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Original poster

To think family didn’t need to be so mean about it?

870 replies

LilBristow · 10/08/2021 15:57

We am due my first baby in a few weeks. I thought it would be nice (as it’s the summer hols and lovely weather this week) to hold a “baby party” for the kids in the family. Would basically just be a bog standard garden party with food and the paddling pool out etc, water guns if it’s warm and just a chance for them to ask any questions about the baby etc. I also thought we could get the kids making “welcome baby” cards etc, take lots of photos with banners and teddies etc and then I’d make each child a little photo album of the day and obviously my DC too so they can see the baby party we held for them.
I told my mum my plan and she said it sounded like a lovely idea and said she’d mention it to my grandma and aunties. The last day I rang her and asked if she’s got any feedback and she went quiet and then said “umm yeah, I think they’re just wondering why you’re having a party before baby is even born”. 🙄 I reminded her that I’d already explained it was to answer any questions the other kids might have and to just basically have a bit of fun and make some family photo books!! She said “yeah, well I’ll mention it again but I don’t know”. Next day she rang me saying “yeah …. Your grandma is just asking why you’re having a party for baby?”

Oh ffs. So I rang my grandma and explained it myself. She acted the same, kept saying “but baby isn’t here yet” so I said “ok let’s forget about baby!! I’m organising a fun day for the kids in the garden on Friday, will you spread the word!” She said “suppose so”.
Aunti has just sent me a message saying “don’t take this the wrong way but we haven’t had a party for any of the other babies born into the family so it doesn’t seem fair to do it for one”.

I’ve also heard that another auntie burst out laughing at the idea. I feel really fucking hurt to be honest. It’s my first baby and I just wanted to arrange something fun before he arrives.

OP posts:
dickiedavisthunderthighs · 10/08/2021 16:26

I would honestly knock the whole idea on the head and do a ring-round blaming it on late pregnancy hormonal batshittery.

Everyone will breathe a big sigh of relief and then when you do want to have a garden party at some stage nobody will think twice about it.

SparrowNest · 10/08/2021 16:27

I agree with the general consensus that you seem to have forgotten this isn’t nearly as exciting, or important, for anyone else as it is for you and your partner.

Your family didn’t need to be so tactless, though.

vodkaredbullgirl · 10/08/2021 16:28

Waiting for DM to pick this story up.

Foobydoo · 10/08/2021 16:29

You obviously just want a baby shower but don't want people to feel obliged to bring presents so you have come up with what you thought was a good alternative and it has confused people. They could have been more enthusiastic for your sake though.
I would message them all and just explain that you really want a baby shower type gathering before the baby comes but didn't want them to feel they needed to bring presents, would they like to come for a baby themed garden party at yours?
If they still don't want to come sod them and do something nice with your friends instead, families can be weird sometimes.

LoislovesStewie · 10/08/2021 16:30

I don't understand why you have to prepare other children for the arrival of your baby. Surely it's up to the parents to do whatever explaining they feel is necessary and age appropriate?

Ihavehadenoughalready · 10/08/2021 16:31

Never heard of such a thing and it sounds pretty self-indulgent.

Eralos · 10/08/2021 16:31

Why do the other kids need preparing? A cousins birth is not a life altering event for them. You are being a bit precious. Also forcing kids to make your baby cards is strange, let them do that with their parents.

Lumpwoody · 10/08/2021 16:31

Honestly what are welcome baby cards about when the baby isn’t here yet?

Lumpwoody · 10/08/2021 16:32

And honest to god. A photo album of the day for cousins? Young cousins?

You know they’ll never look next nor near it don’t you?

Sirinn · 10/08/2021 16:33

Between the "I wanted banners, teddies and photos" and "to show DC after they've arrived" - maybe she's getting into mummy-blogging? needs content? It's all a bit photo-oriented...

Daisydolly1986 · 10/08/2021 16:34

It sounds like a baby shower, lovely idea. I think given the last 18 months with lockdowns etc, any reason for a party is acceptable.

grapewine · 10/08/2021 16:34

I agree this is prime DM fodder...

ferretface · 10/08/2021 16:35

It sounds odd because the other kids likely don't care about the impending baby - if it was just an opportunity to have a garden party prior to baby coming then I could get it, but you also seem to want it to be about you + baby.

Lumpwoody · 10/08/2021 16:36

It’s really not a baby shower. That’s adults and they bring a gift. It’s not. “Look here’s my baby coming children let’s make banners and cards and do photos with props”.

Hmm
therearenogoodusernamesleft · 10/08/2021 16:37

I'm not sure why you need to prepare their kids for your baby?

But otherwise, it sounds like you've just branded it wrong. Family get together is just dandy Smile

igelkott2021 · 10/08/2021 16:38

@LilBristow

It wasn’t just for baby, it was to help prepare the other kids, I’m not sure if they’re even aware I’m pregnant or if they are that birth I’d very soon
Why do they need "preparing"? They are cousins, not siblings.

I think parties for babies should be after they've safely arrived.

A garden party for the kids would be fine - without making "welcome baby" cards.

ChikiTIKI · 10/08/2021 16:38

Yeah they're not being kind however I think the way you have explained it might not have helped. It sounds fun though. I would go to something like this and be excited about it!

XelaM · 10/08/2021 16:39

It's considered bad luck in our culture. Don't do it

ThisIsStartingToBoreMe · 10/08/2021 16:39

Yes it sounds odd to be honest it also sounds like you're throwing yourself a baby shower which isn't the done thing of course

Miniestelle · 10/08/2021 16:39

It sounds like it will be a lovely day but the reason you have given your relatives for it and the activities you have suggested the kids do are a bit self involved to be honest. I would d be a bit like your aunty that laughed but I would still go for you and not be rude. What do you mean by the kids getting to ask questions about the baby? That's a bit heavy. Unfortunately no one is interested in your pregnancy as much as you and the more you force them the weirder you come across to others,

BuffyFanForever · 10/08/2021 16:40

Sounds fun! If you do have this push back you could change it to a “welcome to the world party”. My Inlaws threw us one for our twins, which I thought was quite an odd idea but actually ended up really nice! X

AmyDudley · 10/08/2021 16:40

In the nicest possible way OP - I think this is a little odd because firstly other kids int he extended family don;t really need preparing for your baby's arrival - it won;t actually affect them very much they are kids - they have kids stuff to do. Also if there were any preparing that needed to be done, I imagine the other parents would think that was their job and not the job of someone who does not yet have any child rearing experience.
Of course having mentioned the whole 'it's a welcome the baby party' you can't really back track on that - that's what everyone thinks it is. I think personally I would maybe suggest a picnic n the park type gathering, other kids bring bats and balls, skipping ropes etc to play with, everyone brings a bit of food to share. Then you can just say you fancied a bit of an informal family get together before baby arrives.
The next summer when your baby is a year old you can have a birthday party.

A lot of people from other generations tend to steer clear of celebrations before the baby arrives, so maybe feel a little uncomfortable with this. Baby showers, gender parties, etc etc are a fairly new phenomenon and a bit alien for some people.

I would concentrate on preparing for your new arrival and relax and take it easy, and not really worry about what other family members are saying. You just have different outlooks on this sort of thing.

Congratulations for your upcoming exciting event, and good luck Smile

nancydroo · 10/08/2021 16:41

A bit miserable of them. They obviously can't pretend to care. Bet when the baby comes they'll be drooling all over it.

Feather12 · 10/08/2021 16:41

Aww OP, you are getting a bit of a ribbing here! One day you will look back at this and laugh. (Look up some of the PFB threads here!) Why not just wait until the baby has arrived, it should still be nice weather (maybe not nice enough for the pool, but who needs that shit anyway) People are always excited when new babies arrive, not so much beforehand though.

LolaSmiles · 10/08/2021 16:42

Like others, it sounds odd, very photo focused and your family's response is understandable.

I would imagine the reason your family are still aware of the baby connection is because someone who wants to throw a baby that isn't here yet, use their family as photo props and thinks the wider family children need preparing for the arrival of the messiah is unlikely to just have a garden party. Perhaps they are concerned that when they get to the garden party you'll be still pushing the baby things, which is sounds like you will be. They read the situation well.