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Original poster

To think family didn’t need to be so mean about it?

870 replies

LilBristow · 10/08/2021 15:57

We am due my first baby in a few weeks. I thought it would be nice (as it’s the summer hols and lovely weather this week) to hold a “baby party” for the kids in the family. Would basically just be a bog standard garden party with food and the paddling pool out etc, water guns if it’s warm and just a chance for them to ask any questions about the baby etc. I also thought we could get the kids making “welcome baby” cards etc, take lots of photos with banners and teddies etc and then I’d make each child a little photo album of the day and obviously my DC too so they can see the baby party we held for them.
I told my mum my plan and she said it sounded like a lovely idea and said she’d mention it to my grandma and aunties. The last day I rang her and asked if she’s got any feedback and she went quiet and then said “umm yeah, I think they’re just wondering why you’re having a party before baby is even born”. 🙄 I reminded her that I’d already explained it was to answer any questions the other kids might have and to just basically have a bit of fun and make some family photo books!! She said “yeah, well I’ll mention it again but I don’t know”. Next day she rang me saying “yeah …. Your grandma is just asking why you’re having a party for baby?”

Oh ffs. So I rang my grandma and explained it myself. She acted the same, kept saying “but baby isn’t here yet” so I said “ok let’s forget about baby!! I’m organising a fun day for the kids in the garden on Friday, will you spread the word!” She said “suppose so”.
Aunti has just sent me a message saying “don’t take this the wrong way but we haven’t had a party for any of the other babies born into the family so it doesn’t seem fair to do it for one”.

I’ve also heard that another auntie burst out laughing at the idea. I feel really fucking hurt to be honest. It’s my first baby and I just wanted to arrange something fun before he arrives.

OP posts:
sunglassesonthetable · 12/08/2021 18:08

Maybe some of us think she deserves to be laughed at at made to feel bad, after all, she doesn't care about using other people or their feelings when she intends to use them as props in her influencer/instagrammer fantasy world. As far as I'm concerned, she deserves ridicule and shame. It's the only way to stop these people.

You're making yourself look a complete idiot.
( And vile into the bargain. )

Justme10 · 12/08/2021 18:10

I've reported this thread twice now asking MN to remove it and hopefully they will because I hate to think OP is still reading.

Bluntness100 · 12/08/2021 18:13

Maybe some of us think she deserves to be laughed at at made to feel bad, after all, she doesn't care about using other people or their feelings when she intends to use them as props in her influencer/instagrammer fantasy world. As far as I'm concerned, she deserves ridicule and shame. It's the only way to stop these people

Wow calm down,….ridicule, shame, laugh at, feel bad, doesn’t care, stop these people? Seriously?

Yes I suspect you maybe right she wanted to put stuff on social media to “share her excitement “ there too and yes maybe her family doesn’t want to play any more, but you’re acting like she was thinking of abusing puppies, instead of just being a bit shallow and a show off.

Bluntness100 · 12/08/2021 18:13

@Justme10

I've reported this thread twice now asking MN to remove it and hopefully they will because I hate to think OP is still reading.
What? Why? Just report the posts you don’t like,
Justme10 · 12/08/2021 18:19

Because there are more shitty posts than anything else now. It's became a thread to name call and apparently shame and ridicule a pregnant woman over a party.
This thread won't be helping OP in the slightest and I imagine it could be pretty upsetting for her if she's still reading.

But this was last night and I asked for an update a couple of hours ago and MN are still reading the thread apparently so I'm sure it will stay for the ridicule to continue.

MarieIVanArkleStinks · 12/08/2021 18:47

Maybe some of us think she deserves to be laughed at at made to feel bad, after all, she doesn't care about using other people or their feelings when she intends to use them as props in her influencer/instagrammer fantasy world. As far as I'm concerned, she deserves ridicule and shame. It's the only way to stop these people.

@ChocolateTelegram

You are off your rocker. Seriously, just reread that unpleasant screed you've posted above. It comes over as completely unhinged.

You've well and truly had your pound of flesh by now. You'll be doing yourself a big favour if you pour yourself a gin, have some chocolate, and step back.

There's a flesh and blood human being on the receiving end of this behaviour. What you are doing is cruel and crosses the line. You need to stop it.

Myla2 · 12/08/2021 19:07

@ChocolateTelegram literally no one thinks that other than you. To say that's spiteful is an understatement and honestly you need to get a better pass time than trying to belittle someone anonymously online who isnt even bothering to read your post 😂

AppleJane · 12/08/2021 19:31

There's a flesh and blood human being on the receiving end of this behaviour. What you are doing is cruel and crosses the line. You need to stop it.

Sums this thread up and all the vile comments. If MN does not delete it may it stay as a constant reminder of what you've all become. Has the pandemic made you all so nasty or were you already like that?

mathanxiety · 12/08/2021 19:42

@OaxacaChihuahua - me too.

The negativity is baffling.

mathanxiety · 12/08/2021 19:45

In Jewish families this is not just self-indulgent and bizarre, it's also terrible bad luck to buy, do or celebrate anything to do with a baby that has not been born.

I've been to three baby showers thrown for pregnant Jewish friends.

TheWayTheLightFalls · 12/08/2021 19:53

In Jewish families this is not just self-indulgent and bizarre, it's also terrible bad luck to buy, do or celebrate anything to do with a baby that has not been born.

And? Some people, Jewish and otherwise, think baby showers are awful. Some people like any excuse for a get-together.

aSofaNearYou · 12/08/2021 19:53

It's the motive. It's very clear. Hang around some of them and it's very obvious. Just as some people can spot MLM 'huns' a mile away, those of us who have experience with influencers and instagrammers can spot them a mile away. Her 'I just wanted photos!!!' is a giveaway. Maybe some of us think she deserves to be laughed at at made to feel bad, after all, she doesn't care about using other people or their feelings when she intends to use them as props in her influencer/instagrammer fantasy world. As far as I'm concerned, she deserves ridicule and shame. It's the only way to stop these people.

What a truly awful human being. And to think you believe "influencers" are worse than yourself 🙄

OaxacaChihuahua · 12/08/2021 20:07

@ChocolateTelegram

It's not really about if it's odd or not, it's the motive. And I am surprised at the gullibility displayed here. The OP makes at least 2 references to having 'nice photos', one is telling "so I can get some nice photos!" Include the line about a photo album for kids to hide the real motive. Then the drip feed to elicit sympathy "but I'm all alone!" which she isn't obviously, her mum, grandma, aunt, etc. What she means is 'I'm not with my baby's dad' - well, probably 50% of women go through birth while single. I guess I have a lot of experience with Instagrammers and Influencers and the OP's post is 100% pure instagrammer or influencer. Maybe some on here don't have experience with instagrammers or influencers so don't pick up it. But to me it sticks out like the proverbial dogs anatomy. Dress it up like she is doing someone else a favour ie other people's kids, and watch the people here fall for it 'oh how nice an idea!' The cousins are an excuse. It's all about creating the "nice photos". Reading through her posts, her motives are quite clear and it's all about her and creating a niche influencer/instagrammer photoshoot. Dressed up as doing cousins/family members etc a favour. I think that's why some people are seen as 'harsh', or rather not indulging in the British politeness and call a spade a spade. They see this for what it is when others apparently can't.
I think you’re biased because of being so involved in Instagram yourself.

I haven’t ever posted my baby on Instagram and and don’t intend do, because I don’t think it’s right to put kids on social media. But I take a lot of nice photos, spend time staging nice photos, have made photo books for family, and have had professional photos done. These are precious, treasures memories for me and I know when I’m old and my baby is grown, I’ll be thrilled to have them.

Having nice photos doesn’t mean having anything to do with Instagram. You’re just seeing this through the lens of your own experiences. You think it’s calling a spade a spade because that’s the tool you’re familiar with. For those of us who set a lot of store by photos without ever putting them on social media, it reads very differently.

OaxacaChihuahua · 12/08/2021 20:11

@ChocolateTelegram I also think you’re on a weird and unjustifiable vendetta. You have absolutely no evidence of any kind for your belief about Instagram - you’re the only person who keeps bringing it up, it wasn’t ever mentioned by the OP.

To say someone deserves ridicule, shame and to be laughed at on the basis of an accusation you have entirely invented - well, you can see how weird and inappropriate that is, can’t you? You’re literally encouraging people to make a pregnant woman feel bad because of a scenario you’ve invented about her. That’s insane behaviour, and a real wake up call for you to consider what’s going on in your own life to make you behave that way.

mathanxiety · 12/08/2021 20:19

It would be lovely for this baby to see photos of cousins, aunts, uncles, grandmother, great aunts all gathered to celebrate the upcoming blessed event, especially when this side of the baby's family is all he or she will have to celebrate their arrival. The 'welcome baby' cards would be a very nice keepsake.

Books with photos of relatives are wonderful for babies to look through. You can laminate the photos. I still have a collection of cards made for the arrival of DD3 by DD1's class under the direction of their teacher. So nice to have something special for a fourth baby who lived her life in hand me downs until age 12.

OaxacaChihuahua · 12/08/2021 20:32

Oh good, that post has been deleted

Myla2 · 12/08/2021 21:05

@ChocolateTelegram do yourself a favour and come of Instagram. It's clearly not healthy for you

Thewarrenerswife · 12/08/2021 21:05

I think your family are wankers, and a baby is something to celebrate. Your baby can be celebrated any way you like and if your family don’t want in, then shame on them…. and all the stick up their arse Mumsnetters who agree with them.

I’ve had babies, it’s old hat, but I’m not so self absorbed to think it should be old hat for everyone else too.

OP, enjoy your pregnancy, you will make an amazingly thoughtful Mum.

sunglassesonthetable · 12/08/2021 21:10

I’ve had babies, it’s old hat, but I’m not so self absorbed to think it should be old hat for everyone else

Yes 🙌

Samsentimental · 12/08/2021 21:54

It's your first baby and family should remember how excited they were when they had their babies. It's a wonderful time and considering the crappy 18 months we've had, I would have thought they'd jump at the chance to take part in something fun and joyful! You do you and leave the ugly sisters to sip tea and grumble. Congratulations on the little one, soak up every moment 😘

Thingaling · 14/08/2021 11:30

V odd to give kids photo books from a party about a baby who isn’t born yet and who isn’t even their brother/sister. They will get dumped in a corner and never looked at until their parents chuck them out. If I were you I’d only bother if I had absolutely nothing else to do and unlimited money to burn, but probably not even then.

mary1066 · 14/08/2021 11:53

YANBU One thing I've learnt in life is Not to let anyone to change me into a worse person than I am. Your lovely thoughts and thoughtfulness shouldn't have met with negative reactions. They could have just turned up and had a fun day and kept their negative thoughts to themselves.
That would have been civil, polite and pleasant. Carry on being kind, considerate and generous with those who appreciate these qualities in you and leave the rest behind. Congratulations and best wishes x

Kite22 · 14/08/2021 11:54

......and a baby is something to celebrate.

I don't think anyone is disagreeing with that.
When the baby arrives, I expect the OP's family will all come round and congratulate her and admire the new baby. That is very usual and normal.
The point is, the baby isn't here yet, and then the daft ideas the OP is suggesting. 100% lovely to invite family round for a 'non-reason' gathering because you'd like to see them / spend time with them, but not force second cousins into some sort of a Q&A session, nor into doing crafts about a baby that hasn't yet arrived.

Imy06 · 14/08/2021 11:56

OP I’m sorry for all the backlash you’ve faced on this, I haven’t read much but my heart goes out to you. Just because it’s not what many people do doesn’t make it a bad idea. And of course you are excited and want to celebrate your pending arrival! I’m excited for you :-) it’s an amazing time and I wish you all the very best with your pregnancy and birth. Big hugs to you

CambsAlways · 15/08/2021 08:43

Very odd to me, why do the other children have to be prepared for a baby coming, sorry but I’d be rolling my eyes on this one, I can well understand you being excited that you have a first baby coming but I just don’t get it , I just don’t think it’s a day for other people to be rejoicing in a baby that’s not even here yet, it’s a personal thing for you,