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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be very annoyed with DP & think this is very inappropriate?

232 replies

hayanomi · 11/08/2021 12:30

My son is 14, about to go into year 10. The other day, he told me he has a girlfriend and she's 16. So I'm obviously worried as she’ll be going to college!

His dad is also worried. DP knows we are both worried but I found out that he's given DS condoms. I spoke to DP and he said that he'll obviously be having sex with his girlfriend so he gave him some condoms! He's 14!! He says I'm overreacting and I should accept he's growing up.

Aibu to be very annoyed or am I overreacting?

OP posts:
Treacletoots · 11/08/2021 15:47

Both finding this amusing and incredibly sad that decades on since I was a teenager some people are STILL thinking that teenagers aren't having sex. Or even better that they should, or could stop them. "Clutches pearls"

Your job is to educate them to make sure neither of them get or pass on STDs or get pregnant and that they understand and practise consent. Putting head in a bucket of sand will achieve precisely fuck all.

It's not like they're really doing anything terrible is it? I'd rather this than making bombs, robbing old ladies or dealing drugs.. reality check please.

JesusIsAnyNameFree · 11/08/2021 15:52

@Viviennemary

This is absolutely awful. How dard he. Encouraging a 14 year old to have sex is a dreadful idea
Cause the hormonal teenager will be responsible and think "no, I can't do this because I don't have protection". Are you for real, love? If a teenager gets the chance, they will go for it, protection or no protection.
callmeadoctor · 11/08/2021 15:53

So breaking the law isn't right but its ok to have underage sex and break the law because its nice and they want to have fun! OOOooooooookkkkkkkkkk Grin

Nicknacky · 11/08/2021 15:55

@callmeadoctor So what’s your suggestions for stopping teenagers having sex?

Blossomtoes · 11/08/2021 15:55

@callmeadoctor

So breaking the law isn't right but its ok to have underage sex and break the law because its nice and they want to have fun! OOOooooooookkkkkkkkkk Grin
Oh do give over. Forget the morality and legality. If they’re going to have sex nothing will stop them and it’s far better that it’s safe sex.
Habber · 11/08/2021 15:58

Kids don’t have sex because you gave them condoms, I think it’s actually nice he felt comfortable enough to care about your son and take a male role model stance to do this?

SofiaMichelle · 11/08/2021 15:58

@BettyBakesBuns

So you've gone to the trouble of reading up on the NHS website about underage sex and then still decided to state "it's statutory rape"?

There is no such thing in the UK.

@Amima

The girl hasn't raped, and couldn't rape, anyone unless she's got a penis.

FFS.

MaMelon · 11/08/2021 15:59

Both finding this amusing and incredibly sad that decades on since I was a teenager some people are STILL thinking that teenagers aren't having sex. Or even better that they should, or could stop them. "Clutches pearls"

I think there’s only a couple/few people on here that think that Confused As adults it’s important we get the right balance between ‘wahey lad, GF? You’ll be needing them then’’ and ‘you can’t have sex, I’ll report you both. Every teen is different, every relationship is different - none of us on here know the child in question, so while he might be having sex the chances (statistically) are that he won’t. Does he know about consent? Does he know about body autonomy? Does he know it’s ok not to have sex at all? Does he know about the law? Does he know about healthy relationships? Perhaps the OP would have been happier if the condoms had been given as part of that wider conversation - or even if they were just in the house with the rest of the toiletries for him to decide if he wanted to access them, rather than being given them as part of an adult’s expectation that he was going to have sex.

As I said though, none of us know the boy in question. I’m puzzled by the fact that a nearly 17 year old is even giving him the time of days - that’s social suicide at that age!

ComDummings · 11/08/2021 16:00

Better than him getting an STD. Or impregnating his girlfriend. If youngsters want to have sex they will. FWIW we got given condoms at school (in year 10) and we didn’t all suddenly start shagging.

LST · 11/08/2021 16:00

@callmeadoctor

So breaking the law isn't right but its ok to have underage sex and break the law because its nice and they want to have fun! OOOooooooookkkkkkkkkk Grin
You're a hoot. What do you think the op should do then? Lock her Ds up until he is 16?
MyDcAreMarvel · 11/08/2021 16:09

@Luannee most children are not having under age sex. You can parent properly so it’s incredibly unlikely.

Dullardmullard · 11/08/2021 16:15

@Amima

I agree it’s terrible. It needs impressing upon children that sex before 16 is a criminal offence. And if I found out they’d had sex I’d be calling the police.
14 - 16 and you’d phone the police please they wouldn’t be interested they’d only be interested if there was a huge age gap which there is not
Grimacingfrog · 11/08/2021 16:16

[quote MyDcAreMarvel]@Luannee most children are not having under age sex. You can parent properly so it’s incredibly unlikely.[/quote]
Hahahahaha.

All that means is that your children aren't telling you the truth.

I'm not saying they're having sex but some of their classmates will be. And smoking weed.

And it's often the naice children.

thedancingbear · 11/08/2021 16:17

@callmeadoctor

So breaking the law isn't right but its ok to have underage sex and break the law because its nice and they want to have fun! OOOooooooookkkkkkkkkk Grin
Sorry but this is fucking moronic. People have underage sex; always have, always will. Given this, it's far better that they do so safely, rather than end up getting pregnant at 15 for the sake of your fucked up notion of morality.
Freddiefox · 11/08/2021 16:17

@hayanomi

I've been with DP for 4 years. I'm not in denial but I'm annoyed about him giving DS condoms when it wasn't his place especially without telling me.

I don't know who DS’ girlfriend is but I'm worried about the age gap, as apparently she's 17 in a few months but DS isn't 15 until may! I have no idea why a 16 year old girl would want to be in a relationship with a 14 year old either, and elder DS has said that it's weird and all the girls were in a relationship with boys from their own year or the year above when they were 16.

It is weird op, I think you shouted contact the school. It’s certainly an imbalance of power.
Dullardmullard · 11/08/2021 16:20

For a 2 nearly 3 year gap nope it isn’t and all they’ll do is the safe sex talk not you must not do it talk.

stepupandbecounted · 11/08/2021 16:22

I am with your dp. He did you a favour.

ExConstance · 11/08/2021 16:23

I went to a very naice girls grammar school. 50 years ago I was 14 and there were not many of my class who did not have sex before they were 16. I've always looked back on my mid to late teens with fond memories.

callmeadoctor · 11/08/2021 16:26

Mumsnet at its finest Grin Im not wholly convinced that lots of children want to have sex under 16 though tbh. Although lots of people on here seem convinced that this is the case coz they did.... However mmmmm if I didn't want my child to have sex underage I guess that Covid has put a stop to that at the moment Grin

Plumtree391 · 11/08/2021 16:26

What type of school you went to is hardly relevant.

Young teens either have sex before the age of sixteen or they don't.

Nicknacky · 11/08/2021 16:28

@callmeadoctor So what is your solution to stop teens having sex?

Blossomtoes · 11/08/2021 16:28

Young teens either have sex before the age of sixteen or they don't.

No shit! 🤣

callmeadoctor · 11/08/2021 16:29

Mumsnet is so full of anger at the moment. Whats wrong with having a normal discussion? Was Mumsnet always like this (can't remember now) Everyone seems outraged at other posters opinions. Surely its fine to disagree without all the swearing etc.

callmeadoctor · 11/08/2021 16:31

[quote Nicknacky]@callmeadoctor So what is your solution to stop teens having sex?[/quote]
Education and teach them to respect their (underage) bodies I guess I would start with.

SirVixofVixHall · 11/08/2021 16:32

@SheABitSpicyToday

I mean, most of my friends were having sex at 14 so I think it’s best her has them just incase.
Crikey, really ? Most of my friends and classmates were still virgins at 18 when we left school. I didn’t even start my periods until 16 !