GCSE hell. What can I say to get them to back off

[SVlover]

I have a lovely daughter who just doesn’t do so well in exams. I have lovely friends who have A star exam performing daughters. And in-laws with daughters who are outstanding from an academic point of view. My friends. Tomorrow….They all want to celebrate!!! But I am sure results here won’t be wonderful. My daughter is distraught. 2 years ago she took an overdose. So good exam results, or lack of them, mean v little to me. My family are v academic. We feel sort of pressured by my side of the family and my friends about results. My daughter can probably repeat if things don’t go well. I’m ok about it. AIBU to tell everyone to back off.

Your stock reply: I'm very proud of her

Thanks. That’s a great idea!

We are all incredibly proud of how hard she’s worked.

Rinse and repeat.

Being lovely is way better than getting good grades! X

“I’m incredibly proud of her. Regardless of results.”

“ She’s decided not to share results, instead we’re celebrating her hard work and next steps. “

No advice as I have a toddler. But came on to say you sound like a great mum :)

@Atalune

We are all incredibly proud of how hard she’s worked.

Rinse and repeat.

Yes. Thanks so much. I think many people want to know actual grades. We have an aqe process in Northern Ireland where you have to get over 95 to get into a grammar when you are 10 or 11. I met a mum from school whose daughter got the top mark of 126. She actually asked me for my son’s exact mark. It’s a nightmare

Her grades are her private information for her to share if she wants. But I can tell you I am so proud of her and how she has done.

And repeat.

@Usernamqwerty

Being lovely is way better than getting good grades! X

Nice thing to say. And yes, she’s lovely

Do they all know about the overdose? If they do then I would ask them to back off and let you celebrate the most important thing which is having her with you.

You are very proud of what she's achieved, again and again.

I got 10 As in my GCSEs, I'll never forgive my mum for saying of well xx cousin got 5a* and 5 As. Never a word she was proud of what I achieved.

My kids aren't high achievers but I'm bloody proud of everything they do and I make sure they know it.

@Thehop

“I’m incredibly proud of her. Regardless of results.”

“ She’s decided not to share results, instead we’re celebrating her hard work and next steps. “

I like this!

“We’re thrilled by his achievements and know he got the results he worked for.”

Our planned answer: DS has SpLD, we have no idea what he will get. We will be delighted to just get this all out of the way.

Some great responses already, and you do sound like a very lovely Mum. Depending If she gets the results she needs for her next plan ‘she got whats needed for x, she is very excited about it and we are proud of her….’

@idontlikealdi

You are very proud of what she's achieved, again and again.

I got 10 As in my GCSEs, I'll never forgive my mum for saying of well xx cousin got 5a* and 5 As. Never a word she was proud of what I achieved.

My kids aren't high achievers but I'm bloody proud of everything they do and I make sure they know it.

Good for you xx

If anyone asks for the grades, just practice what you'd say if they agreed how much you or dh earns.

Asked not agreed

Say whatever is appropriate to get you both out of this celebration if your daughter isn't comfortable with it. Just do whatever you need to do to make your excuses... anything from telling people the truth about how it will make your daughter feel, or a white lie like 'we've already planned to celebrate just the two of us by staying home and watching a film' or whatever excuse you can make up that sounds realistic.

Don't worry about being anti-social just make your excuses and leave them all to it and do something privately to celebrate your daughter's loveliness.

I’m getting this too. Don’t feel they are my results to share, so I will be saying we are proud of how hard she worked regardless of what she gets. It’s been a tough time for teens and I think they’ve all done well.

@Thehop

“I’m incredibly proud of her. Regardless of results.”

“ She’s decided not to share results, instead we’re celebrating her hard work and next steps. “

Thanks.

If asked directly for grades I think is go with a wide smile and "why on earth would you need to know that? She's brilliant, and we're proud of her". And don't forget that just because someone asks a question doesn't mean you need to answer it.

@OnlyToWin

I’m getting this too. Don’t feel they are my results to share, so I will be saying we are proud of how hard she worked regardless of what she gets. It’s been a tough time for teens and I think they’ve all done well.

Thanks. It’s a tough time x

@neamchimpsky

If asked directly for grades I think is go with a wide smile and "why on earth would you need to know that? She's brilliant, and we're proud of her". And don't forget that just because someone asks a question doesn't mean you need to answer it.

A wonderful response

@YellowSunshineSky

Say whatever is appropriate to get you both out of this celebration if your daughter isn't comfortable with it. Just do whatever you need to do to make your excuses... anything from telling people the truth about how it will make your daughter feel, or a white lie like 'we've already planned to celebrate just the two of us by staying home and watching a film' or whatever excuse you can make up that sounds realistic.

Don't worry about being anti-social just make your excuses and leave them all to it and do something privately to celebrate your daughter's loveliness.

Thanks for your support x

Honestly I couldn't bare to be part of that sort of thing. Most people would look at me and think I was very academic (first class degree, masters and now work in what most people would consider an academic/prestigious role) but when I was 11/16/18 I was honestly just mediocre. I went to a state school, state college and got 2 B's and a C at A level. My parents weren't bothered either way. My friends were all very academic- tutored or naturally gifted but I didn't feel this sort of pressure. My DD is 11, and is below her peers academically, but like your daughter she has overcome so much and I'm so incredibly proud of her! If asked directly what grade your daughter got, I would just say she has done incredibly well and your so very proud of her. Even better, skip the lunch and do something just you and your daughter to make her feel special- as the likihood is either way you or her are going to find the experience crap or stressful. You sound like a lovely mum