GCSE hell. What can I say to get them to back off

[SVlover]

I have a lovely daughter who just doesn’t do so well in exams. I have lovely friends who have A star exam performing daughters. And in-laws with daughters who are outstanding from an academic point of view. My friends. Tomorrow….They all want to celebrate!!! But I am sure results here won’t be wonderful. My daughter is distraught. 2 years ago she took an overdose. So good exam results, or lack of them, mean v little to me. My family are v academic. We feel sort of pressured by my side of the family and my friends about results. My daughter can probably repeat if things don’t go well. I’m ok about it. AIBU to tell everyone to back off.

We're very proud of her. Very pleased and excited about next step. What a fantastic bunch of young adults we have, lives ahead of them, onto the next thing etc etc

Just popping on to say that you sound like a truly fantastic, supportive mum. Your daughter is lucky to have you!

@Usernamqwerty

Being lovely is way better than getting good grades! X

As a teacher I absolutely agree with this.

All very well and good getting A's and A*S but if you're a sick no one is gonna empty you.

She did great

We are all so happy

End . Of

Gosh I hate this bloody pressure
Our poor teenagers

@Atalune

We are all incredibly proud of how hard she’s worked.

Rinse and repeat.

Yes. Thanks x

My friend group are pretty classy when it comes to this - nobody ever cites grades (we've already gone through GCSEs with our older dc), it's all : "very proud of ds" or "dd is happy and we're celebrating" etc. Comparisons are odious

@Alakashazam0

No advice as I have a toddler. But came on to say you sound like a great mum :)

Oh thanks. U r so sweet. X.

@Thehop

“I’m incredibly proud of her. Regardless of results.”

“ She’s decided not to share results, instead we’re celebrating her hard work and next steps. “

Thanks x

@LimitIsUp

My friend group are pretty classy when it comes to this - nobody ever cites grades (we've already gone through GCSEs with our older dc), it's all : "very proud of ds" or "dd is happy and we're celebrating" etc. Comparisons are odious

Yes a bit a class sounds good. Xxx

@Queenie6655

She did great

We are all so happy

End . Of

Gosh I hate this bloody pressure
Our poor teenagers

Thanks. It’s been tough with covid and no schooling. ! Xxx

I've got one child who does well academically and one who struggles, I've never told any friends or family their actual results. I just say "He/she got just what they wanted". 🤷🏻‍♀️ x

Thanks

I agree with everyone else- just say how proud you are, how hard she's worked, how amazing she is etc. Exact grades are none of their business. Exam results really aren't all that, the fact she's here and she's lovely is worth so much more.

I’m a rare breed who loves to read a bit of fb bragging from friends - I love to share in their / their children’s achievements.

I can tell you though, what I’m seeing over and over (Highers, A Levels, BTecs) is variations on, “so proud of my girl today!”and “well done Eva, so proud of your hard work.”

Everyone talking about pride, no-one about grades.

Just say she did great, and you’re really proud. And if they’re pushy about the grades - tell them you’re not stealing her thunder, it’s not often you get exam results so sharing is up to her.

I'm not as keen on 'Being lovely is way better than getting good grades! ' because it implies grades aren't good and the other kids aren't lovely.

Hard stare and repeat 'she's worked very hard, I'm so proud of her and exactly what the fuck does it have to do with you?

@bobdidit

Honestly I couldn't bare to be part of that sort of thing. Most people would look at me and think I was very academic (first class degree, masters and now work in what most people would consider an academic/prestigious role) but when I was 11/16/18 I was honestly just mediocre. I went to a state school, state college and got 2 B's and a C at A level. My parents weren't bothered either way. My friends were all very academic- tutored or naturally gifted but I didn't feel this sort of pressure. My DD is 11, and is below her peers academically, but like your daughter she has overcome so much and I'm so incredibly proud of her! If asked directly what grade your daughter got, I would just say she has done incredibly well and your so very proud of her. Even better, skip the lunch and do something just you and your daughter to make her feel special- as the likihood is either way you or her are going to find the experience crap or stressful. You sound like a lovely mum

Thanks so much for your words of encouragement. I just want my kids to be happy. Xx

@nothingcanhurtmewithmyeyesshut

Hard stare and repeat 'she's worked very hard, I'm so proud of her and exactly what the fuck does it have to do with you?

Oh I love this! I’m old (54) and don’t know how Tod Faldo that line thing. It’s hilarious

I am in a similar position as you, I tend to deflect the question. If someone is gushing about their child's results it is THEM who want the praise for their child's achievement, so congratulate them (if you want too) if they do persist in asking about your child's result use the " we are so proud of all the hard work she put in during what was a very challenging year" you can follow up with "it's such an exciting time for them taking the next step in life, isn't it?" it deflects the question back to them and in 90% of civersations they are quite happy to continue gushing about their offspring. It's a tough time for the kids that work so hard for their B, C, D's etc. Not everyone can be A* but every achievement deserves to be celebrated. I hope your daughter enjoys what tomorrow represents and that's the next step in her growth to adulthood and all the new fun things that brings xx

You just need to say she's done very well and you're so proud of her.

That's the line I'll be sticking to tomorrow, although DS needs high grades to do the a levels he wants so we're all very nervous tonight.

Just tell them all you want to celebrate as your immediate family and no large group celebrations

@WorkingItOutAsIGo

Her grades are her private information for her to share if she wants. But I can tell you I am so proud of her and how she has done.

And repeat.

Exactly this!

And do celebrate, because it's the start of a new and exciting chapter for her regardless of grades!

Just answer 'why do you want to know?'
It's hardly their business.

My dd mixed with all the academic dc, she herself was a slow burner.
I found dd's friends lovely, it was the parents who were a pain. One df made jokes about dd's choice of degree subject, the 18 year olds put him right!

I got all typo mixed up there. I meant I did not know how to do the typo line thing

If anyone asks, after a really difficult year, I'm just going to say that I'm ridiculously proud of DD getting the grades she needs for her college course.
I have no intention of mentioning the grades achieved or required.

I agree with the standard responses above of how proud you are and she’s worked hard.

I got 2 As, 2 Bs, 3 Cs and 2 Ds in my GCSEs but many of my friends got straight As so I often felt inadequate. Nonetheless I’ve always been grateful that my parents were proud of what I did get. I had had a difficult couple of years with self harming and my mum in particular was less fussed about academia as a result. You sound lovely