickness, plus pregnancy, and then a newborn. My pup is older and my kids are a bit older and it's still been a constant struggle, really really awful at times and I'm not dealing with half the stuff you are. Look after yourself and def get her on a list for rehoming.

@UpstreamSwimmer

A pet is not a child. You buy when it suits you, and pass on when you can't/won't take care of it anymore.

Animals don't have complex emotions like humans, and they don't feel abandonment or betrayal (in the human sense). Animals will bond just as well with new owners, so long as they get fed well etc.

There's really nothing to feel guilty about. Anyone who tells you otherwise is anthropomorphizing their pets.

Well you're unpleasant. I suggest you speak to various charities that deal with dogs that have been passed from plar to post and I think you'll find they have a very different attitude towards it.

OP I'd give your DH an ultimatum. Either he steps up with the dog - two walks a day (decent length! Now it's a bit older it can go on good walks, think 40mins minimum), is responsible for training it and clears up after it, or you re-home. If he's sobbing because he loves it, he can step up and look after it. Otherwise he obviously doesn't love it as much as he says he does.
All the behaviours you've mentioned are puppy boredom. They can be fixed and the puppy will calm down in time as it gets older, BUT you have to nip the behaviour in the bud asap. If your husband isn't capable of that the kindest thing to do is to re-home through a charity who can find a good placement. One rehoming is tough for dogs - they don't know what's going on - but if the new owners are loving and caring, they can adjust really well and quickly. It's when they're passed pillar to post that you get real issues of abandonment. But being emotionally neglected in their home is far more damaging.

You have to take control of the situation and go over your husband's head. He has no right to an opinion when he is refusing to get involved with training/proper walks/cleaning up.

It's in the best interests of the dog to get rehomed sooner rather than later so try the vet first, be honest about the dog and it's behaviour (which isn't his fault, he's just bored and under exercised) then try the rehoming charities. The dog will be fine.

As others have said, rehome but please don't sell or give him to anyone you don't know.

Doodle Rescue specialise in re-homing poodle crosses including Cockapoos and have a network of Fosterers across the UK who can take you through re-homing and what's best for you and your dog without pressurising you. They are able to help and will ensure that your dog goes to the right him for them.

DM me if you want some more info

Dogs are hard work and it's probably taken you alot of courage to write this post
From the other side of the coin, we rehomed a dog from a similar situation as you
He is our life. He's spoilt, walked to death and wants for nothing
It's not necessarily doom and gloom. You obviously care as you are putting the dogs needs first. Just do it through the proper channels

"home"

Rehome through a charity.

Your husband is a useless twat