To be very annoyed with DP & think this is very inappropriate?

[hayanomi]

My son is 14, about to go into year 10. The other day, he told me he has a girlfriend and she's 16. So I'm obviously worried as she’ll be going to college!

His dad is also worried. DP knows we are both worried but I found out that he's given DS condoms. I spoke to DP and he said that he'll obviously be having sex with his girlfriend so he gave him some condoms! He's 14!! He says I'm overreacting and I should accept he's growing up.

Aibu to be very annoyed or am I overreacting?

Thats really sad your son felt uncomfortable . If he’d asked for the condoms or even indicated they were going to have sex, that’s different. I’d have been really creeped out if my step dad had given me contraceptives at that age because he assumed I was having sex.

Your partner was wrong.

@Amima

I agree it’s terrible. It needs impressing upon children that sex before 16 is a criminal offence. And if I found out they’d had sex I’d be calling the police.

They’ll be absolutely shit hot at hiding it from you in that case. And probably getting into extremely dangerous situations rather than talk to you.

Condoms isn't permission it's just a precaution. It's still illegal, remind him of that. But I don't see it as that big of an age gap. When I was 15 my boyfriend was 17 and it was a lovely relationship.

@blobby10

I was horrified when my then 15 year old son told me they could go to the school nurse, say they were going to a party and would probably have sex, and they would be given a whole handful of condoms - no questions asked!

When I was at school you didn't have to do all that. They had boxes of condoms (and tampons) and you could just go grab them from outside the nurses office.

Better safe than pregnant.

Amima

I agree it’s terrible. It needs impressing upon children that sex before 16 is a criminal offence. And if I found out they’d had sex I’d be calling the police.
.........
I presume you didn't then, Amima.

What do you think the police would do about it anyway?

When I was 16 I was in a sexual relationship with a 14 year old boy. Everyone said it would fizzle out - and yes I had a lot of criticism from peers. But I overlooked it all, because I loved him. Which sounds like nonsense but I still do, 20 years later! we are happily married with a 10 year old daughter. We were sensible enough to take our own precautions but I think your DP did the right thing. My dad told me I Was doing something illegal. It didn’t stop us. Just made me feel ashamed of what were completely legitimate and very real feelings. Which wasn’t helpful.

@Walkaround

If you read the OP, *@camaleon*, she specifically states her partner gave her ds condoms because he thinks the ds will “obviously be having sex.” That is what I object to. As the parent, I would most definitely want to be the one deciding how I phrase any conversation with my 14-year old about why I was giving them condoms! I would not be happy if someone else did this.

Then I agree with you. I have also said it is extremely likely that this boy has felt uncomfortable about the condoms' offer. Still, it is not something I would be (myself) really angry about. It is cringey to get condoms from adults who are responsible for you. I would leave them in a draw in the house, would have informed about where to get them (as they already do in school) and ensure he has some money to do this himself if he needs to.

The same way I do not believe teenagers have sex because a parent, or stepparent provides condoms, I don't think they will not use condoms if parents don't provide them. They will absolutely get them if they have some minimal reasoning going on and respect for their health.