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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think family didn’t need to be so mean about it?

870 replies

LilBristow · 10/08/2021 15:57

We am due my first baby in a few weeks. I thought it would be nice (as it’s the summer hols and lovely weather this week) to hold a “baby party” for the kids in the family. Would basically just be a bog standard garden party with food and the paddling pool out etc, water guns if it’s warm and just a chance for them to ask any questions about the baby etc. I also thought we could get the kids making “welcome baby” cards etc, take lots of photos with banners and teddies etc and then I’d make each child a little photo album of the day and obviously my DC too so they can see the baby party we held for them.
I told my mum my plan and she said it sounded like a lovely idea and said she’d mention it to my grandma and aunties. The last day I rang her and asked if she’s got any feedback and she went quiet and then said “umm yeah, I think they’re just wondering why you’re having a party before baby is even born”. 🙄 I reminded her that I’d already explained it was to answer any questions the other kids might have and to just basically have a bit of fun and make some family photo books!! She said “yeah, well I’ll mention it again but I don’t know”. Next day she rang me saying “yeah …. Your grandma is just asking why you’re having a party for baby?”

Oh ffs. So I rang my grandma and explained it myself. She acted the same, kept saying “but baby isn’t here yet” so I said “ok let’s forget about baby!! I’m organising a fun day for the kids in the garden on Friday, will you spread the word!” She said “suppose so”.
Aunti has just sent me a message saying “don’t take this the wrong way but we haven’t had a party for any of the other babies born into the family so it doesn’t seem fair to do it for one”.

I’ve also heard that another auntie burst out laughing at the idea. I feel really fucking hurt to be honest. It’s my first baby and I just wanted to arrange something fun before he arrives.

OP posts:
Lumpwoody · 10/08/2021 16:04

Yeah I’m sorry I’m with your grandma. It’s a bit unusual.

The other kids don’t need a whole day of preparing you know. Just “auntie so and so is having a baby. There’s a baby in her tummy” whatever age appropriate explanation.

Honestly it’s very first baby enthusiasm which is understandable but a bit odd.

Sorry.

MoveOnTheCards · 10/08/2021 16:04

Honestly, I’m also kind of with your grandma/auntie here.

How much ‘preparation’ do the other kids need? Tbh I doubt they’ve given it too much thought.

SoupDragon · 10/08/2021 16:05

@LilBristow

It wasn’t just for baby, it was to help prepare the other kids, I’m not sure if they’re even aware I’m pregnant or if they are that birth I’d very soon
Why do they need to be prepared?

They don't really care that you're having a baby. They have surely seen it all before given there are several children.

Fiddliestofsticks · 10/08/2021 16:05

I'd have laughed at that too but I wouldn't have said it to you. I'd have sent the kids along and told my very "but why" 8 year old to just go along with it and not ask questions.

But really... why? There are a few of them, yes? So they've been through a new kid in the family before. What questions would they have? And no offence, but other little kids really dont want to make welcome cards and sort around talking about a new baby when they already have siblings/cousins and haven't ever done anything like that before. What's the point?

If you're going to be this sort of parent then your family are in for a long haul here.

Confused102 · 10/08/2021 16:05

Prepare the other kids for what? I also think it is a very strange thing to do. Maybe just have the party but without your baby being the focus of anything? Skip the welcome cards, and question and answer about the baby etc, just a fun gathering for everyone not just child focused ?

NotImpossible · 10/08/2021 16:05

It's not that different to a baby shower really is it? I'm not a fan of them but lots of people have them and it's not generally seen as weird.

Your relatives' reactions sound rude and grumpy.

Twizbe · 10/08/2021 16:06

It sounds very weird. Have the other kids asked questions about the baby? I'm guessing some of them have younger siblings so know about babies.

It seems a bit 'me,me,me' and your Aunty is right. If you're framing this with a keepsake book for your baby, what do the other adults say when their kids asks why they don't have a book or party?

I'm not a fan of celebrating a baby until it's born either. I've sadly know families that haven't had a good outcome from their pregnancies so I'd rather not count my chickens.

By all means have a fun pool party on Friday, but drop the baby stuff

vodkaredbullgirl · 10/08/2021 16:06
Hmm
dancinfeet · 10/08/2021 16:06

Why do the other kids need preparing? Surely if they have questions they will ask their parents? I think it's one thing throwing a get together for all the family kids, knowing that you may not have time to do this again later this year once baby arrives as you will be busy with your little one, but a bit OTT making it about the baby, unless they are siblings to the newborn there isn't anything to prepare as such. I can see why the rest of the family see it as a bit odd.

MindyStClaire · 10/08/2021 16:06

It is a bit unusual. I think you would have been better to have a party in a "Why doesn't everyone come over for an afternoon together before we're too busy with the baby". The other children don't really need to be prepared or anything, and a lot of people are reluctant to celebrate a baby before it's safely arrived.

On the other hand, a big get together before a baby comes along is a lovely idea - whenever one of my group of friends has had a baby we make sure to get together for a lunch or dinner before they disappear for a while.

SoupDragon · 10/08/2021 16:06

One of the questions you are keen to answer might well be "how did the baby get inside your tummy?" Along with "how are you going to get it out?"

Chikapu · 10/08/2021 16:07

Which kids are you wanting to prepare? I get it's your first baby but good lord.

suspiria777 · 10/08/2021 16:08

In Jewish families this is not just self-indulgent and bizarre, it's also terrible bad luck to buy, do or celebrate anything to do with a baby that has not been born.

DismantledKing · 10/08/2021 16:08

Team laughing auntie here.

Confused102 · 10/08/2021 16:08

Some of the other kids might have siblings so don't need preparing, or they have friends at school etc. Also I do think it's out of place for you to decide to 'prepare' other people's children with question and answers. Maybe your Grandma and aunty are thinking you are hinting for a baby shower? Sorry op this is genuinely odd.

Notaroadrunner · 10/08/2021 16:09

No offence but why do you think other family kids will need to ask questions about your baby, or need to be prepared? Save yourself the hassle. You'll have enough parties to organise for your child's birthdays in the coming years.

anon12345678901 · 10/08/2021 16:09

I also don't understand why other children need to be prepared, how will they be affected by the new baby? Its just a baby and any questions can be answered by their parents. If you wanted a baby shower that's fair enough but I would just say it like that.

vodkaredbullgirl · 10/08/2021 16:09

Are you going to throw a big party, for when you lo is 1 yr old too?

suspiria777 · 10/08/2021 16:09

Also no point in welcome baby cards because your baby won't be able to read.

Proudboomer · 10/08/2021 16:09

I think it is weird and a little bit self absorbed.

Sirinn · 10/08/2021 16:09

I also can't think of a question about an unborn baby. They haven't exactly done much to question!

Sirinn · 10/08/2021 16:10

@vodkaredbullgirl

Are you going to throw a big party, for when you lo is 1 yr old too?
6-month half-birthdays incoming.
Horriblewoman · 10/08/2021 16:10

Is this something that your family do for every new arrival?

Why would you want to create photo albums for each child before your baby is even there? Why not wait until they can meet their cousin?

Original poster
LilBristow · 10/08/2021 16:10

I’ve already tried to drop the baby connection but they won’t let it drop now. I’ve actually said I’ve had a rethink on the cards etc but everytime I mention the “garden party” on Friday they keep asking why I’m having a party for baby, even though I’ve said I’m not now, it’s just a garden party for summer and so I can get some nice photos!

OP posts:
xyzandabc · 10/08/2021 16:10

If you'd like to host a family get together before baby arrives. Go ahead, sounds lovely.

If you are looking to prepare other people's children for the arrival of your new baby, leave that to the parents to do as they see fit. All the other family kids, except the youngest, will have done this before having a new baby in the family. If they have any questions, which they probably won't, they will ask their parents.

If you want to do something fun for the kids, go ahead, but don't make it anything to do with your new baby. Just invite them round for some fun and games in the garden because you'd love to see them.

If you want a party for the new baby, wait until it's here. Or do it for their 1st birthday.