To be very annoyed with DP & think this is very inappropriate?

[hayanomi]

My son is 14, about to go into year 10. The other day, he told me he has a girlfriend and she's 16. So I'm obviously worried as she’ll be going to college!

His dad is also worried. DP knows we are both worried but I found out that he's given DS condoms. I spoke to DP and he said that he'll obviously be having sex with his girlfriend so he gave him some condoms! He's 14!! He says I'm overreacting and I should accept he's growing up.

Aibu to be very annoyed or am I overreacting?

Is DP your son's father?

Ask him if his response would be the same if DS was female

I'm not sure it's DP's place, it would be better if his mother or father had given them, but much better that he has them than doesn't have them.

They probably won't be needed and I imagine this relationship will fizzle out fairly quickly, but a sensible (essential) conversation to have.

I don't think it is awful tbh. I intend to both advise my dds to wait before having sex and to ensure they have access to contraception if they are going to do it anyway.

It wasn't great that he gave him condoms without telling you but if you think that denial is the best approach to teenage sex lives then he probably did you a favour.

Sounds like your DP is being sensible. It's the obvious thing to do. You and your ex might be horrified that your son is dating but you can't realistically stop him from seeing this girl. It's better that he has condoms just in case. The relationship may fizzle out before he has chance to use them.

I've just realised that your dp is not his father - please ignore my previous comment, it isnt appropriate for him to do this.

I mean, most of my friends were having sex at 14 so I think it’s best her has them just incase.

@CloseYourEyesAndSee

It wasn't great that he gave him condoms without telling you but if you think that denial is the best approach to teenage sex lives then he probably did you a favour.

Yep.

If teenagers are going to have sex then they will. You can't stop them.

Very sensible and realistic for DP to give him condoms.

I think it's slightly over-stepping perhaps, but I'd prefer that my child had a trusted adult to speak to than no-one. It can be awkward having those conversations with parents.

Sensible that he has them just in case - better han an unwanted pregnancy or STI

HOWEVER - it should not have been your DP's decision! He should have discussed with you and your son. (& if he's not mature enough to discuss it, he's not mature enough to have sex)

Also needs pointing out it would be illegal....

@takealettermsjones

Is DP your son's father?

No, DP isn't his father.

I'd prefer that to becoming a grandmother tbh

He's very in the wrong here, obviously extreme worry is the only way to prevent a teenage pregnancy.

I think its more inappropriate that you haven’t given him any! Thank goodness your partner is willing to step up.

Has your dp been in your lives a long time and been acting in a parental role? If he has I don't think he's done anything wrong. I'd rather my child was given condoms at 14 than ended up a parent!

Not really his role, but I think your son should be given both words of warning and advice about contraception. I think it’s fine to give him the condoms, but it should have been after discussing with you.

A 16-year-old having sex with a 14-year-old is illegal

He has a girlfriend so it’s entirely possible that sex will be on the cards soon, if not already. Some young people are sexually active at 14, it would be naive not to consider this.

I imagine that your DP was well intentioned, (unless there is a back story about him undermining your parenting).

It can be good for young people to have a trusted adult they can talk to about sex , but your DP should have spoke with you first before giving him condoms.

It doesn't matter whether he's his father or the window cleaner. He's the only one acting with any sense you & his father being 'worried' won't prevent a pregnancy or STD
Having condoms is sensible.

Do you know anything about the girl? I'd be wanting to make sure she's not vulnerable because it's not usual for a 16yo girl to be interested in a 14yo boy - unless by 'girlfriend' he means she smiled at me in the hallway!

Imagine how different the replies would be if he was the 16 year old in this scenario.

I'm with your DP

@AlmostSummer21

It doesn't matter whether he's his father or the window cleaner. He's the only one acting with any sense you & his father being 'worried' won't prevent a pregnancy or STD Having condoms is sensible.

Do you know anything about the girl? I'd be wanting to make sure she's not vulnerable because it's not usual for a 16yo girl to be interested in a 14yo boy - unless by 'girlfriend' he means she smiled at me in the hallway!

This.

Your DP is being sensible. You may not like it but you can't stop him from having sex at 14 and preventing a pregnancy is alot better than burying your head in the sand.

Dp sounds sensible.