To think family didn’t need to be so mean about it?

[LilBristow]

We am due my first baby in a few weeks. I thought it would be nice (as it’s the summer hols and lovely weather this week) to hold a “baby party” for the kids in the family. Would basically just be a bog standard garden party with food and the paddling pool out etc, water guns if it’s warm and just a chance for them to ask any questions about the baby etc. I also thought we could get the kids making “welcome baby” cards etc, take lots of photos with banners and teddies etc and then I’d make each child a little photo album of the day and obviously my DC too so they can see the baby party we held for them.
I told my mum my plan and she said it sounded like a lovely idea and said she’d mention it to my grandma and aunties. The last day I rang her and asked if she’s got any feedback and she went quiet and then said “umm yeah, I think they’re just wondering why you’re having a party before baby is even born”. 🙄 I reminded her that I’d already explained it was to answer any questions the other kids might have and to just basically have a bit of fun and make some family photo books!! She said “yeah, well I’ll mention it again but I don’t know”. Next day she rang me saying “yeah …. Your grandma is just asking why you’re having a party for baby?”

Oh ffs. So I rang my grandma and explained it myself. She acted the same, kept saying “but baby isn’t here yet” so I said “ok let’s forget about baby!! I’m organising a fun day for the kids in the garden on Friday, will you spread the word!” She said “suppose so”.
Aunti has just sent me a message saying “don’t take this the wrong way but we haven’t had a party for any of the other babies born into the family so it doesn’t seem fair to do it for one”.

I’ve also heard that another auntie burst out laughing at the idea. I feel really fucking hurt to be honest. It’s my first baby and I just wanted to arrange something fun before he arrives.

Aw OP this is a bit of a pile on, bless you. It is a ridiculous idea but you've acknowledged that and it sounds like your intentions were good. This is a very PFB thread but you sound like a lovely person. I hope everything goes well for you.

Maybe the older generations are a bit superstitious of celebrating before babies here safely, l remember my mum and aunties would buy hardly anything until their babies were born l remember mum going mad at my poor old dad for putting a (hand me down) cot up in their bedroom. She said you can do that after he or she is born and lm in hospital

I know your getting excited and were planning some think you thought was sweet, but really it comes across as a party for you, sort of a look at my bump.
Just rearrange it for when baby is here and everyone will be excited for you and too meet the new family member.
Enjoy some quiet time now. Congratulations.

@Sirinn

Between the "I wanted banners, teddies and photos" and "to show DC after they've arrived" - maybe she's getting into mummy-blogging? needs content? It's all a bit photo-oriented...

That is just what I am thinking. Maybe what the family are thinking too. I'm trying to picture all these well behaved kids beavering away at making banners and cards for a non existent baby. A bit sort of cultish.

I mean this made me laugh lots, what questions are you anticipating from children that aren't even siblings?? And photobooks? 🤣. Just call it a baby shower and go for some overpriced afternoon tea or if you want a bbq invite people over and call it a bbq, there's no need to host a party for a baby who isn't even born yet!

This reminds me of a birthday party I once went to where the woman whose birthday it was had made her child’s nanny make her a birthday cake and then gathered everyone around and told them it was time to sing happy birthday to her.
Surely the only question in all the children’s minds will be ‘how are babies made?’ I’d rather leave the parents to answer that one.
I would leave the party idea for now and hope everyone forgets about it. You can laugh about it later with them

It sounds like a thinly veiled excuse to take some nice photos for social media...I suspect instagram worthy baby shower type parties probably dont compute at all with older members of your family which is probably why they laughed. My mum was completely baffled when her friends daughter had a gender reveal, it was quite funny

I also disagree that other people aren't as excited about a baby as you are. It depends on how close your family is, when my sister was pregnant with my nephews I was so excited it was like I was having a baby. I couldn't love them anymore if I'd given birth to them myself. I'm now 26 weeks pregnant with my first and my sister is the same way, she's been buying long before I have, same with my SIL who I'm very close to as its thr first grandchild on DHs side. I see this a lot on mumsnet that no-one is as excited as the birth as you are but certainly in our families if a new baby is coming its a big deal. And if SIL has a baby down the line I'll be so excited for her baby too.

Loads of nasty comments around here as usual. I don’t get why relatives can’t make a bit of an effort to go along for you when you’re understandably excited, even if they don’t fully agree with the idea. I wouldn’t have thought of prepping other children but the “the other kids didn’t get a party” says it all really, just some empathy missing here.
The “precious” and “self-absorbed” comments are just rude. You have the right to be happy and even a bit OTT - it’s a life defining moment and people around you should get it in my opinion

I’m old school. There isn’t a baby here yet. What if it all goes wrong for the op? I hope to goodness it doesn’t, but the baby they’re having the party to welcome isn’t here yet.

@AnneLovesGilbert

If you’re close to these people why do the kids not know you’re pregnant?

If they’re too young to understand they’re too young to write cards or make welcome banners.

If they’re old enough to understand their parents not telling them is an indication of their level of enthusiasm.

Baby shower? I didn’t want one but have organised several, they definitely shouldn’t involve children.

Pre baby gathering or party as you’ll be knee deep in nappies soon? Normal, fun, fine, easy for people to understand.

Pre birth baby welcome party apparently for the benefit of family kids? Pretty weird.

I think this fair. Honestly, OP, your posts sound a bit mad, as though your impending birth requires a press-conference aimed at the children of the e tended family.

Sorry but the kids don't need preparing or care that a baby is coming and the oldies only want to turn up when the baby is here to play 'pass-the-baby'. If you had said I'd like a bbq before the baby comes and I am dying from lack of sleep they may have got it but you want a photo op and an arts and crafts event.

I also don't get why other children, presumably cousins, need to be prepared or have an opportunity to ask questions about an incoming baby.

Presumably they've met other children and babies before.

Is this your first baby? I think you've probably got baby brain. A garden party is always a nice idea, but the idea of photos of other kids/banners/teddies etc is a bit weird/naff.

God Alive you'd think you'd suggested rounding up the nephews and nieces, beating them around for a bit, before locking them in the shed! Not paddling pool, crafts and fizzy pop.

Mumsnet you are grade -A MISERIES.

Some of the Debbie Downer comments on here. Jeez.

So It's sunny, you want to have a little fun party for the family kiddos - you're excited about the baby - Making cards etc. And let's face it the kids will have a blast whatever it's for, even though they might not have a clue what's going on.

It's a kind lighthearted thing to do.

At least you thought it was. Until you've been picked apart by the lemon face brigade. How very dare you think anyone will be interested.

You obviously care about the other little children in your family and enjoy their company. I hope you can have your little get together- maybe drop the " pre baby" aspect. Just call it a summer party. Your heart is in the right place.

They seem rather joyless and mean-spirited. It sounds like a lovely idea for a get-together.

My DS's would have loved all your ideas.

I didn't have baby showers but have noticed how nasty people can get about the idea even though it's a completely harmless event.

Bursting into laughter? I'm not surprised to are hurt. They seem to be going out of their way to make you feel bad which is crap.

I get that you're excited but I would have laughed too

@Lumpwoody

I’m old school. There isn’t a baby here yet. What if it all goes wrong for the op? I hope to goodness it doesn’t, but the baby they’re having the party to welcome isn’t here yet.

It's not like it would hurt any less because you didn't have a family party previously. Just let people be happy.

They’re being rude. Even if they don’t understand it or think it’s odd they don’t need to actually tell you so in those terms. They could have gone along with it to be polite or come up with a non-hurtful excuse.

it was to help prepare the other kids, I’m not sure if they’re even aware I’m pregnant or if they are that birth I’d very soon

Bluntly, OP why would they care? If they have younger siblings, they'll already have seen
a) a pregnant woman (their mother)
b) a baby (their new sibling)

Small children - well, probably up to teenage years really don't care. THey'll love their cousin when s/he arrives, but before that - really??

I’d just call it a family get together. I’m only in my 40s but find the whole baby shower thing odd. Older people wouldn’t even have prams etc in house as it was bad luck. Not everyone comes home from hospital with a healthy live baby. I do think we forget that. Time for celebration is after when baby safely here.

It wasn’t just for baby, it was to help prepare the other kids

Prepare them for what though? They're going to have a new cousin.
Better to wait until the baby is actually born. Might make more sense to everyone.

I don't think you are at all 'up yourself' and I'm sure this was a sweet idea that came with the best intentions. That said, I'm afraid I agree with your family. There's an awful lot of overthinking and assumption going on here.

As someone whose dgc have just enjoyed greeting two new baby cousins, I can honestly say they never seemed remotely bothered about gaining a greater and deeper understanding of the babies - beyond being excited about becoming cousins - until they'd arrived. Even then, while they think the babies are cute, they are not the subject of massive interest amidst the other things their lives are full of. For sure, they'd have been rather surprised at a party that consisted of making baby cards and having some sort of Instagram style photo shoot although admittedly, we are a bit meh about childrens' lives being shared all over social media. They're polite children and would accept a photo book with good manners. They'd be baffled as to why they were getting it though.

If the weather is nice, I'd just invite people round for an unrehearsed sort of gathering in the garden.

They could have been nicer, especially once you tried to drop the baby party thing.

I'm not sure how one would ask "but why?" in this situation in a nicer way & I think it was fair to ask when it's not a done thing (and it's fair enough to respond "because I want to"). As a pp said, particularly for the older generation but I'm also in this boat, some may have some discomfort around celebrating because the baby is here and you're both safe and sound.

I know it comes from a nice place, but I don't think this recognizes that most kids don't need a lot of prep especially for a baby they're not living with and some little kids are actually really uncomfortable discussing babies, bodies, and related topics and wouldn't find much a party atmosphere with those kinds of questions going around much fun. I've 4 kids & there were few questions about my pregnancies and ever fewer about other women's pregnancies - they just took the facts as given and went along with it. 2 of them would run for cover at a party like this (one of them literally did that, ran faster than I had ever seen out of the room because a sibling asked where babies come from and he just did not want to be part of that conversation), they've just never enjoyed the topic and would not see it as fun.

There are going to be so many other things of more interest for the kids to look back on (if your child has interest in that, not everyone does) than a party for them before they were born.

Also I forgot that on mumsnet it’s normal to pretend that LITERALLY NO-ONE has even a passing interest in your UTTERLY TEDIOUS BABY and that if you’re stupid enough to think that a close family member might care even a tiny bit about this monumentally boring event you deserve ridicule and loathing.

I think you also need to consider the generational differences in attitudes to babies not yet here.
For those who wouldn't have a pram in the house yet for bad luck, making cards will seem way off.
Rephrase it as I wanted a last chance to spend proper time with the other kids before baby chaos and you will get a better reaction.
Calling it a baby shower would be equally odd