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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think family didn’t need to be so mean about it?

870 replies

LilBristow · 10/08/2021 15:57

We am due my first baby in a few weeks. I thought it would be nice (as it’s the summer hols and lovely weather this week) to hold a “baby party” for the kids in the family. Would basically just be a bog standard garden party with food and the paddling pool out etc, water guns if it’s warm and just a chance for them to ask any questions about the baby etc. I also thought we could get the kids making “welcome baby” cards etc, take lots of photos with banners and teddies etc and then I’d make each child a little photo album of the day and obviously my DC too so they can see the baby party we held for them.
I told my mum my plan and she said it sounded like a lovely idea and said she’d mention it to my grandma and aunties. The last day I rang her and asked if she’s got any feedback and she went quiet and then said “umm yeah, I think they’re just wondering why you’re having a party before baby is even born”. 🙄 I reminded her that I’d already explained it was to answer any questions the other kids might have and to just basically have a bit of fun and make some family photo books!! She said “yeah, well I’ll mention it again but I don’t know”. Next day she rang me saying “yeah …. Your grandma is just asking why you’re having a party for baby?”

Oh ffs. So I rang my grandma and explained it myself. She acted the same, kept saying “but baby isn’t here yet” so I said “ok let’s forget about baby!! I’m organising a fun day for the kids in the garden on Friday, will you spread the word!” She said “suppose so”.
Aunti has just sent me a message saying “don’t take this the wrong way but we haven’t had a party for any of the other babies born into the family so it doesn’t seem fair to do it for one”.

I’ve also heard that another auntie burst out laughing at the idea. I feel really fucking hurt to be honest. It’s my first baby and I just wanted to arrange something fun before he arrives.

OP posts:
MattHancocksSexTape · 10/08/2021 15:59

I’m sorry, but I’m with your grandma here. It’s odd.

WrongKindOfFace · 10/08/2021 16:00

Honestly, it’s a bit weird.

LilBristow · 10/08/2021 16:01

It wasn’t just for baby, it was to help prepare the other kids, I’m not sure if they’re even aware I’m pregnant or if they are that birth I’d very soon

OP posts:
Soubriquet · 10/08/2021 16:01

I think it sounds like a lovely idea

JaneTheVirgin · 10/08/2021 16:01

Maybe just call it a Baby Shower and invite the kids/do everything else you have planned?

Sirinn · 10/08/2021 16:02

I think the best thing to do in these scenarios is keep descriptions minimal. The more you start making it 'about the baby' the more confused the relatives got.

"Let's have a get together at mine" is easy to understand.

Honestly I've never heard of the idea of people making 'welcome' cards for a baby or taking photos of it, or making albums of such a thing. This might be one of those times to remember the baby is very exciting for you, but less so for everyone else.

Starlight86 · 10/08/2021 16:02

Its strange, your not the only person in the world to have a baby.

FreeSpirits · 10/08/2021 16:02

Good lord 🤦

SoupDragon · 10/08/2021 16:02

Yeah, they could perhaps have handled it better but it is rather odd.

Itsseweasy · 10/08/2021 16:02

Normally I’m not a huge fan of Baby Showers (even my own!) and can’t stand posed pics for social media and suchlike, but your reasons for holding this baby party sound really thoughtful, and much more for your other kids benefit than for you. You sound really kind and considerate of them.
So absolutely YANBU and I think you should reconsider including your grumpy relatives in future events.
I hope and your kids you have a lovely time without them!

Pinkflipflop85 · 10/08/2021 16:02

This sounds very bizarre!

kikipie · 10/08/2021 16:02

Really odd. Why would the children in the family have any questions about your baby that isn’t even here yet?

I know your pfb is the main, or only thing in your life at the moment, but it’s not such a fascinating thing for everyone

gwenneh · 10/08/2021 16:02

So...you're looking to prepare other family members' kids?

Agree that this is odd.

PleasantBirthday · 10/08/2021 16:02

It's a nice idea but I don't think many people would find this usual.

Crunchymum · 10/08/2021 16:02

Maybe you should have just called it your baby shower and been done with it.

They could have been a bit more tactful but I'd roll my eyes at anyone who wanted to invite my kids over to make "welcome baby" cards and ask questions about a baby that is probably just an abstract concept to them.

woodfort · 10/08/2021 16:03

What “questions” will then have?!!

Anyway, it’s lovely to have a family day. Making cards and banners and photo albums of this is ConfusedHmm

LilBristow · 10/08/2021 16:03

@JaneTheVirgin

Maybe just call it a Baby Shower and invite the kids/do everything else you have planned?
I did think that but I didn’t want people to feel like I was expecting gifts as Im really not. I have everything I need and more. I just wanted to do something fun for the kids.
OP posts:
Sirinn · 10/08/2021 16:03

@LilBristow

It wasn’t just for baby, it was to help prepare the other kids, I’m not sure if they’re even aware I’m pregnant or if they are that birth I’d very soon
Do the other kids in the family need 'preparing' for your baby? Kids just... get on with things really. Your baby isn't going to impact them. They are going to be the least fussed.
Pinkflipflop85 · 10/08/2021 16:03

What on earth do the other kids need to be prepared for?x

GnomeOrMistAndIceGuy · 10/08/2021 16:03

it was to help prepare the other kids, I’m not sure if they’re even aware I’m pregnant or if they are that birth I’d very soon
Is it that massive of an event that they need "preparing" for it though? It does sound a strange idea, imo. Why not just wait until the baby's born and have a good old family get-together?

BeaBeaBuzz · 10/08/2021 16:03

Could you have called it a baby shower? Then people might’ve understood the idea a bit better. Doubt the kids will have any questions.

Winemewhynot · 10/08/2021 16:03

Not going to lie it’s a bit strange.

What questions would a group of kids, who seemingly have siblings and cousins so are aquatinted with babies, have?

Starlight86 · 10/08/2021 16:03

sorry sent to early.

And whilst its a lovely magical and all consuming moment for you its not for other people. they have their own lives, worries and happiness. They dont need to dedicate a day to yours.

Sirinn · 10/08/2021 16:04

@Itsseweasy

Normally I’m not a huge fan of Baby Showers (even my own!) and can’t stand posed pics for social media and suchlike, but your reasons for holding this baby party sound really thoughtful, and much more for your other kids benefit than for you. You sound really kind and considerate of them. So absolutely YANBU and I think you should reconsider including your grumpy relatives in future events. I hope and your kids you have a lovely time without them!
Not her kids. She's due 'her first baby'.

Random other kids in the family. Like...cousins. "for the kids in the family."

Crunchymum · 10/08/2021 16:04

What are the other kids being prepared for? I don't get it?

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