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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think family didn’t need to be so mean about it?

870 replies

LilBristow · 10/08/2021 15:57

We am due my first baby in a few weeks. I thought it would be nice (as it’s the summer hols and lovely weather this week) to hold a “baby party” for the kids in the family. Would basically just be a bog standard garden party with food and the paddling pool out etc, water guns if it’s warm and just a chance for them to ask any questions about the baby etc. I also thought we could get the kids making “welcome baby” cards etc, take lots of photos with banners and teddies etc and then I’d make each child a little photo album of the day and obviously my DC too so they can see the baby party we held for them.
I told my mum my plan and she said it sounded like a lovely idea and said she’d mention it to my grandma and aunties. The last day I rang her and asked if she’s got any feedback and she went quiet and then said “umm yeah, I think they’re just wondering why you’re having a party before baby is even born”. 🙄 I reminded her that I’d already explained it was to answer any questions the other kids might have and to just basically have a bit of fun and make some family photo books!! She said “yeah, well I’ll mention it again but I don’t know”. Next day she rang me saying “yeah …. Your grandma is just asking why you’re having a party for baby?”

Oh ffs. So I rang my grandma and explained it myself. She acted the same, kept saying “but baby isn’t here yet” so I said “ok let’s forget about baby!! I’m organising a fun day for the kids in the garden on Friday, will you spread the word!” She said “suppose so”.
Aunti has just sent me a message saying “don’t take this the wrong way but we haven’t had a party for any of the other babies born into the family so it doesn’t seem fair to do it for one”.

I’ve also heard that another auntie burst out laughing at the idea. I feel really fucking hurt to be honest. It’s my first baby and I just wanted to arrange something fun before he arrives.

OP posts:
blacksax · 10/08/2021 16:11

Other people's children are really not as interested as you think they are.

Winemewhynot · 10/08/2021 16:11

It does make you seem a bit up yourself, wanting to brief the children of the family, and have them make cards and do a photo shoot with props for your impending arrival?

Unless this is the second coming and you are infact pregnant with the baby Jesus? In which case your reaction is still slightly OTT but a bit more understandable 😂

Marriedtothesilverfox · 10/08/2021 16:11

How mean

Anoisagusaris · 10/08/2021 16:12

Sounds like you want a baby shower but are dressing it up as a party for the kids. What not just say it’s a summer party for the kids before the baby arrives, without making it all about your baby?

devildeepbluesea · 10/08/2021 16:12

I think OP won the internet with this idea!

Twizbe · 10/08/2021 16:12

Think you just need to drop the whole thing tbh.

JustLoveYourselfALittle · 10/08/2021 16:13

Personally I think it's a bit odd. And I doubts kids would have many questions.

But having everyone together is a lovely idea. I'm doing the same this Yr.

ripplestitchblank · 10/08/2021 16:13

I can see you had good intensions but the way you've worded it is weird.

Why would the other kids in the family have so many questions that need answering that requires a gathering? It sounds like you're making an excuse up to get them to come?

I think you should have just called it a baby shower and been done with it. Or said 'fancy coming around for a little gathering at mine while the weathers nice, I'll get the pool out for the kids'

I do think they've been a bit mean though. If they were normal and you all had a good relationship they'd either say 'yeah course but not sure they have any questions!' Or 'sorry we're really busy at the moment'

BeaBeaBuzz · 10/08/2021 16:14

Tuesday is a bit late to expect people at a garden party on Friday. I’d just drop it OP they clearly aren’t keen

Batshittery · 10/08/2021 16:15

Who's kids are you trying to prepare and what do they need preparing for? How come you've got a paddling pool to 'get out" with the water guns?

All sounds very weird to me.

SarahAndQuack · 10/08/2021 16:15

I voted YABU because I do think it's OTT of you and a bit thoughtless towards other children in the family. Did you not stop to think that they'll all wonder why this baby is getting something special that never happened for them/their siblings?

But I do think your family could have been kinder in their replies.

Notapheasantplucker · 10/08/2021 16:15

Photos of who? You? Or the children? Confused
So a garden party for photos..sounds fun.

RickJames · 10/08/2021 16:16

Aw, I think its sweet! It doesn't strike me as self-indulgent as you are making a fun day for the children. I'd be packing my DS off to this in a shot, he wouldn't be fussed about the new cousin but he'd love waterguns and cakes, he'd play along.

Your family sound a bit grumpy and closed-minded to me. Free child-care/ entertainment? What's not to like Grin

GertietheGherkin · 10/08/2021 16:16

It is a bit unusual.
I'd have just said it would be nice to have a family get together before baby arrives, and enjoy the nice weather.

I don't see what 'preparing' the kids would do, kids see babies all around them, they just arrive and are... Well, babies.

I'd have the pool, a bit of food out/ BBQ and just have a family day.

You can have another one after baby arrives and your Grandma, Aunties and Mum can all attend and do as would be expected at such events... Meet and welcome the baby. They'll understand this much better.

Lcachu · 10/08/2021 16:17

Initially I thought having a family gathering where the day is about the kids was cute. But then you completely lost me at "answering their questions." I'm pretty sure they won't have any existential questions that would require a gathering.

The welcome cards is just...well, plain bizarre.

I thought my SIL was annoying when she used to send me weekly updates on the size of her foetus. This is definitely up there with "nobody cares as much about your baby as you".

I'm sorry but I'm also with laughing auntie on this one.

Do a family gathering if you wish but don't make it some kind of weird baby-worshipping day with the other kids who probably couldn't care less.

ZenNudist · 10/08/2021 16:17

Invite some friends round for a bbq instead. Enjoy yourself before baby arrives. I'm sorry but it was a bit of a naff theme for the party. I'm also wondering if you were planning on explaining how babies are born/ made!!!! I'd be busy with a prior engagement if you were my relative.

AlmostSummer21 · 10/08/2021 16:17

I don't want to further upset you, but what questions do you think the kids will have? This is your first baby, not THE first baby - most siblings lose interest pretty quickly, let alone cousins.

Much better to have a 'meet the baby' party where your baby can be IN the photo books.

You sound lovely, some of your family sound mean & a bit thoughtless, if my cousins had wanted to do this I'd have just smiled & gone along with it, not been mean about it (but privately I'd have had to superglue my eyeballs straight to stop them rolling off the top of my head

Anyway, I wish you a good & safe birth of your baby x

dontyouworrychild · 10/08/2021 16:18

Sorry OP I think this is a weird too. Why do the other children in the family need to be prepared for you to have a baby? They don't! It's not going to traumatise them, exactly what questions to do you expect them to have? (except for awkward ones that their parents might not want you answering if they're little like 'how did the baby get in there?')

Get everyone together at yours by all means, but this whole making cards for the baby etc would make me think you were having a hormonal moment of madness tbh. It's all a bit 'me me me'. I'd probably not be as blunt as your family about it but I probably wouldn't come either.

grapewine · 10/08/2021 16:20

Why, though? Why would they want to make cards and banners. It's genuinely so precious first born that I would have been Hmm too.

TokyoSushi · 10/08/2021 16:21

Oh OP, bless you, it's a bit weird!

You imply from your post that there are quite a few other children, who I assume already have siblings. Why would they need preparing? What questions would they have?

I think the heart of the matter is that you're just excited and wanted to do something about your impending arrival which I can completely understand, I think you've just presented it in a bit of an odd manner.

5475878237NC · 10/08/2021 16:21

It does sound like you're throwing your own baby shower to be honest. I wonder if they think that.

Why do the kids need preparing?

The family won't drop the baby connection because they know that's your true motive: ie photo books for the baby isn't just a normal GT together in the garden.

SecretKeeper1 · 10/08/2021 16:23

I think, given the OPs username, the kids might not be the only ones with a few questions Smile

Howshouldibehave · 10/08/2021 16:23

It wasn’t just for baby, it was to help prepare the other kids, I’m not sure if they’re even aware I’m pregnant

Why do none of these children you are so keen to have a party for, makes books for and prepare for your impending birth, seemingly not even know you are pregnant?! How close are you-do you not ever see them?

Why are you telling grandma and aunties to ‘spread the word’? Why not invite the parents/children you want to come directly?

This all sounds very odd!

Vallmo47 · 10/08/2021 16:25

Honestly I would drop the whole thing OP based on your family repeatedly reacting the way they have. It’s not nice of them but yes I do agree it’s an unusual thing to do…. I wouldn’t want to lay myself bare for the “question time” either. Imagine the questions you will get? Are you prepared for the stork conversation or are you going to be completely honest with them?

The thought was nice but I certainly wouldn’t force the idea on people who reacted like your relatives did.

Good luck with your baby, hope everything goes well!

MuddyStiletto · 10/08/2021 16:26

Hmm, as an outsider it seems odd and self absorbed
Making cards & banners? You are doing it for you, not for them in my opinion
I'd definitely let the whole thing slide quietly away